Meet The Parents

Harry heard the soft thud of clothes hitting the bed and the quiet clang of metal hangers striking one another. He rolled over in bed and pulled the comforter up over his head. The sounds didn't stop. They just got more and more urgent. Harry threw the covers off his head in frustration.

"Dammit Neville! Could you possibly do this after I have woken up?" Harry opened his eyes a little and looked around the room. There were clothes everywhere - all over the foot of the bed, the armchair in the corner, and the floor. "What in the hell are you doing? It looks like your closet threw up."

"I'm trying to find something to wear," Neville said, pulling a teal button-up out of the closet with one hand and a black velvet dress robe with the other. He shook his head and discarded those items along with the rest.

"Where are you going?" Harry asked turning to look at the clock. He picked his glasses up off the bedside table and held them to his eyes. "It's only 9:30. You don't have to work today and any normal person would be in bed. Now get back in here with me. I'm not ready to wake up yet." Harry rolled back over and snuggled underneath the covers.

"I have to find something to wear to dinner tonight," Neville said. He started gathering up the articles on the floor and throwing them in the bottom of his closet.

"If you throw your clothes in the bottom of the closet they're going to be wrinkled and then you won't have anything to wear tonight," Harry said from under the covers.

"How did you-"

"I know you, Nev. You always take out all your clothes, throw them in the closet, then complain about them being wrinkled."

"I'll just use an anti-wrinkle spell," Neville said smugly.

"Get in bed. Now!" Harry threw the covers back and pointed to the empty space beside him. Neville gave him an irritated look that Harry returned with a stern one. Neville sighed and plopped down on the bed, crossing his arms over his chest.

Harry rolled over and wrapped his arms around Neville. Neville continued to pout as Harry snuggled closer. He adjusted the covers around them and dozed off.

"Harry, what are you wearing tonight?" Neville asked suddenly.

"Huh?" Harry asked groggily.

"What are you wearing tonight?" he repeated.

"I haven't thought about it." Harry lifted his head, kissed Neville, and settled back around him. "Now, go back to sleep and we'll decide on something later today. I promise."

"Fine!" Harry kissed him again, and Neville wrapped his arms around Harry and drifted back to sleep.

* * * *

"There. You look wonderful. And it only took five minutes," Harry said, stepping back to admire Neville's reflection in the mirror.

"I don't like this robe. I think it makes me look funny," Neville said, fiddling with the neck of his robe. He was wearing a long velvet one of deep maroon.

"You do not look funny. You look smashing." Harry curled his arms around him from behind and fixed the clasp on his robe. Neville stared at his reflection in the mirror intensely as Harry suddenly licked his ear.

"Oh." Neville looked in the mirror, surprised, as Harry's reflection smirked in return. He nipped gently at the ear and watched Neville's reaction closely.

"Harry, I swear. If you don't stop, we're never going to get to dinner." Neville's eyes slowly closed as he leaned his head back onto Harry's shoulder.

"Okay," Harry shrugged, automatically letting go of Neville and making him lose his balance.

"I hate you," Neville glared into the mirror.

"I know," Harry winked back. "Now let's get going." Harry and Neville stood side by side and apparated with a pop out of their flat.

* * * *

"This is a nice table. I wonder why we always get it when we come here?" Harry said, sitting down.

"I hope Sirius will like it," Neville said, looking around the restaurant nervously. Harry glanced up from his menu and noticed he was blushing furiously.

"What is it?"

"The hostess. She's staring at us," Neville said, indicating the hostess who was pointedly avoiding their gaze behind the glass divider. Harry and Neville looked away and watched her through the corners of their eyes.

"She is totally checking you out, Neville. I told you the maroon robes were sexy," Harry teased.

"She is not checking me out. It's you. You look so much better than I do," Neville said, picking up a wine menu.

"Whatever. Here comes Sirius." Harry stood up as Sirius strode through the. The drooling Hostess watched him saunter all the way to the table, not taking her eyes off him the entire time. Neville was frozen in his seat. Harry kicked him under the table.

"Sirius. I'm so glad you could make it!" Harry said, hugging Sirius as he sat down. He extended a hand to Neville who took it timidly.

"Sirius Black. You must be Neville. Harry speaks of nothing else." Neville blushed again and looked down at the white linen on the table.

"Neville, you're a shy one aren't you?" Sirius said, watching him across the table. Neville looked up and stared at him. "Come on, you've been shagging my godson for at least a year. It's high time I met you." Neville was so shocked he could only mouth wordlessly.

"Neville just wants to make a good impression," Harry said, smiling over at him and surreptitiously kicking him under the table again.

"Very nice to meet you, sir," Neville croaked out with a start. He glared at Harry who smiled innocently.

"Call me Sirius. Not 'sir'. God, I'm not that old," Sirius said with one of his winning smiles. Harry looked up to find the hostess again staring shamelessly at the table.

After a few glasses of wine, Neville began to loosen up, while Harry sat back and enjoyed watching the two of them talk and joke. It was a wonder how interesting and charming Neville could be once he shook off that insecure front.

"No way. There are certain herbs with mind altering abilities that the Ministry hasn't made illegal? And to think I've been scared of getting caught buying a little weed off some Muggles that live near my flat. Harry, why have you been holding out on me?" Sirius asked. Harry laughed and grabbed Neville's hand.

"I thought it was our little secret. But obviously Nev didn't have any qualms about sharing it with you," Harry said.

"Well, Harry, Sirius is your family. Why should we hold out on him? You'll have to come over soon and I'll bring some in from the greenhouse," Neville told Sirius.

"I will definitely take you up on that offer. I finally got back from Italy and don't have to go back for a long time. I'm looking quite forward to sitting in my little flat and relaxing. And I have no problems with relaxing in your flat either," Sirius added with a wink.

"I'll make you my special bunny cakes. They're these damn good muffins that I bake the herbs right into," Neville said.

"Excellent," Sirius exclaimed.

After much protesting from Harry, Sirius paid the bill and they walked outside the restaurant, standing around for a few moments while Sirius smoked a cigarette.

"Where are you two off to now?" Sirius asked taking a drag.

"Dessert with my Grandmother," Neville replied, rolling his eyes.

"What is this? 'Meet the Parents' night?" Sirius asked.

"Yeah. We figured it'd be just as easy to kill two birds with one stone," Harry said, kicking a rock with his shoe.

"Well, good luck you two. I can imagine Granny Longbottom's not going to be as easy to charm as me. She probably won't take to the magic herbs like I did," Sirius said laughingly. He threw the cigarette down on the pavement and stomped it out.

"Bye, Sirius. I'm so glad I finally met you," Neville said, shaking his hand. Sirius pulled him into a quick hug. Neville smiled, obviously pleased to be so accepted by his lover's godfather.

"Bye, Sirius. Come round soon. I've missed you," Harry said, hugging Sirius tightly.

"I will kiddo. You two behave. Don't get into any trouble," Sirius said with a mischievous twinkle in his eyes.

"We won't," Harry said as Sirius apparated away. "That wasn't so bad, was it?"

"He only likes me because I can get him free herbs," Neville joked. "Now it's your turn." Neville slapped Harry's ass playfully. "Ready to meet my grandmother?"Â Harry looked at Neville uncertainly and Neville laughed to see Harry uncomfortable for a change. He pecked him on the lips before apparating. Harry said a quick and silent prayer before joining Neville.

* * * *

Neville and Harry walked into the crowded bakery looking for Neville's grandmother. They found her in a corner table in the very back of the room. They had to push their way through the people waiting in line to get back to the table.

"Where have you two been? You're late," Grandmother said, tapping her foot impatiently on the floor.

"We had dinner with Harry's godfather, Sirius Black. We apparated directly from that," Neville explained, sitting down in a chair. Harry nervously followed.

"Sirius Black, eh? Isn't he a criminal? Why are you consorting with criminals, Neville? Do I have to look out for you all the time?"

"Sirius Black isn't a criminal!" Neville exclaimed. "He was pardoned seven years ago! He didn't kill all those people."

"Yeah, that's what they say in the papers. But I'm not so sure. He's got a shady look about him," Grandmother said, eyeing Harry warily.

"Grandmother, this is Harry Potter. Harry, this is my Grandmother," Neville said with his head in his hands. Harry extended a hand and offered her a weak smile. She just sneered.

"So this is the famous Harry Potter." She studied him for a few moments. "He's not that impressive."

"Grandmother!" Neville exclaimed. Harry turned a bright red color.

"Well, he's skinny, wears glasses, and his hair is unruly. You'd think that if he could defeat You-Know-Who, he could also comb his hair. Come here," she said, grabbing Harry and pulling him close to her. She licked her fingers and started trying to smooth down his hair. Harry was too stunned to react.

"What are you doing? Stop!" Neville said, pulling Harry back away from the clutches of his grandmother. "Harry is fine! His hair is always like this. God, Grandmother."

"Nice to meet you too," Harry said, trying to force all the sarcasm out of his voice but failing miserably.

"Neville, I swear. This is what happens when you date men. You can't even choose a decent looking one! He looks all scruffy!"

"Oh God," Neville mumbled. "So, what have you been doing?" he asked, trying desperately to change the subject.

"Nothing, as usual. Your Uncle Bernard came over and brought me the medicine for the hemorrhoids -"

"Grandmother!!" Neville shouted as Harry spit his tea across the table. Neville was red faced and Harry was laughing hysterically.

"Neville, dear, if Harry doesn't know what hemorrhoids are then he must have taken one too many blows during that final battle with You-Know-Who."

"He knows what hemorrhoids are! Just don't talk about that. Uh!" Neville shuddered. Harry tried to compose himself. "We need to get home. It's getting late and I have to get up early and go to the greenhouse." Neville stood up and Harry followed.

"Look at you. I never see you and now you're running off."

"I love you too, Grandmother," Neville said, leaning down and kissing his grandmother on the cheek.

"It was nice to meet you," Harry said, extending a hand to her. She took it, pulled him towards her, and kissed his cheek.

"You take care of my grandson. He's sensitive you know. Ever since he was a child. And he sometimes gets a rash on his - "

"GRANDMOTHER!!" Neville shouted, pulling Harry away. "We're leaving now. I love you and I'll owl you later."

"You two come by for dinner next week. I'll make your favorite, Neville. And Harry, I'll show you all Neville's baby pictures," Grandmother said as they made for the door. Harry turned around and gave her a thumbs up, grinning broadly.

"So, I get to see baby pictures of you. I bet you were a damn cute baby," Harry said as they walked out into the night.

"We're not going to eat with my grandmother," Neville spat, preparing to apparate.

"Oh, somebody's grumpy," Harry teased, kissing Neville on the cheek.

"At least Sirius isn't judgmental, and mean, and embarrassing."

"No, he's just an ex-felon, who likes to have sex with everything in sight and parties too much. Everyone's family is weird. Look at the Weasleys."

"True," Neville said, apparating back to the flat. Harry followed and walked into the bedroom to find Neville undressing.

"You look scrumptious," Harry said, watching him undress.

"How can you even think about sex after the night we had?" Neville asked, pulling on a pair of pajama pants.

"It's the thought of being all domestic. It gets me hot," Harry shrugged.

"You're hopeless," Neville said, lying down in bed. Harry crawled in beside him and kissed him passionately.

"I'm glad this night is over. I never want to have to meet anyone's families for the first time again," Neville said.

"I guess that just means you'll have to stay with me." Harry nipped at Neville's neck as he reached over and turned out the light.