Lost

The remaining part of the dinner, Harry tried his best to concentrate on his food, hoping that the thoughts about the Crows would go away. Don't look up, don't think about it, just think about the food. Soup. Chips. Carrots. Beans. Schnitzel. Apple sauce. Cheese. Pudding. Ice. Biscuits. Until he was full and couldn't eat anything anymore, and then he talked a bit with the others, mostly about the holidays.

"And now I would ask the Prefects and the Head Boy and Girl to bring the younger students to their dorms... the dinner is over. Sleep well!"

Dumbledore clapped once and immediately all the plates, cups and dishes vanished. Harry (who was a Prefect) and Hermione (who was Head Girl, which hadn't surprised anybody but herself) stood up and went with the third years to the Gryffindor common room. The second and first years walked behind them, escorted by the sixth and fifth year Prefects. This was how it always went.

"Finally," sighed Hermione satisfied when the youngest three years were in their dorms. The older students mostly stayed up for another hour or so, although a few were so tired that they were already sleeping. Harry had slept very well on the train and wasn't really tired now, and Hermione and Ron also decided to stay up.

Harry wondered whether this was a good moment to tell Hermione and Ron about Yenne, Keemi and Mary-something, but when he saw that Ginny and the Crow stayed up too, he decided to wait some more. He certainly didn't want them to be in more danger than they already where.

"When should we start studying for the N.E.W.T.'s? Now, or should we wait a few weeks?" asked Hermione them. They didn't answer her, knowing that Hermione wouldn't listen when they told her that they could wait till after Christmas. She would start now, and maybe she had already started over the summer. Harry thought she might even have started directly after the sixth year's exams.

"Well, you know how important they are," said Hermione a bit upset. "I mean, they have a lot of influence on many things, like..." But they didn't find out on which things the N.E.W.T.'s had influence, because suddenly they heard a merry voice behind them, and Harry recognized it without effort as Ginny's.

"Hey everybody, had a nice summer?"

He quickly turned around, and stared in the eyes of the third Crow, who didn't seem to notice him at all, and who didn't look at him. Didn't she know... no, of course she knew that he was Harry Potter. There had to be something else, but he couldn't think of something, unless the Crows weren't interested in him anymore.

"Not too bad," answered Hermione. She looked curiously at 'the Mary-girl', as Harry called her in thoughts, like she didn't know her. Should they know her? Had she never attracted their attention, or was she new at school?

"That sounds positive," grinned the Mary-girl, "by the way, I'm Mary-Jane."

And now she looked directly at him, and although she didn't say anything, her lips moved. Her words were soundless but boomed in Harry's head.

"Yes, here I am. In your own house. Who'll stop me?"

"Hey," said Ron, and he looked interested at Mary-Jane. Did he see it?

"I've never seen you before," said Hermione curiously, and Mary-Jane answered quickly (too quickly?): "The previous year I looked very different, I've dyed my hair and I've grown a lot this summer, so... but I've been at this school for five years."

Ginny smiled and said: "That's right, I've known her for five years."

So she had been here all the time, maybe already preparing for this, or maybe not even knowing that she once would become a Crow... wait, maybe she had just taken the place of the real Mary-Jane. Like Crouch junior had taken Moody's place in Harry's fourth year, but without Polyjuice Potion... just pretending she was Mary-Jane, although she was somebody else... he didn't know and would never know, because he had never known Mary-Jane the previous five years. Maybe could Ginny say whether Mary-Jane had changed during summer (except of course her appearance) or not... but how could he ask Ginny? He had no reason he could tell her.

"Well, then I've seen you before... blonde, weren't you?" asked Hermione pondering. Mary-Jane nodded and said: "Yes, I'm a blonde, but I've heard enough jokes about stupid blondes... and I liked this colour."

"Yeah, you look very good like this," said Ron blushing, and Harry felt like he wanted to kick his best friend. Of course, Ron couldn't know and he couldn't see it in Mary-Janes eyes. Only he, Harry, could.

"Well, maybe we should go sleeping," suggested Hermione. "Tomorrow we have to get up early, for the first lessons of the new year..." The common room was nearly empty, and Harry felt very tired. It wasn't such a bad idea to go sleeping early, of course he had had al those dreams the previous night... but what if that would happen again? What if he would dream again about all those eyes, about the Crows, about other horrible things? No, he shouldn't think like this. If you were afraid to get nightmares, you usually got them, just because you kept thinking about it. He shouldn't be afraid.

"Yeah, you're right," yawned Ginny, and Mary-Jane also nodded, although she didn't seem too tired.

"Sleep well everybody," Harry called softly through the common room, and the few students who were still awake, nodded while they went upstairs. For a second, Harry looked proudly at the sign 'Seventh-years' above their dorm's door, but Ron pushed him inside, and he saw that Marcel, Dean and Seamus were already inside. They were all going to bed and greeted Harry and Ron yawning.

"Had a nice holiday?" asked Dean, but before they could answer, he already slept. Harry thought it a bit scary that everybody was so tired... they hadn't done so much today, and it was only ten p.m. Was it a trick? But he shouldn't see strange things in everything, he might become like Moody. It had just been a tiring journey, nothing strange or scary.

"Sleep well," said Ron before he also fell asleep, and surprised, Harry realized that he was the only one in their dorm who was still awake. Strange... no, he had just decided it wasn't strange. Don't think about it.

He slowly undressed and put on his pyamas, although it was a warm evening.

Harry laid down in his bed and stared at the ceiling. It had been a tiring, confusing day, but he didn't want to think about it now. He wanted to sleep.

***

Sweating, Harry woke up, nearly screaming. He had dreamt over eyes again: browngreen, blue and brown this time, and he knew whose they were. The Crows... he didn't want to think about him, but they were everywhere, even in his dreams. What had he dreamt exactly? He didn't know anymore. Silently, he got up and went to the window to look outside. Maybe it would calm him down.

Outside, it was storming, and shivering he noticed that it wasn't warm anymore. Quickly he took his cloak and wrapped it around him, and again he went to the window. It seemed like the storm outside blew all his thoughts away, and he finally was able to let it go and feel empty... there was nothing to worry about anymore, everything went with the storm, far away. There was no danger anymore, he was safe. Slowly, without really knowing why, he went to his trunk and opened it. On top of his clothes and other stuff was the letter, and although a little voice said that he should stop and go sleeping, he took the letter.

At once he knew it was wrong what he had done and what he would do. He should put the letter down if he wanted to have a calm sleep... but now he had already taken it, he couldn't stop this anymore. Carefully, very carefully and torturing slow, he turned the letter around. The foto appeared, suddenly in full color. How was that possible? He didn't know, but he didn't care. Now he recognized three faces. Light brown hair and browngreen eyes, she holded her knife nonchalantly but he knew that she wanted to use it, and that she would use it... Yenne. Blonde and deep blue eyes with a satisfying and cruel expression in them that he hadn't known before, except maybe from the red eyes he had seen far too many times in his dreams... Keemi. And brown hair and brown eyes, with a kind of playful expression, she hold her knife in a way that showed experience... Mary-Jane. Who were the other four? He had to keep looking, and saw more eyes now: green, grey blue, light blue, and really dark ones... he didn't see their faces, only those seven pairs of eyes which stared at him... with the same wish, the same goal.

With utter effort, he finally turned the photo and let it fall into his trunk, and now he knew where he was and what he was doing. He had seen the photo again. Crows. Crows. Exhausted, Harry fell on his bed and asleep, a calm and deep sleep.

***

"Harry?! Wake up!"

Sleepily, Harry opened his eyes and looked right in Ron's face, who was holding his shoulders and apparently had shaken him. He didn't remember any dreams, but he did remember that he had taken the photo again, and seen it. Why had he done that? Why?

"Everybody is already awake and I should get dressed soon if I were you, because we have breakfast in about ten minutes. And I don't know if you are, but I am really hungry!"

"You're not the only one," said Seamus from the entry of their dorm. He was talking with somebody, somebody with long, black hair, but Harry couldn't see who it was without his glasses.

"Good morning, all of you," yawned Harry, and he got up quickly, before he would fall asleep again. The boys were right, he should get up, it was already very late. But he had needed the sleep, although he had slept so long in the train yesterday, so he didn't care too much. But well, he had to dress and wash himself, and not think about sleep or no sleep.

***

Ten minutes later, Harry sat at the Gryffindor' table, having breakfast. He sat between Hermione and Ron, and across from Ginny and Mary-Jane. He tried to avoid looking up, but when he accidentally did so, he realized that she hardly had noticed him. She looked through the Hall, or talked with Ginny, but he never saw her looking at him. Just like yesterday. Did she have another goal? Did the Crows have more victims? Were there others who had the same questions and fears as he?

He hoped it, then he would have somebody who would understand and help, and the Crows wouldn't only be interested in him... but he knew that he shouldn't hope it. He shouldn't hope that somebody else felt like this, he shouldn't want anybody to be so afraid, not even Malfoy. But Malfoy wouldn't be afraid, Malfoy had been a Death Eater for years and maybe he worked together with the Crows.

"Here, our timetables," said Hermione, and she gave him a sheet of paper. Whey would the Apparitions-lessons be? Then he had to see Keemi, and he was afraid of it.

When he quickly read through the timetable, he saw that there weren't any lessons Apparition planned. He heaved a sigh of relief... but no, it had to be a mistake. Of course they would have Apparition, he couldn't think of a reason why they wouldn't.

"Why is there no Apparition on it?" he softly asked Hermione, who usually knew that sort of things, as she was Head Girl and, well... Hermione.

"Those lessons start in October, because professor Sparition has to do some other things the first month, and because only then all the seventh-years will be really seventeen."

So he didn't have to see her for the time being... hopefully she had to be away a lot the first month. Now Harry really looked at his timetable for today, and he saw that they'd first have Defence Against the Dark Arts, with professor Zelifi. After that Charms, then Transfiguration, and finally Divination, and that was all. As it were all double periods, it would be a long and tiring day... but maybe it would distract him, and that was a good thing.

"I'm wondering whether professor Zelifi will be good," said Hermione, with a doubtful expression in her eyes. Four of the six DADA-teachers they had had, hadn't been able to teach her anything, only Lupin's and Moody's lessons had been interesting. Harry knew that she hoped to learn a lot this year. He was the only one she'd told that she wanted to become an Auror. It was her greatest wish to lead the Aurors, as first woman ever, because also in the wizarding world, there weren't many women with important positions. She had a lot of ideals, this Hermione, and Harry thought that she would make it, with her brain.

"He's an ex-Auror, just like Moody, so I bet he knows a lot," said Ron, and Hermione smiled a bit. "I guess so."

***

Lonely, Harry walked through the corridors. Professor Zelifi had wanted him to stay after the lesson, because he had wanted to know exactly what had happened all those times Harry had met Voldemort. Ron and Hermione had already left, because they had heard those stories too many times already. Now Harry was thinking about the lesson and about professor Zelifi. He seemed to be a good teacher, he had told them a few interesting stories about when he was an Auror, and he had told what they were going to do this year. They'd start with repeating the stuff they had learned the past six years. He would soon find out that that wasn't really much, but even Hermione was sure that Professor Zelifi would increase their knowledge greatly.

"Speak to you later, Draco," said suddenly a voice behind him. Surprised, he turned around, but there was nobody to be seen. There only was a wall, with a door, which would probably lead to a deserted classroom, like most doors in Hogwarts. Likely, the voice came from behind that door, but whose voice was it? Harry didn't recognize the voice, but he was curious. He peered into the classroom and there was somebody talking with Draco, and he had the feeling that it was important. Unfortunately this seemed to be the end of the conversation.

In a reflex, Harry hid in a niche, thinking that the people in the classroom had probably left by now, and he was partially right. Draco Malfoy slowly walked out of the classroom, with a confused expression on his face. Who was still inside? He saw Draco walking down the corridor and Draco disappeared from sight, but the second person was probably still in the classroom, unless there was another way out. Of course that was also possible, he didn't know this part of the school very well, and even if he thought he knew a part, Hogwarts could always be surprising. Well, there was only one way to find out.

Carefully, Harry came out of the niche and, although he knew that this would be very dangerous if he had heard a Death Eater meeting or something, he slunk to the door, which was still slightly ajar. He knew he would be in trouble when somebody would walk through the corridor or when the person in the classroom would come out of it now, but he felt like he didn't really care if he was caught.

He came closer and closer, and he was nearly able to look through the chink, when he heard a voice from behind the door. The same voice that had said Draco that he or she would speak to him later, said now: "You can come in, Harry."

He didn't want to. It had seen him, but he didn't want to go to it. He knew it had something to do with the Crows, they wanted him to be in that classroom, but he didn't want to do as they wished. He tried to control his own legs and walk away, but he realized that he kept walking towards the door. How was this possible? What was happening? He knew he was able to cope with the Imperius, but the voice hadn't used that curse. It seemed to be something else, something new, he just couldn't control his own body.

"Stop! I don't want to come!" he screamed, not caring about anyone hearing him and thinking he was crazy.

"But you have to, Harry," said the voice again, and now it was a bit familiar. Where had he heard it before? It would be less work when he would just wonder which one of the three it was, but he didn't want to know. He tried to close his eyes, but noticed that he wasn't able. She had total control of his body. Was he still able to talk, or only with her words?

"I don't have to," he said aloud, happy that he could still do this, but when he tried to stop his hand from opening the door, it was in vain. He was only able to talk. But at the moment the door was open, she didn't control his body any more. At once he started blinking and watering a lot, because while she had controlled his body, his eyes had become very dry. He saw a figure, nonchalantly sitting on a table, but he didn't know which one it was, he hardly saw anything.

"Already crying, Harry?" asked the voice sneering, and now he knew who it was. Mary-Jane.

"What do you want, Mary-Jane?" he wearily asked, and he felt scared. What did she want?

"What do you think?" she asked scowling, and he could have sworn he saw her stroking a knife with her thumb. But when he blinked, the knife was gone and she just sat there. Would they really use a knife? Like Muggles? He couldn't believe it. They would surely use one of the Unforgivable Curses, they disdained Muggles, didn't they? Why was he thinking about this? It didn't care. Dead was dead.

"Alas, I have to give you a choice," she said, a bit disappointed.

"By now, you should know what he wants, we have told you before. Do you remember your dream, Harry? The Dark Mark on your upper arm? Yenne, who told you that he wants your force and loyalty? What is the connection, Harry? What does he want? Who is he?"

He trembled, but didn't dare answer her, because when he would say it aloud, it would be true. Then it would be real, then he wouldn't be able to deny it, then nobody could deny it. Then he would have to think about it and fear it. He didn't want that. He didn't want to say it aloud, he didn't even want to think it. He stayed silent.

Mary-Jane looked at him, first without any expression, later impatient, and finally angry. She stood up and walked over to him, and again he wasn't able to move, just to look at her. He saw a black feather on her arm, and another one, and another on her shoulder, more, till he saw all her feathers. It was just like the time with Yenne, only it was more frightening. Maybe because he wasn't able to move, wasn't able to look at something else, not only because he was stiffened by fear, also because of a curse. A curse which he didn't recognize, but it surely would be illegal. Or was this allowed?

Her face was very close to his, and he thought for a moment about another girl, whose face had also been very close to his, but for a different reason. A much better reason. Or was she going to do just that? He saw something in her eyes, like she wanted to come even closer, and he tried to look at her with utter disgust. But she didn't seem to notice, although she moved her head further away from his. Then she spoke.

"Harry Potter, answer me!! Who is he? What does he want? Answer me! Now!"

He didn't understand why she wanted him to tell, but he didn't dare to refuse. He didn't want to answer, because it would become real and that was scary, but to stand up against a furious Crow without being able to defend yourself, was far worse.

"He is Voldemort. He wants me to become a Death Eater."

"Good, Potter," said Mary-Jane, and very soon after that, her feathers were gone and she looked like a normal girl, except for her eyes.

"Good boy. Voldemort wants you as a Death Eater, that's right. But there's more, he also wants your power to make him stronger. It looks like you have powers that he wants to have, and with those powers he will finally be able to rule the entire world, wizarding and muggle."

He didn't know why she was telling him this. To scare him? But interrupting her was out of the question so he just let her go on.

"And tell me, Potter. What will happen if you don't give my master what he wants?"

Again he wanted to refuse, but he was afraid that she would have feathers again. He didn't want to see them.

"The Crows will kill the people close to me."

"Exactly," she whispered, "And that's what we will do. Unless you decide to become a Death Eater. Do you want that, Potter? Will you become a Death Eater and give all your power to the Dark Lord? Because otherwise you'll be hurt so much, you won't survive that, Potter. You're too weak."

With her fingertips, she touched his upper arm, and Harry felt it burn, as if he already had the Dark Mark and Voldemort was calling him. His arm tingled and hurt, and he couldn't move it. He fell back, and as soon as her fingers left his arm, it didn't hurt anymore. It hadn't been very painful, just a reminder. Would it really be like this when they were called? But he didn't want to know. He didn't belong there.

"Answer me, Potter. Will you be a Death Eater?"

She looked at him, and he looked back without blinking and read in her eyes that she didn't want him to become a Death Eater. That she wanted him to refuse, and that she had to do this because her master had told her so. And of course, she obeyed him. He knew why she didn't want him to become a Death Eater, and it nearly made him tell her that he would become it. He was scared for the lives of others, she would love to kill them, and he nearly said 'Yes.'

But then he remembered what would happen if he would become a Death Eater.

His own pain, his own death he could bear, but he understood now that Voldemort would be able to rule the world. Millions of innocent people would die, not only his friends and other people he cared about, but also countless people he had never known, and he would be responsible. And he wouldn't be able to bear that, he wouldn't be able to live or die while knowing that he was responsible for the death of so many people, and the torturing of so many more. The choice was difficult, but he knew what he would choose. He had to choose it.

"I won't be a Death Eater, Mary-Jane. Never," he answered softly.

She looked at him viciously, although he could see that she wasn't really angry, and now she took a real knife out of nothing. He trembled when she took his arm and looked at the palm of his hand, what would she do?

"Not a Dark Mark, not now, but another one," she said, and with the point of her knife she made a line. Dark red blood welled up, but Harry didn't feel it. He was just scared of her. Of what she could do. Of what she would do.

They were all alone here.

"Harry!" Suddenly somebody called his name from outside, in the corridor. Mary-Jane and Harry looked quickly at each other, then Mary-Jane walked away, with the blooded knife still in her hands. She disappeared through a door he hadn't even seen till now, and he heaved a sigh of relief. Whoever was outside, for the time being he didn't have to deal with Mary-Jane, and he called: "Here I am! In this classroom!"

He heard stumbling outside, and then Ron and Hermione came inside. They looked surprised at him and he saw Hermione notice his hand. Although he quickly hid it behind his back, he was quite sure that Hermione had seen the blood. How could he explain that to her? He couldn't tell what Mary-Jane had done, because she would be around to listen what they were saying. He shuddered when thinking about what she would do if she knew that he had told others about this. But what was he going to tell Ron and Hermione? An excuse?

"Harry! What have you done?" she asked worried, and she took his arm to look at his hand. It was hurting now, but it looked worse than it felt. And he didn't feel the fear anymore, now Mary-Jane had left. But he had no idea what to say now, he couldn't tell them the truth and it was quite clear that such an injury didn't just appear out of nothing. Hermione would know if he would lie, and Ron too, probably, and they would take offence.

"I... I just can't tell you," he said, and he ran out of the classroom, leaving Hermione and Ron alone and surprised. He knew that they would think he was strange, but maybe they would guess what was happening. He hoped they wouldn't say it aloud, because the Crows wouldn't care whether he had told somebody or they had just found out themselves, for them it was only important that somebody knew of them. Only the idea that they might be talking about it now, with Mary-Jane around, made him nearly turn around and go back. But now he couldn't come in and shout that they should shut up. Then it would be clear that Hermione and Ron knew something, whatever it was.

Every choice was bad, every choice was dangerous, just like the Crow-related choices he had made before. Would it go on like this?