Tears in Heaven

(Disclaimer: I own nothing.)

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Tears In Heaven

Chapter Six

Draco had a dilemma. There he lay on his bed, thinking about what to do at ten o'clock in the morning. School was going to begin soon and he had to be at the train station at eleven o'clock tomorrow morning. His problem was that he had no more money because he had spent it all on renting his room here in the Leaky Cauldron and all his things were back at the manor.

There was suddenly a knock on the door. He gradually sat up with a soft groan and rubbed his eyes. Just what he needed - his daily annoyance. "Hold on, I'll be out in a minute," he called to the person waiting in the hall. He went into the bathroom and started the shower. When he was done getting dressed, he wrapped a towel around his waist and went outside to get his robes, but someone was already waiting for him. He scowled. "Didn't I say hold on?"

Gayle shrugged, looking up at him indifferently. "You took too long," she said simply.

His glare didn't fade from his face. "Wait for me downstairs, I need to get dressed," he told her, getting his clothes from the wardrobe.

She crossed her legs and fixed her dress as if getting comfortable. "You'll stand me up. I'll wait here thank you." She grinned. "Go on, get dressed, no problem with me," she said to him.

Draco instinctively gripped the towel around him. "No, I'm going to dress up, in the bathroom." He heard her laughter behind him and slammed the bathroom door shut.

Once he was ready, he stepped outside to see that Gayle was still sitting on the bed in the same position he had left her in. "Took you long enough," she muttered. He took a few calming breaths.

"What do you want?" he wondered gruffly.

She stood up and smiled at him. "I can help you," she said. He rolled his eyes and she continued. "Really, I'll go and get your stuff."

His gaze shot back to her. "Really?" When she nodded, he asked, "Why would you do that for me?"

"Maybe you'll believe me," she replied.

He shook his head. "Maybe," he said with a sigh. He looked at her intently and saw the fleeting expression of wariness that he needed to see. "All right, if you get it," he told her. She smiled again and left the room without another word.

Draco sank back onto the bed and put his head in his hands. "What have I done?" he whispered to himself miserably.

~*~

Gayle looked up at the mansion and shivered in spite of herself. "Well," she muttered to herself, "it can't be all bad." She advanced and before she was able to knock on the door, it swung open. Gazing down at her with an arrogant smirk that was all too familiar to her was Lucius Malfoy. He looked behind her.

"So, where is he?" asked the man. She rolled her eyes and pushed her way past him. He recovered quickly and followed her, not caring to close the door behind him. "Well?"

She stopped and turned around to face him. "Well, what? Like I asked you before, Lucius, do you really expect Draco to come home?" She rolled her eyes again and went up the steps.

Lucius watched after her with a calm expression - the very one which mean that he was rigid with fury.

Gayle found her way to Draco's room and scouted about for his school trunk. She spotted it in a corner and tried pulling it, but it didn't budge. After many other attempts, she gave that up and kicked it open wondering what weighed so much. She didn't end up finding what she thought she would, but something more interesting.

There, lying exposed at the top of the mess was a notebook labeled D. C. Malfoy in forest green letters. It was leather bound and black with a silver lock. She picked it up with a slight frown and suddenly felt a presence behind her. The girl jumped up and looked around to see Lucius Malfoy hovering behind her. He plucked the journal out of her grasp and turned it idly around in his hands.

"Thank you, Avery, it seems as if you're of use after all. I've been wondering if Draco has been keeping one of these," said the man with a smirk.

She glared at him and tried to grab it back, but he stepped out of reach. "Give that back, it isn't yours, it's Draco's," she told him in a low tone.

His smirk just widened. "Oh? Then why did you have it?"

In one quick moment, she brandished her wand and yelled, "Stupefy!" Then she stepped over his stunned figure and took the journal back. She muttered a shrinking spell on the trunk and raced out of the room.

~*~

They were now on their way back to Hogwarts. Joey grinned with pleasure as he stepped into the familiar setting of Platform Nine and Three-Quarters. A large black dog trotted gaily beside him and he patted its head affectionately.

He and Sirius had grown closer since they had met and Joey had never before felt his heart so lifted. The gap within his heart that longed for something more had been filled and he now had a father. Sirius had been uncharacteristically wary of him at first, but later warmed up.

Flashback:

"Joey?"

The boy looked up and saw his father's outline in the doorway. They had just started getting to know one another, but he already found himself loving the dad he never knew. "Hi, S - er - Dad," he said with a small laugh. It was still a bit hard to remember to call Sirius 'Dad'. Sirius smiled though Joey noticed it was a bit cautious. "Come in," said Joey with a bright smile, and he put down the new Weasley Wizard Wheezes joke toy he had been playing with.

Sirius did as was told and sat at the foot of his son's bed. His heart was thumping wildly inside his chest though he knew not why. This boy seemed so trusting and the look within Joey's eyes reminded him so much of Hallie whom he loved more than anything. "Joey, I wanted to ask you something," he finally said after clearing his throat. The boy nodded and looked at him expectantly. "Doesn't it bother you that I'm - well, that the Ministry's looking for me?" wondered Sirius, his voice dropping to a lower tone. It was of no need to explain the reason of his hiding for it was rather obvious. All of Europe seemed to know.

Joey's smile never faltered as he studied Sirius' face intently. "Should it?" Sirius mind drifted to Billy's reaction when they first saw one another. As if reading his thoughts, Joey said, "Billy's not like that, you know. I don't know what's gotten into him lately, but he's not like that at all. It's probably - well, it's probably what happened to him when he was - er - abducted." Sirius nodded. He had the same thought, but he wasn't completely sure that it was only that. He was Sirius Black after all - the most sought after wizard in all of England - other than the Dark Lord - and no matter what others said he knew the shock he caused people.

The young man shifted in his bed still looking at his father as if he had never seen another human being before. Sirius forced a smile. "What, is there something on my face?" he asked.

Joey laughed softly and shook his head. "I don't care that you're Sirius Black, Dad," he said in a quiet voice. He crawled over and hugged Sirius. "I wouldn't care if you were Lord Voldemort himself. I love you because you're my father."

End of Flashback

After that night, things between them weren't awkward any longer and they acted as if they had known one another all their lives. Their best times were in the quidditch field in the backyard.

Joey chanced a look over at his brother. Billy's back was slumped as if he carried a heavy weight upon his shoulders and the air in which he walked was not that of the Billy Joey knew. He seemed more secluded and detached than ever before and over their Winter Holidays, had been withdrawn. The two boys didn't even talk to each other as much as they had and this was worrying Joey terribly. Billy's face was gaunt and distant while his eyes had lost their sparkle. He had lost weight and his lips were pressed together in a stressed thin line.

A pang of worry had started to build within Joey's heart and he knew that he would do anything to get his brother back. The boy beside him now was not Billy Forester at all. Billy had started avoiding everyone, including Joey, but most of all, Hallie. They'd exchange a few words once in a while, but other than that, Billy acted as if he didn't even know her. As for Sirius, Billy didn't acknowledge his presence at all.

Next to Billy stood Harry who was talking to Remus. When Harry briefly looked over, their eyes met in a split second and Joey knew that Harry was feeling the same was as he was about Billy. He had earlier found out that Harry and Sirius had met each other just three years before and was glad that the desolate seeming Potter finally had a fatherly figure. Even if it was his own, Joey was glad that Harry didn't seem so alone anymore. Feelings of jealousy didn't even arise in him. He had just recently found what a good friend Harry was and liked having him as a good pal.

They hadn't really met before during school, but Joey had seen him hanging around with the redheaded Ron Weasley and top witch Hermione Granger. The two friends had sent Harry numerous letters during the break and Joey wondered what it was like to have such a tight knit group. Then he remembered how he and Billy were and decided that he didn't wonder about it anymore - he knew. He only now wished that he had that bond again with his brother.

"Harry! Harry, over here!" he heard and looked to the right where he saw Harry's friends rushing over. Harry smiled brightly and waved goodbye to Hallie and Remus after hugging Sirius the dog.

"I'll see you both on the bus," he said to Billy and Joey, then walked onto the train with Ron and Hermione in animated chatter.

The train whistle blew suddenly and Joey looked around at the students as they rushed onto the Hogwarts Express. Their parents waved frantically at them in farewell. Joey turned to look at Hallie who looked back at him with a small smile. He knew she was still hurt by Billy's outburst just a few days ago.

"You'd better go on," she said. "You don't want to miss the train, again." He rolled his eyes at her and she laughed. After giving her a kiss on the cheek and a tight hug, he said farewell to Remus. Next, he bent down to be eye level with Sirius whom, when in dog form, insisted on using an alias - Snuffles.

"I'll be seeing you soon, right, Snuffles?" he said with a smile and hugged the dog despite the teenager rule of having to act like a grown up. The dog barked once and trotted over next to Hallie who rested her hand on his head.

"See you, Uncle Remus," said Billy in his reserved tone. Joey saw him turn around and led the way to the train.

"Goodbye, Billy," said Hallie, but the boy didn't turn around. Joey sighed at the hurt expression on her face and went over and hugged her again.

"Don't worry, Mum, I'll find out what's wrong," he told her with a confident smile, puffing out his chest importantly.

She grinned. "Thank you, O knight in shining armor," she replied.

"Ha, ha," he muttered sarcastically and with a last wave of farewell, he followed Billy onto the train.

~*~

"Are you coming?" asked Draco impatiently, his arms folded across his chest and a scowl worn upon his face.

Gayle slowly ran the comb through her auburn hair and looked at him in the mirror. "Almost," she replied with a sweet smile. When his glare intensified she sighed in defeat and put the brush into her bag. "All right, all right."

They walked out of the Leaky Cauldron and Draco waved his wand hand into the air. There was a deafening 'BANG' and the Knight Bus appeared. The two sixth years stepped on and gave Stan Shunpike - the young conductor - the money for their trip. "Where would you lot be off to?" asked Stan.

Gayle smiled at him and shot Draco, who wore a strange expression upon his face, a glare. "Diagon Alley please," she replied.

Stan gave her a silly sort of smile and went to talk to Ernie in quiet whispers while shooting Gayle and Draco looks. They soon arrived at their designation. Gayle pushed her trunk at Draco who received it with an aggravated look, but he made no further comment. "Er - Miss Crysteson," said Stan. Gayle turned to him expectantly and pretended to ignore Draco's humored looks. "Here," he said and thrust a crumpled piece of paper towards her. Then he closed the Knight Bus' door with a loud snap and it was off.

Puzzled, she looked down at the crumpled piece of paper and saw an address written on it. She looked up to see Draco biting down on his lip and his eyes focused on the sky. "Oh, blast you, Draco Malfoy," she said in irritation and pushed her way past him.

He erupted into laughter. "He liked you! That pimple-faced prat actually liked you! And gave you his address!" he exclaimed.

She turned around and he saw that her cheeks were flushed. "You think that's funny do you? Well, at least I knew that he did," she retorted. At his bewildered expression, she continued. "I haven't been as clueless about crushes as you have. Does the name Pansy Parkinson spark any feelings in you?"

His expression fell to one of disgust. "What about her?" Gayle repressed a smirk behind a hand. Draco's eyes narrowed. "What?"

"Why do you think she hated me so much, Draco? Are you so oblivious as that? The girl thought I was your girlfriend!"

Draco's eyes widened slightly. "She thought you and I - you and I -" She rolled her eyes heavenward and he blanched. "You're joking," he said in a hushed tone. "Pansy?"

She laughed, no longer wishing to conceal her amusement. "Yes, and at least that conductor isn't nearly as horrid as that girl!"

Draco folded his arms across his chest. "Yeah, well, Pansy doesn't have an acne problem."

Gayle made a very unladylike snort. "Ha, at least Stan can use acne crème - ugliness is incurable." Draco opened his mouth to reply, but nothing came out. He was at a loss for words.

Gayle smiled at him sweetly before pulling her trunk into the station.

~*~

Harry led the way to an empty compartment and commenced in telling Hermione and Ron about his time at the Forester Mansion. When he was done, there was a long silence.

"So," began Hermione uncertainly, "so Sirius was engaged? And Professor Lupin is living with this Forester woman."

Harry laughed. "Yeah, Hallie, she's my godmother."

Ron was puzzled. "Why aren't you living with her rather than Dursleys?"

"Well, she's Joey and Billy's mom right? She said she was about nineteen years old when she had them and the Ministry wouldn't let her have me live with her because she was already going to raise the twins on her own. Remus moved in with her - they had been friends at school."

Ron still seemed dumbfounded. "So Billy and Joey's dad is Sirius?" Harry nodded and the redhead sat back. "Wow," he said.

Hermione had that thoughtful expression upon her face. "But no one knows what's wrong with Billy?" Harry shook his head and said 'no.' "That's strange. I wonder what happened with him."

Harry sat up in his seat suddenly, his eyes glimmering with humor. "Oh, I forgot. You'll never guess who it was that brought Billy from the Malfoy mansion."

Ron narrowed his eyes. "I bet Malfoy's the one that kidnapped him - him and his dad - he's probably already an initiated Death Eater."

Hermione shot up in her seat. "Oh my gosh! That's it! The Ritual! Initiation! The Ritual -," but Ron took her arm and forced her to sit down.

"Bloody - will you sit down?" he said looking at her in incredulity. "Jeez. Now speak in English an calm down."

Normally, she would have snapped at him, but she was too excited. "The Ritual - remember?" she began excitedly. "Remember when we heard Malfoy and that new Slytherin girl talking?" She didn't wait for them to respond, but went on. "They spoke of a Ritual! And Ron - you just made me realize - the Ritual! - It has to be the initiation process for one to become a Death Eater!" she exclaimed triumphantly.

Her proclamation left her two best friends slightly dumbfounded.

Finally, Harry said, "But Malfoy..." he started uncertainly, "he didn't sound too happy about going through it."

"Of course not!" said Ron vehemently. "He's afraid he'll fail and never become one!"

Hermione shook her head, the wheels in her head still turning zealously. "No, Ron," she said in a pondering tone.

"What?"

"Malfoy - he-he pretty much made becoming a Death Eater sound more like an inevitable burden rather than something he'd like to be, if I remember the conversation correctly." She was silent for a moment. "It almost makes you feel sorry for him, rather," she said.

Ron opened his mouth and closed it many times, seemingly at a loss for words. Harry thought about the night Draco had dropped Billy off. He had gone out to look through the window and saw the blond boy running back home and found himself seeing things the way Hermione was. If Malfoy really was on his joyful way to becoming another Death Eater, then he certainly wasn't acting his part. Why had he brought Billy home?

"I can't believe this!" said Ron with a disbelieving laugh. "You feel sorry for that ferret faced git?" He sighed heavily and crossed his arms across his chest.

Hermione glared at him. "I never said I was, I just said it makes me almost feel sorry for him." Ron still looked doubtful. "Well what does it matter what I think?"

Harry opened his mouth to say something to Ron, but the redhead wasn't finished. "You're right, it doesn't matter." She glared at him. "I know I'm closed minded when it comes to Malfoy or other Slytherins, Hermione, but after all they've done - he's done, in particularly, well, I'm not really feeling this way out of the blue, am I?" She didn't say anything, but her expression told him to continue. "Look, I'm not saying that I'm feeling the same way as you are about this whole Ritual Malfoy fiasco, but until I see anything abnormal in his rotten personality, then I'm going to go on with my jolly normal life. Things are already bloody blasted around this place what with You-Know-Who on the rise and all, and I don't need anything else blowing up in my face to ruin everything." He heaved a big sigh and looked at Hermione and Harry in satisfaction. He had made a speech and was rather proud of himself.

Hermione blinked at him for a moment. "Well, Ron," she began, "that was very well said." He gave her a crooked grin.

~*~

Gayle looked at Draco sitting across from her in the compartment. "I thought you'd have had enough bloody sleep. That's all you did the whole week at the Leaky Cauldron," she muttered.

He didn't stir - he was lost in his dreams.

~*~

Troy sank to his knees. Surely this wasn't happening, he thought in despondency. Surely none of this was real - he was dreaming, he had to be...

Salazar had been cursed - cursed to forever dwell in Slytherin Castle for the wrong he had committed. Troy shook his head. Godric came over and helped him up, but Troy would have nothing to do with him. The young man looked at his father, tears of anger burning in his eyes.

"Undo it," he said in a low tone. "Undo the curse, now."

Ric looked sadly at his son and shook his head. "I can't," he replied softly.

Troy's hands were balled into fists as his sides. "Can't? - Or won't," he spat furiously. Godric closed his eyes. It had pained him to do this to his own brother, but what else was left? After what Salazar had done, he had to have his revenge. Rowena was gone - because of his brother.

"Troy -" he started in an almost desperate tone.

"You're wrong," said the boy coldly. "You're wrong and you know it. Even if Uncle had imprisoned Mum, he wouldn't have deserved this. No one does."

Ric's control snapped at the mention of his beloved Rowe. "He deserves it, Troy - he does. The Imprisonment Curse is nothing to look over easily. You're young and naïve. You know nothing," he said.

Blistering hot tears fell down Troy's cheeks leaving scorching marks in their wake. "I do know, damn it! I was there! I saw it! You just won't listen! She did it you bastard! Your god damn new wife did it!" he shouted.

Godric hit him across his face. "Enough," he said with an agonized glare, "enough. I will hear no more of this." He went to the door of the room, but Troy stood up.

"You're a bastard! Mum can see you! She knows what you're doing you bastard! How could you do this to him? To Uncle? He'd never hurt her! Or you! You don't know what you've done! I know what happened! I saw it! Why won't you believe me?" cried Troy.

Ric didn't turn around to face his son. Every word the boy said seemed to be torn from Troy's very soul. "You speak nonsense. You're delirious - Salazar's betrayal hurts you as it does me. Sleep, my son," he whispered. "You will be fine in the morning." He then left and closed the door behind him.

Troy shook with disbelief and anger. He picked up a vase on his bedside table and hurled it at the door. "Damn you, Godric Gryffindor! Damn you, you bloody bastard!" he sobbed and fell back to his knees. "Why won't you believe me? Why?" He shook his head and buried it into his hands. "Why do you choose her over me?"

~*~

Draco sat up when he felt someone shaking him. He blinked his eyes open and saw deep green eyes looking back at him.

"Draco? Are you okay?" asked Gayle with a slight frown.

He pulled away from her and ran a shaky hand through his hair. His breaths were coming out quickly and a cold sweat had broken upon his forehead. When he finally looked up to meet her eyes, she was still looking at him in concern, but the twinkle in her eyes was misread as amusement. "I'm fine," he said gruffly. She nodded and went back to watching the scenery out of the window train.

"We'll be arriving at Hogwarts in ten minutes," she told him softly.

Draco heard this but didn't acknowledge it. He felt rather detached from himself - as if he was watching the solid Draco Malfoy from the view of a spirit one.

It had been quite some time since he had had one of these dreams - ones about the past. They frightened him to say the least and he didn't know quite what to make of them. Was he possibly going mad? The boy - Troy, his name was - seemed to be his own age, about sixteen, and in the depths of his eyes held such knowledge and pain from past experiences. He didn't know what happened between the founders - of whom Ric, Serpise, Elle, and Rowe were without a doubt - and wasn't sure he wanted to know. The Imprisonment Curse was mentioned and he wondered if he should try and find out something about it.

"Draco," said an uncertain voice, breaking him out of his thoughts. He looked up and saw Gayle peering at him again. "I need to ask you something." He looked at her in contemplation. Her eyes were clouded over, as if she was seeing everything from a distance, and the expression upon her face was one that he couldn't read.

"Go on, then," he urged.

Her penetrating gaze never left his and seemed to be trying to reach deep within him to find something more than skin deep. "Draco," she began in the same uncertain voice. "Draco, if - if the circumstances were different...if I hadn't - hadn't helped - er - the," she cleared her throat, "master, if I hadn't helped you to - to fail...would you have - um - would you have helped me?" Her voice had softened with every word until the last one was almost inaudible.

Draco looked at her, his face a mask void of expression. It would have been uncharacteristic for a Malfoy to help anyone without personal gain just as it is uncharacteristic for a Malfoy to apologize or act kindly - but now that he thought about it...would he have helped her?

Draco looked away for fear of emitting a sense of his vulnerability. "Yes, Gayle, I would have," he said.

~*~

Joey looked across the compartment at his brother, a deep sadness welling in his heart. He had never felt at such a loss before, not even when he was wallowing in self-pity at his lack of a father and the shamble the world had fallen into.

There seemed to be 'a parting of ways' as the headmaster had called it at the end of last year and a dark and mystifying cloud of sadness appeared to be building over Europe. The other countries didn't seem to be affected with the rise of the Dark Lord, and nor did they seem to care. It was Europe's problem, and Europe's alone. Joey felt as if their turn would come, but this was thought without bitterness. He knew that trying to stay out of Voldemort's business was an act of denial, no one wanted the dark leader to go to their home, let alone exist at all. Dumbledore had said that things would get worse. He had said that everyone should go on in caution and expect something at every turn.

Joey shook his head. His eyes drifted back up to the identical boy across from him. If Tye and Emery had noticed the change in Billy, they chose to ignore it and were currently discussing school Quidditch. Sapphire blue eyes gazed into sapphire blue eyes. Joey's expression sharpened at the one upon his brother's face. He knew something was wrong.

It's getting to him, thought Joey in panic. It's eating him away.

~*~

"Can I talk to you for a minute?" Sirius asked, fiddling with a piece of paper in his hands.

Hallie looked up from her book and noted his grave expression. She nodded and a feeling of dread rising in her heart. Slowly, she stood up and placed her book on the couch. "We'll be right back," she told Remus. He nodded with a smile and she followed Sirius into the kitchen.

There, he stood, not facing her, but looking out the window over the sink. His shoulders were taut with something like nervousness and Hallie came over to put her arms around his waist. She leaned her head between his shoulder blades. When she felt him tense up, she massaged his shoulders and he sighed, turning around to look at her.

She looked up at him with worry creasing her face. "Sirius -," she began, but he pulled her close and brought his head down on hers. Their lips met and he felt the familiar yet still unsettling feeling of ecstatic electricity running through him. His thoughts seemed to swim sluggishly in his mind so that a feeling of relaxation came over him. Sirius wrapped his arms around her and felt hers snake up around his neck. His heart was pounding in his chest and he absently appreciated the feeling of warmth that arose in him. It had been a long time since he had felt so at home - so at peace. She had always made him feel welcome and loved. He saw a brilliant fireworks display within the lids of his eyes and shivered in spite of himself. He felt as if he was a schoolboy again - receiving his first kiss.

In a way, it was a first kiss. It had been so long since they had been together, and now...he kept his eyes shut tightly and pushed his thoughts away letting them fall into the river of sapphire blue that he always loved diving into.

Nothing mattered at this moment that he would cherish forever. He held the woman he loved in his arms and nothing...he pushed the thoughts to the back of his mind and felt tears well in his eyes.

He couldn't take it anymore and he reluctantly pulled away. Sirius was breathing fast and he turned away again - his thoughts had cleared. He shook his head once to try and dislodge them, but couldn't.

"Sirius -," said Hallie, trying to speak to him again. She touched his shoulder gently and he abruptly turned around, sparked into action at her touch.

He looked at her for a long moment. He took in every feature about her: her riveting sapphire blue eyes, her charcoal black hair, her lips - enflamed from their kiss...he took it all in, trying to lock the picture in his mind. "Hallie, I have to leave," he said in a rush. His voice shook as he said it and, not wanting to see her reaction, turned back around to stare out the window with unseeing eyes.

There was a long, stinging silence. He seemed to hear his heart pounding loudly and beating against his ribs. His eyes had brimmed with tears and his hands were shaking. In an attempt to control himself, he tightened his grip on the kitchen counter until his knuckles turned white with the force.

Finally, when it seemed as if he couldn't take it any longer, he turned around to look at Hallie. She was staring at him with an expression locked between disbelief and horror. Her eyes were wide and tearing while her lips were pursed in a fine white line. He opened his arms to her but she stepped back.

Her brows came together in a frown. "Why?" she whispered. "Why?"

He swallowed and felt the crumpled piece of paper in his clenched hand. With a still shaking hand, he held it out to her and saw that hers too, were trembling. She took it and he watched as her eyes skimmed over it. After what seemed like forever, he saw her eyes stop at the bottom of the page. Hallie seemed to stare at the letter for another long moment. She looked up at him and the crystalline drops fell from her eyes. Without another word, she crumpled up the paper and let it fall to the ground. She turned and left the room.

~*~

Remus heard Sirius and Hallie talking in the kitchen as he pulled out a photo album from a nearby drawer. He flipped to the first page and smiled when he saw a picture of their whole group in their first year at Hogwarts. It was towards the end of the year when the picture had been taken and his eyes drifted to each and every person.

He saw James, Peter, himself, and Sirius in the middle. His mind wandered back to when he was still insecure about what and who he was. The guarded expression he had carried through his younger years hadn't worn off by the time this picture had been taken. He had been guilty for lying to his best friends, but the problem was soon resolved.

In his second year, the other Marauders had found out about his monthly condition and decided to become Animagi - for him. Remus smiled at the thought.

James stood by Sirius and on his other side stood Lily. The two had been friends by that time while Sirius and James had already been known as best friends. Their parents knew each other from the Ministry. Remus was in front of them with Peter at his side. The sight sent a shiver through him.

Look how close we felt then...he thought, seeing the bright smiled on everyone's faces, and how far apart we really were.

In front of Lily and on Remus' free side was Hallie and in the moving picture, she and Sirius were exchanging glares. Frank - beside Sirius - was laughing and had to hold himself upright by using Peter as a support. James had turned Padfoot's hair green. The color couldn't be seen in the old photograph, but Remus remembered the day well.

Remus felt his heart quicken a beat when he saw her. In the picture, he was looking at her and she was looking back at him with a secretive smile. He hadn't known the meaning of it then, but he did now. She knew - this was sudden realization for him. She had known all along...

It had been so long ago...why was he still hurting now? Lydia was gone, he knew that, but every night, when perchance a stray thought of her would come up, he'd see a bright star shining down on him and he'd feel at peace.

He blinked back a sudden rush of tears and looked back down at the picture. When he saw the knowing expression upon her face and the happy smile...he just suddenly knew that Lydia had known that he was a werewolf. She was one of the first friends he had made - they met on the train to Hogwarts. She was the one who had introduced him to Sirius who had pulled him into the circle that had already included Peter - an early friend of James' - and James, the coal-headed boy's best friend. Lydia had been friends with Lily and Lily had been newly acquainted with Hallie. Their whole group was tight knit because of how they all connected.

Remus suddenly noticed that a silly smile had appeared upon his face. It was funny how many feelings a simple picture could reinstate in someone. Memories seemed to be flooding back in him and his smile grew.

He flipped through some paged and saw one of a Quidditch match. There were various ones. One was of Leo as a Chaser and he was throwing the Quaffle to James who then threw it to Lily. They scored. This one must have been taken in their second year. Remus grinned at how young everyone looked.

In another picture, Sirius had hit a Bludger towards Snape - who had been a Chaser - with a concentrated force of rage upon his face. The Bludger hit the Slytherin boy in the face, sending an expression of furious pain arising on Severus' face. Sirius had grinned with triumph but there was a flickering shadow of guilt that passed by when Snape had landed on the ground, not being able to sit astride his broom without his hands for they were occupied with holding his broken nose. The ending effect was that Severus' nose had held the somewhat crooked position ever since.

He flipped through the rest of the album and saw pictures of Frank and Sarah's wedding. His heart did a turn inside him as he looked at them both. Their faces were filled with such happiness and contentment that he couldn't stop the lump in his throat from letting a tingling sensation of tears prick the back of his eyes. They never knew the fate that would befall them. Poor Frank and Sarah Longbottom who were now resident in St. Mungo's. He thought about little Neville Longbottom and a pang of sorrow hit him inside. Remus couldn't imagine knowing his parents were alive but didn't know him, couldn't recognize him.

Another picture of was of the day James had proposed to Lily in the backyard gazebo of the Forester mansion. The stars shined brightly down with the waning crescent moon and only the enchanted candles in the white painted alcove illuminated the scene.

After seeing this picture, Remus closed the album with a snap and felt as if he was being bombarded with too many memories and feelings that he couldn't deal with at the moment. It was too much.

Arms came around him and he was startled out of his thoughts. Hallie was hugging him comfortingly and he felt wetness touch his skin through his robes. He put his arms around her, wondering vaguely what she why she was crying so silently and so sadly. Sirius was by her side looking at him with a small understanding smile while his expression reflected Remus' own of remorse and nostalgia.

~*~

No one knows, no one knows...but what do I do? Who will understand? Things are shutting down and I can't seem to make them go on. I had read somewhere that once you give up and decide to rest that then would you be gone.

No. I refuse to give up, no matter how tired I may be. Someone will rescue me - someone will save me. But that someone had better come soon. Oh I hope - how I hope that they will help me soon. The darkness is closing in and I know not how long I can last.

People say, 'you can't fight the inevitable.' Like death - you cannot fight death, it must come, and it will. No one has dared to fight it - only dared to escape it.

But this darkness...it is worth than death itself. Like torture, one wishes for the end...but this darkness will not let that be. The black shadow is enclosing around me, laughing and taunting me. It's trying to break me down. It mocks me and makes me think that it must happen, that it must have me. No, it can't. It seems inevitable, but I will dare to fight it.

Someone will come, I know it - I mustn't give up. And I won't.