Tell Me How You Really Feel

Tell Me How You Really Feel

Wallowing In Self Pity

Can someone please explain to me why things never go my way? Never! I wake up in the morning, and I’ve got drool everywhere. I take a shower, the water is beyond the point of hypothermic. I get dressed, and my shoes don’t match. I go down to breakfast...all the good food is gone. I go to class, where for once something goes right, and then it all crashes and burns. “Yes?” they say. “The answer is Wolfsbane,” I reply. “Very good, five points!” they award me. I start to feel proud, I take a look around, and I get evil glares whenever I focus upon an individual face. Excuse me for caring, for wanting to succeed, and for being able to retain ten times the amount a normal person can...we can’t all be perfect.

Speaking of perfect, ferret boy is really starting to irritate me, well more so than before. Sure over the past couple of years he’s grown on me, we’ve all pretty much accepted him as one of us...but heaven above, that boy needs a good whacking from a nice hard broom! He’s such a cheeky little git sometimes. The way he looks at you...like he’s undressing you with his eyes, the way he assumes you don’t mine because he’s gorgeous. Well news flash...I mind! Oh and goodness holy lord above, Ginny! That girl is practically throwing herself at him. She’s always playing childish games. One minute she’s convinced she wants him to ravish her on the spot, right in front of Ron, Harry and myself. The next, she averts her eyes whenever she has to be near him...which is often let me tell you. That girl needs to keep her head straight, that’s what I think.

I stand back and watch everyday as all of my best friends live out their lives, happy as can be regardless of their set backs and strange quirks while I sit here and think about the horrible things in life. I’m ridiculous sometimes. I’m here wallowing in self pity, when people are out there dying. There are so many people out there that have it so much worse than I do, what am I thinking. You see, I am smart, I just needed a venting session with a side of reality check. If I set aside being known as a prissy little know it all, I am pretty fortunate. I have two amazing parents, three wonderful best friends with a little ferret added on as the fourth, I have a good head on my shoulders, and I am good at what I do.

Why do I spend my time worrying so much about every little thing. The harsh truth is yeah, bad things happen, bad things will always happen, and bad things are in my life to stay. I can lose any one of them at any moment, it’s part of what we do...why do I still have problems accepting that? I guess it’s just who I am, I worry, I get concerned, and I try hard to protect the people I love from being hurt or disappointed. In the end though, it doesn’t matter how much I care or how hard I try, it all comes to an end and there comes a time where it’s out of our control. It’s a scary thought, but it’s the truth. I’ll never stop worrying about it though. As much as I understand I can’t control everything, I still try, just to know I’m making the effort and doing everything in my power. So if I seem overbearing and annoying at times, just know it’s because I care, because it’s who I am.

I am Hermione Granger

 Tell Me How You Really Feel

                                                            Couldn’t Possibly

These things are so stupid. Completely pointless. How can one talk to absolutely nothing? It’s like ranting and raving, to no one. I just really don’t think I could do it. Nope, not at all. There is no way I can use this. No way. Just like there is no way I like her. It’s not happening. For seven long years I’ve ignored this feeling...no, it hasn’t ever been there, just like I’m not using this. But how does it all of a sudden just pop out of know where? Explain to me that. Ah! See you can’t...you’re nothing, what am I doing. I’ve lost it, I’m off my rocker. I am totally and completely 100% positive I do not like her, and I am not using this.

She turned out beautifully. Most certainly what any seeing man would want. But I’m her...she’s my...it is simply not even happening. I don’t know why I’m even talking about it, it’s nothing, and I must just have the stomach flu or something. Yes that must be it, otherwise I wouldn’t be talking about having feelings for her...and bloody hell I wouldn’t be talking to nothing. Okay so I’m not sick...I’m just...confused. I think all those curses and blows to the head have finally taken their toll. Plus, I couldn’t do that to him...I’m certain he would be furious...because it’s obvious that...ugh… it’s obvious that I am in way over my head here.

That’s it, no more using this ridiculous thing. I’m tired, hungry, smelly, and sore and we’re all meeting tomorrow morning at five. Not that you need to know that because well...you don’t need to know anything...because you’re nothing...and I’m most definitely still talking. That’s it...I give up. I really don’t mind using this...it is pretty relaxing, and I admit I think I really do fancy her. But what do I do? The last time I fancied a girl it took two years to finally make it work, and I went through all of that for a single year of happiness. I suppose it was worth it though...we did share so much, and I learned a lot, ha! A whole lot.

She’d be worth it, no matter how long it took...she’d surely be worth it. At least we already care about each other, that helps. The problem is that we have spent so long looking at each other as brother and sister, that I am not positive we could see us as anything else. Well there’s a laugh, I guess I have already overcome that or I wouldn’t be having this problem...but I doubt she would ever think of me as more than a brother or a friend. Bloody hell, girls are headaches disguised with a great body and a full head of hair...not that I notice that about her...because I’m not that shallow. Mm, but she does have a real nice...

There I go again, a cross between a perv and schizo. Oh well, you always seem to love me no matter what I do...so you’re crazy as well. I am who I am, live with it.

I am Harry Potter.