Harry Potter Shrek-ed

Harry Potter Shrek-ed

* * * * * * *

The journey continues...

* * * * * * *

In the darkest part, of the darkest corner of Hogwarts, were the chambers of Lord Voldemort: The Dark Lord's bedroom, bathroom and of course his torture & mutilation room. And just now, the Dark Lord was headed to his favorite room, the one place where he could hurt as many people as possible. (And where he could bake all sorts of delicious cookies!)

Lucius Malfoy filled a tub completely with milk. The loud and scary footsteps of Lord Voldemort could be heard throughout the whole castle, as he approached the torture & mutilation room.

Voldemort pushed the doors open with a swish and flick and walked into the dark chamber. He witnessed the torture of a young student, a boy. Lucius Malfoy held the boy at his ankles and dropped him into the tub.

"Blubblubblub. No! Blubblubblub," said the boy, his mouth filled with milk.

"That's enough." Voldemort declared and walked up to the tub. "He's ready to talk!"

The Dark Lord's helper grabbed the boy and threw him onto a metal baking plate, so that he could look at Lord Voldemort.

"Ahum," Voldemort coughed at Lucius.

"Oh, yes, sorry milord." Lucius Malfoy quickly grabbed an apron and tied it firmly onto his master.

Voldemort smiled happily at his new apron, it was pink with white fluffy bunnies on it. He needed such clothing to protect himself from those dirty people he had to torture.

"Now! Hahahahahahahahaha!" Voldemort laughed at the boy. The boy's legs were broken off, just a second before and he coughed loudly.

"So... Colin, wasn't it?"

The boy nodded.

"Run, run, run as fast as you can. You can't catch me, I'm the Gingerbread Man!" Voldemort laughed maniacally as he played with the pieces of leg that were broken off by Lucius.

"You're a monster!" Colin Creevey replied.

"I'm not the monster here. You are. And the rest of that goody two-shoes magical world who are poisoning my perfect world! Now tell me! Where are the others?"

"Eat me!" Colin shouted as he spat some saliva directly in Lord Voldemort's face.

Voldemort looked as if he was thinking for a moment and then he continued. "I've tried to be fair to you non-evil creatures, but now my patience has reached its end. Tell me or I'll..."

Voldemort reached out his hand and had grabbed one of Colin's nipples.

"NO! Not the buttons! Not my gumdrop buttons!" Colin yelled.

"All right then! Who's hiding them!" Voldemort roared.

Colin sighed deeply and stared shameful at his hands. "Okay. I'll tell you. Do you know the Muffin Man?"

"The Muffin Man?"

"The Muffin Man."

"Yes I know the Muffin Man. Who lives on Drury Lane?" Voldemort asked.

"Well, she's married to the Muffin Man." Colin confessed.

"The Muffin Man?" Voldemort asked again.

"The Muffin Man!" Colin cried out.

"She's married to the Muffin Man..." Voldemort mused.

[Lucius Malfoy enters while calling out: "Milord, we found it!"]

"What are you waiting for! Bring it in!" Voldemort ordered.

"Don't tell him anything!" Colin screamed from his baking plate at the mirror.

Voldemort grunted, grabbed Colin Creevey and threw him in the dustbin.

"Oohh.."

* * * * *

Back to where we left off now. Harry and Ron are just off to rescue the lovely Prince Draco.

* * * * *

Two boys, one red-headed and one with raven-black hair, were walking together through a meadow. It seemed like they were heading somewhere, somewhere special.

"Okay, let me get this straight! You're gonna fight a dragon and rescue a prince, just so Voldemort can give you Hogwarts back? Which you only don't have because he's the Most Feared Wizard Of All Time; he took it with force, and now holds it captive with all his Death-Eaters? Is that about right?" Ron commented fiercely to Harry.

"You know what? Maybe there's a good reason that Wesley's shouldn't talk!" Harry replied angry.

Ron sighed. "I don't get it Harry, why didn't you just pull some of that Harry Potter Stuff on them? You know, curse them, hex them all!"

"Oh, I know what," Harry said sarcastically, "Maybe I could have killed them all. Their brains exploding from their scalps, or their legs broken off and lunged trough the whole Great Hall! And then put their heads on a stick and cut open their spleen and drink their fluids! Does that sound good to you?"

Ron thought for a second. "Uh, no, not really, no."

"For your information, Ron, there's more to Harry Potter than most people think."

"Example?" Ron asked.

"Example? Euhm. Okay. Harry Potter is like a banana." Harry declared with a banana in his hand.

Ron stared at the banana. "Oh, they're both not straight?"

"Yes... NO!"

"They're yellow?"

"No!"

"Ohh, If you pinch a banana too hard all the mushy stuff some out and stays on your hands forever because it's so sticky!"

"NO!!" Harry yelled out," The skin! A banana has a tough skin, but is very sweet and soft from the inside. So have I. We both are soft from the inside. You get it?! Both. Soft. Inside!"

Harry sighed deep and walked away from Ron.

"Oh, so you're a soft poof now... Hey! Harry, got a tissue or something? I've made a mess of myself! Just the word banana made me start slobbering."

"We're on our way, from misery to happiness today.. Uh-huh Uh-huh.. Uh-huh Uh-huh.. We're on our way, from misery to happiness today.. We're on our way..."

* * * * * * *