Reflections of Grace

August 1979

“Sirius, can we visit the Magical Menagerie?” Nymphadora Tonks tugged on her cousin’s hand and looked up at him imploringly. “Mummy can’t take me when we come to Diagon Alley, ‘cause of her allergies.” She wrinkled her nose at the word.

Sirius grinned at her. “Sure thing!” He pulled open the door to the Leaky Cauldron and led her inside. “Maybe I’ll buy you a puffskein,” he said with a wink. “You did just have a birthday, after all. It’s not everyday that you turn seven.” He nodded at the bald Mr. Tom behind the counter and led her out the back door.

Nymphadora shook her head sadly. “Mummy’s allergic to puffskeins.”

“A toad, then,” Sirius suggested.

“A toad? Really?” Nymphadora thought about it for a moment, and then her face fell. “Mummy and Daddy wouldn’t like that. They told me I have to learn to take care of my toys before I can have something that’s alive.” She looked up at Sirius indignantly. “I would take good care of a toad!”

“I’m sure you would,” Sirius said solemnly. He tapped several bricks on the wall behind the Leaky Cauldron. Nymphadora watched in fascination as the gateway to Diagon Alley opened. She had been to Diagon Alley a lot, but she still loved watching the way everything worked. Daddy had always said that he never got to see magic when he was little—not until he went to Hogwarts—and that always made her pay more attention to the things that were magical.

Nymphadora skipped alongside Sirius as they wound their way through the customers at Diagon Alley. It was especially busy today, and Sirius said it was because everyone was shopping for school items. “Term’s coming up really soon,” he told her.

“Not for you, though!” Nymphadora said, knowing that Sirius had graduated over a year earlier.

“Nope, not for me!” Sirius agreed cheerfully.

Nymphadora watched a group of older girls giggle over a poster of a winking boy. “I’ll get to go to school someday! In four more years.” She sighed. “It’s such a long time away. I want to go to school now.”

“You go to school,” Sirius said.

“Not magic school,” Nymphadora reminded him. Her mummy had wanted to teach her at home, but Daddy had said it would be good for her to interact with other children, and it would be good to be around Muggles, so she had been enrolled in St. Joseph’s. “I like playing with the other kids, but it’s hard,” she told Sirius emphatically. “I can’t talk about magic, and I have to make sure my face and my body don’t change. Sometimes it hurts.” She touched her nose, as if to assure that it was still her own.

Sirius squeezed her hand. “It’ll get better,” he promised. “You’ve learned a lot about changing your form, and pretty soon, it won’t hurt to keep your own form the same all the time.”

“One day I had to hide in the bathroom,” Nymphadora said. “Jenny Brinkle was making fun of my name, and I was so mad that my hair changed color. She saw it and she said I was a freak.” She kicked the ground with her toe. “Don’t tell Mummy, though. She would be upset.”

“Didn’t you tell your teacher that Jenny Brinkle was making fun of you and calling you names?”

“No. The teacher doesn’t like me. She’s mean. She always makes me sit in the corner when I didn’t even do anything! Well, there was one time when I broke a glass apple that she had on her desk, but I didn’t mean to! I tripped and my arm hit the apple and it fell!”

“Hmm.” Sirius frowned.

“And everyone calls me Nymphadora. I hate it!”

“What about the nickname Remus suggested? Didn’t you ask them to call you Nora?” Sirius asked.

Nymphadora shook her head. “They didn’t listen. They just made fun of me even more.” She liked Sirius’s friends. It had been nice of Remus to try to help her with a name. When he found out that she hated Nymphadora, he had frowned thoughtfully. “I think Nymphadora is a lovely name,” he had told her. “But you can always use a nickname, you know. What about Nymph?”

Nymphadora grimaced. “Yuck. That’s the part of my name I really don’t like.”

“How about Dora, then?”

Nymphadora wrinkled her nose. “That’s the name of my neighbor’s dog. She’s mean—she bites.” She pulled the leg of her jeans up to show him the scar across her shin. “See? She did that to me when I fell out of the tree into the neighbor’s yard.”

Remus made a sympathetic face. “Ouch! Well, that won’t do, will it? What about…Nora?”

Nymphadora chewed her lip thoughtfully. “Nora’s all right,” she said slowly.

“Well, there you go, then!” Remus smiled and tapped her on the nose. “Don’t pay any attention to what people say about your name. Other people are always going to find something to make fun of. Your name is beautiful, just like you. And if anyone says otherwise—“

“You tell them your cousin Sirius and his friends will have something to say to them,” Sirius interrupted, elbowing Remus. “With wands.”

Even though she told people to call her Nora, she still thought of herself as Nymphadora. It was hard not to when Mummy and Daddy called her Nymphadora all the time. She supposed as long as other people weren’t calling her that, it was all right, but not many people listened.

“Sirius?” Nymphadora asked, tugging on his hand. “Are we going to be meeting Remus and James and Peter?” Often on her trips to Diagon Alley with Sirius, they would meet up with Sirius’s friends, something Nymphadora always looked forward to. They never treated her like a little girl. They always talked to her and played with her and made her feel more grown-up.

“Well, Peter was busy today, so he won’t be here, but—ah, here we are.” Sirius motioned to a table outside of Florean Fortescue’s Ice Cream Parlor, and a grin spread across Nymphadora’s face when she saw who sat at the table. “Remus! James!” she called. She broke free of Sirius and ran over to them. There was a pretty woman sitting at the table with them, but before Nymphadora could get a good look at her, James had scooped her up.

“Hey, it’s my girl!” James swung her around in a circle and then set her gently on her feet. “How are you, beautiful?”

“Good!” Nymphadora beamed at James.

“Just a minute now! You already have a girl, James! No fair having two!” Sirius said, striding up to the table. “Hello, Lily,” he said to the pretty woman. “I see the company you’re with hasn’t improved much.”

Lily laughed. “I suppose not, if you’re including yourself in that statement.”

“Hello, Nymphadora,” Remus said quietly, pulling her attention away from the conversation.

“Wotcher, Remus!” Nymphadora grinned at him and gave him a hug. He looked like he needed a hug. He seemed especially tired tonight, and there were dark spots under his eyes. Sometimes when Nymphadora saw him, he looked just fine, and other times, he looked like he should have stayed in bed and slept longer.

“So you’re Nymphadora?” Lily’s voice drew Nymphadora’s eyes back to her. She decided she liked Lily’s face. Her eyes were open and happy, and she had a kind smile. Nymphadora could always see a lot about a person in their face. It was just like she could tell that Peter sometimes looked scared, and Remus sometimes looked sad, which was usually when he was tired.

Nymphadora pulled a face, and James spoke before she had a chance. “This is Nora, Lily,” he told her.

“Oh, my apologies.” Lily continued to smile. “Nora. I’m Lily, as I’m sure you know by now. I’m happy to finally meet you.”

“Did you go to school with Sirius?” Nymphadora asked.

“Yes, I did. And with James, Remus, and Peter. Though we didn’t always get along.” Lily’s green eyes twinkled.

Nymphadora had trouble imagining anyone not getting along with Sirius and his friends. They were so much fun! “But you like them now,” she said.

“Oh, yes. So much that I’m marrying one of them.” Lily took James’s arm, and Nymphadora’s eyes widened.

“James! You’re getting married?”

“Yes, next month.” James pulled Nymphadora onto her lap. “Would you like to come?”

“Really? Mummy and Daddy went to a wedding once, but they said I was too little to come.” Nymphadora pouted. “The pictures were so pretty, though! The lady getting married wore a long, beautiful dress, and I wanted to see it.”

“Well, Lily and I would very much like you to come. In fact—“ James exchanged a secretive smile with Lily “—we wanted to ask if you would like to be our flower girl.”

Nymphadora’s eyes grew even wider. “Really?” she squealed.

James and Lily both nodded, and Nymphadora jumped off of James’s lap. “Sirius, did you hear? James wants me to be his flower girl! He—“ In her excited bouncing, Nymphadora caught her foot on one of the legs poking out from the table. She tripped forward, slamming into the table before falling to a heap on the floor. She heard the sound of glass crashing and breaking, and she momentarily laid on her stomach, afraid to see what damage she had caused.

“Nymphadora? Are you all right?” Remus’s careful hands lifted her to her feet, and Nymphadora surveyed the damage. She had completely knocked over the table, and all of the dishes were broken, globs of ice cream lying on the sidewalk. Remus, who still held her by her arms, frowned in concern. “You’re bleeding, Nora. The glass must have hit you. Here, sit down and I’ll make sure none of it’s lodged. Sirius? James?”

“We’ll take care of the mess,” Sirius assured.

Nymphadora’s lip trembled, and as Remus sat her down on one of the chairs, she let out a wail.

“Nora? Are you in pain?” Sirius’s worried face appeared in front of her. “Do you—“

“I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to!” Why did she have to be such a klutz? She was always breaking things and tripping and doing things that caused the other kids to make fun of her.

“It’s all right, Nymphadora. We’ll take care of it.” Remus examined her right arm, and she saw that there was indeed blood on it. It only stung a little bit, like when she fell of her bicycle and scraped her knee. Remus smiled encouragingly at her. “It’s just a scratch. No glass.” He pulled out a handkerchief and deftly wrapped it around her cut arm. “There! It’ll be better in no time.”

Nymphadora didn’t care about her scratch. “I ruined your ice cream!”

“Why don’t you come with me, Nora? We’ll get some more ice cream while the boys clean up.” Lily gave her that nice smile and held out a hand.

Nymphadora sniffled and stood up. “A-all right.” With a sorrowful look over her shoulder, she allowed Lily to lead her into the ice cream parlor.

“What’s your favorite flavor?” Lily asked as they approached the counter.

“Peanut butter cherry.” The sight of all the tubs of ice cream began to cheer Nymphadora up a little. “But I haven’t had lunch yet! Mummy says I’m not supposed to have dessert until after I eat lunch.”

“Hmm…well, I wouldn’t want to do anything your mummy wouldn’t like,” Lily said thoughtfully. “How about I order you a sandwich, and then you can eat the peanut butter cherry ice cream? Do you like sandwiches?”

Nymphadora nodded. “I’m sorry I ruined your ice cream. I can help pay for more!” She dug into her pockets and pulled out a handful of coins. “I have six knuts! I got them because I helped Daddy clean the whole yard!”

“The whole yard? That’s wonderful, Nora. Why don’t you keep your knuts, all right? I appreciate your offer to help, but this is my treat.” Lily stepped up to the counter, and Florean Fortescue smiled at her.

“Back again, Miss Evans? And if it isn’t Miss Tonks! How are you doing this morning?”

Nymphadora heaved a huge sigh. “I broke some of your dishes, Mr. Fortescue…but Sirius and James and Remus are fixing them!” she assured him quickly.

“Well, then. I’m sure it will all be fine,” Mr. Fortescue said with a wink in Lily’s direction.

Lily snorted. “More likely they’ll put all the dishes together mismatched.”

Mr. Fortescue laughed. “Well, it’ll make for some interesting dishes, so that’s all right.”

“Mr. Fortescue, guess what? I get to be in James and Lily’s wedding!” Nymphadora beamed.

“Well, isn’t that special!” Mr. Fortescue smiled at her. “I’m sure you’ll be fantastic.” He winked again, and then said, “Now, what can I get you?”

Lily rattled off the order, and when she tried to pay Mr. Fortescue, he waved his hand away. “It’s on the house. You need all the money you can spare for your wedding next month. I’m still catering, aren’t I?”

“Of course! Who else would I have?” Lily leaned across the counter and pecked Mr. Fortescue on the cheek. “Thank you for the ice cream.”

Mr. Fortescue beamed. “My pleasure, Lily. Miss Tonks.” He nodded at Nymphadora, who smiled back. She felt much better by the time she and Lily took the ice cream out to the table, especially when she saw that all of the broken dishes had been repaired. However, as Lily had said, the colors were all mismatched. Some of the blue dishes were mixed with the green and yellow. Lily rolled her eyes and nudged Nymphadora. “Can I call it, or what?”

Nymphadora wasn’t quite sure what Lily meant, but she grinned at her.

Lily raised her voice. “I don’t even want to know how you three made the pieces the right sizes to fit together.” She set down the tray of food she was carrying. “Here’s your sandwich, Nora.” She set the plate on the table. “And look at that! Mr. Fortescue made a star for you!”

Nymphadora peered at the sandwich and saw that it had indeed been cut into the shape of a star. She grinned and looked up at Lily. “My mummy is named after the stars,” she said. “And so is Sirius!”

“That’s ‘cause we’re the good ones in the family. Well, you too, Nora, but your name is special,” Sirius told her, grabbing one of the ice cream dishes and digging into it with relish. “Someday maybe there’ll be a star named after you.”

Nymphadora slid into an empty seat and tucked her knees under her. She pulled her sandwich over and ate it quickly so she could get to her ice cream. She had a wonderful time eating with Sirius and his friends. She showed Lily how she could change her hair so that it was the exact same color as Lily’s, which made her laugh. She liked making Lily laugh; it was such a pretty sound. When they were finished eating their ice cream, James and Lily said they had to go. James tossed Nymphadora up in the air and gave her a kiss, and Lily smiled and waved. “I’ll talk to your mum about having you as our flower girl, all right, Nora doll?” James said.

“All right!” Nora waved at them, and then turned back to Sirius and Remus. “Can we go to the Magical Menagerie now?” She tugged on Sirius’s hand.

“Of course! I promised, didn’t I?”

Nymphadora turned to Remus and grabbed his hand. “You’re coming too, aren’t you?”

“Well…”

“Pleeeease?” Nymphadora wheedled.

“Oh, all right. I suppose I can come for a little while.”

Nymphadora happily pulled Remus and Sirius along, and they lifted her up and swing her between them, which was fun. When they reached the Magical Menagerie, she ran around, looking at everything, dragging them to see different animals. “Wouldn’t it be neat to turn into an animal for a little while?” she asked, staring at a baby crup wagging its forked tail.

Sirius made a funny sound in his throat, and when she looked at him, his eyes were dancing with laughter. “It would be interesting, to say the least, Nymphadora.”

“I tried to turn into a dog once,” Nymphadora confided.

“Turning into a dog, hmm? Imagine that, Sirius,” Remus said, his eyes twinkling.

“It didn’t work, though,” Nymphadora told them earnestly. “I had fur on my face for three days, and mummy said I wasn’t to try that again. She said I can’t turn into an animal. Only amina…anmig…” Her forehead creased in frustration as she struggled to remember the word.

“Animagi,” Remus told her.

“Yes! An-i-magi!” Nymphadora said slowly. “Only they can turn into animals, and I’m not an ani…” She looked at Remus for help.

“You’re not an animagus.”

“Right. I’m a morph,” she said proudly.

“Metamorphmagus,” Remus said patiently.

“Yes, one of those.”

The bell above the door of the shop jangled, indicating that someone had entered, and several seconds later, an unfamiliar voice said, “Well. They just let anyone in here these days, don’t they?”

Nymphadora turned to see a tall, blond man standing in the doorway, and right away, she didn’t like the look of him. She glanced at Sirius and saw that he was glaring at the man. “Yes, it seems they do,” he said, in a tone that would have got Nymphadora in a lot of trouble.

The man turned cold, gray eyes on Nymphadora, and almost involuntarily, she backed up into Remus. He put a comforting hand on her shoulder, and she held onto his robes tightly.

The man’s eyes narrowed, and he ignored Sirius. “And this could only be Nymphadora.” She didn’t like the way he drawled her name, as if it were a bad word. He glared at her, like she had no right to be standing in front of him. “Amazing how much she looks like the Blacks.”

Sirius leaned forward. “Leave Nora alone.”

“Now, now, is that any way to talk to family?” the man asked nonchalantly.

“I don’t consider Narcissa my family, so marrying her certainly doesn’t make you family,” Sirius growled.

Narcissa! Nymphadora knew that name. She was mummy’s sister, and Nymphadora had only seen her a couple of times. Her parents never took her to see any of Mummy’s family, because they said Mummy’s relatives weren’t very nice people—except for Sirius.

The man—Malfoy—was still gazing at her, disgust on his face. “It’s quite a shame that her mother ruined the purity of her line by marrying that filthy Mudblood.”

Nymphadora wasn’t sure what ‘Mudblood’ meant, but she understood enough to know that this stranger was calling her father names. “My daddy’s not filthy!” she told him, still keeping a tight grip on Remus’s robes.

Malfoy sneered at her. “And rude, of course. You can’t expect much else from a half-blood freak like that.” Without bothering to wait for a reply, he whirled and exited the shop.

Nymphadora’s fingers loosened on Remus’s robes, and Sirius hurried to scoop her up. “Are you all right, Nora?” he asked.

Nymphadora nodded, glaring at the door. “I’m not a freak,” she said fiercely.

“No, you’re not.”

“Then why does everyone say I am?” Tears filled her eyes and spilled down her cheeks, and she buried her face in Sirius’s shoulder. “Nobody likes me, Sirius! They all make fun of me! Muggles make fun of me and call me names, and so do wizards!”

“Hey.” Sirius set Nymphadora down on the ground and knelt so he was eye level with her. “You listen to me. I like you, and so do Remus and James and Peter.”

Nymphadora sniffled. “And Lily.”

“Yes, and Lily. You are not a freak. You are Nymphadora Tonks, and you are special.” Sirius grinned at her. “You have to be; you’re my cousin, after all.”

Remus laid a hand on her shoulder again, and she looked up at him. “There are all sorts of people in the world, Nymphadora. Some of them are very mean and call other people names, and some of them are very nice. Don’t worry what other people say. You’ll always have some people who think you’re different, but that’s all right. You just be who you are. That’s all you need to do.” He gently squeezed her shoulder. “Besides…sometimes being different is a good thing. Remember that.”

Nymphadora eyed him doubtfully. She didn’t see what was so good about being different, but maybe Remus knew something she didn’t. He was a very smart man, after all. “All right,” she said uncertainly.

“Promise you’ll remember?”

“Yes. I’ll remember.”

~*~*~*~

November 1981

“He didn’t do it!” nine-year-old Nymphadora Tonks yelled. She pressed herself more tightly against her bedroom door so her mum and dad wouldn’t be able to open it, magic or not.

“Nymphadora, darling, can we please come in and talk?” Mum’s voice sounded tired—so tired. Nymphadora heard the sadness and the hurt in her voice, and she didn’t want to face her mother. She didn’t want to see the truth her in eyes; she didn’t want to believe that Sirius could have done the things everyone was saying he did.

“No!” Nymphadora covered her head with her arms. “Just leave me alone!”

There was a moment of quiet, and then Mum said, “All right, sweetheart. Your dad and I are here when you want to come out. I’ll bring you up some supper in a bit.”

“I’m not hungry!”

Silence again, and then Nymphadora heard footsteps retreating down the hallway. She laid down on the floor in front of her door and curled up in a little ball, pressing her fists to her stomach. It hurt—everything hurt—and she wanted it to all just go away. She hadn’t been able to cry at all since Mummy told her what had happened. All of the pain just sat in a ball in her stomach.

She wasn’t sure how long she had been on the floor when the doorbell rang. She ignored it, supposing that someone had come to see Mum and Dad, but shortly, she heard light footsteps in the hallway. They were too light to be Dad’s, and not short enough in stride to be Mum’s. They paused in front of her door, and then a knock sounded. “Nymphadora?”

Nymphadora recognized the voice instantly as Remus’s. For an instant, hope flared up in her. Maybe he had come to tell them there had been a big mistake! Maybe Sirius had been taken out of prison! Maybe this was all just a big joke—Sirius and his friends liked playing jokes, even if this was a very, very mean one to play. At least it would be better than knowing Sirius was guilty.

Nymphadora rolled over and faced the door. “What?”

“May I come in?”

“Why?”

“Because I’d like to see you. Talking to a door isn’t nearly as nice as talking to you.”

Nymphadora hesitated for a long moment. “Are…Mum and Dad out there?”

“No, it’s just me,” Remus assured.

She slowly stood to her feet and unlocked her door. As soon as she opened it and saw Remus’s face, any hope that he had come to tell her this was all a misunderstanding came crashing down. His face was so full of grief and pain, even if he was trying to hide it. Why did grown-ups always tried to hide things from her? Didn’t they realize she could see what they were feeling?

Unable to stand it, she turned around and ran to her bed, throwing herself on it. “He didn’t do it!” she shouted into her pillow. She heard her bedroom door close and wondered if Remus had left, but a second later, she felt him sit on the edge of her bed.

“Nora…”

Nymphadora rolled over and glared at Remus fiercely. “He couldn’t do it! Sirius would never have hurt James and Lily, and he never would have killed Peter! He loved them! He loved all of them, and he loved you, and he loved me, and he wouldn’t have wanted to do anything to hurt us!”

Remus swallowed, and for a second, Nymphadora thought he was going to cry. Then he shut his eyes, and when he opened them, they were clear. “It’s hard to believe,” he agreed.

“No! He couldn’t have done it, Remus. He couldn’t have!”

“Why not?” Remus asked, very quietly and carefully.

“Because…” Nymphadora’s throat tightened up, and her eyes prickled. “Because then it would mean…it would mean that he didn’t really love me.” If Sirius could do something as horrible as kill over a dozen people, including his best friends, then how could he have really loved them? How could he have really loved her? Something inside of her burst, and suddenly, she was sobbing. She rolled back over and pressed her face back into her pillow, muffled wails resounding in her ears. When she was all out of tears, she laid still on her bed, feeling more tired than she could ever remember feeling before. She was vaguely aware that Remus was gently smoothing her hair back from her head—her curly blonde hair. It had been her normal straight black a few minutes ago. It must have changed color because she was so upset; she usually had control over it.

“Here.” A hand holding a handkerchief appeared in front of her face, and Nymphadora took it, wiping her cheeks and nose. It smelled just like Remus always smelled—a nice spicy scent, like when Mum made ginger biscuits. That reminded her of how Sirius had always smelled of the outdoors, and she felt tears welling in her eyes again.

“Sirius named a star after me,” Nymphadora whispered. “For my eighth birthday, remember?”

“I do.”

“He said it was my special star, because I’m special.”

“You are,” Remus said quietly. He moved his hand from her hair, and sighed. “Nymphadora…”

Nymphadora hoped that he wasn’t about to try to explain Sirius’s actions to her, try to talk all about how Sirius must have been pretending, how he had been working for You-Know-Who…Mum and Dad had tried that, and it had only made her feel worse.

“I’m sorry.” Remus said.

Nymphadora stayed still on her bed for several long minutes, drawing comfort from Remus’s presence. Presently, she said, “Sirius lied to me.”

“And to me,” Remus replied quietly.

“Does that mean everyone lies? Do Mummy and Daddy lie to me? Do you lie to me?”

“Oh, Nora.” Remus scooped her up off of the bed and pulled her into a tight hug. “Your mummy and daddy don’t lie to you, and neither do I.”

“Thinking about Sirius hurts,” Nymphadora whispered into Remus’s shoulder. “I’m so mad at him and I don’t want to be mad at him. I just want everything to be the way that it was!” Several tears leaked onto Remus, but she didn’t move. “I want to see James and Lily and I want to play with Harry, and I want Peter to play hide-and-seek with me, and I want to ride on Sirius’s bike with him and give him a hug…” She was crying again, but Remus didn’t seem to mind. He kept her in his arms and let her talk. “Dad said that the dead never really leave us, but Lily and James and Peter are gone! I can’t ever see them again, so they left! And I don’t want this to ever happen again! Why do people do things like this?”

“I don’t know, Nymphadora,” Remus said hoarsely. Nymphadora suspected he might have been crying too, but she didn’t look up to see.

“Dad told me that it wasn’t my fault,” Nymphadora continued. “He told me I couldn’t have done anything to make Sirius stop…”

“Your dad was right. Sirius made his own choices.”

“But what if I could have done something? Aren’t there people who make things like this stop?”

“Well, yes, sometimes. Aurors are the people who stop dark wizards, but not even they can stop every bad wizard.”

Nymphadora snuggled up closer to Remus. “Maybe if I was an Auror, I could have stopped Sirius.”

Remus was quiet for a moment. “I don’t know if anyone could have stopped Sirius. James was the one who…” His voice seemed to catch in his throat, and he tightened his arms around Nymphadora, resting his cheek on top of her head.

Nymphadora stayed like that for a long time, until she fell asleep on Remus’s lap. When she woke up, it was morning. She was tucked into her bed, and Remus was gone. She did find a note beside her bed from him, and she read it carefully.

Nora,

I’m sorry I had to leave, but I promise that I will come back and visit. Maybe we can even go out and get some ice cream—peanut butter cherry for you, of course, though I’ll stick with other flavors.

You can always send me an owl, and I will send you owls in return. How’s that? Meanwhile, you just remember that not everyone lies. Give your mum and dad lots of hugs—they can help you get through this.

You are a bright and shining star, Nymphadora, just like the star that Sirius named for you. Always remember that you are loved.

Remus

~*~*~*~

February 1986

Remus was awakened from his sleep by the sound of someone knocking on his front door. His first thought was, oh, my head hurts. Last night’s transformation had been a particularly painful one—and on his birthday, no less. At least it was over for another month.

His next thought was, who in the world could possibly be knocking on my door at two o’clock in the morning? Years of living through one of the worst wars imaginable had bred a healthy wariness in him, and he grabbed his wand as he lurched out of bed. His muscles protested, and he ignored them as best he could.

The knock on the door sounded again. Who even knew he lived here? Dumbledore… Ted and Andromeda… Perhaps this was a neighbor who had been locked out of their flat. Remus pressed his eye to the peephole, and was shocked when he saw who was standing outside. He yanked the door open. “Nymphadora?” he asked in disbelief. Her hair wasn’t its regular black; instead, it was bright pink. She had been experimenting with various hair colors lately— the last time he had seen her, it had been pale green.

Still, at his use of her first name, she made a face and adjusted the bag that was slung across her shoulder. “Is it so hard to call me Tonks?”

While Remus had grown somewhat accustomed to thinking of her as Tonks, he still had trouble calling her that. He put a hand on her back and quickly ushered her inside. “Yes. What are you doing here? You’re freezing; where’s your coat? Are you hurt? Are your parents—“

“I was hot when I left, no, I’m not hurt, and my parents are fine.” Tonks shifted on her feet, her eyes wandering around his drab flat. She frowned. “Your flat needs more colors,” she said decidedly.

Remus closed his eyes for a moment. “Nymphadora—sit.” He pointed at his couch.

Tonks moved toward the couch, but stumbled on the rug by his door and knocked into the lamp beside the couch. Remus saw it coming and grabbed it just before it hit the floor. “Sorry! I’m sorry!”

Remus sighed and waited until Tonks was safely settled before putting the lamp back down. Very patiently, he repeated his earlier question. “What are you doing here?”

“I—“ Tonks fiddled with some of the stuffing poking out of his couch. “Can I stay with you?”

Remus sat down on the coffee table, directly across from Tonks. “What’s going on, Nymphadora? You ran away? Why?” Everything had seemed fine in the last letter Tonks had sent him, which had arrived the previous week.

Tonks pulled her bag onto her lap and unzipped it. “I brought you presents!”

Remus blinked. “What?”

“I brought you presents. Your birthday was yesterday, and you’ve always celebrated it with us since Sirius…” Tonks faltered slightly, but then continued, “Since Sirius went to prison. But Dad said you couldn’t come, so I brought you your gifts.” She beamed at him, as if bearing gifts excused coming from London all the way to his home in Scotland.

“I appreciate the gesture, Nora, but…it’s two in the morning! Do your parents know you’re here?”

“I—“ Tonks played with the stuffing again. A piece came off in her hands, and she began picking it apart.

“Nymphadora—“ The stuffing was winding up in little pieces on his living room floor. Remus reached out and trapped Tonks’s hands between his. “Nymphadora,” he said firmly. “Tell me what is going on, please.”

“Why didn’t you come for your birthday yesterday?” Before he could answer, she continued, “Dad said you were sick.”

Sick, yes. A disease that would never, ever go away. “I was.”

Something flashed in Tonks’s eyes, and she stared at him for a long moment. “You once told me that you don’t lie to me.”

What? “I don’t lie to you.”

“You weren’t sick.” Tonks pulled her hands away from Remus’s and clenched her hands in her lap. “Why didn’t you ever tell me?”

Did she know that he was a werewolf? She had always been very sharp. Remus forced his voice to remain even. “Tell you what?”

“Oh, stop it!” Tonks jumped to her feet and glared down at him. “Just tell me! I know, but I want to hear it from you!”

Remus wondered for an instant if she really didn’t know, and this was a ploy to get him to tell her. Either way, it didn’t really matter. She was right; he never lied to her, and he wasn’t about to start now. He was sure that Tonks had heard horrible stories of werewolves at Hogwarts, but he also knew that Ted and Andromeda would have told her their own stories about werewolves. Both of her parents knew what he was, and it had never bothered them. They had agreed to let Remus tell Tonks exactly what he was in his own time, when he felt she was old enough to hear it. It seemed that time had come.

Still, it was easier said than done. Part of him was afraid that she would be disgusted with him. He took a deep breath. “What I said was true, Nora. I was sick. It’s just…a sickness that has no cure.” He looked up and met her eyes. “I’m a werewolf.”

He was surprised to see her eyes fill with tears, and even more surprised when she threw her arms around his neck. “I knew it. I suspected for a while, ever since we learned about werewolves in Defense Against the Dark Arts, but then I was sure when Dad said you couldn’t come last night, and I looked at the calendar and it was a full moon and…do you hurt? Do you need anything? I can make tea!”

More likely the tea would end up spilled all over his kitchen floor. “Nymphadora…”

She leaned back and looked at him, and he saw no loathing or fear there, only concern.

“I’m fine,” he told her, standing to his feet. “I’ve learned to live with it. However, I will make us both some tea, and then I am taking you home. How did you get here, anyway?”

“I took the Knight Bus. And Remus, when I go home, I don’t need help getting there.”

Remus filled the teapot with water and set it to boil. “Nora, I don’t think you realize how dangerous coming here was. This is not the best neighborhood.” He couldn’t afford to live in a better neighborhood, not when it was so difficult to keep a job. “You could have been hurt—“

Tonks frowned fiercely. “I’m not a little girl; I can take care of myself.”

“You are thirteen years old, Nymphadora,” Remus said firmly.

“Thirteen and a half.”

“My point is, while you may not be a child anymore, you also still have much to learn.”

Tonks’s eyes narrowed again. “You sound like my parents.”

“Your parents are smart people.”

Tonks heaved a sigh and began picking at the stuffing in his couch again. “I told them what I want to do when I graduate from Hogwarts.”

Remus was a little surprised that Tonks had already decided what she wanted to do. “And what’s that?”

“I want to be an Auror.”

Well. That seemed…fitting. From everything he knew of Tonks, he could see her in that occupation—as long as she could pass Stealth and Tracking. He doubted whether she’d ever grow out of being so clumsy. She would do fantastically at disguising herself. “Well, that’s very ambitious. What did your parents say?”

“They said it’s a very dangerous occupation. Mum was friends with some of the Aurors, because she has to stop by the Ministry a lot for correspondence.” Andromeda worked as an editor for the Prophet. “She said a lot of her friends died during the war with You-Know-Who.”

“Voldemort,” Remus said firmly.

“Yes, him. And one of her friends ended up insane in St. Mungo’s because he was tortured…she said she knows that there are plenty of Aurors who are perfectly alive and whole, but you know Mum. She just worries. I think she’s concerned that if I become an Auror, I might have dealings with the Blacks—those that aren’t in prison, that is.”

The teapot began to whistle, and Remus turned to take it off the stove.

“When Mum mentioned it was dangerous, I told her to just look at Dad’s occupation. How many times has he ended up in the hospital with a bludger to the head or broken bones? Or what about that time he was at a match in Belgium and ended up in Canada?”

Ted Tonks was a Quidditch referee, which, Remus had to admit, was nearly as hazardous as being an Auror. “I’m sure you’ll be a fantastic Auror if you put your mind to it, and study hard. It takes good grades to stand a chance of training in that field.”

“I know, but I can do it.”

Remus prepared two cups of tea and carried one of them over to Tonks. “I’m sure you can.”

“Thank you.” Tonks took the tea and sipped it. Several minutes passed in silence, and then she said, “Say, Remus?”

“Yes?” Hot tea worked wonders for headaches. Though it was swiftly coming up on three in the morning, and he was still exhausted.

“That’s why you have to move around so much, isn’t it?”

Remus wasn’t fazed by the sudden change of subject. It was one of Tonks’s fortes. “Being a werewolf, you mean?”

“Yes.”

Tonks had hit a sore point, but one to which Remus was extremely accustomed. “Yes, it is. Not everyone has tolerance for werewolves.” He took a long swig of tea. He sighed, wondering if he should be discussing this with her.

“I’ve read different things. I’ve read a lot on werewolves, ever since I guessed that’s what you were. There were only a couple books by people who don’t think werewolves are bad. And I read one that was written by a werewolf—it was called ‘Hairy Snout, Human Heart.’”

“I’ve read it,” Remus said quietly.

“There are a lot of horrible books by a lot of wretched people. I sent them letters,” Tonks said in satisfaction, setting her cup down.

Remus wondered exactly what Tonks had written in the letters, but decided it was better not to ask.

“It makes me so angry. All right, I suppose maybe I can see why werewolves have to be registered—just in case some of them aren’t nice like you are. But it’s unfair that people don’t give werewolves jobs.”

“It is unfair, but people get scared. And when people get scared, they don’t always act justly.”

“You’ve had jobs with Muggles, haven’t you? Mum and Dad said you’ve worked in the Muggle community.”

“Yes, I do, but it’s difficult to keep a job in the Muggle community when you call out sick once a month.” Remus set his cup down and stood up. “And I think this is enough talk for tonight. I’m going to take you home before your parents find you missing and drag the Magical Law Enforcement into it.”

Tonks’s face fell. “Can’t I stay with you? Just for a day or two? I’ll owl Mum and Dad.”

Remus smiled wryly. “As you pointed out earlier, Nymphadora, you aren’t a child anymore. It wouldn’t be appropriate for you to stay alone with an old man like me.”

Tonks rolled her eyes. “You’re only twenty-six, Remus. As of yesterday. And you still need to have a birthday celebration.”

Remus rolled his eyes own eyes in return. “Come along, Nora. I’m still feeling rather under the weather.”

“Will you at least open your presents first? They’re from Mum and Dad, too.” Tonks moved to grab the bag of presents and sent her teacup sailing to the floor. It shattered, and the last dregs of tea leaked onto the carpet. “Oh, no! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to! I’ll fix it…”

Remus chuckled. “Sit down. I’ll take care of it.” He pulled out his wand and set to repairing the cup. “You are certainly something else, Miss Tonks.” Despite everything, he was glad for her visit. How many people would bother to bring him presents, let alone run away to do so?

“Say, Remus? If I can’t stay here, would you be able to stay at our house for a couple of days? Mum and Dad would love to see you.”

Remus had to give it to her—she could certainly be persistent. “We’ll see, Nymphadora. I’ll open my presents, and then we’ll fetch you a coat and get you home.”

~*~*~*~

June 1994

A steady, almost frantic knock on the door drew Tonks’s attention. She had been relaxing on her couch, taking a break from everything she had been dealing with at work. She stood up and stretched, hoping that this wasn’t one of her fellow Aurors-in-training begging for some help with last-minute studying; she just wasn’t up for it tonight. Seeing Sirius’s face plastered everywhere all year had been very difficult, and the longer he was missing, the harder it got.

She glanced at herself in the hallway mirror as she headed for the doorway. Her hair was bright purple today, to match her favorite Weird Sisters t-shirt.

“Dear, if you didn’t change your hair color so often, you might find the young men wouldn’t be quite so…nonexistent around here,” the mirror told her disapprovingly.

Tonks made a face at the mirror. It had become rather nosy about her personal life lately, which was normal for some mirrors, but she didn’t need a mirror digging into her life. Her parents were nosy enough.

“And you might want to work on that face a bit!” the mirror called after her as she continued toward the door. “Grimacing is not at all becoming, you know!”

Tonks rolled her eyes and peered through her window before pulling open the door. She was pleased, and a bit surprised, when she found Remus Lupin standing on the doorstep. He had an odd look on his face, but he smiled when he saw her. “Nymphadora.”

Tonks made a face. “Please, Remus, it’s Tonks.” She didn’t really mind that he still called her by her first name, but it was her habit to correct him, just as it was his habit to ignore the correction. She gave him a quick hug and invited him in. “Can I get you some tea?” She preferred coffee herself—it had always been what her mum drank. “It’s a Black preference,” Mum had said one day. “Sirius always…” She had trailed off and shook her head.

Remus, however, drank tea as if it were going out of style. Besides, last night had been a full moon, and in her experience, tea always seemed to make him feel a little better after one of his transformations.

“Yes, please.”

They walked past the mirror, who said, “Well, well! Perhaps I was a bit premature. Not exactly young, but at least he’s something.”

Remus gave the mirror a startled look, and Tonks waved a hand. “Ignore it. It’s wanted to comment on my lack of a love life as of late. I mean, not that I’ve ever had much of a love life…I mean it’s been commenting lately, not that I’ve…” She stopped and shook her head. “You know what I mean.”

Remus smiled wryly. “Yes, I believe I do.” He took a seat in her bright blue-and-green striped armchair, setting aside the dirty shirt she had flung there the night before.

Tonks went to the stove and set the teakettle on to boil. “Do you want any ice cream? I do have flavors besides peanut butter cherry.”

“No, thank you. The tea will be fine.”

“All right.” Tonks pulled out one bowl, and then dug into her freezer for her ice cream. “So what’s going on? You’re not running away, are you?” she asked with a grin. “I didn’t think the Hogwarts term was over yet.”

“It’s not, though I’m afraid I won’t be going back next term.”

Tonks frowned. “Why not? I thought you loved this job, and you said Dumbledore was happy to have you.” She grabbed a spoon and scooped some ice cream into the bowl.

“I do, and he is, but word has got out that I’m a werewolf, and I’d rather leave than cause a riot of angry parents.”

Tonks huffed angrily, plunking the spoon into the bowl. “That is discrimination, and it is—“

“It’s all right,” Remus said quietly. “That’s not what I came here to tell you.” He brushed his hair out of his eyes and looked at her carefully as she stuck the ice cream back in the freezer.

“What?” Tonks turned and pulled two teacups out of the cupboard, holding them carefully, determined she would not break anything while Remus was here.

“It’s about Sirius,” Remus said.

“What?” Tonks whirled around, teacups still in hand, and one of them slipped. It crashed on the floor, throwing glass everywhere. “Oh, blast.” She pulled out her wand. “Reparo.” The glass flew back together, and Tonks set both teacups on the counter. She grabbed her bowl of ice cream and hurried to sit on the arm of her couch. “What about Sirius?” The Auror division had been hunting for her cousin for a year now, without success. It seemed that no matter how much time passed, she couldn’t escape from the memory of what Sirius had done.

Remus stared at her for a long minute, and then said, “He’s innocent, Nora.”

Tonks returned his stare, unable to think of how to respond to that. “Have you been drinking?” she asked suspiciously.

Remus rolled his eyes upward. “Have you ever known me to drink like that?”

“No…but…” Tonks trailed off helplessly. “Er…explanation?”

“He’s innocent,” Remus repeated. “And to explain…well, it started when I became a werewolf.”

He spent the next half hour telling her about how his best friends had become Animagi, how Sirius had been named Secret-Keeper for the Potters, how he had switched with Peter without telling anyone, how it had been Peter that betrayed James and Lily and then set Sirius up to go to Azkaban. He told her about the previous evening at Hogwarts, in which Peter Pettigrew had escaped again, and that Sirius was now in hiding, because they still weren’t able to prove his innocence.

Tonks got up in the middle of it to put her ice cream bowl in the sink and turn off the teapot. She made two cups of tea and handed one to Remus, settling back down on the couch with her own. By the time Remus was finished, Tonks was staring at him with her mouth slightly agape. “You…he…I can’t believe this! Why didn’t you ever tell me Sirius was an Animagus?”

“I didn’t tell anyone,” Remus said quietly.

Tonks’s mind was racing. “Why didn’t Fudge listen? Why didn’t he just use Veritaserum on Sirius? That would prove the truth! This is ridiculous! If Sirius…” Innocent. Innocent. Sirius had not murdered anyone. He had not betrayed them. “Oh, Remus.” She put her head in her knees. “Sirius…he must feel so betrayed,” she whispered. “We…”

“I think he’s just happy we know the truth.”

“I want to talk to him.”

“I don’t know where he is. You can owl him, I suppose, but—“

“Be careful what I say, I know, I know. I am almost an Auror, you know. I have had some training.” So many thoughts filled Tonks’s head, flashes of things that had happened in her childhood. She remembered telling Remus that Sirius must not have really loved her…how wrong she had been. How wrong they had all been. Would Sirius ever be able to forgive them? Forgive her?

“He forgave me,” Remus said.

Tonks wondered if she had said something out loud. “Twelve years, Remus,” she whispered. “He spent twelve years in Azkaban. Do you have any idea what that must have been like for him?” She had only a slight idea—she had been to Azkaban on several occasions, during all of her Auror training. It had been horrid…even being there for a couple of hours had left her cold and shaking from the dementors’ presence. “I have to tell my parents.”

“Be careful,” Remus warned. “I trust Ted and Andromeda, but you don’t need to do anything to make the rest of the wizarding community suspicious of you or your sanity. Remember what Dumbledore said.”

“I know. He needs people in the Ministry. I’ll be careful, Remus.” Tonks swatted at his leg. “I’m not a little girl, remember?”

Remus smiled wryly. “No, you’re certainly not.” He stood up and set his empty teacup on the counter. “I’m sorry to dash in and out, but I really need to get going.”

“All right. If you talk to Sirius before I get a chance—and trust me, I will owl him—then tell him I’m going to throw him a party as soon as I see him.”

Remus smiled. “I’ll warn him.”

Tonks walked him to the door. The mirror called after them, “Leaving so soon? Well, hopefully you haven’t scared him away, my dear. You could use a man in your life. Perhaps if you changed your hair to a nice brown…”

“You hush or I’ll put you in the closet,” Tonks told the mirror, knowing it wouldn’t pay her any mind. She’d told it the same thing since she’d brought it home from an antique shop on Diagon Alley, and never carried through with the threat. What could she say? It had personality. Annoying personality maybe, but she couldn’t have everything.

Remus raised his eyebrows at the mirror. “I see what you mean.” He smiled gently at Tonks as he opened the door. “Take care. Make sure you owl me as soon as you pass your qualifying exams.”

“I will. Owl me and let me know what you’re going to do this summer.” Tonks waited until he had walked away before she shut the door and headed straight for her fireplace. She grabbed a handful of floo powder, threw it into the fireplace, and stepped in. “Number eleven, Ivy Lane.” Several head-spinning moments later, she was standing in her parents’ kitchen. Her dad was reading the Evening Prophet, and looked up in surprise.

“Nymphadora! What brings you here?”

“I need to talk to you and Mum.”

~*~*~*~

Gone. Sirius was gone for a second time, two years after Tonks had found him again, and she felt numb. Nothing hit the reality of war home harder than losing someone you loved.

She absentmindedly twirled her hair with one finger, watching students emerge from the barrier between platforms nine and ten. She had gone with bubble-gum pink hair today—it had always made Sirius roll his eyes and tell her she looked like a walking advertisement for cotton candy.

He had always been able to make her laugh. At least she had seen him again. At least she’d had the chance to get to know him again, and he had the chance to see her as an adult and an Auror. They had found friendship and forgiveness, and he had died knowing that he was loved. She was hurting, but she would get through this. Others, she wasn’t as sure about.

“There he is,” Mad-Eye Moody growled, tugging his bowler hat lower over his magical eye.

“Ron, Ginny!” Molly Weasley hurried forward and grabbed them. “Oh, and Harry dear—how are you?”

“Fine,” Tonks heard Harry murmur as Molly hugged him.

“What are they supposed to be?” Ron asked, pointing at Fred and George’s bright green dragon skin jackets.

“Finest dragon skin, little bro,” Fred said. “Business is booming and we thought we’d treat ourselves.”

“You know, they are an interesting color,” Tonks muttered. “A bit brighter green than I’m used to doing my hair.” It was good to say something light-hearted. Something normal, when everything in her life was turned upside-down.

Remus gave her his familiar humoring smile and turned to Harry. “Hello, Harry.”

“Hi. I didn’t expect…what are you all doing here?” Harry asked in a rather confused tone.

“Well,” Remus replied, a smile still on his face, “we thought we might have a little chat with your aunt and uncle before letting them take you home.”

Besides wanting to see Harry and the other kids, this was what had motivated Tonks to come to King's Cross. After everything Harry had been through, the last thing he needed were his relatives antagonizing him this summer. She wasn’t the only one who felt this way, which was why Harry had such a large welcome committee.

Harry looked worried. “I dunno if that’s a good idea.”

“Oh, I think it is,” Mad-Eye said, limping a bit closer. “That’ll be them, will it, Potter?”

Harry leaned to the side to see around Mad-Eye, and Tonks’s could see the look on his face. It reminded her of the time she had come across a booger-flavored Bertie Bott’s bean.

Tonks turned to look at the Dursleys. She had seen them before, of course, during her surveillance of Harry’s house the previous summer, but she still didn’t like the looks of them. It was hard to believe that the thin-lipped, stern-looking woman could possibly be Lily Potter’s sister. They were as opposite as…well, as Tonks’s mother and her sisters. Vernon Dursley wasn’t any better, and neither was their huge son. They had been horrible to Harry his entire life, and he had just been through enough of a nightmare.

She realized that Arthur and Mad-Eye were already heading toward the Dursleys, and she fell into step behind them. The Dursleys seemed stuck to the floor, staring in shock and disbelief at Harry’s welcoming party.

Arthur was the first to speak. “Good afternoon. You might remember me, my name’s Arthur Weasley.”

Vernon Dursley’s face deepened into a color that Tonks wasn’t sure she had ever seen on a human being before. He narrowed his eyes at Arthur, while Petunia kept darting glances to the side, as if checking to see if anyone was watching. Tonks felt her disgust with the family deepen. She had long ago learned not to care what anyone thought about her or her appearance, but it seemed that was all that the Dursleys were concerned about. Maybe if they had stepped off their high horses and realized that it didn’t matter what people thought, Harry wouldn’t have had such a miserable life.

“We thought we’d just have a few words with you about Harry,” Arthur continued, not losing his smile.

“Yeah, about how he’s treated when he’s at your place,” Mad-Eye added.

“I am not aware that it is any of your business what goes on in my house—“ Vernon began, looking extremely indignant.

“I expect what you’re not aware of would fill several books, Dursley,” Mad-Eye snapped.

“Anyway, that’s not the point,” Tonks spoke up. She saw Petunia take one look at her and then close her eyes, probably horrified by her conspicuous appearance. Good, Tonks thought in satisfaction. They need to be shaken up a bit. “The point is, if we find out you’ve been horrible to Harry—“

“And make no mistake, we’ll hear about it,” Remus cut in.

“Yes, even if you won’t let Harry use the fellytone,” Arthur added.

Tonks bit back a grin—Arthur and his eckeltricity and fellytones. She heard Hermione murmur, “Telephone!”

Mad-Eye nodded. “Yeah, if we get any hint that Potter’s been mistreated in any way, you’ll have us to answer to.”

Vernon drew himself up so that he looked even larger than he normally was, a feat that Tonks hadn’t thought possible. “Are you threatening me, sir?” he demanded loudly, drawing the attention of nearby Muggles.

“Yes, I am,” Mad-Eye said, and Tonks knew that it was more than threatening. Mad-Eye didn’t make threats and not follow through. If he thought for even a moment that Harry was in trouble, he would probably turn all of the Dursleys into ferrets—one of his favorite tricks—and leave them that way.

Vernon’s face was now bright purple. “And do I look like the kind of man who can be intimidated?”

“Well…” Mad-Eye shoved his hat back, revealing his spinning magical eye. Vernon jumped backward and slammed into a luggage trolley. “Yes, I’d have to say you do, Dursley.” He turned back to Harry. “So, Potter…give us a shout if you need us. If we don’t hear from you for three days in a row, we’ll send someone along.”

Petunia made a pitiful whining noise, and Tonks bit back another grin. She would love to stroll up to the Dursleys house and ask them what was going on with Harry. Maybe she could turn her hair bright blue…and make it stand straight up on her head…

“’Bye, then, Potter,” Moody said, clasping Harry’s shoulder.

“Take care, Harry. Keep in touch,” Remus told him.

Molly hugged Harry and whispered something that Tonks couldn’t hear, and Ron and Hermione both promised to see him soon. Harry smiled, waved, and turned to head out of the station, his relatives following behind him.

Tonks sighed and ran a hand through her hair. “I wish he didn’t have to go back there,” she muttered to Remus.

“I know. Dumbledore will get him out soon, though,” Remus replied.

“Well, I’d best be leaving. I’ve got business to take care of,” Mad-Eye growled. He nodded at them and stumped out of the station, and the Weasleys began gathering their stuff together to leave.

“We’ll see you later!” Ginny said, giving Tonks and Remus quick hugs. “We’re going back to the Burrow for a bit, but we’ll be coming along to headquarters soon.”

The rest of the Weasleys said their good-byes, and within moments, Tonks and Remus were alone in the station. Tonks sighed again. “Where are you headed, Remus?”

“Home, I suppose,” Remus said. Home for him had become Grimmauld Place; he had stayed there with Sirius between missions for the Order this last year. With Sirius gone, Dumbledore had asked him if he could hold down the fort and maintain headquarters. “What about you?”

“I’m supposed to have lunch with my parents. They’ve been worried about me—they came to see me in St. Mungo’s while I was there. It’s hard for Mum, knowing that her sister tried to kill me, and did kill Sirius. She only got to see him once after his escape from Azkaban, you know.”

“I know.” For a moment, Remus looked even more haggard than usual, and Tonks knew exactly how he was feeling. It had been a long year for all of them.

“Why don’t you come with me? Mum and Dad always love to see you.”

Remus looked uncertain. “I don’t know…”

Tonks grabbed his arm before he could try to escape. “Come on, you know that no one’s at headquarters right now. If you want Buckbeak and Kreacher for company instead—“

Remus smiled. “Point taken. All right, then.”

“Do you mind taking the underground? I could do with a walk.”

“Not at all.”

They headed out of the station, and Tonks kept her arm looped through Remus’s. Numerous people gave them odd looks, but she ignored their stares. “Oh, one thing—promise me that you will ignore any pokes my parents make into my love life.”

Remus gave her a very curious look. “Do you have a love life?”

“No, but that’s not the point. They’ve been badgering me about it for years. Mum loves to remind me that the only boy I ever brought home was Todd Egglestein, during the summer between my sixth and seventh years. She’s worse than that mirror of mine.”

Remus laughed. “You still have that old thing?”

“I don’t have the heart to get rid of it, even if it has become rather crotchety of late.” She nudged him with her elbow. “So?”

“What? Oh, of course—I promise.” Remus definitely sounded like he was hiding a smile, which was good. Teasing each other after the week they had been through brought her another sliver of normalcy.

They fell into comfortable silence until they reached the London underground. Tonks sat quietly beside Remus in the train, lapsed in thought. Finally, she said, “Remus?”

“Mm?”

“I miss him.”

“Me, too,” Remus sighed.

“I wish he’d been happier. I wish he’d been really free.” Tonks tucked her knees against her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs, resting her head on her patched and faded jeans. “You know, I had always wanted to be an Auror so I could stop people like him from hurting others…and then when I found out he wasn’t really like that, it gave me a whole new purpose for becoming an Auror. I want justice, Remus. Sirius never had that. There are so many ways that he could have been proven innocent, but those that had the power to do that failed him. If he had been given a trial before he was thrown in Azkaban, or if he had been given Veritaserum… Our own Minister of Magic was going to have him Kissed by the dementors rather than try to listen to his side of the story. One of his best friends—one of your best friends—betrayed him and left him for the wolves—no offense,” she said hurriedly, lifting her head up.

Remus chuckled. “None taken.”

Tonks set her chin back on her knees. “My point is that even though Sirius is dead, I still want justice for him. I know that Dumbledore has told the Ministry that he was innocent…I know that people are listening to him now. I just…” She felt tears stinging her eyes, and she drew a deep breath. “It doesn’t seem like enough. I want to bring Peter in. I want him to answer for what he did. I want the world to be certain beyond any doubt that Sirius is innocent. Sirius deserves so much more than that, but that’s all that I can try to do for him. I wish I could offer more.” The train rattled through the tunnel, and she glanced sideways at Remus. He had an odd expression on his face, but he gave her a tiny smile.

“I know how you feel,” Remus said quietly. “And I don’t know what will happen with Peter. No matter what, Sirius will always be proud of you, Nora. All he ever wanted was for you to be yourself, and you’ve done that. I remember a time when a little girl was upset because people thought she was a freak.”

A reluctant grin crossed Tonks’s face. “What? And you’re saying now I deliberately make everyone think I’m a freak?”

One corner of Remus’s mouth turned up. “Something like that.”

The train pulled up to their stop. Tonks unfolded her legs and stood, threading through the other passengers, Remus at her elbow. As she was stepped off the train, her foot caught on the edge of the door, and she fell headfirst out of the train, landing hard on her elbows. It stung, and Tonks scrambled to her feet just as Remus stooped to help her. “Are you all right?”

Tonks winced. She had tripped and fallen and broken so many things in front of Remus over the years she couldn’t begin to count them, but it never ceased to be an embarrassment, no matter how well she had learned to hide it. “Yes.” She dusted her hands on her jeans and headed for the stairs; her parents’ flat wasn’t far from here.

They walked in silence for another minute, and then Tonks continued her thoughts. “You know what else? Everything this week has reminded me of Sirius. A certain smell, a certain sight, a certain sound…and maybe it sounds crazy, but I don’t want to lose that, and…I’m afraid I will.”

They reached the London street, and Remus caught her arm and pulled her to a halt. “Change your hair.”

“What?”

“Change your hair to its original color,” Remus said.

Tonks made a face. She hadn’t had her hair black in…well, ages, since before Sirius had escaped from Azkaban, and she wasn’t quite sure why Remus was asking her to change it. She glanced around to make sure no one was paying attention, and then concentrated. Her scalp tingled, and she felt the change as her hair shifted to black. She glanced up at Remus. “Now what?”

A funny little smile crossed Remus’s face, and he pointed at her reflection in a nearby store window. When she saw the dark hair framing her face, she was a bit startled. She had always looked very much like her mother, but it wasn’t until this instant that she realized how much she also looked like Sirius.

“When I see you, I see bits of Sirius. Even when he was in prison and I thought he was guilty, I saw things in you that reminded me of him. You’ve both always had the same spirit, and nothing can quench that. Sirius will always live on in you, and you’ll always remember the things that made him Sirius.” Remus smiled gently at her.

Tonks swallowed a lump in her throat and returned his smile. “Thanks.” She stared at her image for a second longer, and then turned and wrapped an arm around Remus’s waist. “Come on. My parents will be shocked to see that my hair is actually a normal color.”

They continued down the street, and Tonks remembered, many years ago, her father telling her that the dead never truly left them. She hadn’t understood it then, but at this moment, it made perfect sense to her.

She knew that Sirius would have wanted her to celebrate what his life had stood for, and how he had lived it—with honor and diligence and unwavering loyalty. No matter what anyone else believed, he had walked in grace, and she hoped she could reflect that in the way she lived her own life.

Sirius had left his mark in many different people—Harry, Remus, her parents, herself—and that was something that still survived. She would do her best to make sure that it was something that was never forgotten.