The Strongest of Us All

Chapter 5

December 28, 2001

"Can't I just..."

"No."

"But I..."

"No."

"Can I..."

"No."

"Would you just..."

"No."

"Fine," I huff. "Fine then."

We sit in a tense silence for a moment, the Gryffindor common room's red and gold décor much too cheery for the mood we're in. And then Ron's temper flares up again.

"How could you do that to him? To us? We thought you were our friend Draco!"

"I am your friend! I..."

"Some friend!" he bursts. "What kind of friend fakes amnesia and tells lies? Before this week everything was going great. You were a real fucking person. Or we thought you were! And then Christmas comes around and you and Harry spent the night together in the same bed. What would have happened if I hadn't have been there? I don't want to think about it! But we assume everything is fine and dandy and then you run out on Harry and do... do all this? What the hell?" he babbles.

"Do you have any idea how much you hurt him? You crushed him! If you were just his friend it would have been bad enough. But he loved you! He told you he did, I know it! He wouldn't even talk to us yesterday. Does that make you happy? That he wouldn't talk to us. His best friends in the whole world! Was this some huge scheme to break Harry? Was this the idea from the very beginning? Because congratulations Draco, you did. You win."

My blood pressure had hit the roof. My patience meter has run out. My anger has completely overridden my common sense and I am this close to spontaneously combusting. And Hermione knows it too. She backs slowly away.

"What the fuck do you know?" I scream, rounding around to turn towards Ron. "What do you know about anything Ron? You don't even know what's happened over the last few days. Do you know the Dursleys are dead? Do you know they were abused and butchered before they died? Do you know my father did it? I love Harry damn it! I love him so much it hurts! But I can't do this anymore. I can't pretend that I'm just Draco. I'm Draco Malfoy. Malfoy, Ron! Look at me for Christ sake!" I plead. "I'm the spitting image of my father! I can't look at myself without thinking of him."

I take a deep shuddering breath. "How can Harry stand to look at me? How can I stand him looking at me, wondering if underneath all this lies my father's son?" My throat is raw from the crying and the screaming. "How can Harry love the person who caused him so much pain? He can't. He shouldn't. So I wanted to make it easy. When I fainted...amnesia seemed the perfect excuse. 'Cause I had to push him away. Don't you get it? Don't you see? I have to protect him, whatever way I can. Even if that means never seeing him again."

The only sound in the room is Hermione's quiet crying and the crackling of the fire. Ron stares at me, his face ashen as I drop to the couch, empty.

"You see, this wasn't some cruel plan. No one wins." I breathe deeply. "No one wins."

The time passes slowly and Hermione gradually stops her crying while I start mine. I hardly notice. Why is there so much crying? I never cry and then it suddenly seems to have taken over whole hours of my day. Huge wrenching tears that seem to be ripped from the bottom of my soul. Small bitter tears that publicize life's unfairness. And beautiful crystal ones that leave hot trails down my face. I cry them all for Harry. Harry and me. I'm not sure how long I cry but the pillow beneath me becomes a soggy mess. I roll over, drowsily staring into the fire. Is there a face there? I'm seeing things again. Harry places a blanket over me, his expression tranquil. A dream certainly.

"I'm sorry," I whisper. "I didn't do it to hurt you." I can tell him here.

"I know." He settles down beside me, brushing my hair off my face. As far as dreams go, this one's ok.

December 29, 2001

I woke up lazily the next morning, warm and comfortable. I snuggle a little closer to the person besides me. There's a deep noise in their chest and I'm content as I listen to their heartbeat.

I had good dreams last night. In one Harry and I were riding around on our broomsticks. No matter how often I fell he was there to catch me. The sky was a strange light purple and the sun shown brightly everywhere. There were no shadows. When I asked Harry why he simply said, "Because we don't need them." We laughed then, and I didn't care that I didn't get the joke.

Waking up is so strange sometimes. Like if you don't remember where you fell asleep and when you wake up are scared. But then you remember where you are and feel foolish. Or sometimes you wake up exactly when something important happens in a dream. Like you're about to be kissed or die or hit the ground. Then you have a horrible shock. The best times to wake up are when you have something exciting that day and you know it right off the bat, and you wake up happy.

I've only woken up like this only once before. Wrapped in someone's arms. It's a wonderful thing to open your eyes and see a person's face right off. Harry looks peaceful and happy when he sleeps. His hair is less messy when he's snoring than when he's awake. Funny. And his lashes are so long. I never really noticed before, and I thought I knew everything about him. He smells like rain and wildflowers. He's the most soothing person I know. Waking up next to him...

Wait.

Rewind and freeze.

...

I woke up next to Harry Potter.

Let's have a recap here... I ran away, faked amnesia, hurt him horribly, then he fell and hurt himself horribly, 'Mione and Ron figured out I was lying, we all vented our spleens, I fell asleep, and dreamed about Harry.

Or maybe it wasn't a dream?

I look down on his face. He's still sleeping. Smiling as he dreams. The blanket is thrown over the both of us; tangled around my arm and pulled right up to his nose though both our feet stick out.

I should go.

I really, really should.

So why am I not moving? Why am I moving closer to his face, leaning in for a quick chaste kiss before pulling hurriedly away?

"Harry Potter," I whisper softly. "I love you too much for your own damned good."

And that's the moment he decides to wake up.

"Good."

I turn and look determinedly at the edge of the couch. I can't look at him. I can't see what's in those eyes staring at me. I'm such a coward, I know, but I can't...

"Draco," he says softly, interrupting my tirade. "Draco, look at me."

"I can't," I whisper miserably.

"Why?"

"I don't want to see you look at me like you're going to."

"How am I going to look at you?"

"You're going to be angry. Hurt. Disappointed. You're going to hate me. Whatever, it's just... it's just not going to be good."

"Look at me," he says again. He sounds calm enough. Not mad. Hurt then. Or...

I slowly lift my head to look at him. His eyes are shining brightly. Not with anger. Not with hurt. Not anything like that. Maybe I'm delusional, because the only thing I'm seeing is love. And he's just staring at me like that, because he still loves me after all the horrible things I did and said and I don't understand!

"I don't understand." I have a problem with thinking before I speak... it doesn't quite mean the same thing in my head.

He smiles a little. "I heard what you said to Ron and Hermione. Most of the school probably did. But... I understand why you did what you did. And I have to say that I am angry, and I am hurt and disappointed. I wish you'd told me what you were feeling. If you can't tell me... who can you tell?" He reaches over to punch me lightly in the shoulder. "You are not your father Draco. You think you can end this relationship and not give me a better reason than that son of a bitch? You can't let him rule your life. If you don't want to be with me... that's your decision," he continues sadly.

"No!" I cry, horrified. "Never, ever think that!" How can he think that I don't love him? I didn't want things to be this way.

He smiles a bit.

"But..." I continue to sob quietly. "The things I said in the dungeon..."

"Were just words," he murmured. "And they hurt, yeah. But I knew somewhere in there was still my Draco. Amnesia my ass. I wasn't going to give up yet. I'm not throwing away love." He pulled me a little closer. "I barely knew what love was until you. I knew love like friend-love or family-love or crush-love, but not love-love. Not the forever kind. I love you. And if you ever, ever, ever do that to me again, I will kick your ass from here to Puddlemere myself."

I snort, carefully wiping my face. "I love you too, but if that's the way it's going to be, I have just one thing to say. If you ever, ever, ever practice with a Bludger and no ones around, I will kick whatever's left of you from here to Bulgaria."

"Where is Bulgaria anyway?"

"Haven't the foggiest. We should ask Hermione."

"She might be a bit occupied at the moment."

"Oh?"

"I haven't seen her or Ron since last night."

"Oh."

"Exactly."

And he leaned in to kiss me again. And right then everything was ok.

Up until the moment I scream.

"Was that a fricken' head in the fire?"

Harry gapes at me. Just total slack-jawed gaping right there.

And then he laughs. Laughs! I'm in hysterics for the fourth time in two days and he laughs!

"You are in big trouble buster, if you don't explain what you're laughing at right now!"

He pushes his head into the pillow and emerges a few seconds later doing a decent impression of coughing.

"You scream... like a girl," he chokes. "Worse than a girl. I've heard Hermione scream manlier than that."

"I'll be sure to tell her that."

His eyes pop open. "You wouldn't..."

"I'm gonna tell Hermione you called her manly," I singsong.

"I didn't call her manly... exactly. That's not what I meant!"

"Suuuuuuure. Of course you didn't mean to call her manly." This is too much fun. I'm holding this one over his head forever. Head.

"But what was with the face in the fire?"

He sits straight up. "Are you sure it was a face? Not a weird looking log or anything?"

"Of course it was a face! I only hear voices, I'm not up to full-on hallucinations yet!"

Another look. I sigh. "Yes, there was a face."

Harry smiles at me. "It must be Sirius!" he declares happily. "I haven't talked to him forever!

"Sirius Black?"

"Do we know another one?"

"I think there's a Second Year Ravenclaw with that name."

"Why would his head be in the fire?"

"Why would your godfather's head be in the fire?"

He shot me a reproachful look. "He's done it three times before."

"But he can contact you whenever he wants, why..."

"As entertaining as all this is I have to interrupt."

Harry and I both turned back towards the fireplace. "Sirius!"

He grinned at us, a bit ominously actually, since he's all orange and red. "Sorry about flickering out like that. You didn't look like you wanted any interruptions, and Dumbledore's got all the fireplaces pretty well blocked from anyone getting in at all anyway."

"How are you Sirius?" Harry asks. I glance quickly at him. He looks happy right now. He's forgotten for a while. That's good.

"Been better. But we finally got mother's picture off the wall, that's a plus."

Harry winced. "Big plus. Was she really that awful?"

"Worse," he cheerily replied. "Much worse."

"As entertaining as all this is I have to interrupt," I repeat Sirius' earlier statement. "You wouldn't contact us unless it was something important. So... what is it?"

Sirius's head shifts in the fire. "Who are you anyway?" He looks at Harry in mock disappointment. "You didn't mention you had a boyfriend Harry. You should tell me these things... especially since you looked so cozy on the couch."

Harry flushes a little. So much for first impressions. At least he doesn't seem to mind that Harry's gay. Otherwise this whole introduction thing could be really awkward. "Draco, this is my godfather Sirius Black. Sirius, this is Draco Malfoy."

Malfoy. One little word that causes a really big problem. "Malfoy? Malfoy? Harry, are you insane? Are you under Impervious? Did he use a love potion? What the hell is going on?"

I sigh, more hurt than I thought I'd be. "Maybe I should just change my name." I give Sirius a sideways look. "Nice to meet you second-cousin. I take it I won't be invited to the Black family reunion?"

He stops in the middle of his outburst. "You know we're related?"

"Yes. Mum always told me stories about how you and her sisters would play chess games for galleons and how that once Grandmother found out she played too."

He tilts his head slightly, his look unreadable. "Did she?"

"She told me about Snape too."

I've surprised him. "I didn't think Narcissa knew."

"They all know. They just ignore him."

He nods his head. "Doesn't surprise me. Most of the time I ignore him too."

"Slimy git."

That comment came from Harry. "Well he is!"

I'm not sure if I like Sirius. There's the Sirius from all the stories Harry told me, and then there's the Sirius that wanted to lynch me because I'm a Malfoy. Though in all fairness I supposed I can't really blame him for that.

"Which reminds me," Sirius says hurriedly. "There was a Death Eater meeting last night. Snape's here at headquarters. It seems Voldemort wasn't too pleased with the spy work he's been doing. He's recovering from Crucio. He was under for about 20 seconds, as near as he can tell." Another unreadable expression flickers over Sirius's face. "And Lupin's here too. Nearly a full moon, so I need you to tell Dumbledore why they won't be coming to Hogwarts tomorrow as planned."

"Is Se... Snape ok?

Sirius nods. "He'll be fine, he just needs to rest."

"We'll go to Dumbledore's right now."

"Also... and this is the more important part, so pay attention. You've got to get this word for word. Lightning has been seen with the Snake and the Phoenix is rising."

"Lightning has been seen with the Snake and the Phoenix is rising," Harry and I dutifully repeat. What's with the animals?

Sirius nods to him and turns to look me over again. "I don't like your father. But I get the feeling you don't either, and what I remember of Narcissa... wasn't that bad. And Harry likes you. So I'm giving you a chance. But if you hurt Harry, or Hermione, or Ron, or anyone else I care about, you'll have me after you."

And with a small pop he disappeared.

"That could have been worse," Harry said optimistically.

"Could have been better."

"Most things could be better." With slightly regretful and guilty looks we start searching for the Invisibility Cloak.

I had expected Harry to be mad at me, and if he was I wouldn't have blamed him. But he told me we had both suffered enough. He had almost died. Died. The big never-come-back kind of died. The kind with all the black and the pale flowers and the crying and the eulogies. Not that there's really any other kind. That's just the nervousness talking. Sorry. I'll try to tone it down a bit. Whew, deep breaths Draco.

Sneaking into Dumbledore's office has become quite a trend lately. At least he hadn't changed the password yet.

By the time we get to the top of the stairs we realize Dumbledore is not alone. A woman is in his office as well, and from the sound of it it's not any of the professors. Harry scrunches his face up, pressing his ear to the door.

"Is it anyone we know?" I whisper.

He shrugs. "Not sure."

We eavesdrop a little more.

" - insane Albus! Fudge refuses to look at what's right in front of him, still!"

"He did declare Voldemort was back," Dumbledore adds mildly.

"They broke into the Ministry of Magic. He had too, stupid prat; we practically held a wand to his throat. And even though he's declared it he hasn't done anything else." The woman sighs and sounds exceptionally frustrated. "Most of the Aurors have gone free agent and quite frankly I don't blame them. Our only hope rests with the Order and the Prophecies."

"Prophecies?" Harry mutters. "I thought there was only one."

I touch his shoulder reassuringly. "You told me there were thousands down there. Could be anything. Could be about us eavesdropping on the Headmaster. Or the outcome of the next Quidditch game. Seers aren't known for predicting important events. Most times it's just stupid things like whether it will rain the next day."

Harry makes a hushed laugh. "Professor Trelawney can't even handle that most times."

Ehh, Professor Trelawney. I really don't like that woman. Stupid old biddy.

"But the real problem is..." the woman was interrupted by a crash. "Oh I'm sorry Albus!" she wailed. "You keep moving the furniture every time I'm here and I'm so clumsy!"

Harry grinned again. "Tonks!" Without another second's wait he pushed open the door to reveal Dumbledore standing over a large pile of shattered pieces and a tall girl with dark eyes and orange hair all most all the way down to her ankles. And when I say orange I mean orange. The Weasleys had nothing on her. She looked up in surprise.

"Do doors often open on their own around here?"

In response Harry pulled the Invisibility Cloak off of us.

"Harry!" she shrieked, walking towards him before tripping over the edge of the plush chair in front of Dumbledore's desk. "Ah, sorry again Albus."

"No problem," he insisted cheerily. "14^th century glass vase, easily replaceable." He looked at Harry and I again. "Memory back Draco?" he inquired pleasantly, his eyes twinkling as if to say I never fooled him.

Mustering up some dignity I managed a decent, "I'm fine now sir."

"Jolly good. Lemon drop?"

"Erm, no, thank you."

The girl picked herself up off the floor, simultaneously dusting herself off and introducing herself. "The name's Nymphadora Tonks, but if you call me by my first name you'll have a very peeved Auror on your hands."

I throw my aforementioned hands in the air. "Do you people have any idea how many times I've been threatened today?" Then her name sinks in. "Nymphadora... Tonks... Was your mother Andromeda?"

"Yup, Andromeda Black."

"It's a Black Family Reunion!" I burst out. "Another long-lost relative." A cousin this time. At this rate I should have a long-lost sibling showing up any second.

Tonks looks at me strangely. "I'm Draco Malfoy. My mother was Narcissa, and before you have a freak attack, I'd like to explain that I love Harry, he is not under the influence of any potion and/or spell and he is not insane. And also, I am not a Death Eater." I feel like I need to make all this clear before she stupefies me or something.

"I think that was everything." Harry remarks dryly. "Except what we came here for."

"Oh, right. Sirius contacted us through the fire to give you a message."

"Snape was put under Crucio at the Death Eater meeting because Voldemort wasn't happy with whatever bogus information he's been feeding him. He's staying at headquarters for while. Lupin is too, because it's almost the full moon and I don't think he's up to it. Apparently you were expecting them tomorrow, and they won't be here."

Albus nods. "How bad off is Snape?"

"Sirius was making jokes about him before, so not horribly bad," I muse. "He said it was probably 20 seconds or so. Enough to make him limp for a day or two."

Harry's looking at me like that again. With that mixture of pity and love. He walks up behind me and puts his arms around my neck and shoulders. "I take it you know from experience?"

I nod mutely. He notices these things. Most people would just gloss over everything, but Harry's there. Harry's notices. I lean back into him for a moment, reveling in the sensation that's purely Harry.

"Bastard," he hisses. It seems ironic that just two days ago I said the same thing about the same person in this same place. That word seems to make up a great deal of Harry's and my vocabularies lately. Now Tonks is looking at us. And Dumbledore. Harry releases me but we still grasp hands.

"Was there anything else?"

"Yes. Sirius said to tell you, word for word, 'Lightning has been seen with the Snake and the Phoenix is rising' "

Dumbledore appears troubled for a second. "It's no more than we expected Albus," Tonks said hurriedly.

He sighs. "I suppose not. But I wish things would not come to that."

Harry and I exchange a look. We're thinking the same thing, I know. What are they talking about? I interrupt them before they tell us to leave.

"Headmaster..."

"Yes Draco?"

I look from him to Tonks quickly. "I heard the most fascinating rumor the other day... That there's a trap door leading to a storeroom in the southernmost room of Malfoy Manor. And the password was, of all things, Pureblood. Strange, the things you hear floating around."

Harry squeezes my hand. Take that dear old dad. I bet you didn't think I knew about all those poisons and Dark Art books. I have to say you taught me well in the arts of spying and finding other people's secrets. It will surprise you to find the tables turned for once.

Tonks smiles slightly. "I'm sure Arthur Weasley will be most interested to hear that."

Dumbledore strokes his beard. "Yes, I'm sure he would. But you don't have to be back at the Ministry till later. Care to join us for breakfast Tonks? I'm sure you can disguise yourself well enough."

"I suggest letting go of the orange hair though," Harry says tactfully. "Even the purple looked better."

Tonks gives him a half-hearted smirk. "Really? Maybe I should just stick with the colors my mum and dad gave me for today." She scrunches up her nose. A second later she has pale blonde hair and eyes so dark they were almost black.

"Whoa! You're a Metamorphmagus?" Total shock. It's really rare to be a total Metamorphmagus. Even rarer than an Animagus.

Tonks smiles. "Only one for 10 generations on either side of the family."

I stare a little closer at her. Those eyes... "You've got Uncle Sev's eyes!" I blurt out.

"Uncle Sev's?" Harry says, horrified. "You can't mean..."

I shrug, flushing a bit. Didn't mean for that to come out. And it's not that appalling, is it? "He's my mother's half-brother. Everyone in the family ignores him."

Comprehension dawns on his face. "That's what you and Sirius were talking about earlier."

"Yes."

Tonks looks vaguely puzzled. "Uncle Sev?"

"Severus Snape, the Potions Master here at Hogwarts," Dumbledore tells her. "He's the half-brother of your mother as well, so the makes you and Draco cousins."

"Half-cousins," I interject.

Tonks looks a bit shell-shocked.

"Umm, half brother how?"

"Patricia Bramson Malfoy, our grandmother, had an affair between the births of my mother and Aunt Bellatrix. The result was Uncle Sev. She gave him to one of her childhood friends to raise. She acknowledged him only when she died. The family still completely overlooks him." I reach up to touch Tonks's face lightly. "No one else in the family received Grandmother's eyes... except you."

This is so strange. Tonks looks like a Malfoy-Snape hybrid. Except she acts like a Hufflepuff on a lot of sugar. Well, I'll be the first to tell you fate works in mysterious ways.

I take a step back and glare at everyone in the room. "And no one is to mention any of this... to anyone," I stress. "Even Ron or Hermione."

They all nod.

"Breakfast then?" Dumbledore suggests after a tick. "I feel like some kippers myself."

I glance regretfully at Harry walk down the stairs into the Great Hall. Later we are definitely having some alone time. I have some snogging to catch up on. Not to mention I owe Harry for the hell I put him through. It could be fun making it up to him though.