Winter's Shadow

Chapter 26

Meant to Be

Hermione felt Severus' hold on her tighten as they landed in her family's summer home again. She looked up and around the room wiping the tears from her cheeks. She recognized where she was at and smiled. An overwhelming sense of warmth and safety overcame Hermione. A sense of relief swept over Severus. With a wave of his wand, a plate of food appeared on the small dining table.

"Eat, Miss Granger and then I urge you to rest. We will depart for Hogwarts tomorrow morning."

Nodding her head, she sat at the table.

"Thank you, Professor Snape," she said looking into her plate.

Severus stood there for a moment waiting for Hermione to start eating. She lifted her head up to look at him. A haunted smile graced her lips and Severus was struck by what he saw. The dark circles under her eyes had become quite prominent now that she appeared out of danger. She may have been lying down and sleeping a lot when she was at Pallidus Manor, but it was not restful. Silently he wondered what horrors she encountered while receiving her Dark Mark. Not wanting to think what innocence was torn from Hermione, he walked to the sofa to sit and register all the events happening.

Hermione watched Severus walk to the sofa. Picking up her fork, she began to push the food around on her plate. When he referred to her as "Miss Granger" it felt as if an ice-cold blade was thrust through her. Silently she ate. When she was done, Hermione moved to sit on the other side of the sofa. She took one look at Severus with his head tilted back looking up at the ceiling in deep thought. With an exhausting sigh, she laid her head on the arm of the sofa and fell fast asleep.

~*~*~

Severus opened his eyes the next day to a dark room. The shutters of the Granger's summer home were closed tight, not allowing any sunlight to enter the room. Looking around the room, he found a large grandfather clock--it was close to lunchtime. Shaking Hermione, he woke her and told her it was time to leave.

Hermione nodded her head and stood up.

"Just hold on, Miss Granger."

Placing an arm around her, Severus disapparated with her.

They walked in silence across the grounds to the castle. With each step closer to the castle, Hermione felt her heart break. Severus saved her, yet there was something bittersweet about it. In his own way he had told her he cared for her, but that wasn't exactly doing something about it. Actions speak louder than words. The more she thought about it the more she realized Severus most likely will do nothing about his feelings, but then she had not exactly been mature about dealing with it either.

Hermione walked a bit behind Severus, watching his hair graze his jaw line as it moved back and forth. A sinking feeling in her stomach told her what she must do. Looking down at the ground, she continued to follow Severus into the school and to the staircase. It was time to grow up. If actions speak louder than words then Severus' were screaming. He saved her and that spoke volumes just as her trading herself for him did.

Together they entered Dumbledore's office. Sirius and Remus sat there speaking with the Headmaster when the odd couple walked in. They turned at hearing someone enter.

"Hermione!"

Sirius ran to her. Grabbing her by her arms he looked her up and down as he led her to his now empty seat to sit. Severus watched Sirius rush to the girl who stood behind him as if shielding herself in the shadows. He fought the urge to throw Sirius off Hermione.

"I am fine, Sirius."

Sirius and Dumbledore were watching Hermione, but Remus had not taken his eyes off Snape yet. Severus glared at Remus as if daring him to ask. Dumbledore looked upon Hermione.

"Are you positive you are fine, Miss Granger?"

She smiled slightly at the Headmaster.

"Yes, sir. I am. It was just a tiring ordeal."

Dumbledore looked to Snape who stood stoically looking out the window and back to Hermione.

"Is that all you wish to tell me?"

Hermione looked down at her feet.

"No, sir. They tried to use me to get Harry."

"And?"

Hermione looked up and her eyes met Dumbledore's. He knew there was more without her saying a word. Her tear filled eyes looked to Sirius and then Remus. Slowly she lifted her left arm and rolled her sleeve up. With a quick glance at the Headmaster, she held her arm out for him to see the Dark Mark burning on her skin. Silence filled the room as a single tear slid down her cheek, splashing onto the mark.

"Just as I thought."

Dumbledore looked down and then back up to Hermione.

"Miss Granger, that will be all. Go get you some much needed rest."

Hermione nodded her head and rose to leave. Sirius, without a word, stood with her and hugged her tightly. She smiled sweetly at him as he squeezed her hand before she walked to the door. Dumbledore watched Severus as this happened and as Hermione walked right passed him to the door.

"Miss Granger, one more thing before you go."

Hermione stopped with her hand on the doorknob.

"Yes?"

Dumbledore looked at Severus and then Hermione.

"For what reason did you propose your own life for Severus'?"

Dumbledore knew Snape was opening his mouth to protest such a question, but Dumbledore cut him off by holding his hand up to him for silence. Hermione's red eyes looked at Snape. She couldn't make out his reaction. The combination of his hair and the shadows in the room playing across his face left her in the dark. She looked back to Dumbledore.

"Professor, would you risk your own life for someone you care deeply for?"

Dumbledore's eyes shifted once again to Snape and smiling at Hermione he nodded his head.

"Yes, Miss Granger, I would."

She smiled in an almost sad way. She didn't trust the strength of her voice. She wanted to cry again--about everything. Dumbledore still heard her answer. The last thing Snape heard from Hermione that night was the sound of her whispering voice before she walked out of the door.

"So would I."

~*~*~

Severus kept a close eye on Hermione in the following week. She rarely spoke to him unless she absolutely had to. Harry, Ron, and Draco were fawning all over her and it seemed to irritate her as she yelled at them outside of the Potions classroom one day.

"Will you three stop! I am not made out of glass! I am fine and I am here! Now sod off!"

Everyone was silent as the three boys backed away from her. That day she sat by herself in potions.

When she wasn't throwing herself into her homework she was organizing the Yule Ball. Dumbledore thought it would be good to have one this year and he secretly hoped to cheer some students up. Ginny seemed to be the only one who understood. She had once been pretty much taken by Voldemort so she had some idea of how Hermione felt.

Ginny caught up with Hermione outside the Potions classroom about a week before the Yule Ball. Snape remained in the shadows watching and listening. He had noticed she no longer sat with anyone at meals--she either didn't show up or arrived so late that most people were gone. She sat alone in every class.

"Hermione, I understand somewhat how you feel, but the boys did nothing to deserve this."

"Ginny, they do not understand and will not listen to me when I do tell them what I need."

Ginny looked down trying to think of something to help.

"They miss you, Hermione."

Hermione looked up sharply.

"Ginny, when you came out of the chamber were you the same girl that went in?"

"No," Ginny shook her head.

"I am not the same person I was when I left." Hermione shook her head. "I don't know what happened to that person, but she is gone."

Ginny studied Hermione's face for a moment.

"What about Snape? Have you stopped trying to get him to accept his feelings for you and realize yours for him?"

"He knows how I feel, or at least has an idea. Whether he chooses to believe it or accept it is up to him." Hermione laughed and shook her head. "You can't make someone love you or force them to accept those feelings." She looked over at her fellow classmates entering the potions classroom and shrugged. "If it was meant to be it will be."

Hermione turned and walked into the Potions classroom. Ginny left up into the castle. Snape stepped out of the shadows watching Hermione from behind walking into the classroom.

~*~*~

"Of course she has changed, Severus."

Severus began to pace the headmaster's office. He filled Dumbledore in on all his observations over the week and the conversation he overheard. He stopped to glare at the headmaster when he stated the obvious.

"Yes, Albus, that IS what I said. Do you not find it troubling that she does not even communicate with Potter?"

Dumbledore sat at his desk, hands in a steeple, resting his chin on them. Sighing he looked back up to Severus.

"Severus, is it Miss Granger's lack of social involvement that is vexing you or is it that she has ceased pursuing you in such an...entertaining manner?"

Severus' head shot up to Dumbledore.

"Headmaster, this really is not the time to discuss something completely inappropriate."

Dumbledore sat there nodding his head. Severus did not have to answer that question.

"Severus, I would think that YOU of all people would understand Miss Granger's recent antisocial tendency."

Dumbledore looked to Severus for a sign of understanding. Severus' narrowed his eyes trying to figure out where Dumbledore was about to take this conversation. Dumbledore took Severus' silence as an okay to continue.

"Of all the times Miss Granger has stood behind Harry, Harry is the one who has faced Voldemort almost every year. This was the first time Miss Granger had to face him. She was not just kissed by this darkness, Severus. She was enveloped in it as if it were home."

Severus snorted.

"Goes to show what Gryffindor bravery will get you. She is a silly little girl who would NOT have been in that situation if she had kept that insufferable mouth of hers closed."

Severus saw the anger flash in Dumbledore's eyes and thought he was about to hex him for sure. Dumbledore's hand rose up in the air and pointed to his door.

"Get out."

Severus heard the ice in Dumbledore's voice and knew this could not mean anything good.

"Headmaster, I..."

"Severus, I cannot help you. As long as you continue to close yourself off from your own emotions and remain in your self-pitying isolation there is no hope for you. Open your eyes, Severus! Miss Granger stood on the edge of the balcony, on her precipice and made a choice, Severus! Do you know what choice she made? No, you don't. She made the choice to have choices...she made a choice when she offered herself in place of you. Tell me, Severus, do all your students place such a high value on you?"

Severus was silent and unmoving.

"No, Severus, they do not! She made the choice to accept how she felt for you and she made a choice when she was facing a most powerful dark wizard that YOU were of up most importance to her and you dismiss it as her being insufferable and a silly little girl! Maybe you are right in your thoughts, and you do not deserve her affections. After all, whether to accept her affections was your choice and in response, she has made hers...deal with it. Get out."

Severus turned from the Headmaster keeping his head down. He could not remember a time when Dumbledore ever spoke to him so harshly. Severus descending the winding staircase and headed by the Great Hall to see how things were progressing and to make sure no one else was in their. Dumbledore had granted the prefects and the Head Boy and Girl to stay out well past curfew to start preparing things for the Yule Ball. Remaining in the shadows Severus looked in the Great Hall and saw only two students working--Draco and Hermione.

Draco kept looking over at Hermione and Hermione remained silent. She felt as if she was not even there. The WWN played in the Great Hall offering the only sound. Dark circles remained under Hermione's eyes. Finally Draco broke the silence.

"Hermione, why don't you go to Madam Pomfrey. I am sure she would give you some dreamless sleep potion."

Hermione's tired haunted face looked over at Draco.

"No, she would want to know about the dreams."

"Hermione, you cannot keep this inside forever. You have visited hell and returned. Now, you are suffering nightmares--you wake up screaming his name! Talk to someone!"

"Fine!" She felt the tears building in her eyes. "You want to know what I dream about? Every night I have the same dream. Every night Voldemort is there. Every night he finds Snape. Every night Snape dies."

Draco did not know what to say to that. He could see the pain etched on her face and the tears she fought to hold in glistening in her eyes.

"I-I'm sorry," was all he could think to say.

Hermione shrugged.

"How about some muggle music?" She rid them of the WWN and with a slight movement of her wand music filled the Great Hall from nowhere.

"How did you do that?"

"I read about it. Its an old spell, but it plays whatever you want to hear or whatever is in your heart."

They went back to work in silence. A song began that Draco had never heard so it had to come from Hermione. By the fifth line she was singing softly as the tears slid down her cheeks.

"...Why save your kisses for a rainy day

Baby let the moment take your heart away

Have you ever needed someone so bad, yeah

Have you ever wanted someone

You just couldn't have

Did you ever try so hard

That your world just fell apart

Have you ever needed someone so bad..."

Severus remained in the shadows and watched as Hermione stood up wiping tears from her face. She quickly ran from the Great Hall and past Severus unknowingly. The last thing Severus saw was her robes flowing behind her as she ran up the stairs and out of sight.