Death of a Dark Lord: A Whodunit

We arrived at the Weasley and Weasley Co. shop twenty minutes later. The large shop with the humming fluorescent lights was located on one of the main street of Diagon Alley. It stuck out like a sore thumb, but somehow I managed to drive past it three times and then had difficulty locating the parking lot. It was in the back, of all places!!

My gods, what is this world coming to?

We entered the shop, Weaslett first and me second, much to my repugnance. Ladies first my ass, but manners are not what this is about.

The shop was full of Hogwarts-bound pre-pubescent minis of all shapes and sizes. Fred or George spotted us, or Ginny´s red head. I was in my traditional trenchcoat and gumshoe hat as to be inconspicuous.

"Oi Ginny!" he said, grinning broadly and hugging her.

"Hullo George!" she exclaimed happily. All around, customers´ heads turned and looked at them, all of them probably thinking `Public display of affection... nasty...´

I, on the other hand, was thinking of that it would look like if I was in George´s position.

"What are you doing with - is that Malfoy? And why is he in a pimp suit?" he added when he finally noticed me and my attire. He let go of his sister and everyone started shopping again.

"It's a stereotypical detective outfit!" I said, defending my uniform indignantly offended.

"Ah, so Halloween's come early this year, has it?" asked the other twin as he joined us, wiping some sweat from his bright strawberry forehead.

"I'm a detective now and this is my uniform," I tried saying patiently.

"You're a detective?" the one standing closest to Ginny asked me, sniggering under his breath. I think it was George.

"Yes. And we're, actually, I'm here - Ginny tagged along for the ride in the Porsche - concerning the death of Voldermolt."

"You have a Porsche? Psh. A Mercedes-Benz is better," said the one on the left.

"No, it´s not."

"Yes, it is.

Ginny, I noticed, did not swoon when she saw my mint condition Porsche as most people would have. She clomped in and began to change the station. Any normal female would've drooled on the leather and be in a state of awe of the entire ride. Ginny acted as if it were a bloody PICK-UP!! She even dared to change the radio station. LONG LIVE FOLK!!!

George (or Fred) walked behind the counter to ring up some purchases for some kids that could barely see over the counter. "You-know-who's dead?" he asked us when he came back.

"Yes, and he was killed by one of your products," I informed him as they exchanged high-fives.

"Hey, there's a warning on every single one of our products!" said twin

number two after they had preformed a complicated, and generally ghetto, handshake.

I picked up a fake wand near me and turned it around in its cellophane

wrapping. 'Warning,' the label read, 'Not safe for children under three or evil wizard dark lords, mainly you-know-who, that are bent on taking over the world and killing anyone who is muggle, or muggle birth, or a muggle sympathizer due to choking hazards'.

"Creative," I said, sarcastically. There is no way I would ever give a free compliment to a Weasley.

"Which product?" Fred (or George) asked.

"It was a toaster - wait. Which one of you is Fred?"

"I am," said George (but I didn't know that at the time), quickly, too quickly in my expert eye.

Oh well. Not like I can tell them apart.

"So you're George?" I asked the other twin with doubt.

"Yup," said Fred. He looked like a George, but I was never one for the

naming business. Ginny stifled a laugh and each one glared at her. I took their word for it, which, as we all know, is a huge mistake.

"The product," I continued, "was Weasley's Static toaster. He was apparently electrocuted or it blew up on him."

"So what's the big deal? Happens to muggles all the time," said the one on the right as the one on the left said, "We must sell at least twenty of

those a day!"

"Well, can you pull up the record of those who have bought one lately?" I asked not too politely, mind you. Malfoy Catechism rule four-hundred-three states general Malfoy behavior, and saying `please´ and `thank you´ is not included in it.

"Yeah, sure," said George or I thought it was George. He walked behind the counter to the computer and printed five sheets. "Here's the list of everyone that's bought one in the last week."

I skimmed the list, looking for anyone out of the norm. Several caught my eye, including:

~ Harry Potter

~ Ronald Weasley, the stupidest person in the world. I had to smirk at that one.

~ Neville Longbottom

~ Peter Pettigrew

~ Pansy Parkinson

~ Lucius Malfoy

That one on the list sure got my attention. What the hell was my father doing there? What is this world coming to? I had to do a double check to make sure I had read the name correctly the first time. But it was the last person on the list to buy a Weasley Static Toaster that puzzled me. It was, of all people...

~ Ginny Weasley?