The Rules of the Game

Macavity's a mystery cat: he's called the Hidden Paw
For he's a master criminal who can defy the law
He's the bafflement of Scotland Yard, the Flying Squad's despair
For when they reach the scene of crime Macavity's not there!

-- Cats, "Macavity"

Unlike the Fairy Tale

"Well, it doesn't quite make sense if we all go," Bill said. "We don't want Branger to feel threatened."

"Weasley will have to go, because it is his mess," Doyle added. "And I'll go for back up, since José said that Branger and his men would have a good grasp on English, so we don't need a translator. And, eh, Summer, just in case we need her feminine charms."

Rani made a sound of indignation. "I'm a woman too!" she snapped.

Doyle flushed. "Well, yeah, but you see--"

"There are many kinds of women," Bill assisted. "See, when we think of Summer, we think of flowers and soothing sounds of the sea."

"Exactly!" said Doyle, gleefully as Summer tactfully picked at the invisible dirt on her skirt. "When we think of you, darling,--"

"We think of gunfire and various dirty chants during a Quidditch match," supplied Bill.

Rani bristled, but that was all she did.

Doyle sighed and scratched the back of his neck.

"We should better head out now," Bill said, tearing a page from the yellow pages. "It's a bit far from the hotel. José volunteered to drive us there."

José nodded once.

"Let Eddy supply you with a camera and microphone," Rani ordered. "Last thing we need is for you to walk into a trap and have us think you just buggered off for a beer."

"I have also asked a friend to send over some expensive suits," José explained as he opened one of the closets. "For Branger the first impression is everything. They're quite good, really. And there's a beautiful dress for Miss Port."

Bill whistled as he looked at the suit laid on the bed. Armani? Awesome. Very stylish. He'd look like a thousand galleons in it.

"And, we'd have to do something with your hair, Bill," Rani said thoughtfully.

Summer giggled. "One long braid?"

Bill's eyes widened. "Er, no, leave the hair alone," he whined.

"Hurry and go change," Rani said. "I'm going to help Summer with her dress."

*

Macavity's was possibly the easiest shop to find Bill had ever come across. After all, it was the only posh one on a street of run down stalls. It even had a little bell that rang when you opened the door.

To greet them was an old man petting a cat. They were both missing several teeth.

"¡Buenos días, mi señor!" the old man greeted.

"English," Bill said, and immediately the old man started to praise them in a rather chopped English language.

Bill waved his hand dismissively and pretended to be interested in the objects around the shop. Nothing really out of the world, and certainly nothing that looked magical.

Once it looked like the old man was ready to retire, Bill said, "A pint of milk."

The old man gave him a toothless smile. "Are you here to sell?" he asked. Unfortunately, as he said that he was staring meaningfully at Summer.

"Eek," she squealed, and ducked behind Doyle.

The vampire glared.

"I think we could trade her for a car," the old man continued, trying to take a glimpse of Summer.

Doyle huffed. "We are not here to se--"

"A car?" Bill asked. "What kind?"

"Weasley!" snapped Doyle.

"Brand new Honda S2000," the man said, rubbing his wrinkly hands together. "I can get it in silver or blue."

Bill nodded thoughtfully despite Rani's "WEASLEY!" over the microphone.

"Do you think silver or blue?" he asked Doyle.

"I think you'll die of internal bleeding once I get done with you," he threatened.

Bill turned to the old man, "Excuse my partner. He's never been one for cars. Maybe a motorcycle...?"

"He's going to sell me!" Summer cried, tugging on Doyle's sleeve. "Let's go. He's insane. We should have let him bleed back at the tomb."

The old man's left eye twitched for a second. "I have a beautiful Suzuki TL 1000S right in the back of the shop. Black, too."

"Now, look here, I'm not going to sell--Black?" Doyle asked. "Suzuki, really?"

Summer whimpered miserably. She hated men. Dead or alive they'd sell you for something on wheels.

"You've got to be kidding me," someone said on the microphone. Obviously Rani.

The old man rubbed his chin. "You know, for someone like her, I could give you both the car and the motorcycle. We do like a bargain."

Bill nodded appreciatively at Doyle. "It does sound like a good bargain," he admitted.

"I have a better one," Doyle told the old man. "We're really interested in seeing Mr. Branger. So why don't you let us to whatever storage room he's locked in, and you won't get the shit knocked out of you for buying and selling another human being."

The old man raised an eyebrow patiently. "Police?" he asked.

"No, worse," Doyle answered.

"Right this way then," the old man said with a nod as if it were the most common thing in the world.

They were led towards the back of the shop, down a slight of stairs, pass two very large steel doors (password only!) until they reached Mr. Branger's office.

And honestly, he looked like a nice man.

Mr. Branger stood up from his leather chair, gave a dismissive nod to the old man, and turned to Bill. "I'd like to be mysterious and say that I was expecting you, Mr..."

"Weasley. Bill Weasley," supplied Bill, in a way that would have made James Bond proud.

"But as you can see I wasn't," said Branger. "How may I help you?"

This was the part Bill wasn't sure of. Did he tell the truth ("Well, you see, there was this very pretty lady in very high heels and a very short dress who stole a very important artefact...") or did you lie ("One of my chums are getting married, you see. And I was thinking this so-called Sphere would be an excellent wedding present. After all, how else is he supposed to control his bride?") and hope for the best?

Luckily for Bill, Doyle immediately jumped in with an enigmatic tale of how they were looking for the Sphere, and someone had told them that Mr. Branger could get them the very stars from the sky.

Blah blah blah, kiss arse.

Mr. Branger nodded understandingly as a tall woman entered the office and gave them each a cup of tea. "You see," he said, "just because you lose something, Mr. Faris, doesn't mean I can get it back."

Bill blinked. So did Doyle and Summer.

Mr. Branger shrugged. "Ok, I lied. I was expecting you." He pulled out a parchment. "I don't think I need to tell you that time is of essence. You can find Montanez here. She won't be there for long, possibly hitting the first flight out of Venezuela she can get. It's an abandoned shopping centre on the outsides of Caracas. You can easily beat the traffic by taking these paths."

"What's the catch?" Bill asked.

"Let's just say, Mr. Weasley, that one day you will have to pay back this favour." Mr. Branger gave them a curt smile and opened the door. "Good luck, Mr. Weasley."

Bill clutched the map and hurried out. "Rani," he called through the microphone, "can you meet us there?"

"No problem. Ask Summer to look at the map in the car. Eddy can load those images for us," she said. "Bill, you know you don't have a plan, right?"

"Bill Weasley does not need a plan," he answered smugly.

He was a Gryffindor.

*

The shopping centre loomed in the distance. Its four towers seemed to rise in the sky, looking worn out with age and like somewhere that no damsel in distress would like to be locked in. The moat around it was completely dried up, and the bridge had long been chipped away due to vandalism and age. If you crossed it... well, you couldn't.

And, of course, there was a sign.

Danger. Beware.

Actually, no, "El Tolón" was what it really said.

Summer, who had pulled her hair into two plaits and neatly out of the way, wriggled out of the dress José had found for her and into old jeans and a white shirt.

Doyle, of course, was enjoying the show.

Bill would have too, except he was in front and turning around wasn't a very discreet way of trying to take a look.

"So, what's our plan of attack again?" Doyle asked.

"Charge!" offered Bill.

Doyle nodded. "Thought so."

"Eddy, what can you tell me about this place?" Bill asked.

There was a slight shuffle heard through the microphone and the normal typing until Eddy said, "It's so old, Montanez has to be using spells to keep it in one piece. There are two entrances. The main one, though I wouldn't trust the bridge, and there's a back emergency exit. Might be a bit tricky to get that to open, but nothing a good spell can't do."

"Any idea where Montanez could be?" Doyle asked. "That place looks huge."

"Considering the fact it's sustained by magic, she could be anywhere," Eddy said grimly. "But, to be cliché and all, try the highest tower?"

"How long until you get here?" Bill said.

"Twenty minutes, maybe? Chuck isn't exactly a good driver," Eddy said.

There was a slight pause until both Summer and Doyle yelled out, "Chuck is driving?"

"... Yes," Eddy answered, not too happily.

"He--he doesn't have his driving licence," Summer said.

"Well neither did Bill and--"

"Chuck's failed his test five times," Summer insisted.

"Thank you, dear sister," Chuck muttered from afar. "Jesus! Since when do cows cross the road?"

Bill had an answer. But it probably wouldn't have been appreciated.

"We're going to move in," Bill said. "Rani, come and get us. Be extremely careful." He got out of the car, making sure his wand and dagger were securely in their pockets. "José, you and me will take the main entrance. Doyle, you go with Summer and find that emergency exit. If you come upon Montanez, let us know immediately."

Doyle nodded, grabbed Summer's hand, and they both hurried to find the other entrance.

Bill, on the other hand, stared at the bridge with determination. Everything had a soul. If he could concentrate hard enough, maybe the soul of the bridge would guide him and--

Ok it was worth a try, but once your own idea sounds like shit, it doesn't really work.

"We could try our luck," offered José, though he didn't look too sure.

"Luck has never actually been on my side," Bill said. He tapped the first wooden board of the bridge carefully. It gave away immediately. Bill frowned. If the bridge was too weak to sustain any weight, how did Montanez get across?

Unless...

The boards under him gave away.

Except he didn't.

Bill grinned. "They're sustained by magic. It's like some kind of invisible bridge. The boards give away, but it doesn't matter. I'm pretty sure they just appear again after a while," he explained to a marvelled José.

They quickly made a run for it.

*

The emergency exit was not hard to find. After all, it was the only door with the words "Salida. No bloquear puerta," written on it in red, bold letters. And getting in wasn't a big problem either. Summer simply used a spell that blew the door off its hinges.

Doyle looked up at what seemed the highest tower. "Rumplestiltskin, let down you hair," he joked.

"It was Rapunzel," corrected Summer.

"What?"

"Rapunzel. She was the one with the long hair, all alone up in a tower. Rumplestiltskin was this little dwarf who turned stuff into gold," Summer explained.

"Right," said Doyle, although it looked like he didn't agree.

"Rapunzel was taken by a witch and locked up in a tower with no doors," continued Summer. "Rumplestiltskin who helped this girl spin straw into gold."

"Uh huh, uh huh," said Doyle, as he moved the door safely away and then entered the castle.

"Rapunzel fell in love with a prince, who would climb her hair. Rumplestiltskin took away the girl's first child..."

"Rapunzel's child?"

"What? No! Completely different stories. Rumplestiltskin took this miller's daughter's child, because she had to give him something in exchange for his help in weaving straw into gold."

Doyle gave her an incredulous look. "And the miller's daughter resulted to be Rapunzel?"

Summer blinked. "You're doing this on purpose, aren't you?" she demanded. A spider scuttled past her feet.

Doyle waggled his eyebrows. "Summer, my love, I was around when the Grimm brothers wrote their stories. Once I witness them fighting in a pub, wondering if some princess or other should have her arms cut off or simply be killed by her prince charming." He jumped a hole in the floor. "I had to deliver messages for them when I was but a lad!"

"You are such a liar, Doyle Faris," Summer scolded. "You were living in some shack with your family, not even a vampire yet, much less roaming the streets of Germany, listening to two old maniacs arguing about princesses."

Doyle gave her a fanged smile and a shrug. "Come on, the highest tower must be that way, my dear Rapunzel."

*

Bill and José had been ambushed. They hadn't even reached the third to highest tower before a bunch of trolls had found them. Big, evil trolls, who were drooling like they hadn't eaten in months.

"Incendio!" cried Bill, ducking out of the way as one caught fire, giving a pitiful cry.

"There are quite a lot of them, Mr. Weasley," José said as he performed a slicing hex.

"Rani, where are you?" Bill said. He kicked one troll in the stomach.

The troll grunted and charged again.

"We're coming, Weasley," Rani said. "Try and distract them."

"With what? You want me to do the salsa, maybe wave some maracas?" Bill asked. "Argh!" He hexed another troll.

"Mr. Weasley, I believe more are heading our way," José said, pointing towards an oncoming army.

Bill pulled out his dagger, taking a stab at the nearest troll. Blood did ooze out, but it certainly didn't slow down the troll.

"Wingardium Leviosa!" Bill said, lifting a barrel and launching it at two trolls. Some deity above must have liked that move, because the barrel managed to knock the trolls out.

"Bill, to your left!" someone yelled.

"Incendio!" Bill yelled. The troll managed to slash at his arm, but it wasn't too painful.

"Latideous!" Rani commanded. A whip crack sounded in the air and the nearest troll to Eddy collapsed to the floor.

Chuck was using a series of slicing hexes, jumping around, thinking he was Zorro or something. However, he seemed to have no problems with the trolls other than an occasional splat of blood on his shirt.

One particularly large troll pounced on Bill, making him bang his head on the floor. Bill thought he saw Snitches fly around his head, but dismissed it as a concussion. "Wingardium Leviosa!" he called again, having the barrel fly across the room and push his attacker off him.

Only to have another troll jump on him. It was a wonder Bill's ribs hadn't cracked yet.

Drool fell onto Bill's face and the smell of rotten eggs crept into his nostrils. "Collo--"

The troll growled and slapped at his hand, sending his wand flying away. Bill gulped. That was not good.

Just as the troll was about to take a nice bite out of his neck, it was lifted into the air and thrown into one of its friends.

A smug-looking Doyle stood in its place. "Hurrah for superhuman strength," he said, letting Bill take his hand to help him up.

And then--

Dust.

Not Doyle. Dust.

The thought registered into Bill's brain even before he saw the blonde hair.

Even before he heard Summer - or maybe it was Rani? - yell, "DOYLE!"

Even as the dust itself settled on his clothes, Bill was still trying to analyze.

Something's wrong here, Bill said to his brain.

I agree, the brain said, but I don't think I understand what.

Why? asked Bill. You're the brain.

I believe I've gone into shock, it answered.

And then, naturally, it clicked. Like the way thunder might strike a man in a field.

Bill scrambled to his feet. And then he attacked.

Montanez swiftly ducked out of the way, only to be pounced by Rani.

"You killed him!" she shrieked. "YOU KILLED HIM!" Her wand was pointing directly at Montanez's throat.

"Even those who are invincible fall eventually, Zahra," Montanez said, and then she Disapparated.

Bill sank to his knees, surveying the mess around him. All the trolls were gone, whether they were dead or alive. There was spilt blood, but Bill didn't know if it was human's or beast's. Chuck was holding onto a crying Summer. Eddy was looking at the scene, horrified. José was whispering something in Spanish. Rani was--

Bill reached for her wand and pulled her into a hug. "I'm so, so sorry," he whispered.

Rani sniffled slightly, rubbing at her eyes. "We can't afford to cry now," she said. "We need to get that Sphere." She hastily pulled away from Bill and got to her feet. "Let's go. Montanez is still around here somewhere. I can feel it."