The Thoughts of a Man Who Claims to be the Greatest Spy to Ever Live

The Thoughts of a Man Who Claims to be The Greatest Spy to Ever Live

     I am sometimes told I am not a good spy. The Dark Lord becomes too easily aware of how I support Albus Dumbledore. But then again, it is always someone from the Order of the Phoenix who tells me that. They know what to look for. The Dark Lord doesn't.

     Being the superb spy that I am, I was naturally curious to why Voldemort disappeared for so long. He claimed that he was contacting potential allies. Naturally I asked myself, ‘since when has the Dark Lord not give tasks to his Death Eaters?' The only way to answer this, would be to investigate this matter for myself.

     Could you imagine how surprised I was, to discover the great Dark Lord, Lord Voldemort was fishing in a park named Fiction Alley Park? Fishing, I couldn't believe it! Oh, it wasn't because he was entertaining himself with such muggle pass times. That was only natural, his father was a Muggle, he grew up in a Muggle orphanage, and his occupation forced him to be so close to Muggles. When I was a true Death Eater, I discovered that in understanding Muggle pass times, I could better understand them, and inflict greater pain. I had felt that the greatest loss that would occur with the loss of Muggles, was the hobbies that they enjoy.

     But now of course, I do not believe Muggle should perish from the face of the Earth. Well, not all Muggles at any rate. I have learned that not only are Muggle corrupted, but many wizards and witches are too. I may be a great Potions Master, but if I was to go kill and torture every single person of corrupted blood..... Well let's just say that would be a miserable existence.

     But back to the Dark Lord fishing. I realized what wonders a holiday can do for a man. I decided that during this Summer, while away from Hogwarts, I would enjoy a vacation too. I couldn't decide where at first. Then I realized, why couldn't I enjoy Fiction Alley Park as well? Naturally I wouldn't fish, the risk of running into the Dark Lord would be unbearable! I wandered through the Park for quite some days, and noticed many things of interest. Especially boats passing by in the river. I found the HMS Wolfstar of interest. Those riding the ship claimed that Sirius and Remus were in love, I should have known there was something between those two. It was quite appalling, really. But worse yet was the HMS Prudence and Potions. Perhaps I should feel honored that they have heard of me, but to proclaim my love with that snobbish, know-it-all, bookworm Hermione Granger! The filthy little Mudblood from Gryffindor. No, I mustn't call students Mudbloods. Albus would be sure to fire me.

     Perhaps it wouldn't be that bad of an idea....

     Though if Granger was to read this, and see what I have called her, and about the ship, I would die by the hands of Ron Weasley. Another horrible Gryffindor, a friend to the ‘Boy-Who- Lived,' Harry Potter. Though those on the SS Serpent's Flame may not believe that. Discussing how I love a... a.... Weasley. And a Weasley male young enough to be my child none-the-less.

     I come here to relax on a holiday, and I have to find out how I am in love with males and/or people not even close to my generation. Yet I sit here by the bridge, wearing my sunglasses, watching the ships pass by. I can't seem to turn my attention from them, in some sickening way. Perhaps I fear that I would come across something equally as horrifying. Such as that tower, built to look like the Astronomy Tower of Hogwarts. That really was horrible. Lying in a pile of fluff were stories. Sickening romance stories. Such as that sickening one in which Ron and Hermione sleep with each other. I am their professor, and I am the horrifying Severus Snape! I should not be subjected to such revolting mental images.

     Why can I not have a simple relaxing vacation such as Lord Voldemort. I don't care if he was resembling Gollum and Smeagol from Lord of the Rings! He wasn't subjected to such horrid romance stories.

     Ugh, I spoke too soon. I see two ships floating by, SS Unholy Trio and the HMS Heart of Darkness. Voldemort and Draco Malfoy. The thought horrifies me, and to think that people claim I am in love with both that werewolf and Lucius Malfoy. Absolutely disgusting! I can't help but screaming out loud, as loud as I could.

     What are you staring at? Let me scream, while wearing my sunglasses, watching these disgusting ships pass by! I do not exist to amuse anybody, and apparently, my first-ever vacation has been doomed. Wait a moment.... The SS Slytherin Socialite. I wonder if they knew we dated after I left Hogwarts. I still can't believe she left me for Lucius Malfoy. Her husband is in jail now... perhaps just thinking about that will cheer up my holiday.

Severus Snape glares one last time, before leaving to watch more ships pass by. He cannot help but watch, however horrifying they are to him. However, the SS Slytherin Socialite, still the only thing on this mind, causes him to forget none could see his evil glare. He is, after all, wearing sunglasses.