Death Before Dishonor

DEATH BEFORE DISHONOR

Chapter Seventeen: Inferno

Early that morning, Harry, Ron, and Hermione sat in their History of Magic class, discussing Voldemort´s methods of gathering followers, but finding it very hard to concentrate. Harry´s mind kept drifting back to the Daily Prophet´s headline article, "Unexpected Heroism," and wondering how much of it was true. Having seen Sirius defeat three Death Eaters that summer, Harry had no problem believing that his godfather had done what the paper claimed he had. It was the other parts of the article that bothered him. The parts that said Sirius had been tortured.

He´d tried to look for Sirius immediately after reading the article at breakfast, but had learned from Professor McGonagall that Sirius was working with Professor Snape on something important. He had wanted to see his godfather when Sirius had arrived the night before, but Sirius, Snape, and Dumbledore had immediately gone into a meeting with the Minister of Magic that ended up lasting late into the night. Again, though, it was not the previous days´ events that worried him. It was the hints of a past Sirius had never mentioned before. Harry had not ever wanted to ask Sirius about his time in Azkaban--after the effect Dementors had on him, he could only imagine what a terrible place the wizard prison was. However, even when Sirius had told Harry, Ron, and Hermione about how Crouch had sent him to Azkaban without a trial, he had never mentioned anything like this.

And Harry was beginning to realize that there was an awful lot about Sirius´ past that he did not know.

"Harry!" A sudden elbow poked into his rib cage, and he turned to glare at Hermione irritably. She stared back, unfazed. "Class is over."

"Oh." Shaking his head, Harry stood and started gathering up the notes he hadn´t really paid enough attention to take. "Uh...Ron, can I borrow your notes later?" he asked. "I seem to have been a little distracted today."

His friend grinned. "Yeah. I understand, Harry."

"Thanks." Together, the three friends hefted their bags and turned to leave, only to be stopped by Professor Lupin.

"Harry," he called, walking up to them and making Harry squirm. Professor Lupin didn´t miss much; of course he´d noticed that Harry hadn´t been paying attention in class! He hadn´t really meant to be disrespectful, but he´d been distracted. Harry had always liked Professor Lupin a great deal, and for the first time since he´d come to Hogwarts, History of Magic had become one of their most interesting classes--but he´d been distracted.

"You two can go ahead," Lupin said to Ron and Hermione. "I need to talk to Harry for a bit."

"I have to go to Divination, Professor," Harry said quietly as his friends looked to him before leaving. Not like he really wanted to go, anyway, and hear another prediction about how he was going to die this year (Professor Trelawney, after all, hadn´t "foreseen" which student was going to die, yet, and Harry was certain she´d pick him if he skipped).

Lupin smiled slightly. "You´re excused from class, Harry. I need you to come with me." He looked at Ron and Hermione. "And no, he´s not in trouble, so go to class before you two are late."

Within moments, his friends were gone and Harry was heading down the hall at Professor Lupin´s side. He was silent for a long moment, wondering what this could be about. Finally, when he could stand the suspense no longer, he asked, "Where are we going?"

"To the headmaster´s office."

"Is it Voldemort? Did something else happen?" Harry asked, feeling his breath quicken.

"No." Lupin looked down at him briefly, and then changed the subject. "You were distracted in class today, Harry."

"I´m sorry," he said quietly, looking at the floor. Of all the teachers, he felt the worst ignoring Lupin. "I didn´t mean to be."

Suddenly, Lupin´s hand was on his shoulder. "I know," he said. "You´re worried about Sirius. So am I."

Harry looked up. "Why are you worried, too?" he asked. "Don´t you know about everything?"

"No, that article was as much news to me as it was to you, and I haven´t gotten a chance to talk to him about it either," Lupin sighed.

"But he stayed with you this summer."

"He did," his professor replied. "And I know he´s had nightmares, but I guess I assumed..." Lupin shook his head. "Sirius...Sirius is a very strong man, Harry. With his life, he´s had to be--and if he wasn´t so strong, animagus or no, he´d have never survived Azkaban intact. He doesn´t like to show weakness, even with me. He´d just rather push past it."

"Oh." They had reached the gargoyle, and Lupin gave the password.

"Snickers bar."

The gargoyle leapt aside, and the wall swung open; moments later, Harry found himself up the spiraling staircase and entering Dumbledore´s office at Lupin´s heels. When they entered the circular room, he was slightly surprised to see that only the headmaster awaited them. Standing against the far wall, Dumbledore smiled slightly, but he seemed strained, somehow, to Harry´s eyes. He also seemed worried. "Remus, Harry," he greeted, gesturing them into chairs. "Thank you for coming."

"Where´s Sirius?" Lupin asked.

"He will be here shortly. He and Severus were discussing the Dark Mark."

It was kind of odd to hear that Sirius and Snape were speaking civilly; every time Harry had seen them together, Snape seemed determined to kill his godfather, who in turn seemed absolutely delighted with irking the Potions master in every way possible. So far, there had not been any outright hostility between them during this term, but Harry knew they just didn´t like each other. He also knew they did not have much in common; besides their youthful animosity, a former Death Eater and an ex-Auror just weren´t the type to become friends. Suddenly, though, a strange expression crossed Lupin´s face.

"Does he know we´re here?" the History professor asked.

"No, he does not," Dumbledore replied quietly.

Worry creased the werewolf´s face. "Has he even read the article?"

"No. He does not know about it yet." The headmaster paused, and then looked at Lupin. "I thought it best for you especially to be here when he does."

Remus nodded, but Harry frowned. "Excuse me, Professor, but why am I here?"

"That is a very good question, Harry." Dumbledore looked at him over the top of his glasses. "And Sirius may not want you to be here for this. But that is his choice to make, and I know that you are worried about this, are you not?" Harry nodded. "Then let us see what he feels."

"He wouldn´t want me to hear this because I´m a kid," he said softly.

"No, Harry." Dumbledore moved forward and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Sirius would not want you here because he wants to protect you. Even from his own demons."

Harry didn´t know what to say to this, but it turned out that he did not have to find a reply. The door opened then, and Dumbledore moved forward to greet Sirius. Only then did Harry notice that the headmaster held a copy of the Daily Prophet´s front page in his other hand. Twisting in his chair, Harry watched his godfather stop just inside the door, looking between the three people in the round office. "Is something wrong?"

"Read this, Sirius." Dumbledore handed the article over, and there was silence as Harry and his companions watched Sirius read the article. At first, his face was expressionless, but when it tightened ever so slightly Harry could tell that his godfather had reached the sixth paragraph. Sirius finished the article without speaking, and Harry watched his eyes flick over it a second time as the tension was forcibly erased from his features. Finally, he looked up and spoke very calmly to Dumbledore.

"I assume you are their Hogwarts source?" Sirius asked.

"I am."

"Why?" There was no anger in his voice, but there was a trace of emotion that Harry could not define. Hurt? Pain? Betrayal?

"Because people need heroes," the headmaster replied evenly. "Now, more than ever. And what you have done is not something just anyone can do. You know that."

"I wasn´t asking about that." Sirius´ eyes flickered away.

Harry watched the expression on Dumbledore´s face soften, and the old man stepped towards Sirius, reaching out a hand to touch his shoulder. Suddenly, though, Sirius´ eyes came up, and there was something in the suddenly cold gaze that halted even Albus Dumbledore. The headmaster´s hand dropped back to his side, and he spoke very gently.

"I did not tell them the rest, Sirius. I did not know about it until now. Had I been aware of what happened to you, I would have fought the injustice."

Again, Sirius looked away, and Harry watched his eyes transform. As his godfather stared at the far wall, the confidence Harry had become accustomed to seeing in Sirius´ gaze vanished, to be replaced by the same haunted look that twelve years in Azkaban had given him. Sirius took a deep breath, and Harry saw something flash across his face. Suddenly, his godfather burst into motion and moved to the window, staring out into the morning sun with his back to the rest of the room. He was silent for several long moments, then glanced down at his hands resting on the windowsill. He spoke quietly. "So now you know."

"No more than what is said in the article," Dumbledore replied softly.

There was a long silence, in which Harry began to grow worried. Over the past year, he had seen Sirius become more and more like the man he had been before Azkaban, had seen his godfather battle, teach, laugh, and joke--for a while, he felt he had known the man his father had loved like a brother. But now...now Sirius´ shoulders were tense, and his back remained to them as he stared downwards. He desperately wished that there was something he could do, but he did not know what could be done if anything, to help ease this resurfacing pain. However, Harry did know that he probably wasn´t the one who could do it. And someone else definitely thought that, too.

"Sirius?" Lupin asked quietly. Several more seconds of silence passed, and then Harry´s godfather turned, his face composed but eyes still haunted. He looked directly at Dumbledore.

"You want to know what happened."

"If you are ready to tell, yes," the headmaster responded. His eyes were grave, and Harry believed that Dumbledore truly regretted asking this.

Sirius snorted. "I would not have waited so long if it were something I wanted to even think about," he replied. Then he took a deep breath. "But I think, at least, this is something that you may need to know."

"If you want me to leave, I will," Harry whispered. He felt out of place, and only wanted to do what was best for his godfather (who had, after all, done so much for him), but Sirius shook his head.

"No, Harry. You deserve to know." Woodenly, Sirius crossed to an empty armchair and sat down, separated by distance from both Harry and Lupin. He clasped his hands between his knees and stared at the floor for a moment before looking up at Dumbledore, who was the only one still standing. There was pain on Sirius´ face, but determination, as well. Still, he looked very tired. "Where do you want me to start?"

"It is your story, Sirius," the headmaster replied gently. "We are simply here to listen."

Harry´s godfather nodded and took another deep breath. Then he began to speak, his voice soft but level, and his eyes looking down at his hands.

"When the Aurors and the Hit Wizards showed up to arrest me, I went peacefully. Most of them were colleagues of mine, and some were even friends, so I figured that everything would get cleared up quickly. I wasn´t very surprised when they stunned me, but I got more of a shock when I woke up, already chained to an interrogation chair with Crouch reading the charges against me. Immediately, I asked to talk to either of you; Remus, of course, knew that Peter was an animagus, and I figured that you would at least listen to my story, Albus. But I was refused.

"Crouch wanted a confession. I told him I was innocent. I expected a little bit of professional courtesy from the man--I´d been the second-ranking Auror in his department for over a year, and even if we didn´t always see eye to eye, Crouch and I had a fairly good working relationship. However, things didn´t work out quite like I expected, because he definitely had no intention of believing me right from the beginning.

"Again, he demanded a confession. Again, I told him I was innocent, and told him that I´d testify under Veritaserum to prove it. Then I tried to tell him that Peter had been the Secret-Keeper, and that he wasn´t dead, but he apparently had decided that he didn´t care what I had to say. There were plenty of guards in the room--mostly Hit Wizards, but a few Aurors, too--and I wasn´t going anywhere, so it wasn´t hard for them to shut me up. Besides, I knew that he wouldn´t be able to deny anything I said under Veritaserum, and I knew I wasn´t lying, so I was content to wait.

"They started with the standard dosage--three drops. Crouch fired questions at me, and I started to tell them what had happened, but before I´d gotten very far, he decided that I was using some kind of Dark Magic to fight off the truth potion. So they increased the dosage--four drops was authorized for resistant Death Eaters at the time. Unfortunately, though, I wasn´t lying, so my story didn´t change. It went on for quite awhile, but they kept increasing the dosage. Eventually, I started getting pretty sick. I ended up incoherent, and it took me a few days before I conscious enough for them to continue. However, I do remember that they finally quit when my story didn´t change after thirteen drops."

Lupin sucked in a sudden breath, and even Dumbledore seemed angered by this. Harry knew that the use of Veritaserum was controlled by very strict Ministry guidelines, but he knew next to nothing else about the truth serum. He remembered the effect that only three drops had on Barty Crouch Junior in his fourth year, and Hermione had once mentioned that Veritaserum induced violent nausea in about ninety percent of those it was used upon--but Sirius was continuing.

"Crouch still believed I was somehow fighting the potion. However, he decided not to try Veritaserum again for awhile--I believe that they´d had a medwitch examine me, and she´d told Crouch that any more of it would definitely kill me, but I was only about half-conscious at the time, so I´m not really sure. Anyway, I was lucid enough to ask when my trial was, but Crouch--did I mention that Fudge was there?--told me that I did not deserve one, and once they had gotten a confession out of me, I wouldn´t need a trial to send me straight to Azkaban. I told him that I couldn´t confess to something I didn´t do, and called him an arrogant fool for not believing the truth.

"That probably wasn´t the best idea I´d ever had, but I was angry and scared, and certainly didn´t want to go to Azkaban. I´d been there several times when delivering prisoners, and although I had a solid Patronus, Dementors scared the hell out of me. Crouch, however, was not amused, and decided to see if I´d be any more cooperative under the Imperius curse." Sirius shrugged, but Harry knew that his nonchalance was feigned. "He forgot I was an Auror. I´d been trained to fight the curse off, no matter how awful I was feeling, so I did. Doing so made me a lot weaker, though, and looking back on it, I´m surprised Crouch didn´t try it a second time. It probably would have worked.

"Instead, he tried the Cruciatus curse." Sirius blinked. "I don´t know how long it lasted before I passed out."

There was a long silence, but no one broke it. Instead, they all waited until Sirius was ready to continue. Harry knew that his godfather was being entirely too dispassionate about what had happened, and he wondered if that was because he was there. He frowned, not wanting to be treated like the child he no longer was--but then he remembered what Dumbledore had said. "Sirius wants to protect you...even from his own demons." There was a lot, he had a feeling, that Sirius was not saying, and he wondered how much it still hurt him. The few times Harry had encountered the Cruciatus curse had been horrible enough--how must it feel to be subjected to that by people who were supposed to be your friends? How must it feel to be tortured until you confessed to a crime you did not commit?

When Sirius continued, his voice was even softer than before. "They kept trying that for a few days," he said. "I really don´t know how long it lasted. Somewhere in the middle of it all, they moved me to Azkaban, because I remember waking up in a cell, surrounded by Dementors..." His shoulders shook slightly. "That was when they stopped asking questions. I guess they just wanted to wear me down until they could get the answers they wanted. Crouch, usually accompanied by Fudge, dropped in from time to time, but usually he just left me in the hands of the Azkaban guards and a few Ministry-trained interrogators. It was about a month before they tried the Veritaserum again. This time, though, the standard dose made me start throwing up immediately, and when they tried increasing it, I ended up catatonic. So, after they managed to wake me up, they went to more...traditional methods of getting answers.

"My first few months in Azkaban are a blur. They used the Cruciatus curse from time to time, and they tried Veritaserum twice more, but my reactions to the potion got worse each time. Mostly, they just tried to beat a confession out of me."

"When did they stop?" Lupin whispered into the stillness, his voice hoarse.

"Somewhere between nine and ten months after I was captured. I don´t really know."

Sirius´ voice was still level, but Harry noticed that his hands were shaking. In his place, Harry was sure that he would have broken down by now--he couldn´t even face Voldemort for a few minutes without ending up in tears, yet Sirius had gone through nine or ten months of torture. He wasn´t showing it, but reliving those experiences had to be killing him. Again, Harry started racking his brain for something to do, anything to do, to help his godfather, who he owed so much, but he could think of nothing. Desperately, he looked at Dumbledore, but the old man only shook his head with an expression that told Harry to wait. He did not understand why until he turned his head in Sirius´ direction once more, and noticed that Professor Lupin had moved to kneel by Sirius´ side.

"Sirius?" Lupin asked gently, laying a hand on his friend´s shoulder when there was no reply. "Padfoot?"

Harry saw his godfather´s eyes shut. "I´m fine, Remus."

"No you´re not," Lupin replied softly.

"I´ll be fine. Leave it alone." There was an edge of desperation in Sirius´ voice.

"No."

Lupin´s flat response shocked Harry, and it evidently did not make Sirius very happy, either. Abruptly, he jerked away from his friend and stood up, his face set and striding past Dumbledore and out the door. Lupin sprang up and followed him immediately, calling "Sirius!" with more worry than anger in his voice. Harry began to rise and follow them, but a gentle hand pushed him back into his chair.

"Leave them be, Harry." He looked at Dumbledore, whose face was tight and strangely drawn. "Remus will talk to him. Sirius will be all right."

"Then why do you look so angry?" he found himself asking.

Dumbledore´s eyes flashed, and it suddenly occurred to Harry that he wouldn´t want to be Cornelius Fudge right at that moment. It´s a good thing Crouch is already dead, he thought to himself as the headmaster came around his desk and sat down behind it. I think Dumbledore might kill him. Finally, the headmaster asked quietly, "How much do you know about Veritaserum?"

"Not much," Harry admitted. "I know it´s the most powerful truth serum in existence."

"That is correct," Dumbledore nodded. "Three drops of Veritaserum is considered enough to break through the strongest of resistance; for most people, one drop would suffice. Four drops was indeed authorized in extreme cases, and the highest dosage allowed under any circumstances is five. Eight drops can lead to permanent damage. Ten is considered lethal."

Harry stared. He couldn´t believe that anyone could do that kind of thing to another person... The fury was still plain on Dumbledore´s face and it showed no signs of diminishing.

"The Veritaserum is not the only reason I am so angry," Dumbledore continued, his voice growing very hard. "You see, Harry, there are reasons why a Ministry of Magic exists. One of them is to prevent things like this from happening. Torturing suspects for information has never been allowed. Never. It makes us no better than Voldemort and all we fight against. And now I know that Cornelius Fudge, a man I supported as the Minister of Magic, condoned it."