Less Than Strangers

Less Than Strangers

Chapter Five

Hermione opened her eyes and found Snape beside her, holding her upright. She was feeling dizzy, and uncomfortable. She also didn't know what she should say.

Suddenly, she became aware of how close they were, and she shrugged off his arm. She knew that he would never harm her, or do anything she didn't want, but her rather bad experiences weren't the only reason to pull away. She wasn't sure what to say, what to think, what to feel. So she brought some distance between them.

No one said a word for some time. Snape seemed to sense that she needed a bit of time to collect her thoughts, and she was thankful for the silence.

"I feel sick," she finally said.

An odd expression flickered across Snape's face, but vanished almost immediately to make space for a closed, reversed mask. She realised at once that her phrasing had sounded awfully wrong.

"No! I mean, that's not what I meant. I really feel sick. I think I'm going to throw up." She stood up. "I need some air."

Snape watched her open the window, but stayed on the sofa. After a few minutes, her breathing evened out and she turned back. "So we were..."

He nodded.

"And I don't remember..."

He nodded again.

"And we... I mean we had... we did..."

Another nod.

Hermione sat down on the armchair he had occupied earlier. "I can't remember," she repeated.

"I know," he replied, and shifted a stack of paper from the sofa onto the table. "Herm- I mean, Miss Granger, I need to know how much you remember."

Hermione smiled. "You can call me Hermione, if you like." She noticed that she was again toying with her necklace, and tried to distract her. "Where is the tea?"

"Cold. You were in there for about three hours."

Her eyes widened. Three hours! No wonder she was sick, sick for hunger. She'd already been starving three hours ago, now she wanted some food. "I'm hungry," she said bluntly.

"Miss Granger, this is important. I-"

"I don't care!" She stood up again, nervously trailing a finger along the chain around her neck. "I'm starving, and I want... I want sandwiches, and pumpkin juice, and pudding! I want..."(-her voice was trembling slightly-)"I want to know what's going on, and I want to know why all of this is happening to me. I mean, what did I do wrong? Why does all of this happen to me? Why do I have to be the one who gets kidnapped, and tortured, and raped, and ... and ... I don't want this!" Something inside of her cracked, and then she was suddenly sitting on the floor (after sinking down to it rather ungracefully) and sobbing. The tears she'd suppressed almost the whole last week finally now ran freely down her cheeks, and she curled up into a ball.

Snape, obviously not sure how to react, lightly touched her arm. "Miss Granger? Er, Hermione, I-" He broke off when she suddenly flung herself into his arms, clinging to him as if for dear life. Carefully, he encircled her trembling form, making sure that he didn't imprison her with his arms but let her feel that she could break away whenever she wanted, or needed.

Hermione calmed down; after some time there just weren't any more tears left to cry. She was acutely aware of Snape's arms around her, and the only thing she could think was, 'Now I know what he smells like: Asphodel and - like a forest after rain'.

"Hermione?"

She nodded and reluctantly sat up. "I can only remember us as student and teacher. I couldn't recall any of the things I saw in your Pensieve, Professor. I-"

"Shh. That was not what I wanted to say. And I think if I'm calling you Hermione in private, then you should call me Severus," Snape said, almost smiling. "But what I was going to say is: Are you alright?"

She pulled a handkerchief out of her pocket and blew her nose. "Yes, I'm okay." She paused. "But I'm still hungry."

This time, Snape laughed loudly. She stared at him; she'd never heard him laugh before (or at least couldn't remember it).

"Well, I suppose I could call a house elf. That is, if you promise not to shout at me for exploiting the weak." Snape looked up and, seeing her puzzled expression, laughed some more.

"You should laugh more often," she told him, and stood up. "And I'm starving."

Snape nodded, and took out his wand. After he'd ordered a plate of sandwiches, pumpkin juice and pudding, they settled down again.

"So," Snape started. "You can't remember me and the time we spent together last year."

She nodded. "I can only recall the lessons, and the time of my project. Apart from that, I don't remember seeing you at all, except maybe for meals."

"Hm." Snape frowned. "Only someone who's very powerful and skilled with Memory Charms could do this - erase specific memories from months ago without damaging other parts of the memory."

"Professor Sn- I mean, Severus, how did you find me? How did you really find me that day? Was it because of this?" She held up the ring on her necklace. "The - Locator."

Snape nodded. "You always wore it under your shirt. Near the end of last year, Crookshanks accidentally brought it down here. You were searching everywhere for it, and I think you threatened Miss Patil and bullied her into helping you. Well, I didn't notice Crookshanks hiding it in his basket, so when I found it a week later, I gave it back to you. That was two days before the end of term. As far as I know you swore that you'd never take it off again. And when you were kidnapped, it was activated. I was sitting here, waiting for the students to arrive, when suddenly the Reactor went off. That's this thing, by the way." Snape dug into his pocket and took out a pyramid-shaped black item that was small enough for him to hide in his palm. "It starts to hum and vibrate."

She reached out and took the small pyramid. It was unexpectedly light.

"So I was naturally worried when you didn't show up for the Sorting. And then that owl arrived after dinner, and Albus was convinced that you were at home. I subtly tried to tell him you were in danger, but he wouldn't listen. So I persuaded him to send a reply to make sure. And you - or someone who could fake your handwriting - answered."

"You couldn't do anything," she said, and handed the pyramid back.

"Well, there actually was a Death Eater meeting, and I heard some rumours about a kidnapping. I knew it was you. I, er, I followed one of the Death Eaters - I don't know him - to his home. He was the one who'd spread the rumours. I... questioned him."

Hermione raised her eyebrows, but didn't stop chewing.

"He finally told me where you were, and I Apparated there. I found you, brought you back, and that's it. I took the Locator away before I brought you to Poppy. Albus would've recognised it for what it was, and I didn't want him to question you any further."

Hermione was beyond wonder. That was the longest she'd ever heard Snape talk (about something other than Potions, and without snide remarks). "What did you do to the man you 'questioned'"? she asked.

Snape chuckled. "I erased his memory."

Even Hermione had to laugh at the irony. "Do you know why they erased my memory?"

Snape sobered up. His earnest expression was all it took for her to feel nauseous again. "I suppose I have a theory," he said carefully. She nodded, meaning for him to continue.

"Since they knew about the prophecy, I suppose they ran a test. A test about... I think they cast a Virgiosori [1] on you. A virginity test. And when they discovered that you weren't a virgin, they probably erased memories that had to do with your losing your virginity. There's a spell that deletes memories connected to a certain situation, or feeling."

Hermione swallowed the last bit of her sandwich and bit her lip. She had just realised - the prophecy... the Death Eater who'd raped her... he wasn't the 'father' from the prophecy. Snape was. And as usual, her thoughts were chasing one another, all making equally little sense in her head. She had to write it all down, to figure out the logic behind everything. She had to... It was all so surreal. She couldn't remember anything. She didn't feel what she'd seen in Snape's memories. She might have been in love with him, but she wasn't now. Not anymore.

She looked up and saw that Snape's gaze was fixated on her. It didn't seem as if he really noticed her, though. He was just staring at her, or through her.

She wondered what he was thinking. Was he thinking of her? Or their situation in general? Was he just remembering something from their past she didn't know anymore? Or did he simply fight the urge to touch her, kiss her? Hermione suppressed a shudder. She knew that couples wanted to touch and kiss all the time, and from what she knew Snape might be gravely in love with her. Snape in love. It sounded so strange. And she couldn't imagine Snape kissing anyone, let alone her. She only knew that she didn't want to be kissed by him.

"What are you thinking?"

She was so startled to hear his voice that she replied reflexively, "That I don't want to kiss you."

"Oh." She looked up and saw that strange expression again. Great. She managed to hurt his feelings. Again. (Harry and Ron would have snorted at the thought of Snape having feelings at all.) "Well, I suppose that's reasonable."

She sighed. "I'm sorry, I didn't want to be harsh. I understand that this must be difficult for you and-"

She was cut off by Snape's bitter laugh. "Difficult for me? Oh, sure." He stood up and walked over to the door. "Hermione, you are the one who went through all of this. You were violated, and hurt. You were nearly killed. You were assaulted physically and mentally. I don't have anything to do with it." He paused shortly, and she wondered why, but his slightly strained voice gave away his tension. "We agreed that we were not in a relationship anymore. In fact, it's as if it solely happened in my memories since you don't remember. That makes it only easier, for both of us. I don't know you anymore, Hermione, and you sure as hell don't know me."

He grabbed the doorknob but didn't open the door yet. Hermione was frozen on the spot, fascinated and a bit intimidated by her professor's open display of emotion. "I don't know why I decided to show you that in the first place, but it seems like a foolish thing to do right now. Given the circumstances, I will not meddle with your memory, but you will promise not to tell anyone." He looked at her expectantly.

"I... I promise?" she asked slightly hesitantly. She had an idea where this was leading, and she wasn't sure she liked it. But then again, being kicked out of the professor's room wasn't the worst thing that could happen to her. He could always take off points. Or assign detention.

"Good. Now leave, and don't talk to me again."

She stood up and walked past him. Then she stopped and opened her mouth - to thank him for showing her anyway - but he stopped her before she could say one word.

"No. Don't say anything," he said, and she thought he looked exhausted. "Just go, please."

Headmaster Albus Dumbledore paced from wall to wall in his living room. He was unsure of how to proceed. If he did just one wrong move, it would all be lost. He'd have to be careful.

Miss Granger seemed in no condition to endure a talk with him. He'd seen her fleeing to Gryffindor Tower, coming up from the dungeons. He had an inkling as to what she may have seen, but until he had talked to Severus, he couldn't be sure.

So that was his plan: Talk to Severus. He just hoped that the younger man was ready to take a burden upon his shoulders that should not have been his.

Albus sighed.

It was difficult to know what he knew - and still make the right decisions. In the past, he'd often been mislead. But this time there was no room for mistakes. The fate of the wizarding world may be depending on his decision.

Albus closed his eyes shortly and silently prayed for forgiveness. Then his shoulders straightened and the old man went to the door. He crossed his office, shortly pausing at the phoenix' perch. Fawkes - a very proud animal, in his opinion - looked still ruffled from the last burning. Nevertheless, the bird had an aura of supreme confidence and, yes, royalty. The sparkling red and gold lights of the bird's aura were merrily dancing around him. However, when Albus stepped nearer, the bird - usually very affectionate and loving - suddenly started to shriek frantically. Albus stopped and took a few steps back. Fawkes calmed down a bit but still eyed the headmaster with suspicion and disappointment. The formerly bright aura was now tinted with black, and the bird started weeping sadly. A sole tear ran down the phoenix' beak and fell to the floor.

Albus' eyes, now completely devoid of their usual twinkling, were serious. "I understand, Fawkes. I am sorry, but it's the way things have to be. Sometimes," the headmaster added with a deep sigh, "sometimes, we have to make sacrifices."

The bird, still weary of the old man, didn't give any sign of understanding. He simply sat there and ignored his master.

Albus nodded. "I understand," he faintly murmured, and closed the door softly, making his way down to the dungeons.

Albus had always liked the dungeons. Back in his school days at Hogwarts, he would often be found walking leisurely the long hallways in the dank dungeons, happy to escape his housemates, and his techers. Of course, the Slytherins hadn't taken in the invader with open arms. He'd been hexed various times, until he had found a way to hide his presence from his peers.

Now, as the headmaster, he didn't need to hide the fact that he was in the dungeons, but he preferred to do so anyway. Becoming visible just in front of Severus' private lab's door, he waited for a moment, trying to assess the situation.

Despite the various silencing charms and wards around the place, he heard a low rumble and a curse, followed by a growl.

Albus persuaded the door to open, even if he didn't have Severus' personal password, and carefully stepped inside. At once, he smelled the remnants of five different potions, and, sure enough, five cauldrons were situated on the long workbench.

Severus himself was pacing, a tactic the young man had brought to perfection. He would cross the room in four long strides, turn around in a flourish, and walk briskly back to the starting point. Very impressive, and for Albus a good way of measuring Severus' condition. The length of the steps, the motion of his robes and hair, the way he turned and walked - all signs of how good - or bad - Severus was dealing with every situation. Albus could see that Severus was very agitated, and he found his previous assumption confirmed: Miss Granger now knew about the love she shared with Severus. He suppressed a sigh. That would make things more complicated.

Peeking into the cauldron nearest to the door, he saw that it was of a nasty yellow colour. Not being a potions expert, he shrugged, and resumed watching Severus. He had no doubt that Severus was aware of his presence, even if he didn't acknowledge it.

Growling at the cauldron, Severus finally stopped pacing and cleared up the working place, still ignoring the headmaster.

"Severus?" he asked. He could not let him off easy today.

The dark haired man turned around. "Yes, Albus?"

The headmaster could tell that he was annoyed and didn't want to talk about it. I'm sorry, boy, but I must know for sure.

"I heard Miss Granger visited you today," he said noncommittally. Albus let his gaze wander over the various items, seemingly fascinated with the interior of Severus' lab. He was, however, watching his young protégé out of the corner of his eye. Right now, he was studying a green spot on the stone floor and inspected the cauldrons. He didn't once look at Snape directly.

"Yes, Miss Granger... I told her to accompany me to my office." Severus scowled - a very common expression for the sour Potions Master. Albus was sure that Severus knew that he knew. But still, the younger man continued. "I corrected her interpretation of the prophecy."

Despite his rather general and veiled formulation, Albus understood exactly what Severus had told Miss Granger.

"Oh, really?" was all Albus said. He was now examining the undersides of Severus' working tables.

"Albus," Severus hissed. "Would you please come out from under my table. This is a serious matter."

"I agree," came Albus' muffled voice from across the table. The old man stood up and steadied himself. "Ouf. I should do that anymore. One hundred and fifty-two is far too old to be crawling on the ground." Albus had hoped that Severus would loosen up a bit, but it seemed that he took the matter indeed very seriously.

"Indeed," Severus said with a sneer, another trademark expression of his. Albus smiled slightly. "But we need to find a solution. Miss Granger is very confused, and I think she has the impression that I am in love with her."

Albus sighed. Severus' expression was guarded and didn't give away his thoughts. But he had other means to know what occupied the younger one's mind. "Well, Severus, wasn't that the impression we wanted her to have?"

"Of course," Severus agreed. "But that was before she was raped."

"And how does that change anything?" Albus asked, his voice indifferent. Silently, Albus apologised to Hermione and Severus for his harsh words, but he had to make sure he was assuming the right thing.

Severus' cold stare was enough of an answer for the headmaster.

"I hope this was not a serious question, Albus," said Severus. "If it was, then I was wrong all these years."

Albus slowly shook his head. He walked over to the door and put his hand on Severus' arm. Severus raised an eyebrow and then looked at Albus questioningly.

"Severus, if the prophecy was fulfilled, the light side would triumph. Wouldn't it be worth a sacrifice?" he asked instead of giving an answer. "Is one more lie really the worst that could happen? Miss Granger need never know. I'm sure," he said, "once we find a way to reinstate her memories, she will trust you again." He didn't say 'she will love you again' as he wanted to. Severus wouldn't react well to that, Albus was sure.

Severus gave a brief nod. "It's not like I have a chance, is it?" With that, he shook off his mentor's hand and left the laboratory.

The old man stood there for a long time, thinking over the conversation. No, he finally decided, one lie more wouldn't make things worse. Especially if it isn't a lie at all.

He sighed again and rubbed his temples. This would take some time to develop. He just hoped that they did have that time. He was worried.

End Chapter Five