Destroying Myself

Chapter Nine

I don't answer her wide-eyed questions. Instead, I move towards her, slowly.

"Ginny," I say. "I don't want you to be harmed. By me or anyone else."

She's gradually backing herself up against the wall. When she hits it, her expression becomes even more fearful.

"Riddle..." she says, but her use of my last name is ineffective. "Please, you can just go. I'll stay here."

My lip curls. "What if I don't want to leave you?"

"Please," she whispers.

I'm close enough to smell her shampooed hair and light jasmine perfume. She closes her eyes when I run a hand through her hair.

"Don't," she says, opening them again.

"Or what, little Ginny?" I ask. I bring my lips down to kiss her.

"Don't-" she tries to push me away, but I grab her protesting hands in mine.

"I know you want me," I say.

"You're sick!" she hisses, fighting even harder against me.

"Stop," I tell her, increasing my grip. She closes her eyes once more, turning away from me. "Open your eyes!" I order her. "Now! And look at me. Then tell me you don't want me."

She turns to me, her eyes open. "I. Don't. Want. You," she enunciates, and there is venom in her voice.

I push over her to the bed - she falls upon it with a whimper.

"Liar," I screech at her. I know how she once felt about me. How she still feels about me.

"Get off."

But really, I can't stop. I want her too badly. So badly that everything else fades into nothingness, and I focus purely on my desire. I want her so completely that I'm willing to take it by force. Her struggling becomes almost nonexistent to me.

I know that what I'm doing is beyond evil and abusive. But at this moment, I couldn't care.

I pull up her shirt, feeling her warm skin against my hands. I kiss her neck fiercely as I remove articles of clothing. Everything is violent and persistent and I can't really comprehend what I'm doing.

I must have this.

When my thoughts finally become coherent enough for me to register anything, she's lying beneath me, naked, and there is a steady stream of tears rolling down her face. I'm naked too, except for one sock, which I somehow didn't manage to take off. She's been crying so hard that she is now silent.

I look at her - and for some reason, I'm disgusted. Her weakness, it's all right there for me to see. I get off her and quickly put on my shirt. She curls into a fetal position, weeping.

"Serves you right," I say. I blink once, almost concerned by what I have just told her, but then I shake it from me. I somehow feel more like myself then I have in ages. "You brought it upon yourself."

I zip my pants up and slip on my shoes, leaving the room in silence.

I find myself facing Harry - he is coming down the hallway.

"Tom?" he asks. "You ready to go?"

"Yes," I reply, shutting the door behind me before he notices her sobs.

"Did you get Ginny to stay?" he asks.

"Of course, Harry," I say. "I have my ways."

"Good," he says. "She's so stubborn, I didn't think I would be able to get her to stay. I'm glad you managed to get through to her."

I almost smirk - if only he knew how.

"You ready for what you'll have to do?"

Having no remorse: that's the key to everything. It was the key to getting Ginny to stay. And it will be the key to getting myself home.

"More than ever," I say.

Harry looks at me for a moment before taking my shoulder in order to Apparate us to the battle.

---

We land in a field, large and very green - for now, at least. I hear footsteps approaching and Draco Malfoy comes into view.

"Voldemort will be here with his army soon," Malfoy says.

"Ready your wand," Harry tells us.

We all do, and I see people who work for Harry appearing around us. Before long, my Death Eaters arrive, shooting curses and jinxes at us from afar.

I fight side-by-side with Harry and Draco, easily fending off the Death Eaters. None of them recognize me, though I know that at least a few of them served me when I still looked human.

We make our way to where Voldemort is. I shout a curse to get his attention, and when his eyes fall on me, he falters for a moment.

"Interesting," I say.

"Indeed," he says in a sibilant voice. "What is this, Harry Potter? Using me against myself?"

"Something like that," I say, raising my wand, prepared for what I have to do. Before I can do anything, Harry crashes into me, pulling me away.

"This is my fight," Harry shouts.

"Move!" the other me shouts at him. He curses Harry, who flies away from us - Draco runs after him.

The older me ignores this, instead turning to me. He watches me, looking intrigued.

"You were saying?" he prompts, laughter in his eyes.

"I was saying that I'm here to destroy you," I say.

He laughs as if I'm mad, so I laugh as if he's mad; he stops, hating me for mocking him.

I know he's curious to know if I'm really him, so I nod. "I am. Down to the last Mudblood blood cell," I hiss.

"How?" he asks.

"I don't really think that's your concern," I say. "What you should be concerning yourself with is the issue of how your death could benefit you."

He lowers his wand slowly, and then smirks. "I'm listening."

"Our Horcruxes are destroyed. Your army is all but annihilated, and you are going to be finished in a matter of moments - if you let me do it."

"And why would I let you?"

"Because I can give us things you never dreamed of. In my time, I will prove us worthy of everything you have accomplished."

What I am ashamed of is not what I have done, per se, but what I have screwed up. My future self has made so many mistakes, mistakes that have allowed interfering people like Albus Dumbledore and Harry Potter to gain the upper hand.

This was my chance to fix my mistakes. All I had to do was say the right things.

"I will make it so that we'll never be destroyed, ever again. We'll live forever, and we'll have EVERYTHING that we've always wanted."

He cocks his snake-like head, and then smiles. In the distance, I see Harry coming towards us again. I know that this has to be done quickly.

"Avada Kedavra!"

There's a flash of green light, and my other self falls, dying willingly.

Harry and Draco reach me just as I finish, and they stare in shock at the dead body.

"You did it," Draco says. "I can't believe you actually did it..."

---

I Apparate back to Harry's house with Draco, Ron and Harry by my side. Hermione is there, setting up a portal.

"Harry? Did we win?" she asks, stopping what she's doing.

"We won," he answers.

"We won," Ron echoes, rushing to her.

It's a sickening display. But seeing Ron only reminds me of Ginny. My love, who I have hurt again. I rather knew that she would hate me by the end of this, just as I would hate myself. But I did what I needed to get out of here - that's all I have to keep telling myself. Before I end up becoming something I'm not again. I have to get out of this place soon.

"Is the portal ready?" I ask.

"Yes, in a moment," she says. "Would you like to leave now?"

"Please," I say.

"Thank you for your help," Harry says. He pauses. "Wow, I can't believe I just said that."

"I told you that people can change," Draco hisses at him.

I roll my eyes; it's plain that the purpose of his words is to get Harry to notice him

"Anything you want to know or to say before you go?" Hermione asks as the Portal starts to open.

Oh, I have a few things to say.

Destroy their world as they destroyed yours.

I feel as though everything that has happened to me is the fault of these people.

"Sure," I say. I look at Draco, my lips curling. "Get over it, you're a filthy bugger and there's nothing you can do. Just tell him you want him already." I turn to Harry. "He wants you, and you want him. Just move on; she's never going to have sex with you - ever." I face Hermione. "By the way... Granger is your name, right?" She nods. "The Granger family will be the first to go," I say, and then turn to my love's brother and say, "Ask your sister if it was good for her, too."

Feeling like myself again, I step through the portal with a smirk across my face. I'm ready to return home.