Destroying Myself

Chapter Seven

"Tell Potter what you just told me," Malfoy says, pushing me into Ginny's room.

"What are you doing, Malfoy?" Harry asks.

Ginny is staring at me, her cold eyes burning into mine.

"He has something to tell you," Malfoy says.

I could tell him that I just figured out how I got here. I could tell him that if Dumbledore weren't already dead I'd kill him. But what I'm supposed to say is that I am willing to help destroy myself.

I'm doing it for Ginny. I'm doing it for myself, because I know what I've done - right or wrong, it doesn't matter. I have to sort things out - and I know that if this has anything to do with Dumbledore then I know exactly what he is up to.

I figured out that it is Albus Dumbledore putting me through this. I worked it out after Malfoy asked me if I would let Ginny die to save myself. Who else would come up with such a chillingly cunning plan? It's now so bloody obvious to me that I can't believe I missed it before.

Dumbledore saw me right before I did my spell. He saw me always - always watching me. That look in his eye before I disappeared on Halloween night; he knew what I had planned, and he sabotaged it. He ruined everything.

This is Dumbledore's screwed up plan to make me feel. He thinks he knows how to make me crack. And I hate him for being right, and I hate him for making me weak. I'm going to do what I have to do, in order to get out of here, and then I'm going to teach that bloody bastard a lesson.

He's going to regret everything he's done to me. For making me go against myself, for making me care about someone.

I'm not just doing this for myself anymore; I'm doing this for revenge.

"Hello? Tom?" Harry screams in my face.

I punch him.

Serves him right...Getting in my face.

"Oh, I didn't mean to do that," I say.

"What was that for?" Harry yells at me. His nose is bleeding.

Ginny is watching him, whipping out her wand to heal him. Malfoy hesitates to rush to his side.

"Here, let me help you," she says and mutters a charm that instantly heals him.

She's talented. Fuck! I hate her, too! I hate her, and I want her.

"Why did you do that?" Her eyes are wide with anger at me.

"Sorry, I forgot where I was," I say. Cue inward laughter.

"You normally punch people in the face?" Malfoy asks, amused. "Nice shot."

"Shut it," Harry groans.

"I thought you were someone else," I say. I had thought he was Dumbledore - or rather, wished he was.

"Just bloody tell him already," Malfoy says.

"Right. I want to help you find the Horcruxes," I say.

Ginny and Harry's faces fall and they look at me as if I'm mad. Maybe I am.

"Why?" Ginny asks.

To get home. To save you. To save myself.

"I need to stop what I've done," I say.

They exchange glances and Draco shrugs. "He wants to protect her," he says.

My eyes flash to him, sending him a death look. She doesn't need to know why I'm doing this, neither of them do.

"Protect me?" Ginny says under her breath.

"That's right, Weaslette," Malfoy says. He looks at Harry possessively, and I realize now why he wants me to help them.

We're all in this for something, and Malfoy wants Harry. Harry wants Ginny, and so do I. I'm going to get Ginny, and right now I'm all for helping Malfoy get anything he wants, because that means I can get what I want.

Funny how the world works just so.

Funny how ironic everything can be.

"Are you serious?" Harry asks.

"I'm very serious. I want to correct my wrongs," I say. I want to squash my evil doings; I want to revive my humanity. Each line sounds just as ridiculous as the next, but he buys it.

"Very well," he says. "Then let's get to the kitchen, and you can start to explain to me what the remaining Horcruxes are."

I nod; I smile; I gaze at Ginny, who's watching me with a new expression on her face. A look of hope.

---

I explain to them about the two remaining items. Explain about my obsession with snakes and the Founders; they are about to know exactly where my two remaining soul fragments are.

"Nagini?" Malfoy asks. "That snake he always has with him?"

Nagini, my snake - she almost had been one.

"No, it's a serpent pendant, the one I put into a girl's grave following her death. The eyes of a snake was the last thing she ever saw."

"Moaning Myrtle," Harry says.

"You know her?"

"I know her." Harry nods.

"That's awful," Ginny whispers. "That poor girl is haunted in her grave by the thing that killed her. You're a monster."

So I'm starting to realize.

But still her words are like a whip-lash to my heart.

I tell them about the Ravenclaw trophy given to Rowena herself during her first twenty years at the school for 'Best Teacher in Service'.

"I should send Ron and Hermione to get the one at the school," Harry says.

"What about the other?" Ginny asks.

"And Voldemort himself," Malfoy says. "You can't just disregard his threat."

Harry pauses, thinking hard. "I know... I have to contact him immediately, but I can't do that if the Horcruxes haven't been destroyed."

"Threat?" I ask.

"You - I mean, yourself in this time has declared that if I do not confront him by the end of this month he will take over and destroy half of England."

"It's almost the end of the month now, Harry," Ginny says. "What are you going to do?"

"I have to contact him, and face him," Harry says. "Do you know where Myrtle's grave is?"

"Yes," I say. "I can take you there."

"No," he says. "Not me. I need you to go with-"

"-I'll go, Harry," Ginny interrupts.

"No! I'm not going to put you in that kind of danger!"

"Oh, please. I'm always in danger; just let me help."

He pauses, looking for a way around it, but fails to find one. "Well, you'll have to take Lupin too," Harry says.

"He can come, that's fine," she says. "I just want to find out why he's changed."

He watches her for a moment, worry in his eyes. And I've never been more excited. I've got a twisted sense of fun.

"Fine," Harry mumbles. "And you better not touch, hurt, or harm her in any way!"

"I won't," I say.

"What are you going to be doing, Malfoy?" Harry asks.

"I'm coming with you," Malfoy says, almost quickly enough that it catches Ginny's attention. "I mean, Voldemort wants to see me also. Maybe we can come up with something."

"Right," Harry says. "Now that we have everything settled, we rest today, and tomorrow we head out."

I want to be left alone with Ginny, and I can tell by the way she's shooting odd glances at me, that she wants to talk to me as well.

"Let's finish our conversation later, Harry," Ginny says. "Or you know, we can forget it altogether."

"I... alright," he says. "Come on, Tom, we're going to lock you back up."

"I've already said I'm going to help you, what else do you want from me?" I ask.

"You already tried to escape once today," Harry growls at me.

"I think it's okay, Harry," Ginny says.

I look at her, surprised. What did she just say?

"What?" Harry asks.

"Yeah - what, Weaslette?" Malfoy asks. "Are you bloody mental?"

"I'm no such thing, Malfoy," Ginny snaps. "I just think it's okay. And I would like to talk to him if you don't mind."

Malfoy and Harry exchange a quick look.

"Right," Harry says, averting his gaze from Malfoy. "Bring him back out here when you're done talking, and don't let him out of your sight for a moment."

"Got it," Ginny says.

Harry and Malfoy leave the kitchen, Harry giving her one last look before he goes through the door. I follow Ginny to her room.

"You trust me?" I ask. Maybe, perhaps?

"I don't want to talk about that yet," she says. She shuts her door then sits on her bed and conjures a seat for me in front of her. "Sit."

I do. I'd do anything she asks, the way that she's looking right now. She's wearing a really tight shirt that cuts low in the front. Her trousers are straight cut and black. So simple and plain, yet I can't tear my eyes away from her.

"Why are you agreeing to this?" she asks. "The Tom I know wouldn't do this."

"The Tom you know has grown up," I say. "I know when I'm in the wrong now. I can't let my future self destroy you."

"Why?"

Because I love you.

"Because," I say, "you're too strong, too talented and way too pretty to be destroyed like that."

"Pretty?" she whispers in a hoarse breath. "I don't understand you."

"That goes for both of us."

"Do you really think you're doing something wrong?"

"I guess," I say. "It doesn't exactly elicit fuzzy happy feelings."

Ginny nods, but doesn't say anything more. I want to read her mind. I want to taste her mouth on mine. I want to feel her underneath me. She squirms uncomfortably under my hungry glances, but she doesn't realize how much I want her.

I start to stand, and that's when she says, "I fell for you, you know. When I wrote to you during my first year. I loved you and I hated you. And in the end it turned out that you were just using me. And I hated you, and I've hated you ever since. The way you're looking at me now reminds me of how I felt about you, but those feelings aren't here now, and they never will be again. I don't want you."

"He doesn't want you either, you know," I say, now fully standing, my shadow falling partially on her.

"Who?" she asks.

"Harry," I say. "He doesn't want you like I want you."

So much for self-control.

"He wants someone else; he just doesn't understand it yet. Just like you don't understand that you want me. But you will."

"I think that maybe you should leave my room now," Ginny says, standing.

"Do you really think that?" I say.

I watch her give a tiny shudder of fear. I look her in the eye, and I move nearer. She stands perfectly still; it seems as though she's too busy concentrating on not fearing me to move away.

I sweep a hand through her red hair and run it along her chin. Before she can swat me away, I place my lips on hers, fierce and quick. She tastes of cherries; she smells like jasmine.

Oh so wonderful.

I move away and leave the room, and she's still standing in the exact same place, her eyes now wide with astonishment. I will get her to want me again.

---