Lycan-therapy

Chapter 1

"Today, we are going to examine your memories of de attack and how dey haunt you to present day, yah?"

Doctor Van Dalek- a middle-aged, balding, pot-bellied Dutchman with a wardrobe to rival Hagrid's and a fondness for Kneazles bordering on obsession has been selected by Albus Dumbledore to cure me of my inherent fear of werewolves. I and a certain lycanthrope have been participating in Van Dalek's counselling sessions for three weeks now and I can officially say it is working- I now feel more dread at the sheer mention of therapy than at having to interact with Remus Lupin.

This all came about after someone slipped silver powder into said lycanthrope's porridge, coincidentally the morning after a small quarrel between him and me over my teaching methods, his affliction, my personal hygiene and his parentage. Dumbledore decided that if we are to ever work alongside each other comfortably and professionally as both colleagues, since Lupin's return to Hogwarts, and members of the Order, some form of intervention was necessary. This, I could deem reasonable, but not in the form of counselling sessions with Doctor Van Dunderhead.

I cast a distasteful glance over the by now all too familiar room. Van Dalek bangs and shuffles through his rickety old oak desk in the right hand corner on which are heaped piles of books ('An Exploration Of The Magical Mind', 'Confronting Fear: A Guide To The Use Of Boggarts When Treating Phobias' and 'Korina Cantaloop's Catalogue of Anti Depressant Potions' to name but a few), parchment and Kneazle statuettes. Behind the desk are bookshelves housing more books, parchment and Kneazle statuettes. The decor is a ghastly magenta and forest green with a clashing royal blue carpet strewn with more books, more parchment and yet more Kneazle statuettes. The overall look is one of absolute chaos. Opposite a dark olive armchair is the matching couch where Lupin has already made himself comfortable.

My sneer broadens- one glance at him and my fingers itch to seize my wand and cast a well-placed slug vomiting hex. Oh, how I despise the beast. Doctor Van Dalek spins around, eventually having found our case file and treats me to a crooked, nauseatingly cheerful grin.

"Really, Doctor, I must protest, we focussed on me last week. Isn't it time you began analysing Lupin's deep-seated guilt and fear of killing and maiming the innocent?" Lupin flinches. Van Dalek takes this as a reaction to my mention of his 'issues'; I assume it to be the sheer thought of having his psychological profile poked and prodded by this nut case.

"Severus, dat was insensitive! And you know what de punishment for being insensitive is." I groan in protest. Rictusempra for a full three minutes. The spell hits me for the seventeenth time in three sessions. Special exceptions should be made for innately sarcastic individuals.

Minutes later I stagger across to the couch and sit as far towards the opposite end to Lupin as is physically possible. Van Dalek smiles- it is a disturbing sight. With a flick of his wand the seating shrinks and I am crushed between a green velvet cushion and a werewolf.

"Doctor, what is the meaning of his?" I feel violated; I have this man-beast's elbow digging into my hip.

"Tcha, you two are going to learn to sit within five metres of each other whilst being civil!"

"I'd rather sit on the floor-" I reply and move to rise but find my body bound to the chair.

"You-will-sit-where-I-say!"

His expression, which for the barest of moments had been frankly unsettling, is now as sunny and zany as ever.

"Remus, how does it make you feel when Severus refuses to even share a seat with you for fear of what you become at de full moon?"

The werewolf glances sideways at me, "Actually, I'd rather he sat on the floor, as well."

"You feel threatened by his behaviour towards you?" I roll my eyes.

"Er, everyone feels threatened by his behaviour towards the world in general."

I smirk; yes I'd like to think so too.

"Dat is interesting, most interesting. So, Severus, you feel dat you can combat your own fears by making de world fear you? Interesting, most interesting..." Van Dalek mutters, proceeding to scribble notes down into our case file. Our case file, shared between us, because Doctor Van Dalek believes it is integral to our treatment that we share all aspects of our therapy and most aspects of our everyday lives. Needless to say he was quite sure after five minutes of our first session that we were not to be the most co-operative pair and therefore to monitor us back at Hogwarts, Dumbledore has been enlisted to keep a watchful eye on us. We have been designated a sofa near identical to this one in the staff room to further torment us throughout the week- naturally, this has lead to both of us seldom appearing in there at the same time. We have been forced to share various other amenities, as well as being coerced into sitting next to each other at meals. Thankfully, neither Dumbledore nor Van Dalek has had the ingenious idea of having us share a bed yet- for which I am sure we are both mutually grateful.

"So, back on topic: Severus, what do you remember of de attack?"

I blink; Van Dalek is under the illusion that by making me relive the attack I might somehow come to terms with it and find the whole ordeal much less mortifying when, in fact, the adverse is true. "Gnashing teeth, slavering jaws, bloodthirsty yellow eyes, hot odious breath on my face, vicious snarling and growling," I drawl, in my most deadpan voice.

"Yah, yah, good, good- and dis made you afraid, yes? Dis made you fear for your life?"

"Of course it did," I snap at him. "A great hairy werewolf with its snout in my face, of course I was scared, wouldn't you be?"

"Did you experience nightmares after de encounter?" Van Dalek asks, all the while bobbing his head up and down whilst fervently writing notes.

"I was fifteen, I was nearly murdered!" I cry defensively.

"Did you find yourself excessively tearful or aggressive as a result of de attack?"

I sigh, exasperated, "I suppose aggressive, maybe slightly." Lupin snorts at this but Van Dalek ignores him and continues while I glower.

"Did you at any time soil yourself or de bedclothes in de immediate months after de attack?"

"No!" I feel heat rise to my cheeks, outraged by the audacity of it all. Lupin, the bastard, sniggers. "And he's not allowed to laugh!"

"Mister Lupin, please."

"My apologies, Doctor," the beast mutters, straightening his face with considerable effort.

"This is unfair!" I growl, beating a cushion for emphasis. "If I so much as smirk in here I get hexed. He is deliberately rude and offensive and he gets away unscathed! This is exactly what used to happen at school- they would get special treatment and I was discriminated against! It's bloody favouritism!"

"So, you feel Remus has always been treated comparatively better than you?"

Finally, we're getting somewhere. "Yes."

"Are you jealous of Remus, Severus?"

"Don't be ridiculous."

"Are you resentful dat his life seems to you of better quality, when you believe he is undeserving, being what he is?"

"Better quality of?" The man can barely afford to eat properly. "I simply commented that throughout our lives, whenever an opportunity has arisen, the Golden Gryffindor was always favoured above me in whatever the stakes might be."

"Give me an example of when dis has happened."

"This year, and three years before that, he has been appointed Defense Against The Dark-"

Lupin begins to laugh. "Not in the slightest bit jealous are we, Severus?" I scowl at him but he carries on regardless. "Besides, that has nothing to do with me. Albus just doesn't want to lose his Potions Master or," he pauses, "...well, you get a better deal when I'm teaching the subject anyway, what with being able to cover the lessons once a month."

He gabbles on, attempting to brush over the fact he knows more than he is letting on. I am not deterred. "Or what?"

"Nothing."

"Why hasn't Dumbledore given me the job before?" I round on him. "Even when threatened with Dolores Umbridge? He's told you, hasn't he?" Told him, when he has never given me a reasonable explanation.

The werewolf becomes very interested in looking at his paws.

"He only thinks," he mumbles, "that if he gave you the job it might... Might be like employing a reformed alcoholic behind a bar."

Anticipating my mounting urge to hit him, Lupin shrinks away from me and visibly attempts to fade into the sofa. I begin to grind my teeth and flex my fingers irritably. Van Dalek is scribbling away. "What are you writing?" I snap.

"Severus, do you believe dat given a job where you would be exposed to de temptation of de Dark Arts that you might revert back to your old habits?" Dumbledore informed Van Dalek of my 'history' before our first session.

To say that I am offended by this would be a grave understatement. "No! The notion is bloody ridiculous; I am in complete control of myself at all times, dammit!" Ignoring this momentary slip which sees me leaping to my feet, seizing the nearest grinning Kneazle and hurling it against the wall. I sit back down, unapologetic.

"I would never use Dark Magic against a single one of those insufferable brats," I mutter angrily.

An awkward silence falls while Van Dalek writes another note on my apparent mental instability. "How has dis made you feel, Severus? Betrayed? Angry?"

"How do you think I feel?" I exclaim- as if my little demonstration just now hasn't been sufficient in displaying exactly how I feel. "I'm sick to the back teeth of talking about how I'm feeling. Let's discuss something else. Lupin! How does it make you feel knowing 98 of the wizarding world fears and despises you?" Lupin looks affronted, and slightly hurt. Ha! Serves him right.

"Severus!" I tumble off the sofa squirming and giggling, and remain on the carpet until the effects of the hex wear off.

"You have applied for de position of Defense Against The Dark Arts instructor on a number of occasions, I believe, Severus?" He continues as though nothing has happened.

"Every year for the past fifteen years," I hiss through clenched teeth.

"Tell me what happened last time Mister Lupin was teaching at Hogwarts."

"You know very well what happened."

"What's the matter, Severus?" The werewolf interjects. "Attack of conscience? Can't bring yourself to repeat how you cheated me out of a job I loved, turfed me out of the one place I've ever thought of as home?" The infuriating thing about Lupin is his ability to remain completely impassive whilst accusing me of wrecking his life/attempting to end his life/making his life a living hell...

"I have absolutely no regrets over warning the children of your dangerous nature," I counter.

"No, somehow I didn't think you would."

Van Dalek interrupts, "Severus, why do you believe Remus to be dangerous?"

I roll my eyes, "Really, Doctor, even you could take a stab at it and stand a chance of guessing close."

"Nevertheless," he beams insincerely, "I wish to hear it from your own lips."

"I am beginning to believe that rather than addressing my 'deep-seated issues' this therapy is endeavouring to give me double the amount I began with. I breathe deeply, "Because," I start slowly, "Remus Lupin is a werewolf, a lycanthrope, a loup garou, a lobisomem, a ihmissusi, a lupo manero, an irrinja-" (1)

"And therefore is only remotely dangerous one night each month and not at all when under the influence of the Wolfsbane which I believe you yourself brew for him?" Both of them are watching me. I remain silent for a moment before raising an eyebrow,

"And your point is?"

Lupin sighs heavily. Van Dalek however, is required to exercise unconditional patience whilst dealing with cases such as myself and merely smiles patronisingly.

"So, if you had perhaps been thinking clearly at de time, you would have realised dat by making Mister Lupin de Wolfsbane Potion you could have yourself prevented any attacks on students or staff."

"My, my," I gasp theatrically, clasping my chest and adopting a look of mock surprise, "Well, I never thought about it that way." I revert back to my usual scowl, "Fine, I admit, I let Lupin's little secret slip for personal reasons."

"Revenge?" Lupin, one would think that after years of associating with Sirius Black and James Potter you would have grasped the concept of making others suffer for the sheer enjoyment of it. I snort derisively,

"For what? Running amock in the Forbidden Forest and shredding the school's supply of sneezewort? For failing to devour Harry Potter and Hermione Granger? Both of which are certainly unforgivable but no, I merely did it to make myself feel better after losing out on an Order of Merlin. After all, it was the fault of one Marauder. My only option was to vent my rage on the only remaining member of your little posse. Besides, I had been waiting for twenty years to reveal to the world what gracious, affable Remus Lupin really is."

I am such an orator I have stunned them into silence. Lupin eventually speaks up. "You really haven't changed since school, have you? You're still as immature and petty as ever."

I sneer in reply.

"Zeverus," Van Dalek says, "I have trouble seeing what agitates you more about Remus, his lycanthropy or his own character and de history between you?"

"Both in equal measures."

Scribble scribble goes the quill and I strain my neck to better read his untidy scrawl: 'Remus' condition impedes development of their relationship and causes communication difficulties. Severus uses it as an excuse to distance himself from Remus and fuel their mutual dislike.'

To be continued

(1) Here, Severus is demonstrating either his extensive linguistic skills or his obsession with lycanthropes. He'd probably prefer the former.

Loup garou- French for werewolf

Lobisomem- Brazilian

Ihmissusi- Finnish

Lupon manero- Italien

Irrinja- native Australian for devil dog