What The...

Hermione walked down the hall, thinking about what she had just told Ron.

She had passed up incredibly great sex to go on a hunt for the chaps-wearing McGonagall, and the cross-dressing Draco.

"I don't even like Draco," she said thinking out loud.

"I'm sure if Draco had heard that, he'd be quite hurt."

Hermione turned and almost jumped from her skin. What in the world was Peeves doing here?

"Peeves, why are you here?" Hermione made sure to put emphasis on the 'here'.

"Same reason you're here. Only I won't be shagging the ickle Weasley!" Peeves said with a cackle.

"I'm glad to know that," Hermione said with a hint of sarcasm in her voice. "You know, I'm sure you mind about me asking this, but I couldn't resist..." Hermione began to laugh. "How on earth did you get a room? And whom are you renting it with?"

Peeves snickered and covered his mouth with his hands like a giddy schoolgirl.

"That's for me to know!" Peeves swooped past Hermione, giving her an unfriendly rap on the head.

Hermione rubbed the top of her head and decided that, just to be safe, she just chase after Peeves. See where he was headed.

The thought of McGonagall and Malfoy began to shift to the back of her mind.

~o~

Ron decided it be best if he headed in the opposite direction of Hermione. He could've sworn he saw Draco headed to the left.

Ron made it to the elevator and pressed the 'up' arrow. He was thinking that anything was possible.

"Professor Umbridge?" Ron asked horrified as he saw her standing there with Dobby in a blue and white baby stroller. Dobby looked like this was the happiest moment in his life. (Not counting Harry rescuing him from Lucius Malfoy)

Umbridge held her nose in the air at Ron, but Dobby waved at Ron like he hadn't seen him in forever. That wasn't true, Ron saw Dobby yesterday, visiting Neville at Hogwarts.

"Hi Dobby," Ron said, never taking his eyes off Umbridge.

"Dobby would give Weezy a hug, but Dobby is strapped down," he said jovially.

Ron suddenly developed a nasty image in his head.

"Dobby, why are you here with Prof- Umbridge?" Ron knew Dobby would answer.

"Some things should be left unanswered Mr. Weasley." Umbridge finally turned to face Ron in the eyes.

"Isn't this illegal?" Ron asked, pointing to Dobby then to her.

Dobby clapped his hands together and began to sing.

"Does Dobby even have... you know?" Ron whispered to Umbridge.

Umbridge shook her head and began laughing. She started talking in that condescending voice Ron had grown to know and hate.

"Mr. Weasley, they don't produce asexually, if that's what you're thinking. Besides, I'm doing this for the Ministry. If it really is any your business. And if you tell anyone what you've seen, I'll make sure to see that you'll never ever be able to block Quaffles again."

Ron shrugged. "I wasn't going to say anything. But it seems odd to see Pureblood Umbridge checking out a hotel with Dobby the house elf."

"Should Dobby tell the Weezy, Do-Do?"

Ron couldn't help but to laugh at Dobby's pet name for Umbridge.

"Of course not, Dobby eyes front and mouth closed."

Dobby did as he was told with a very huge grin on his face.

Ron pressed the seventh floor button, and said in as nice a voice he could say, "What do you know? I'm at my stop."

Ron couldn't wait...there it was. The elevator door opened and he waved to Umbridge and Dobby.

"I thought she was going to put an Obliviate on me. I would have rather liked it."

Ron forgot that Umbridge was still serving her sentence of living like a Muggle since he and Harry's fifth year. Some things just weren't for remembering though.

He stepped in the hall and headed to the to the stairs. Ron was just going to wait for Hermione back in the hotel room. Enough was enough. He turned feeling a strange presence. Something told him not to move, and then it happened.

"The Bloody Baron!" Ron said as the ghost slowly passed through him.

That felt weird, Ron said to himself. He ignored it though and gaped at the Bloody Baron floating before him.

"Why aren't you at Hogwarts?" Ron asked, still feeling weird.

The Bloody Baron waved his sword across Ron's chest and said with a wink, "I'm here with a co-worker. I know who you're doing here."

"Why are you here with a co-worker?" This was all to weird for Ron.

"Not everybody wants to shag someplace where there are ickle snots running around, wanting to know your every move."

Ron couldn't help asking. "Excuse me if I may come off rude, but exactly how would a ghost shag someone else?"

The Bloody Baron leaned in and began to whisper, "Only the most advanced ghosts have this power. And well, it's bloody fantastic if you don't mind me saying so. What I do is..."

The Bloody Baron stuck his head in Ron's chest. "I think really hard about something I want really badly."

And he glided through Ron, "and that's that." He said this rather satisfied with himself.

There was a pregnant pause until Ron had just gathered up his thoughts.

"Did you... Did you just have sex with me?" Ron asked, feeling more embarrassed than violated.

"I always dreamed of a Weasley."

The Bloody Baron disappeared and Ron instantly checked himself as if he had just been robbed of something. Which in all honesty, he had.

Something flew by quickly and dumped ice water on Ron's head.

He swore loudly and looked up to see nothing.

Hermione ran up to Ron and rested her hands on her knees. She breathed heavily.

"Running away from McGonagall?" Ron asked, wiping the wet hair from his face.

Hermione stood up and looked like she was about to say something important, but instead said, "You're wet."

Ron rolled his eyes, "Yeah, apparently. And I've just been raped by the Bloody Baron as well."