Life as I Knew It

Chapter 15--Imperfect

After lunch, Pansy had a free period. From what she could tell, N.E.W.T. Level Potions was that afternoon, and after spending part of the morning with Professor d'Homme, Pansy was glad she was not in a class with the new Snape. Pansy was going to use the opportunity to go see the headmaster, but again, she had a new friend want to spend time with her. This time it was Millicent, who was technically an old friend. Pansy had been popular enough back in her own time, but never like this. Pansy was going to ask Millicent to take a rain check, but then she remembered what the girl had said the night before. Pansy was her only friend.

So Pansy found herself walking into the Slytherin common room. This afternoon, Moonshyne was not there. As Pansy looked around, things almost seemed normal. Sure, Trampy was brushing her long blonde hair, and Morag was reading in the corner, but it still gave Pansy a pang of nostalgia. As she took a seat on one of the couches, she did not see either Draco or Daphne, who were the only two Slytherins of interest to her other than Millicent.

"So," said Millicent, "I heard you've been spending a lot of time with Zahara. She's pretty cool. If you have to hang out with another transfer student, I definitely recommend her over Melpomene."

"Yeah, that's rapidly becoming clear. Melpomene is a little intense."

An awkward silence stretched between the two girls. Pansy did not really want to talk about the transfer students. She was with her old friend, and she wanted to be able to sink back into the comfort of her old life. The problem was that Pansy had no idea what to talk to Millicent about. They did not have the same rapport that they had had in Pansy's world. "So..." Pansy grinned. "You hate Moonshyne, too?"

Millicent laughed, covering her mouth again. Pansy had never noticed that she did that. "Yeah, I really do."

Pansy should have known. Making fun of other people was what the Slytherin girls had bonded over in the first place. "Is there anyone else you don't like?"

Millicent bit her nail. "Actually, I hate all of them, with their perfect hair and perfect teeth. Oh, and then there's their perfect skin and their perfect boobs. Every-freaking-thing about them is perfect." Millicent was starting to get worked up, but then she returned to biting her nails. "Is that okay?"

"I think it's fine. I'm getting a little sick of it, too." Pansy really wanted to get into the specifics of why Millicent hated each girl, but then she saw Blaise walking toward her. The closer he got, the worse he looked. At the table the previous night, Pansy had been too far away to really see him. First of all, his skin was considerably lighter than she had ever seen it before, which Pansy should have been able to see at dinner. She must not have been paying enough attention. Also, there was something vaguely androgynous about him. In fact, he was a couple pigments and a haircut away from looking like a white girl. Pansy thought he was going to stop, but he just walked right past her and sat at one of the tables.

"I'm sorry, Millicent. I want to hear what you have to say about every one of those perfect bitches, but I really want to talk to Blaise right now."

Millicent nodded. "That's fine." Then her voice dropped to a whisper. "Blaise isn't perfect."

Pansy walked over to Blaise, and she could see that Millicent was right. It was just weird for her since the Blaise she had known came the closest to perfect of anyone in Slytherin.

"Hi. It's Blaise, right?"

Blaise looked up at her and nodded. Male or female, black or white, he was still as striking as ever. He looked so sad, though. Pansy wanted to tell him that everything was going to be okay, that she was going to fix all of this, but he would not have understood what she meant.

A long awkward silence passed between them. Finally Blaise said, "So you're Pansy. The new girl."

Pansy should not have been the new girl to him. Of all the Slytherins, Pansy had known Blaise the longest. They had met at the age of four, when his mother had married a friend of the Parkinson family. Of course, like all of Widow Zabini's husbands, that man was dead now, but Pansy and Blaise had remained close even after that connection was severed. Through the years at Hogwarts, they had grow apart a little, but still, she was not new to him, she was the girl to whom he tried to teach Italian when they were five. Every time Pansy thought she was getting used to it, something like that would happen.

"Yeah, that's me," she replied sadly.

After that, the conversation was awkward and forced. It did not take long for Pansy to excuse herself, saying that she needed to get back to Millicent.

Millicent and Pansy talked for a long time, mostly about the love lives of their classmates. For the most part this was not very interesting to Pansy, so she steered the conversation to Draco's relationship history. The first girl he dated was Ginny. They were together for all of his fifth year. It had really bothered their families.

"Why, if the Weasleys were secretly Death Eaters?" asked Pansy, although she refused to believe that was the case.

Millicent was stumped. "Because... Well, they... The Malfoys and Weasleys just hate each other."

"Entire families don't just hate each other for no reason. There must be something."

Millicent shrugged. "I don't know. Let's move on. So, at the end of fifth year, the Dark Lord was defeated. Moonshyne and Harry were having problems. He couldn't handle that someone, especially his girlfriend, stole his moment of glory."

Pansy and Draco had spent years referring to Harry Potter as a big-headed glory hound. Professor Snape had made several cracks about it in class. Pansy sort of hated herself for even thinking these traitorous thoughts, but that was not how Harry really was. As difficult as it was for her to admit to herself that she was wrong, it occurred to her with sudden clarity that the Harry she had known, albeit peripherally, had never sought out attention. Yes, he had been chosen as a Triwizard Champion, making it Quadwizard, but Pansy now knew, through her parents, that he had not actually put his name in for it. He had given an interview to The Quibbler, but she knew that was about telling the truth of what happened in the graveyard. So maybe Harry would have cared that he was not the one to get rid of the Dark Lord this time around, but Pansy really doubted it.

"Anyway, after the break-up, Moonshyne had decided to go after Draco, never mind that he had a girlfriend at the time." Pansy thought this might explain Ginny's hostility toward the girl.

Millicent went on and on about the Draco/Moonshyne relationship, how sweet he had become, how romantic, etcetera. "It's just too bad it's all wasted on her," Millicent finished.

As Millicent was saying this, Draco walked through the entrance. She could not have possibly known this, as she had her back to him, but Pansy had noticed the impeccable timing. "Yeah, it is."

It took Pansy a few moments to realize that if Draco was back from Potions, it was almost time for her next class. Pansy consulted a clock on the wall, although she already knew roughly what it would say. She found that she was running even later than she thought.

Pansy stood and hoisted her bag onto her shoulder. She was walking backwards, apologizing to Millicent for leaving so abruptly. She did not realize Draco was behind her until she backed into him and fell.