The Burrow

THE BURROW

she didn't see me see her crying

as she sat there by the window

on a southbound greyhound leaving town

Harry watched silently as Ginny stuck out her wand and the violet triple decker Knight Bus banged into view. She trudged slowly up the steps, ignoring the over enthusiastic conducter. She didn't look back at him, and he was glad. Harry didn't think he could have stood it if she had. He watched her through the windows for the few seconds between the time she boarded and the time the Knight Bus disappeared with another loud bang. Ginny sat down quickly, before the bus had time to take off and knock her off her feet. Briefly, Harry saw Ginny staring blankly out the window, tears streaming down her face.

the hardest thing I've ever done

is to walk away and let that woman go

cuz she came close to turning me around

For a second, Harry almost changed his mind. He couldn't bear to see her cry. He couldn't do this, he couldn't leave her. He had actually taken a step towards the Knight Bus, about to run aboard and tell Ginny how wrong he'd been. He was going to apologize endlessly. He would have explained everything to her, even and especially the things Dumbledore had made him swear not to tell anyone. He would have, but a small explosion made him jump, and he saw that he was running towards thin air. Harry didn't call her back. He had almost told Ginny everything so many times, but he couldn't. Instead, he lowered his wand and turned around.

now I know she missed her mama

cuz that's the kind of life she comes from

ain't no kind of life I'm ever gonna have

Ginny was headed towards the Burrow, going home. Ginny had a home, one complete with a loving, tight-knit, protective family. Harry didn't have anything remotely resembling that, unless you counted the Dursleys. Certainly the Weasleys would take him in, Mrs. Weasley had already declared him as good as a son, and Harry knew she meant it. He couldn't go with Ginny, though. He could not have a family, especially one he cared about so much as the Weasleys. He would only draw attention to them from the wrong people, turn them into targets. If Harry went with Ginny, if he let himself become a Weasley, it would only be a matter of time before a Dark Mark was floating over the Burrow, and a familiar, sinister voice cackled in his ear. See what you caused, Harry? Fred and George are dead. Bill is dead. Charlie is dead. Mr. and Mrs. Weasley are dead. Ron is dead. Ginny is dead. And all because of you. Harry could not let that happen. He would not let their deaths or anyone else's rest on his shoulders. Enough people had died because of him already. Cedric... Sirius... No Weasley would die because of him, especially Ginny.

she said she'd call me from the station

but I'll be gone before she gets there

and I'll see her every time I'm looking back

Ginny didn't know this was the reason. She didn't know that this wasn't the temporary break Harry had said it was. Harry hated to think how many more tears she would have shed if she'd known that their seperation was permanent. She'd promised to floo him as soon as she reached the Burrow, but Harry knew it wouldn't do any good. He was walking to the Three Broomsticks, because he knew if he talked to her, he would tell her everything. And he knew that if he told Ginny everything, she would tell him that she was already a target because the entire family was in the Order, and he knew that he'd believe her. He would apparate instantly at her side, and he could not do that.

Heaven knows I ain't no angel

and I don't always do the right thing

and right now I know

she don't understand

but I'll sleep better knowing

the only thing I ever loved

is on that bus

to birmingham

Harry walked slowly towards the Three Broomsticks. He'd made mistakes before, and he'd made too many fatal mistakes. Depending on wether he was thinking with his heart or his head at the moment, Harry saw leaving Ginny as either the worst mistake he'd ever made or the best thing he'd ever done. Whatever way he saw it, Harry knew Ginny would be safer at the Burrow.

tonight I'll slip back in the shadows

and I'll sip a glass of whiskey

and I'll try to keep from whispering her name

but there's some highways I ain't driven

and there's some towns that I ain't lived in

and there's some times that I can't get out of the rain

Harry quietly opened the door to the Three Broomsticks and slipped inside. He took a glass of firewhiskey from Rosmerta and crept silently back to the corner table. He just wanted to be alone, right now. He didn't want to be seen by anyone, especially Ron. If he saw Ron, he would have to explain about Ginny, and he would have to say why, which he couldn't do. Ron would be doubly hurt by his betrayal of Ginny and his secrecy. If Harry told Ron what happened with Ginny without saying why, Ron would alternately try to get the reason and convince him to go back to Ginny. If Harry broke down and told Ron why, Ron would tell him the same thing Ginny would. Harry couldn't take either response. He already felt that if the breeze so much as blew towards the Burrow he would follow it there. If anyone told him to go there, he would accept their explanation no questions asked and apparate instantly. He would only go there so much faster if it was Ron or Ginny or any of the Weasleys.

Even if Harry didn't turn Ginny into a target, he was still a target himself. He had to move constantly, from house to house, town to town, country to country. Sometimes he had to leave a house or apartment so quickly that he couldn't find another right away, and was stuck in the rain for as long as a month. He couldn't submit Ginny to that, even if she followed him, no questions asked. Anyway, she would ask questions. Not that he blamed her, he would have asked even more than she had in her shoes.

and Lord I can't bear to break another promise that I made her

so I made out like I wanted her to go

and I'm better off believing

that she's better off without me

cuz I don't want her to see me do her wrong

Harry didn't want to lie anymore. He hated the lying, the deceit, the trickery. He knew it was necessary, but sometimes he wondered. How much could it have hurt to have told Ginny? How would that have ruined Dumbledore's plans? She understood his not talking about some things, because she had been possessed by Voldemort, and she still had trouble talking about that. Still, they had promised to be more open with each other. She had done that, but he couldn't. His lying and avoiding her questions had started to come between them. Instead of waiting for the relationship to break off in some hateful row, Harry had convinced Ginny it would be best if they both took a break for a while. He was very close to convincing his own heart that it was the right thing to do to never see her again. This was better than lying to her. It had to be.

Heaven knows I ain't no angel

and I don't always do the right thing

His heart, however, was still pounding painfully in his chest. It remained definitely positive that this was the biggest mistake he had ever made, topping even those that had lead to Cedric's and Sirius' deaths. You should have told her, his heart chanted, over and over again. You should have told her, told her, told her...

and right now I know, she don't understand

Harry's head remained firm, with logic and reason, however flawed, on his side. He knew Ginny wouldn't understand, because he hadn't explained anything to her. She didn't know about the prophecy, didn't know about many things. She wouldn't have understood even if you'd explained everything, his head comforted him. Harry believed it. Ginny wouldn't have understood the risk he posed to her, either that, or she wouldn't have cared.

but I'll sleep better knowing

the only thing I ever loved

is on that bus

to birmingham

His head and his heart agreed on one thing. That was that he wanted Ginny safe, and no matter what she knew or didn't know, she would be safest at the Burrow. Whatever happened to him, Harry felt better knowing Ginny would be safe at home.

Heaven knows I don't always do the right thing

and right now I know

she don't understand

but I'll sleep better knowing

the only thing I ever loved

is on that bus

to birmingham