Harry Potter and the Ancient Order

Chpt. 23. Prank Wars

All of Hogwarts wore a universal smile for weeks after the first round match. The school came down with a case of Quidditch Fever once again, and the Hogwarts team was treated as royalty. Xander shied away from the school, spending most of his time with Alicia, who was ecstatic that the meeting with her family went so well (she whispered to Hermione one day at lunch that her little sister had a huge crush on Xander).

Malfoy had become more unbearable than ever. All weekend, he strutted around the school, quoting lines of praise given to him by Krum for his performance in the first round game as loudly as possible. By the time they had entered Potions on Tuesday, he had reached new levels of self-praise.

"Like them, Potter?" Malfoy asked as they set up their cauldrons. He pointed to the badge he wore on his chest, which read "Potter Who?" at the top in big green letters. Harry noticed that all of the Slytherins were wearing them.

"Yeah, real nice," said Harry sarcastically. He really didn't care, as he was used to Malfoy's attempts to knock Harry at any given opportunity.

"What's wrong, Potter?" Pansy Parkinson chimed in. "Mad because you know you wouldn't have been able to do that?"

"Yeah, too bad Malfoy still has never beaten Harry to the snitch in four tries," snapped Ron. The Gryffindor side of the room all cheered Ron on, and Seamus was shouting "Buuurrrrnnnn!!"

"Well, I've gotta be careful around famous Harry Potter," Malfoy drawled. "We all know what happened to the last person who beat Potter."

"What're you on about, Malfoy?" said Hermione caustically.

"Sit down Miss Granger," said Snape, who had just walked into the classroom. Harry was almost thankful for Snape's presence, as he knew exactly what Malfoy was getting to. He had nightly reminders of it; he didn't need a pompous ass like Malfoy to remind him during his waking hours as well.

"We have several more potions that we need to study before your O.W.L. examination," Snape continued. "These concentrate more on technique rather than difficulty in brewing. Some here have yet to properly simmer their concoctions when required. Begin preparing a simple Shrinking Potion, and nobody leaves my class until everyone has properly simmered their potion." He looked pointedly at Neville, which Harry thought quite unnecessary. Neville was technically a teacher now though he still managed to squeeze in his classes, and it was very unprofessional to treat another teacher in such a manner.

"Don't let Malfoy get to you," Hermione whispered to Harry as they simmered their potions. "He's just trying to draw more attention to himself."

"Mmm", answered Harry. He really didn't want to talk about it, but he had a feeling that Hermione would insist.

"He just wants to prove he's as good as you are," added Ron. "Really, Harry, just ignore whatever he says to you."

"I'd be able to if I wasn't forced to talk about it every day," retorted Harry.

"Potter, Weasley, five points each for talking in my class," said Snape. "Concentrate on your work or get out of my class. By now, you should all have..."

Harry's bad mood continued all week. Cho didn't ask him any questions other than "What's wrong?" allowing Harry to speak whenever he wanted to about whatever he wanted to, which was nothing about Cedric. He could tell she knew what was bothering him and he silently thanked her for not pressing the issue.

Ron and Hermione didn't say much to Harry. His nightmares returned full force again and he knew he was terrible at hiding this fact from his two best friends. Afraid that he might snap at them again, they rarely broached any topic other than schoolwork or Quidditch. Finally, on Saturday, Ron had an idea.

"Y'know, Harry, Xander got part of my shipment in this week," said Ron.

"What shipment?" asked Harry. Ron waved his product wish list in the air before opening it.

"I'm thinking this one here," said Ron, pointing to one of his favorite pranks.

"Kool-Aid?" asked Harry.

"Yeah, here's what we gotta do," said Ron, and he gave instructions. Harry was almost awestruck at Ron's ability to plan. By the time evening rolled around, they had recruited the services of Dean, Fred, George, Lee Jordan, several fourth years, and to Harry's surprise, Seamus.

"Aren't you a Prefect?" asked Fred, who was looking at Seamus skeptically.

"You see the beauty?" said Ron. "If we get caught, he can say he asked us to help track down the rat infestation that's going on."

They set off for the Slytherin chambers, splitting up into groups of three. Ron's plan called for precise timing and carefully stationed lookouts. He really took charge of the program and everyone was too busy covering up their sniggers to mind being ordered around. After several hours and much laughing, they quickly ran to their dorms, too excited to sleep. Xander was just throwing the covers over himself, and began snoring almost immediately.

"Y'know, I wish I coulda found him in time," Ron said, indicating Xander. "He would have been brilliant."

"Where was he all day?" asked Harry.

"Don't know, I couldn't find him. Asked everyone, nobody knew," said Ron. Just as Ron finished, Xander rolled over, revealing several small red marks on his neck. Harry and Ron looked at each other, smiling.

"Astronomy Tower," they said together.

Once the sun rose in the morning, shining off the new fallen snow and bringing the hope of spring, so did Harry wake with new hope. He threw his pillow at Ron, and they rushed off to the Great Hall, hoping to beat the Slytherins there. It held a small scattering of students from other houses, all quietly chatting and eating their breakfast. It took a few minutes for the hall to fill up, many students eyeing the empty Slytherin table. Harry checked his watch.

A loud buzzing came from the direction of the dungeons, causing everyone's heads to turn immediately. Several Slytherin first years came running out, wrapped in towels and shouting something about a fire alarm, but Harry couldn't hear because of the laughter that broke out. The rest of Slytherin all filed out into the Great Hall, some half dressed, some in towels with their hair half full of shampoo, others apparently just rolled out of bed. Harry and Ron held their aching ribs as they laughed.

"Kool-Aid in the showerheads?" Xander asked as he looked over. Some Slytherins were purple, some green, others blue, and the rest bright red. They had saved the best for Malfoy. Harry and Ron personally saw to his showerhead, since he was a prefect and had a separate bathroom. They mixed four or five different colors, so that when the tainted water hit him and the mixture dried on his skin, Malfoy shimmered five different colors depending on which way the light hit him.

"How'd you know what we did?" asked Ron once he could breath.

"I've used that one every year so far," said Xander grinning. "You guys just beat me to it."

Malfoy stared accusingly at Harry and Ron, but it only made them laugh harder. Malfoy's face was streaked with red, orange, and yellow stripes, and it clashed horribly with his pale gray eyes. Professor Flitwick ordered them all to their Common Room, where Mr. Filch would meet them soon with some Magical Mess Remover. Malfoy still stared, and mouthed the words, "You're Dead" before retreating to his Common Room. Ginny sat near them, still wiping tears from her eyes.

"What's up?" asked Ron.

"Nothing, just wanted some breakfast," she answered, not looking at Ron.

"You know, Ginny, you never mentioned how your date went with Justin," said Ron, paying less attention to the scrambled eggs he was spooning and dropping them in his lap.

"Why, so you can go and grill Justin?" asked Ginny, losing her smile.

"No, I-" began Ron.

"Just drop it," Ginny snapped.

"You know, Ginny, Ron's been very good to Justin lately," said Hermione, patting Ginny on the shoulder. "He just wanted to know if you had a good time or not." Instead of answering, Ginny stalked off to Gryffindor Tower.

"What's wrong with her?" asked Harry.

A Hufflepuff fourth year girl walking past overheard the question. "Justin only asked her out to make Hannah Abbott jealous," she whispered before continuing on to her table.

"You know," Harry snapped his fingers. "I remember Ginny saying on the train here that those two were going out. I thought it odd for Justin to ask Ginny out." He looked at Ron and jumped.

"He's dead," said Ron scathingly. His eyes never left the back of Justin's head, and Harry was worried that Justin just might end up with two holes burned into the back of his head.

"Ron, let it go," Hermione said softly. "Let Ginny deal with it."

"How can you say that?" scoffed Ron, looking at Hermione. "How can I just let him get away with that?"

"Look, Ginny obviously doesn't want you interfering in her life," said Hermione, careful not to sound as if she was lecturing Ron. "Just let her deal with it however she needs to."

Ron only mumbled to himself, ignoring whatever Hermione was saying. As evening settled in on Hogwarts, Ron walked up to Ginny in the Common Room.

"Want a game of chess?" he asked her.

"No," she said shortly. Ginny had sat in silence all day, not talking to anybody.

"Want some Exploding Snap?" asked Hermione.

"No thanks."

"Wanna see me lick my eyebrows?" asked Harry, and Ginny finally broke out laughing.

"Yeah, baby!" she said in her best Austin Powers voice.

"Look, Ginny," said Ron. "We just want to know if there's anything we can do to help."

"Like what?" she asked. "Snap Justin's head off his shoulders?"

"Yeah, something along those lines," said Ron. Hermione slapped him on the shoulder.

"What he means," said Hermione, with a sidelong glance at Ron, "is, we're here if you want to talk."

"No, thanks. I'm fine, really," said Ginny. "I should've known better. It's my own fault. I'll know for next time."

"If you're sure..." said Ron, still looking expectantly at Ginny.

"Yes," she said flatly. Ron turned to leave, and she called him back. "Ron?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for asking," said Ginny with a slight smile. Ron messed up her hair a little, then left with Hermione.

Harry, having little to do now that his friends left him alone, most likely to go find a private spot to "talk", pulled out the book Hermione had gotten him for Christmas, Why Wands Work, and began reading. He learned that the power of the wand depended on the magical power of the creature that the core originated from, that unicorn hair was best used in wands meant for performing Charms, and that if you were a descendant of a magical creature, such as a veela, that the wand would be less strict on your pronunciation, since the blood relation connection would have better knowledge of what you intend (Harry had to re-read this last sentence, as it was worded very confusingly).

One passage stood out in his mind, and he couldn't figure out why. It read: a drop of magical blood that gets trapped inside the wand after its manufacture adds exponential potency to the wand, enabling the owner to perform advanced spells with ease. These wands are highly sought after, as many wizards have used them in experiments to prove their own respective magical theories. On the rare occasion that one of these wands are discovered, the owner is often the victim of theft, as many a dark wizard has been known to go to great lengths to acquire the wand for their own evil purpose.

"Hmm, I think I've heard of that before," said a voice from behind Harry, making him jump. His heart returned to his chest when he saw it was Xander. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you," he said. "I just got caught up in the reading."

"When did that happen?" asked Harry, pointing to the passage in the book.

"About fifteen years ago," said Xander. "Two were found within a year of each other. Both people died when they wouldn't give up their wand."

"Who killed them?" asked Harry, now intrigued.

"Can't you guess?" asked Xander in return.

"Do you always answer a question with a question?" asked Harry.

"You mean like you just did?"

Harry grinned. "Okay, seriously. How did you hear about that?"

"I'm here to study magic, aren't I?" said Xander, who laughed when he realized he answered a question with a question again. "I've read a lot about wands. I was talking to Dumbledore about it one day, and he told me about it. Said the first person was tortured into giving hers up. See, the wand can only be taken apart and its core reused if its given willingly. The second person went into hiding when Voldemort found out about her wand. He found her and killed her. Her wand was useless to him after that. He couldn't use a wand anymore."

Harry was about to ask more questions, but Dennis Creevey caused a distraction by becoming the new Hardcore Champion, pinning one of the Palone twins after a spectacular splash off one of the tables. Harry decided to go to bed early, as Ron and Hermione still hadn't returned. He still had his usual nightmares, but this time, he saw his mother come out of Voldemort's wand, and she would just stare at Harry with an expectant look on her face, as if waiting for him to figure something out, something that he had to find out on his own.

Harry's thoughts remained muddled even as he walked across the front yard on his way to Care of Magical Creatures. He barely noticed Malfoy spreading a brown sludgy mixture across the grounds, making sure he didn't step on any of it. Harry thought this pointless, as everyone coming out of the school noticed it and moved anyway. He returned to thoughts of his dreams, which were interrupted by Xander running out of the school, late for class. He ran across the powdery-sludge, and loud bangs went off.

"Gunshots! Everybody down!" shouted Malfoy, and Xander hit the ground, covering his head and lying flat on his belly. The Slytherins cackled with glee.

"Asshole," Xander muttered as he got up.

"I told you not to pick a fight with a pure-blood," Malfoy said, barely able to speak due to his laughter.

"Oh, it's on now," said Xander. "You want a war, you got one."

"I'm terrified," said Malfoy in a bored sort of voice.

"All righ' settle in now!" called Hagrid over the noise. "Everybody here? Good. Got a good lesson fer today! Tasslehoff is gonna let us watch 'im hunt!"

The girls all scrunched up their noses, and some piped up with a disgusted "Eww!" Dean and Seamus high-fived each other, exclaiming "Excellent!" They walked to the border of the Forbidden Forest, most students standing as far back as Hagrid would allow them, not wanting to be near it. It quickly became a boring lesson, as they stood in silence as Tas remained motionless, looking very much like a statue. Harry used the opportunity to talk to Xander.

"What was that stuff Malfoy spread?" he whispered.

"Iodine crystals mixed with Ammonium Hydroxide," answered Xander, still looking very sour. "Makes a snap powder when you collect the sludge. Probably got the idea when we reviewed the Periodic Tables last month. Snape would be proud."

"So Malfoy wants a war," Ron whispered excitedly. "We've got a whole book on the topic-"

"I don't need it," said Xander. "I've read it many times myself, and even added some of my own notes."

"So when are you gonna retaliate?" urged Ron. The prank book had energized Ron in recent weeks, and he was always excited to be in on a prank.

"This weekend. Krum scheduled a public practice for the whole school to watch. He liked how much everyone cheered our last match and wants to give everyone an opportunity to see how we prepare. Be there if you wanna see, and spread the word. The more people who see it, the better it'll be."

"You boys watchin' over there?" asked Hagrid in a hushed shout. They all nodded, and watched as a deer wandered close to Tasslehoff, who quickly pounced and made a bloody meal of the deer. Nearly everyone turned their heads in disgust. They became even sicker when Hagrid assigned a large essay on the hunting habits of griffins.

Ron made it his personal responsibility to spread the word about the public practice. He told everyone about it, leaving out such key details as Xander's retaliation. Whenever someone shrugged off the idea of attending, Ron scolded them about lacking pride in their school. Hermione was impressed with Ron's speech about school spirit, leaving him feeling slightly guilty about his ulterior motives.

The entire school was notified by Saturday morning, and the Hogwarts All Stars were cheered upon entering the Great Hall at breakfast. Justin Finch-Fletchley made quite a noticeable entrance, as he was missing most of his hair. All that was left was a few random patches scattered over his head. Ron cheered madly.

"Ginny, you see that?" he called over the noise. Ginny was grinning wickedly. "What's that smile for?"

"This," she said, and she produced a bottle from her robes.

Ron grabbed it, and began reading. "Nair?" he thought out loud. He turned it over and read the label. "For the removal of hair from your legs without shaving. Apply a thin layer over the desired area for weeks free of hair." He stared at Ginny in amazement.

"I told you I'd deal with it in my own way," she said, giggling to herself.

Ron looked at her with growing pride. "How did you...?" he stuttered.

"I put it in his shampoo bottle. Xander gave me the idea," she said sweetly. Xander, who was talking to Alicia, looked over and winked. Fred and George began to pat Ginny on the back wildly, nearly knocking her over.

"Ginny," said Ron, "I think I speak for us all when I say I've never been more proud of you than I am now."

Ginny glowed at the praise as the Hogwarts team left for the locker rooms. Ron looked around excitedly, waiting for the school to go to the Quidditch pitch. After what felt like ages, they finally started to get up, and Harry and Ron practically ran to the pitch. They found Alicia sitting by herself and decided to join her. Cho came to sit next to Harry, and they chatted casually about anything that came to mind until the team came out of the locker room, flying with a giant English flag held between them. They landed at midfield and huddled up for a moment. Xander flew near Harry and Ron and began to point towards Malfoy.

"What's he gonna do?" asked Ron, and Harry shrugged.

Cho looked at Harry questioningly. "What's going on?" she asked.

"Just watch," answered Harry, barely able to hide his excitement.

Krum set the chaser about their drills, ordered the beaters to hit the bludger toward each other for practice, and released the snitch for Malfoy. He began making quite a show of chasing it, pretending to be bored as he looped it several times. The Slytherins cheered madly. Just as he reached out to grab it, his eyes grew as wide as dinner plates.

"OOWWWWWW!" he cried, and streaked to the ground, crashing when he couldn't find his feet. He began to dance around madly, holding onto a very private area, looking as if a crab had crawled into his robes.

The team touched ground and began to chase Malfoy around, who wouldn't hold still long enough for anybody to help him. Xander touched down near Harry and Ron, and tossed a small canister to them.

"Hide this," he said hurriedly, and rushed off to "help" Malfoy. Harry looked at the can as Malfoy was shouting "There's something on my broom!"

"Icy-Hot," Harry read the label aloud.

Ron rolled over in laughter. "Brilliant!" he shouted as Roger Davies shot water out of his wand onto Malfoy. He now appeared as if he wet himself, and was forced to finish out the practice like that.

"What's Icy-Hot?" Cho asked, unable to hold back a giggle.

"It's a Muggle cream that Xander uses for sore muscles," said Alicia, who apparently was torn between amusement and reprimanding Xander for fooling around in practice. "It feels like it burns when it gets on your skin, and you know how sensitive that area is."

"See, if he puts it on the broom handle, it takes a few minutes to soak through the clothes," explained Ron. "There's no way anybody would know he did it."

"Not that it's not good to see Malfoy make a prat of himself," said Hermione. "But Xander shouldn't be fooling around like that in front of the whole school. He could get kicked off the team."

"Like that's gonna happen," said Ron. "He's by far the best player out there and knows too much about the other teams to be kicked off. He'll probably just have to run laps or something."

The Gryffindors took great pleasure in taunting Malfoy the rest of practice. Fred and George began chanting "Liar, liar, pants on fire!" which was picked up by half to school. It distracted Malfoy so much that he couldn't catch the snitch at all, and Krum ordered him to run laps with Xander after practice. After half an hour of watching Malfoy run (his face was so red it looked as if it would explode) they returned to Gryffindor Tower to record the success of the prank. Xander returned an hour later, his hair thoroughly soaked in sweat and gasping for air, but smiling broadly.

"How many laps did you have to run?" asked Alicia when she saw him. She grabbed his broomstick out of his hands and helped him out of his Quidditch robes, and forced him to drink a full glass of water.

"Five hundred," said Xander, who threw the last of the water over his head. He was still breathing hard and moved as if it hurt.

"Get in the shower," Alicia told him. "You stink. And you still have to take me out tonight," she added, holding her nose. Xander wrapped her up in a big hug. "No!" she shrieked. "Get off! You stink!", though she couldn't stop laughing. Xander finally went upstairs into the dormitories, and didn't come back down for a good two hours.

"It was worth it, though," said Ron with a smile. "I'd have run his laps for him to see that happen."

"Chalk up one more for the good guys," added Harry, patting his prank book fondly.