Shards

Chapter 2

Fevered Regrets

Harry's feet hit solid ground and his knees buckled slightly. Lupin reached out and steadied Harry to some extent. At once, Mrs. Black began a long and loud tirade against the people who had disturbed the peace of her house, "Filth! Scum! Begone ingrates!! You do not belong here! How dare you muck up this house! TOUJOURS PUR, I SAY, TOUJOURS PUR!"

"Do try and control yourself," Lupin said evenly.

"TOUJOURS PUR!"

"Shut up, you infernal woman!" Snape bellowed. Snape helped Lupin force the curtains shut around the picture, and she finally stopped screaming.

"Are you trying to wake the children up? For Merlin's sake..." Molly Weasley was standing at the end of the hallway, about to continue her scolding of the two adult men. She noticed Harry standing there and rushed over to give him a hug.

"Harry, dear, we didn't know you were coming tonight," she glared over at Lupin, her eyes demanding an explanation.

"We thought it best if Harry came with us tonight. He could spend more time with Ron and Hermione, when she eventually comes. I'll talk to you about it later," Lupin explained.

Harry felt himself beginning to loose his temper, he did not feel like being coddled at the moment. Harry's head, however, was still aching, and he suddenly felt very tired as he leaned more of his weight into Mrs. Weasley. He unexpectedly felt very dizzy, like the whole floor was moving from underneath him. "Harry, dear, are you all right? You look a little peaky," Mrs. Weasley held him away from her so that she could get a good look at his face. She gently stroked his face with the knuckles of her hand, "He's a bit feverish."

"Yes, we know. He's also a bit dehydrated," Lupin exchanged a concerned look with Mrs. Weasley.

"Well, instead of standing around and stating the obvious I think it would be best if Mr. Potter got to bed. Preferably in a guest room by himself with no one to disturb him," Snape said coolly, "You know how to reach me if you encounter any problems. If his fever hasn't gone down by tomorrow I'll bring a fever reducer with me to the meeting."

"Yes. Thank you, Severus," Lupin said. Snape scowled as he apparated.

"I'll go prepare a bed upstairs for him; the guestroom second from the left should do," Mrs. Weasley hurried upstairs to prepare the room.

"Come along, Harry, we'll get you upstairs for a good night's sleep." Lupin was half dragging him up the stairs. Harry had to concentrate to put one foot in front of the other. He was so sleep deprived. It felt as if he hadn't had a decent night's sleep in over two weeks.

Soon he found himself sitting on a comfortable bed, the covers pulled back. Lupin handed Harry another glass of water and once again instructed him to drink. When he was about halfway done with the glass he leaned back against the pillows and felt his eyes start to droop shut, and his fingers around the glass relax.

"Watch it!" Mrs. Weasley said urgently. Lupin caught the glass before it splashed over the bed. Harry began to drift in a state between sleep and wakefulness. He felt Mrs. Weasley remove his shoes. "Poor dear," she tutted, "it looks as though life has stood on standstill for him for two weeks. He's in desperate need of sleep, food, and a good washing."

"Exactly why Severus thought we should bring him back now. Petunia Dursley said that he has barely eaten anything and has really just laid around in bed all day. When we saw him it was obvious what was wrong. He's not coping. We've all mourned, we've all cried, that's what Dumbledore thought Harry was going to do when he locked Harry in his office. Harry was just angry and then Dumbledore said he just shut down," Lupin whispered to her.

Harry wished that he could just drift into sleep, he couldn't stand that he could still hear them talking about him. He felt Lupin's strong grip around his shoulders as he was lowered down onto the pillows, and tucked into bed. A callused hand rested against his warm forehead and then ruffled his hair affectionately.

"Sweet dreams, Harry," Mrs. Weasley said softly as she and Lupin left, leaving the door open a crack behind them.

Harry felt the darkness of real sleep take over. Suddenly, he was having tea with Cho at Valentine's Day; a cherub was throwing red rose petals on them. Cho smiled wickedly at him as she turned to start kissing Roger Davies. The red rose petals suddenly turned liquid. Harry watched in horror as he noticed it was blood, he looked up at the Cherub who was now Ron who was wrestling with a brain. Harry began to run, run away as fast as he could. He noticed with terror that he wasn't running away from his fear, he was running directly into the death chamber.

"NO!" Harry screamed as Bellatrix Lestrange missed Sirius with one curse.

"Come on, you can do better than that!" Sirius' face broke out into a boyish smile, egging Lestrange on.

"Harry."

"NO! Sirius, no!" Bellatrix's next curse did not miss, Sirius' body arched as it started to fall.

"Harry!"

Harry was running; trying to do something, anything, to prevent what was about to happen. Harry watched with utter terror as Sirius disappeared from behind the veil.

"HARRY!"

Bellatrix loomed over Harry and grabbed him by the neck, shaking him, slowly suffocating the life out of him. Harry needed to scream, but couldn't. Her eyes flashed, "HARRY! HARRY, WAKE UP!" Her mouth was open, but Lupin's voice was coming out of it. She was still shaking him though.

Harry woke with a start, covered in a cold sweat, tangled in his sheets. Lupin was standing by his bed, an anxious look on his face. Harry felt absolutely wretched. He shuddered and felt as if he was going to loose everything in his stomach. He gagged, but nothing came up. Lupin helped sit him up. "All right, Harry?"

Harry shook his head no; he wanted to say that there was something desperately wrong. Everything was desperately wrong. He couldn't find any words. "Harry, it's not good to keep everything bottled up inside. It'll eat away at you."

"I'm not keeping anything bottled up," Harry hissed.

"Harry, he's gone. Sirius is gone. You need to accept that and the sooner you do the sooner you will be able to start getting over it."

"I can't, I'm empty inside."

"You're not empty inside," Lupin said, shaken, looking into Harry's eyes. Harry shrugged. Lupin sighed as he put his hand up to Harry's forehead to check for fever. "The nightmares have been keeping you up?" Lupin asked trying to prevent the worry from creeping into his voice. Harry nodded slowly. "We don't have any dreamless sleep potion right now, but I'll contact someone to bring some."

"Thanks," Harry whispered.

"I suppose you don't want to try to go back to sleep?" Lupin asked hopefully.

"No."

"Well, it's early morning, but you could get washed up before everyone gets up and starts to use the bathroom."

"Are you trying to tell me something?" Harry said crossly.

"Don't take that tone with me, Harry," Lupin said calmly, "I just thought..."

"Fine," Harry was too exhausted to argue.

Lupin walked with him to the bathroom and filled the tub magically with warm water, before leaving he spoke up, "Right back to bed with you after this though, you still have a bit of a fever. Call if you need anything."

Harry snorted, 'Yeah right, like I'd call someone to rescue me while I'm in the bathroom. I'm not a child.'

He undressed and got into the bathtub, relishing the warm water. The water seemed to wake him up a bit, yet relax his tired body. He lay there for a few moments relishing the silence. He finished up by washing his hair, lowering himself completely underwater, and wishing he could permanently stay there. He threw on a robe and headed to his room. He dressed into pajamas, glanced at the clock; it was 5:30. He lay in bed and started reading Flying with the Cannons for the umpteenth time. The words started to blend together, and he suddenly felt very cold and very meaningless. The book slid from his grasp and he just lay on his side and stared at nothing in specific and thought about nothing in particular. At around 6 there was a soft knock on the door.

"Harry?"

Lupin entered the room and strode over to Harry's bed. "Harry?"

"Mmph," Harry mumbled, and drew the covers closer to him.

Lupin lay a hand on Harry's head again and sighed. "Your fever is up. Not to worry, fevers are usually worse in the morning hours anyways. Arthur?"

Harry didn't bother telling Lupin that he like the disconnected feeling the fever gave him.

Harry heard Mr. Weasley enter the room, "Yes, Remus?"
"Harry's fever has worsened; I'm going to see if Severus can bring a fever reducer, can you stay with him?"

"Yes, of course." Harry heard Lupin leave. "Hello Harry," Mr. Weasley said gently.

" 'lo Mr. Weasley," Harry murmured.

"Sorry I didn't get to see you last night, I was on duty."

"S'okay," Harry didn't feel like keeping up the conversation, and just continued to stare numbly at the intricacies of the wallpaper.

Harry lay quietly there, suspended between thoughts. He heard Remus return. "Said he'd be here soon. He's going to bring a few things and inform Albus."

"Good, he looks terrible," Arthur said.

"I can still hear you," Harry mumbled a bit testily.

"Sorry, Harry," Arthur said with no real conviction. Lupin placed a cool cloth on his aching forehead and Harry sighed. Harry felt time pass like nothingness, voices passed in and out of his head like a badly tuned radio, "...go meet Severus... any moment now."

"...Brought potions you needed... I'll administer them." Harry didn't know when exactly Snape had entered the room. "Potter, Potter, sit up these will make you feel better." Harry forced himself to become more lucid for fear of being helped to sit up. He focused on Snape's scowling face.

"Professor..." Harry said as Snape handed him the first potion. Something was weighing heavily on his mind.

"This potion is to lower your fever," Snape said clinically.

"Professor..." Harry started again.

"Drink it," Snape demanded and Harry shakily drank it.

"Professor..." Snape had already handed him the next potion.

"Shush Potter!" Snape spat, "This is a nutritional supplement. Drink it."

Harry looked mutinously at Snape, but reluctantly drank this potion as well. Snape handed him the next potion. "This is for dreamless sleep."

"Professor..." Harry slurred angrily.

"What, Potter, what is it that could possibly need any of my precious time?" Snape said with barely contained fury.

"I'm sorry Professor... I shouldn't have gone into your pensieve."

"Drink the potion, Potter," Snape sneered.

"I should've tried harder with occlumency, if I had..."

"Drink the potion!"

Lupin looked at Harry worriedly; he was afraid that Harry's words were just fevered ramblings of guilt, and he did not want Harry to feel guilty. "Harry, shhh, just take the potion."

"Don't you dare shush me!" Harry continued dangerously on, "If I had learned occlumency, none of this would've happened." Harry's heart was heavy with guilt and grief.

"Potter, drink the potion," Snape ground out, "You do not know what you are going on about."

Harry drank the potion reluctantly, looking darkly at both Snape and Lupin. He did know what he was talking about, damn it. There had been so many opportunities for him to prevent what had happened. Didn't they understand that? 'No one understands. If they knew how many opportunities that I had to prevent this from happening, they'd hate me! Ron and Hermione would hate me. Mrs. Weasley would hate me. Lupin would hate me,' Harry thought heatedly. Sleep overpowered his thoughts and darkness claimed him