I Can't Fight This Feeling

Can't Fight This Feeling

A/N: I am so, so sorry I have taken so long to get this next chapter up! The fic is finished now, I just never got around to posting all the chapters. Also, I need a beta before I can put the next one up, so if anyone is interested, let me know.

Oh, and if my old beta reader, Jac, is out there, you have first dibs if you want it, and I sincerely apologize for never getting back in touch with you and finishing this story. I just got so busy, and only now that my first year of college is over am I finally getting back into fan fiction...Anyway, this chapter is for you.

Chapter 3

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Ron paced the dormitory, thinking furiously. He had to apologize to Hermione. It was as simple as that. He'd waited and waited for her to return to the common room, to speak with him, but she hadn't come. She'd been hiding herself away all afternoon in that library, and it had to stop.

Mind made up, Ron turned on his heel and strode out the door, robes flying behind him and a determined look on his face. He had to go now, before his nerve failed him.

He passed Harry on his way out of the common room, and his best friend sent him a questioning look.

"Hermione," he mouthed silently, barely pausing as he went by.

Harry's eyebrows shot up so far Ron thought they might just sail on off and away, but then Harry smiled encouragingly and winked at him. "Good luck," he mouthed back.

I'm gonna need it,

Ron couldn't help thinking as he made his way down the corridors and pushed open the door to the library. Now, where was that girl?

He didn't see her at first as she wasn't in any of her usual places. He realized why a short second later as someone walked into him. He looked down, and noticed that the girl had shoulder-length, bushy chestnut hair and eyes of molten chocolate. Ron thought he'd never seen anyone so beautiful as the girl looked right that moment. It took about half a second longer to register that he was staring at Hermione.

"Oh, sorry," she was saying automatically, I didn't see-Ron?" The surprise in her voice was accompanied by the expression on her face. Hermione stood there for a moment, simply staring in disbelief.

"I didn't see you either," Ron said softly, trying to sound light hearted and give her a smile, but failing dismally. Her eyes were red, as was the skin around them.

He reacted without thinking, tilting her chin up carefully so that she had to look him full in the face. He studied her face, searching her eyes with his own. "Have you been crying?" he asked gently, concern filling his voice.

The thumping of Ron's heart multiplied suddenly, sounding louder in his ears, and he felt a painful ache growing within him. Had he caused this? Had he made her cry? Ron felt a wave of self-anger so strong then and was cursing himself so loudly in his mind that he was sure everyone else in the room must hear it, including Hermione. How could he have been so stupid? Of course she would have been hurt by the argument, he should have come looking for her and apologized immediately! What was the matter with him?

But none of his inner turmoil showed on his face, and he stood there, seemingly calm, one hand under her chin and a look in his eyes that Hermione had never seen before. She stood silently, soaking it in like a sunbather lying on a beach, the warmth and tender concern in it causing her to loose all power to speak, to breathe, to do anything more than stand there, staring.

But people were beginning to notice, and Hermione felt their unabashed curiosity and amusement like a cold wind on her back. Ron seemed completely oblivious. Pulling away, she lowered her gaze and watched Ron's hand drop back to his side, slowly, reluctantly, like it really wanted to reach out to her again...

Hermione pushed the thought away. Her imagination was running away with her again. She forced herself to look up at him, to meet his gaze. "I'm fine," she lied. How could she be, after what she had overheard in the corridor outside the Charms classroom? She had hung around, waiting to see what they said about her- yes, eavesdropping if you like- but she had never expected...that.

And now that she'd heard it, she didn't know how to act around Ron, didn't know what to do. What words would give her away, and which ones wouldn't?

Ron's slightly amused voice broke into her thoughts again before she could travel very far down that path. "That's not what I asked, Hermione Alexis Granger, and you know it." Why didn't she just tell him the truth? He'd understand. He'd come down here to apologize, after all.

"No," she said, "it's not." A slight smile touched the corners of her own mouth, but she offered no further explanation. "What are you doing here, Ron?" she asked after a few moments of silence.

Ron hesitated, and then answered truthfully, forcing his eyes to meet hers. "I came down here to apologize. I'm sorry, Hermione."

He was apologizing? For saying he liked her? She drew back instinctively, feeling the tears forming in her eyes. Then she saw his wide-eyed look of surprise, and could have slapped herself. Of course he wasn't apologizing for that, he didn't know she'd heard that...He must be apologizing for the Quidditch thing then, or for the entire argument altogether.

She smiled in relief, the tears receding as quickly as they'd come. "For the argument?" she asked, wanting to be sure they were on the same page this time.

He nodded earnestly, his eyes never leaving hers. "For the argument, for signing you up for the Quidditch team without asking...for everything." He paused for breath then, and the sad, self-blaming look came into his eyes before he could stop it. "I'm sorry I made you cry." He looked away then, unable to look at her for another second. He felt so ashamed that the emotion was like a physical thing radiating from him. Hermione felt it, and didn't know whether to laugh or cry this time.

She settled for a small smile, knowing that the crying would only make him feel worse, and the laughing would be like an insult. "It's okay, Ron, really."

He looked up quickly, obviously startled at such an answer. "You mean it, really?"

"Absolutely. I completely forgive you, and we can just forget about the entire episode."

"Okay..." Ron trailed off, unsure of what to say next. Seeing her looking at him, smiling with those kind eyes of hers, he felt the sudden urge to take her in his arms and kiss her. To pull her into the warmth of his embrace and hold her there forever, never letting her go. He fought it, knowing that now was probably not the best time, and certainly not the best place. Besides, how would she react?

Hermione saw the struggle in his eyes, but didn't understand it. What was wrong now, she'd said she forgiven him, right? "I'm sorry too," she added on impulse, thinking that might be what was wrong.

Ron's eyes cleared, and he looked at her strangely. "What do you have to be sorry for?"

"I..I don't know," she admitted. "But you looked like you were trying to decide something, and I thought an apology from me might help."

Ron smiled wryly at her uncertain look, and at the thought behind it. "It did," he told her, hoping to make her smile again. Oh, if only she knew what he had really been thinking about...

Hermione did smile then, and looked up at him brightly. "Should we head back to the common room then?"

Ron nodded his agreement, and they started towards the door, hands brushing as they went. Ron's footsteps faltered, and he shook his head as he fought down the impulse to reach out and grab her hand, to cover it with his own and hold it there as they walked. Not yet.

He kept glancing at her as they walked, side by side, and to his surprise, he noticed that she was casting shy glances his way as well. Hmm. That was a new development. The thought warmed him, and the next time she looked his way, he gave her the brightest smile he could muster.

Her answering grin was enough to make his palms start sweating, and he wiped them quickly on his trousers before she noticed. God she was so beautiful just then. That radiant smile lit her face like the sun itself, and she seemed to glow from within. Oh, if only he could hold her hand...

What's stopping you?

a voice taunted him. Go on, do it. Just reach down, and take the girl's hand. Look at that smile, she's not going to protest, you know she's not.

And for one teeny, tiny moment out of time, Ron almost responded. He almost reached down and took her hand, like the voice had said to, but something stopped him. At first he couldn't figure out what it was, but then it hit him. He couldn't reach down and take her hand because of the exact same reason he had tried to convince himself he could. Look at that smile...he had thought. Well, it was exactly because of that smile that he couldn't do it.

Sure, Hermione might not complain, might not pull away...but what if she did? Then that smile would be gone forever, and he'd never get it back. No, he couldn't do it. He couldn't risk it.

Even as I wander, I'm keeping you in sight

You're a candle in the wind, on a cold, dark, winter's night

And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might

They entered the Gryffindor common room, and Ron was surprised at how empty it was compared to when he had left. There were only a few people still down here; the rest had gone up to bed. How long were we gone? he wondered absently as he searched the room for Harry.

He found him almost instantly, sitting in one of the huge, comfy chairs by the fireplace, and he and Hermione went to join him. He had already settled himself in the one other chair beside Harry's when he realized that that left Hermione no place to sit, unless she sat beside one of them. He gulped. They'd done it hundreds of times before, of course, shared seats without qualm. Now though...

The situation didn't seem to bother Hermione at all, and she sat down beside him without visible thought. Ron tensed nervously, trying his best not to show it. He thought he had even succeeded until Harry looked at him pointedly. "Relax," he mouthed. She's not going to bite you, his eyes added.

Ron took a deep breath and calmed himself. No, of course she wasn't. He was being silly. He took Harry's advice and allowed himself to sink back into the chair. Beside him, Hermione was doing the same. Suddenly, a chair that had once seemed so huge seemed incredibly small, and Ron found himself watching closely for any sign that their hands or legs were about to brush accidentally again. They didn't, and when Hermione finally stilled, he let out a silent sigh of relief. He didn't know if he could contain any more sudden impulses to kiss her should they strike him again.

Hermione rested her head against the back of the chair, feeling somehow uncomfortable when these same chairs had been perfect before. She glanced at Ron out of the corner of her eye and suddenly wished she had the courage to lay her head on his warm, broad shoulder. It would be much better..

"I've decided to join the Quidditch team," she announced hastily, more to drive the thoughts from her mind than from excitement.

If ever it was (were instead of was?) said that any two boys could gape and stare more than Harry and Ron did at that moment, Hermione would never have believed it. She laughed softly at their identical expressions of awe, and punched Ron lightly in the arm without thinking.

"You'll help me, right?" she asked with feigned casualness, immediately regretting the way she'd touched him. It brought that funny mist back into her head again, clouding her mind until she couldn't think straight. Which was certainly not good. It put strange thoughts into her head. Like now, when she was worrying about whether Ron would change his mind, go back on his offer now that he had learned she wanted to take him up on it.

"Of course," Ron answered immediately, no trace of uncertainty lingering in his voice, only a contained excitement.

How could she have doubted him for a minute? This was Ron, after all, not some coward who went back on his word...

She smiled at him then, and he smiled back, Harry completely forgotten. "Good," was all she said.

A few more minutes passed, in which no one said absolutely anything. They just sat and stared, Ron and Hermione at each other, Harry at them, waiting with less and less patience for them to say something, anything. They didn't.

"Ahem," he finally broke in, clearing his throat loudly. "I am here, you know."

The other two tore their gazes away from each other, both blushing profusely. Harry grinned at the sight, feeling much better now that something was happening. "Look," he continued," it's getting late, and we all need to get to bed. It's Saturday tomorrow, Ron, so you and Hermione can start practicing immediately. I'll even come by to help, if I have time with all the homework I've got to catch up on." He grinned then, a slightly insinuating smirk that caused Ron and Hermione's faces to flame again. "I'll leave you two down here to...discuss you're plans. I'm going on up to bed."

Ron's eyes widened, and he jumped up from the chair immediately. "I'm coming to," he said, remembering just in time to feign a yawn to back up his story, "I'm tired."

Harry looked at him in disbelief, wondering if Ron had suddenly gone crazy. "Are you sure you want to? Maybe you two should stay down here together and discuss your plans.. Nobody would bother you. You'd be completely alone." Harry gestured around the empty common room pointedly.

"No, that's okay, I'm tired too," Hermione broke in, sympathetic to Ron's discomfort, even if she wasn't sure of the cause. How could she not be, when she was feeling it herself? She wanted to stay down here alone with him, in some ways, she even longed to. But there was that niggling doubt in the corner of her mind, the one that wouldn't go away and leave her in peace. The one that kept insisting that despite everything she'd heard and seen today, Ron still couldn't like her... that way.

And how much worse it was for him. Not once had she given him any real encouragement, not once had she openly admitted anything to him. He wanted to touch her, to hold her; hell, he'd been ignoring the impulses and driving them away ever since they'd met in the library. And now, given the chance, if he was alone with her, he feared he'd ruin all his hard work and drive her away. He wouldn't be able to bear it if that happened. No, the best way was to escape, and fast.

Bidding a quick goodnight to Hermione, he followed an incredulous Harry up the stairs to the boys' dormitory, glancing over his shoulder to make sure Hermione was going up the girls' staircase. She glanced his way too then, and smiled as their eyes met for the last time that day.

But what a way to go,

Ron thought with a pleased sigh as he lay awake in bed not much later. He knew he'd never forget the look in her eyes Not the slightly shy, embarrassed, awkward look that hovered on the surface, but the deeper, buried one that revealed feelings Hermione probably didn't even realize she had. It was a "come-and-get-me look" if Ron ever saw one.

"I'll come get you Hermione," he breathed to himself. And he would, someday. Someday soon.

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A/N: Read it? Liked it? Review it! Pretty please. Many thanks to all of you who reviewed my first two chapters, and I promise a special shout-out to all of you that review this one. If you'd like to be notified when the story is updated, just let me know in your review.