Grr. Argh.

*

"I can't believe what's been happening to this city!" - Claire, Resident Evil II

*

Hermione Granger raced through the halls of Hogwarts, threading her way through the masses of slowly moving students. She was late, and if she didn't hurry, she'd never make it to Potions on time, and Snape was sure to take points off of Gryffindor. It was unlikely it would make much of a difference - Harry was bound to do something spectacular at the end of the year and earn everything back, but really, it looked bad when the Head Girl was late for anything.

She tripped over an unsuspecting first year, and cursed silently. Hermione Granger was never late. Never. The stress of constantly studying for the NEWTs was catching up with her, and she'd fallen asleep in, of all places, the prefect's bathroom. Now she had to get to class in five minutes or she'd risk making a scene. She was almost to the door when she crashed into a body coming from the other direction.

Hermione fell backwards, hitting her bum painfully on the stone floor. She glared icily at the figure who was slowly righting himself. Blond. Tall. Slytherin colors. He turned around. Draco Malfoy. Of course, who else could possibly cause her this much trouble?

"Granger," he sneered, towering above her. "Clumsy as ever, I see."

"I'm not!" she protested, but he wasn't listening.

"If you're trying to get to class, you're too late. Snape's not there. We're all supposed to go to the library and write two feet on potions that enhance the senses. But I'll be sure to tell him you were late." He stepped on her robes, neatly pinning her to the floor.

She pushed at his boot. "Get away from me, you rat."

"Oooh, I'm scared." He intoned, in a way that made it clear he was anything but. "Am I losing house points for this?"

"Yes," Hermione spat. "Thank for the idea. Twenty points from Slytherin." She stood up, tearing her robe.

"What a pity," he said. He bent over to pick up the piece of black cloth that still lay beneath his boot, when something caught his eye.

Hermione noticed it too, along with something else. "Wait," she said, "Why are we the only ones in this hallway. It was teeming minutes ago."

Draco shrugged. "How should I know?"

Behind him, Hermione saw letters flashing in neon: Convenient Plot Device. "That's weird..." she said, before she realized that Draco had moved towards an object that was lying on the ground, three feet from her.

She leaped towards him, trying to stop him before he picked it up. The both grabbed the small hourglass at the same instant, his hand slightly overlapping hers.

He raised an eyebrow. "Is this yours?"

"You know damn well it is, else you wouldn't want it so badly. Give it back." She tugged, but he was stronger than she, and she only succeeded in making him squeeze her hand.

"I rather think I won't," he replied, and, in a move that was calculated to shock her, ran his finger lightly down the palm of her hand.

Hermione gasped, but didn't relinquish her hold. "That's not going to work on me, Malfoy. I'm immune to your charms."

He just grinned, and repeated the action, this time, lightly scraping with his nail, then rubbing smoothly with the pad of his finger.

I will not, thought Hermione, allow myself to be turned on by this scum. She dug her nails into his hand, and watched him cringe.

Draco took a step closer, invading her air. If he moved again, he'd be standing on her feet. She backed up, not loosening her hold on his hand. "Just let go Malfoy. You know I'm going to tell Dumbledore."

"Again, I quake," he said. Then he caught her eye, licked his lips, and brought his gaze down to her lips.

"That's not funny." She took a step back, colliding with a wall.

He grinned, and took another step closer. "It's not supposed to be." Draco leaned down, so his forehead was touching Hermione's.

"That's it!" she screamed, and shoved him.

She'd caught him off guard, and he stumbled, taking her with him. They hit the floor together, in a tangle of robes and arms. Hermione, striving for control, threw one leg out, and only succeeded in turning them both around.

An unseen voice boomed: "Convenient Plot Device!"

"What was that?" said Draco, who was now kneeling across Hermione's knees. Their hands were still locked together.

"I don't know," she answered, "But I'm asking whoever it us to help get you the hell off me!" She punctuated each word with a punch to his abdomen with her free hand.

Finally, he let go, and she tucked the time turner back into her pocket. As she righted herself, she noticed something was very, very wrong.

"Draco?" she asked, looking down at him.

He looked up at her, clutching his stomach where she'd hit him. "What?" he spat, no longer smooth and seductive.

"Where are we?"

At that, Draco scanned the scenery, seeing what Hermione had noticed before. They were no longer at Hogwarts. They were no longer inside any building at all. They were in the middle of what seemed to be a paved street, surrounded by abandoned cars, and empty buildings. A large brick building stood to their right, emblazoned with a red umbrella.

"I don't know," he said.

It started to rain.

Hermione, in an act of self-preservation, helped Draco get up. They'd have to stick with each other until they found out what the hell had happened. Together, they ran to the umbrella building.

They stood under the eaves. "Wait," said Draco. "I'm not sure this makes sense."

"Of course it doesn't!" exclaimed Hermione. She paused. "Which part doesn't make sense."

Draco pointed to the building. "The umbrella. It's flickering."

Hermione followed the line of Draco's finger to the large umbrella that was, indeed, flickering. She looked closer, and realized that the building was not, in fact, painting. The umbrella was being projected onto the brick, much like the bat signal. A quick glance found the projector not five feet away.

"Convenient Plot Device" was stenciled in large white letters.

"This is already getting old," she told Draco.

He nodded. "Should we go in there? It doesn't seem like a terribly bright idea."

"Do you have any other suggestions? It's in here" Hermione jerked her thumb towards the building "or a walk in the rain until we find other shelter." She looked him up and down, disapprovingly. "And I've the feeling you'd melt if we walked in the rain."

Before Draco could even attempt to insult her back, Hermione had brushed past him and opened the door, which stated, in gold adhesive lettering, "Raccoon City Police Dept."

Hermione smiled triumphantly. "See," she said, turning to Draco, "there wasn't anything wrong with going in here after all, was there?"

"Aaaaaaagh," came a voice in the distance.

"Draco?" Hermione asked, slightly bewildered. She'd assumed he'd follow right on her heels. What else did he have to do in a strange, flooded city?

"What?"

She saw him then; he'd just come in the door. As he walked towards her, she did the unthinkable, and grabbed his hand. Whispering tightly in his ear, she said, "Something's definitely not right here."

"Oh, now you're agreeing with me. When we're already inside. Did it not occur to you that in places like this, doors have a tendency to lock themselves?" He smiled the trademark smug smile, and she dropped his hand.

"Hello?" she called.

The place appeared to be deserted. The front desk was abandoned except for... was that blood?

Draco had spotted it, too. "Hermione," he said, "I think we should get out of here."

"Aaaaaaaagh."

"Hermione?"

"Draco, that wasn't me!"

Now it was his turn to grab her hand. They backed slowly towards the door, he looking to the left, she to the right. Neither saw anything, but again came the cry, "Aaaaaagh."

"What is that?" Draco asked.

"I don't know! I can't see it either!" she hissed back.

"You mean you haven't read some book that catalogs the cries of every known being on the planet?"

"I'm halfway through."

"Well, shouldn't 'Aaaaagh' be in the first half?"

She laughed. "I was being sarcastic."

"Oh."

They'd reached the door, but before they could open it, the Aaaaagh Monster Itself made an appearance. Moving slowly, it thumped its way into view, arms outright, and swinging.

"Draco, is that..." she trailed off, not believing she was really seeing the creature in front of her. "... is it a zombie?"

He nodded, mutely, and Hermione swore his grip on her hand tightened. If she hadn't been scared out of her wits, she would have been cataloging his every move to tell Harry and Ron when she got out of this mess.

"Great. This is just what we needed. You know we can't kill zombies with wands. We need one of two things."

Draco just looked at her blankly.

"Honestly! Am I the only person in the entire school who's learned anything?" She fixed him with a Glare of Doom, the one that had frightened Ron into studying for his last Potions final.

When he looked sufficiently cowed, Hermione continued. "We need either a gun, or holy water. Really, Malfoy, it's common knowledge."

"Thanks, Ms. Encyclopedia. I'll be sure to remember that the next time I'm thrown into some alternate dimension filled with flesh eating monsters." Draco was trying the door now, but it wouldn't budge. He gave her a look that said, "I told you so."

"Zombies don't eat flesh. They just kill you." She tried the door herself, to no avail.

"That makes it so much better." He was kicking the door now.

The zombie wasn't moving at anything near a run, but in the time they'd spent bickering and trying to open the useless door, it had gained ground on them, and was now practically right next to them.

"Screw this!" cried Draco, and abandoned the door, running up the set of stairs conveniently to their left. Hermione, whose hand he was still holding, had little choice but to follow.

They reached a landing, and Hermione snatched her hand back. "That was brilliant, Malfoy! Now, not only are we stuck in a building which houses at least one zombie, but we're on the second floor!"

"And it would be much better if we were on the first floor, being devoured by that thing."

He really did have a way with sarcasm, Hermione had to give him that.

"I told you," she said, "They don't eat you. Besides, I could have just done "Alohomora" on the door and gotten us out."

He hadn't thought of that, she could tell. He bit his lip. "It might not have worked?" he offered weakly.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "We might as well check out the upper level, since you've gotten us here. Maybe there's some water we could attempt to bless. Or guns. Or something we could transfigure into a gun."

"You know, Granger, if I had to be trapped in a police station with zombies, I couldn't think of a Gryffindor I'd rather be trapped with." He thumped her on the back, which she wasn't expecting, causing her to take a clumsy step forward.

"I'm charmed, Malfoy, I really am."