Beyond All Imagination

This is how it has been forever. I can remember it like it was yesterday. We all met on the train, a bunch of nervous first-year boys, talking happily to each other about houses and candy. Then Remus would bring up something about classes, and we'd all laugh. Ever the bookworm, he was. But he befriended me, unlike you. No, James, you never wanted much of anything to do with me. Especially once Sirius said that he didn't like me during double Potions one time. You thought that I didn't hear, but I did. And you drew yourself away from me even more, leaving just Remus and me.

We were rather odd best friends. The Ravenclaw Remus and the Slytherin Peter- one of the best students in the school, and one of the worst. You and Sirius, though, you fit right together. You were the two noble Gryffindors, always doing good little deeds, breaking rules, and somehow managing not to get in trouble- like the time that you and Lily almost got caught snogging in the broom closet.

Did you know that was the first time that I really hated you? I'd always despised you a little bit before that, but it was mainly jealousy, and a fierce desire to want to be like you. I was in love with Lily. I'll bet that you didn't know that. Remus did, because he listened, he paid attention. Sirius stole her first, when we were all gone for Christmas vacation. But then you fell in love with her, too, and Sirius gave her up rather than to make you angry, or to ruin a friendship. I thought that maybe I could get her back- but no. You, James, with all of your charms and your brilliance, stole the only thing that I really wanted.

You forgot that it was I who discovered how to become an animangus first. After all, I was the one who really wanted to make Remus feel better about being a werewolf. He was so pleased the day that I could finally transfigure myself. He'd helped me with the research, of course, but I'd actually been the one who discovered it. Hard to believe, huh? Stupid little Peter found out to be an animangus before you! Of course, Remus and I told you, too, because we were bursting with pride about what we'd found out. I was a rat. I'm sure that was when Remus starting doubting me, because an animangus shows your inner self. So I became Wormtail. You picked the name. I'm sure that you purposely made it just as disgusting as how you saw me.

Sirius was a dog- ever faithful, ever loyal, and intelligent. Padfoot was his name. You, James, were a stag. You were one of the most beautiful and noble of all creatures on the world. And so the four of us became animals. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs.

It was here that Remus started to stray away from me, to become better friends with the two of you than me. Of course, why would anyone want to be friends with a Wormtail? The Marauder's map was one of yours and Remus' best achievements. I can still remember you two sitting on one of the benches in front of the castle, pouring over books and trying different enchantments, Sirius grinning and make observations.

Of course, I was never included. You all did your best to try and help me, but it was obvious that stupid Peter couldn't ever figure out how to work this. I even asked you if I could do one of the smaller charms, James. Just the one that would label the people as they moved around. Not a big deal, right? No, to you it was. "Oh, Peter, this is really incredibly complex, I don't know if you can handle it. And besides, Remus knows how to work it in with the movement charm, so it might be a little better if he did it. Just to reduce the risk."

Reduce the risk. Like when you "reduced the risk" of the little joke that we were playing on Servus? It had been my idea, and Sirius had joined in on it, purely because he hated him. We never told Remus, which was my idea. He would have gone and told, and lost us house points. But you got weak at the last moment in time, and ran out there to stop him. Now the hate wasn't about Lily and ignoring me- it was about how you couldn't stand to see that one of my ideas put into motion. It wouldn't have actually hurt him, and even if it did, I'm sure you would have saved him in a moment, and then whisked him off to Madam Pomfrey. But you stopped him instead.

It was then that I started to hang out with more of the Slytherin boys in my year. Lucius Malfoy was one year below us, but he already acted like he was in charge of everything. Which he was. He made me feel as though I was included and appreciated. Not pushed to the side.

Narcissa was a rather beautiful Slytherin my year who fell all over Lucius. It was then that I knew that I wanted to be like him. He was so in control of everything going on around him, as well of himself.

I found myself cheering now for Lucius as he chased after the snitch instead of you, James. I saw the look of hurt on your face when Slytherin won the Quidditch Cup, and I ran out to join in the screaming celebration. I had been there with you last year, hadn't I? You hadn't even noticed that I was there. But now that I wasn't, you suddenly found out that you wanted me by your side as a friend.

Lucius' father was involved with the Death Eaters- something that I had always avoided for fear that I would lose your friendship. But now you had lost mine, and I was more than eager to join with Lucius. You could not see why I never spoke more than a brief "hello" to you in the halls, and you pulled me aside one day to ask.

"What's going on, Peter?" you demanded, your dark brown eyes seeming to hold something in them. Hate? Probably. "Why are you hanging out with Lucius? He's not a good person, you know."

I brushed you off, saying that you were worrying too much. It was just that Lucius was in my house, I explained, and we were having a lot of fun. And he wasn't really such a bad person.

As I walked off, I realized that you had been concerned. Concerned for me. I could have laughed at that. I was becoming more powerful than you could ever imagine, you could ever become. You did not see the skull and the snake tattooed on my arm, but I know that you could feel it somewhere.

Of course, after that I realized that I had to be careful. Lucius told me that I had to remain your friend, because Voldemort had plans for you. So I did. I had to do it slowly, so as not to alert you. Remus knew, I think, but you and Sirius were blissfully unaware. Remus did not matter. Sirius didn't, either, but you did.

When you went into hiding, Sirius automatically volunteered to be your secret-keeper. Lucius was upset and disturbed. I had not yet seen my master face-to-face, but Lucius said that if I could not become your secret-keeper within the next two weeks, then all would be ruined.

So I whispered ideas to Sirius. At first he didn't like the plan, but then the genius of it finally hit him. Who would ever expect that me- Peter Pettigrew- would be their secret-keeper? Sirius was always a little bit dense when it came to seeing what was right in front of him.

I told Lucius. He was crazed with excitement, and took me to Voldemort immediately. "I have done it, my lord," I whispered. "The Potters have made me their secret-keeper."

"You have done well, Wormtail," was the only words that I received from my master. Lucius told me the rest of the instructions. I was to wait until Voldemort had destroyed the Potters, and then accuse Sirius of it. A very small thing to do.

But the best laid of plans went awry. Voldemort was defeated by the Potter's infant son, even if they were killed. I cried that night. Lily, beautiful, wonderful Lily, was gone. I had known that it would happen, but it hurt me so badly. How had I done this to you, Lily?

So I trapped Sirius on a muggle street one day. "What are you doing, Peter?" he hissed, rage written all over his face. "You liar, you...."

"You betrayed Lily and James!" I yelled as loudly as I could to the world. No, this was not how it was supposed to be. I cast a simple smoke spell, cut off my finger, and cast the killing curse at all of the muggles. I couldn't kill you, Sirius, and it was very difficult, but I managed.

Then I transformed myself into Wormtail and made my mistake. I can still hear you laughing as they took you away, Sirius. I spent my years with a family in the form of a rat. Just my luck, the youngest boy turned out to be one of Harry Potter's best friends. It was going to be perfect- then you escaped Azkaban. How, I do not know. But it is of no matter.

Tonight, I will make my escape. I will set out to rejoin my master, and I will be rewarded beyond the imaginations of men...