Can You See Me?

Turn it inside out so I can see
The part of you that's drifting over me

Ginny inwardly groaned. Not again, that rush of light-headedness that reminded her so much of Tom. She kept her head down, half-heartedly hoping that that he would not see her, that he'd let her pass without a snide comment, while the other half of her hoped that he'd notice her, that she could see into his gray eyes again.

And when I wake you're never there
But when I sleep you're everywhere

No, it wasn't out if fear, or hatred that Ginny avoided Draco. No, it was out of love. Not a little summertime love, or puppy dog, this love took everything out of her; she was empty. If she caught a glimpse of silver hair, she swooned. He was everything to her, her life, energy, and happiness. He was the one thing that kept her up in her classes, that forced her to eat another meal, that woke her up the next morning.

You're everywhere

Avoiding the real Draco, she could deal with the ones that she always saw. Even though they were separate years and houses, Ginny saw him wherever she turned. Whenever she looked at the lake outside her bedroom window, she could see his gray orbs looking back at her. The snow-covered trees reminded her on end of his silver hair, she saw his smirk more times that Alice saw the Cheshire cat's.

Just tell me how I got this far
Just tell me why you're here and who you are

And it scared Ginny more than the Chamber of Secrets ever would.

'Cause every time I look you're never there
And every time I sleep you're always there

She might've had hope. But she had forsaken it long ago. Now, she was an empty, soulless being, a muggle robot. She had lost the will to live; she had dug her hole so deep that it was near to impossible to climb out.

'Cause you're everywhere to me
And when I close my eyes it's you I see

She still faked her crush on Harry. True, the blush that creeped onto her face was real, still, but it was there cause she felt guilty. That she was more than hopelessly in love with his enemy. That Harry would never mean as much to her as Draco would. And, afraid of a slip, she never said much around him.

You're everything I know that makes me believe
I'm not alone

She became withdrawn, depressed. She was falling deeper and deeper into Draco's pools of gray. She cried every time he teased or taunted her, cause no matter how much she told herself that deep down, he liked her, she could hear his words ringing clearly through her ears. No matter how hard that she tried to tell herself that he was hiding his emotion to her; his words showed mirrored his exact emotions: hate. Utter and compete hatred for all she was and would ever become.

I'm not alone

Never had Ginny felt any more helpless, hopeless, forgotten, or alone in her entire existence. And it killed her more than any death ever would.

I recognize the way you make me feel
It's hard to think that you might not be real

Maybe it was better not to live at all. When you're dead, you feel nothing. You can't give out feelings when you don't have any. Yes, you die when you have no hope and when no one has hope for you, she reasoned one afternoon.

I sense it now, the water's getting deep
I try to wash the pain away from me

Ginny had no hope. Hope was something that you felt when you thought that something was going to happen. Nothing would happen. Hope was a trust that she had forsaken. Hope was something that her expectations were centered on. And hoping was that you wished for something to happen with all your heart. Ginny had no heart; she had given it to Draco on a platter and he had thrown it back to her.

Away from me

She went to the large portrait of fruit in a bowl and tickled the pear. A useful trick that Fred and George had taught her long ago, in her first year. She'd miss them. She asked the house elves for a large, sharp knife. So eager to get it for her, that they didn't even inquire why she needed it. That was good. The fewer people that knew of her suicide attempt, the better.

'Cause you're everywhere to me
And when I close my eyes it's you I see

She'd miss Ron too. Even though she rarely saw him during school, she knew that he loved her. He'd be sad, but knowing Ron, he'd be pretty mad too. She'd have to tell him in a note not to blame him on her death.

You're everything I know that makes me believe
I'm not alone

She made her way up to the astronomy tower. Surely, it'd be empty at 11:30 on a school night?

I'm not alone

She went up to one of the rather taller ones; it was 11:52 when she arrived. She grabbed a piece of parchment from the teacher's desk and began to write her suicide note.

I am not alone
Whoa, oh, oooh, oh

To whoever it concerns:

This letter is the last written document of Virginia Weasley, age 16, 6^th year Gryffindor of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

And when I touch your hand
It's then I understand

I'm sorry to my family. I am in too deep and have lost hope in ever coming back. I am seriously depressed and saw no other way. Mum, I love you very much, even now. I thank you that while, we never had much money, you always made sure that we had something. You lift me up when I was down or hurt, and I am dearly sorry that I could not say good-bye to you.

The beauty that's within
It's now that we begin

Daddy, I love you too. Always my prince in shinning armour, my rescuer, and I'm sorry that you know nothing of this. I want you to know that even though I may not always be with you, I will always be your little girl.

You always light my way
I hope there never comes a day

Bill and Charlie: to my 2 oldest brothers, I love you much. Even though I rarely saw you, I know that you loved me too. I'm sorry that I could not be with you before now. I'm sure that you would drag me and put me in St. Mungos before I ever started this letter. I hope, even though I have none as I write, that in everything you do, you will be successful.

No matter where I go
I always feel you so

Percy: I love you Perce. Even though you have often been the causes of major headaches sometimes, I know that you did it because you wanted the best for your little sister. And I thank you that you cared enough about me to do that for me. Best wishes to Penelope and your wedding.

'Cause you're everywhere to me
And when I close my eyes it's you I see

Fred and George: Thank you for showing me how I could attain this knife. While you were here, you made me feel wanted and welcome. You let me in our your pranks and showed me your little hiding places and secrets. I know that you wanted me to continue the Weasley prank-pulling lineage here at Hogwarts, and I'm sorry that I failed you. May success come to your company. I love you.

You're everything I know that makes me believe
I'm not alone

To my most loved and dearest brother, Ron: Ron, please, don't blame yourself. I didn't go into this depression because of you; I do not blame you even now. I blame myself. I have fallen in love, and it was something in which that I could neither come out of nor would I ever experience it. I still love you, you have been the closest thing to a brother I have ever felt, and I thank you for that. Forgive me, brother, for not saying good-bye sooner today. I am in too deep. I will miss you.

You're everything I know that makes me believe
I'm not alone

To Harry: Harry, I'm sorry for deceiving you. I love someone else. Don't feel guilty, my death is not of your causing. Go ahead and tell Cho you like her, I am not in your way. I have lost all sense of feelings. I will miss you, boy-who-lived. May your life be prosperous.

'Cause you're everywhere to me
And when I catch my breath it's you I breathe

Hermione: You have been the closest thing to an older sister that I have ever experienced. This is not your fault, I just like to thank you for being the shoulder to cry on and always available to talk to when I needed it, despite the adventures that you, Ron, and Harry were on. I hope that you can forgive me for not telling you sooner. I will miss you.

You're in everyone I see
So tell me

Everyone: please, mourn for me and remember me but do not fall into depression because of me. This is not your fault. This is my heart's fault. Please relay Draco my love.

I love you all.

~ Ginny

PS: please, don't let my memories stop here. Donate my usable organs to science.

She put the paper down where someone would see it and went out onto the balcony. She took a deep breath, one last look at the stars, and raised the large knife.

Do you see me?