Marauders' First Book

Chapter Two: Chapter Two (Who Woulda Thunk It?)

The Marauders appeared at the door of James´ bedroom. Peter was busy burping the alphabet.

"Great one, Pete! I didn´t know you could do that!" James exclaimed when he had finished. Peter blushed.

"Who´s up for the next chapter of that book?" Sirius asked, lifting the book from its place on the bed.

"We are!" Everyone else shouted.

"Good." Sirius cleared his throat overdramatically again. "Chapter Two: The Vanishing Glass."

"-es." Peter finished. "Poor Harry won´t be able to see anymore!" Remus and Sirius snickered as James pushed his glasses up his nose.

"Hey, if his eyesight is as bad as mine is, that´s not funny!"

Nearly ten years had passed

Sirius- Which would make Harry ten or eleven now.

James- Good. He should be getting his letter soon.

Sirius- Unless he´s a squib.

James- ::smacks Sirius:: That´s not funny!

since the Dursleys had woken up to find their nephew on the front step, but Privet Drive had hardly changed at all.

Remus- What a shame.

The sun rose on the same tidy front gardens and lit up the brass number four on the Dursleys´ front door; it crept into their living room,

Sirius- Since when does light creep?

James- Since now.

which was almost exactly the same as it had been on the night when Mr. Dursley had seen that fateful news report about the owls. Only the photographs on the mantelpiece really showed how much time had passed. Ten years ago, there had been lots of pictures of what looked like a large pink beach ball wearing different-colored bonnets-but

Peter- The Dursleys had finally found their son again, and had no reason to pretend a beach ball was their son.

Others- ::snicker::

Dudley Dursley was no longer a baby, and now the photographs showed a large blond boy riding his first bicycle, on a carousel at the fair, playing a computer game with his father, being hugged and kissed by his mother.

James- Where the hell are the pictures of my son?

Remus- I´m sure they´re there somewhere.

The room held no sign at all that another boy lived in the house, too.

James- ::growls::

Sirius- Hey! Only me and Remus are allowed to growl!

James- ::glares at Sirius::

Yet Harry Potter was still there, asleep at the moment, but not for long. His Aunt Petunia was awake and it was her shrill voice that made the first noise of the day.

"Up! Get up! Now!"

Peter- Heh. Sounds like my Dad.

Harry woke with a start. His aunt rapped on the door again.

"Up!" she screeched. Harry heard her walking toward the kitchen and then the sound of the frying pan being put on the stove. He rolled onto his back and tried to remember the dream he had been having. It had been a good one. There had been a flying motorcycle in it.

Peter- Hey, he remembers you, Padfoot!

Sirius- Me or Hagrid.

He had a funny feeling he´d had the same dream before.

Sirius- You did, kid, but it wasn´t a dream.

His aunt was back outside the door.

"Are you up yet?" she demanded.

"Nearly," said Harry.

"Well, get a move on, I want you to look after the bacon. And don´t you dare let it burn, I want everything perfect on Duddy´s birthday."

Harry groaned.

"What did you say?" his aunt snapped through the door.

James- (as Harry) I said, ::groans::

"Nothing, nothing..."

Sirius- Come on, Harry, talk back to the lady!

Remus- Why? He´d only get in trouble.

Dudley´s birthday- how could he have forgotten?

Remus- Oh, I´m sure it couldn´t have been that hard.

James- Yeah, no harder than forgetting Siri´s birthday.

Sirius- Hey!

Harry got slowly out of bed and started looking for socks. He found a pair under his bed and, after pulling a spider off one of them,

James- ::glares::

put them on. Harry was used to spiders,

Sirius- Something tells me that spiders will be important later.

because the cupboard under the stairs was full of them, and that was where he slept.

James- ::glares and growls:: THE CUPBOARD?

Others- ::gulp and inch away from James::

When he was dressed he went down to the hall into the kitchen. The table was almost hidden beneath all Dudley´s birthday presents. It looked as though Dudley had gotten the new computer he wanted, not to mention the second television and the racing bike.

Peter- What for?

Exactly why Dudley wanted a racing bike was a mystery to Harry,

Sirius- You and me both, kid.

as Dudley was very fat and hated exercise-unless of course it involved punching somebody. Dudley´s favorite punching bag was Harry,

James/Sirius/Remus- ::glare::

but he couldn´t often catch him. Harry didn´t look it, but he was very fast.

Sirius- Like father, like son.

James- You´d expect anything less?

Perhaps it had something to do with living in a dark cupboard, but Harry had always been small and skinny for his age.

Sirius- Sorry, kid, that´s just the Potter genes working.

James- Hey, I´m growing! ...Slowly...

He looked even smaller and skinnier than he really was because all he had to wear were old clothes of Dudley´s,

James- ::glares::

Sirius- Prongs, man, you´ve gotta stop that glaring before your face gets stuck.

and Dudley was about four times bigger than he was.

Sirius- Funny. For me, they´re usually smaller.

Remus- Yeah, but you never stop growing.

Harry had a thin face, knobbly knees, black hair,

Sirius- That looks like it´s never seen a comb.

James- It grows that way! Blame it on my father!

and bright green eyes.

Remus- Aw, how nice! He looks exactly like James, doesn´t he?

Sirius- Yeah. Except for the eyes.

James- ::sighs:: They look like Lily´s.

Others- ::snickers::

James- ::glares at Sirius/Remus/Peter::

He wore round glasses held together with a lot of Scotch tape because of all the times Dudley had punched him on the nose.

James/Sirius/Remus- ::glare::

Peter- ::shakes head::

The only thing Harry liked about his own appearance was a very thin scar on his forehead that was shaped like a bolt of lightning.

All- ::wince::

He had had it as long as he could remember, and the first question he could ever rembember asking his Aunt Petunia was how he had gotten it.

"In the car crash when your parents died,"

James- ::jumps to his feet:: THE HELL? I DIDN´T DIE IN A DAMN CAR CRASH!

Sirius- ::joins James on his feet:: THE MAN GETS KILLED BY THE MOST EVIL AND SECOND MOST POWERFUL WIZARD OF OUR TIME, AND YOU SAY HE DIES IN A CAR CRASH? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

Peter- ::squeaks and hides under James´ bed::

Remus- ::pulls James/Sirius back onto the bed:: Calm down, you two! They´re probably against magic in all its forms and are covering it up! Idiots!

Sirius/James- ::wince:: Sorry, Moony.

she had said. "And don´t ask questions."

*Don´t ask questions*-that was the first rule for a quiet life with the Dursleys.

Sirius- A Potter? Have a quiet life? Impossible.

Uncle Vernon entered the kitchen as Harry was turning over the bacon.

Peter- Mmm... Bacon.

"Comb your hair!" he barked,

James- (PARTLY as Harry) I can´t help it, it just grows that way!

by way of a morning greeting.

About once a week, Uncle Vernon looked over the top of his newspaper and shouted that Harry needed a haircut. Harry must have had more haircuts than the rest of the boys in his class put together,

Remus- Unlike Siri, who´s never cut his hair in his life. ::pulls on Sirius´ shoulder-length hair::

Sirius- Hey, I´ve cut my hair before! ...Once...

Others- ::snicker::

but it made no difference, his hair simply grew that way-all over the place.

James- See? He agrees with me!

Harry was frying eggs by the time Dudley arrived in the kitchen with his mother. Dudley looked a lot like Uncle Vernon. He had a large pink face, not much neck, small watery blue eyes, and thick blond hair that lay smoothly on his thick, fat head. Aunt Petunia often said that Dudley looked like a baby angel

All- ::coughbullshitcough::

-Harry often said that Dudley looked like a pig in a wig.

James- I agree with you, son.

Remus- Well, you´re family; you have to!

James- But, you agree, too, don´t you?

Remus- Yes, but that´s totally besides the point!

Sirius- There´s a point?

Remus/James- ::smack Sirius::

Sirius- Ow! Hey!

Harry put the plates of egg and bacon on the table, which was difficult as there wasn´t much room. Dudley, meanwhile, was counting his presents.

Sirius- One...two...six.... No..., one... two....three...ten.... No....

Others- ::laugh::

His face fell.

James- Off the planet-

Sirius- Making the world a much happier place.

Remus/Peter- ::chuckle::

"Thirty-six," he said, looking up at his mother and father. "That´s two less than last year."

Remus- Spoiled brat.

"Darling, you haven´t counted Auntie Marge´s present, see, it´s here under this big one from Mommy and Daddy."

"All right, thirty-seven then," said Dudley, going red in the face. Harry, who could see a huge Dudley tantrum coming on,

Remus- And he´s how old?

James- Five. That´s when I stopped throwing tantrums.

began wolfing

Remus- I resent that....

down his bacon as fast as possible in case Dudley turned the table over.

Aunt Petunia obviously scented danger, too, because she said quickly, "And we´ll buy you another *two* presents while we´re out today. How´s that, popkin? *Two* more presents. Is that all right?"

Dudley thought for a moment. It looked like hard work.

Sirius- Hey, I was right! He can´t count!

Finally, he said slowly, "So, I´ll have thirty...thirty..."

"Thirty-nine sweetums," said Aunt Petunia.

"Oh." Dudley sat down heavily and grabbed the nearest parcel. "All right then."

Remus- The boy gets thirty-nine presents, and he says `All right then.´? Who gets thirty-nine presents?

James- ...

Sirius- I don´t know, but I´m sure it´s not Harry.

James- (small voice) Actually, guys, I do.

Others- ::stare at James::

Remus/Sirius- I am so spending Christmas at your house, man.

Peter- ::snicker::

Uncle Vernon chuckled.

"Little tyke wants his money´s worth, just like his father. `Atta boy, Dudley!" He ruffled Dudley´s hair.

At that moment the telephone rang and Aunt Petunia went to answer it while Harry and Uncle Vernon watched Dudley unwrap the racing bike, a video camera, a remote control airplane, sixteen new computer games, and a VCR. He was ripping the paper off a gold wristwatch when Aunt Petunia came back from the telephone looking both angry and worried.

James- She found out I´m alive and am going to kick her arse for the way she treats my son?

Sirius- No, it was me, and I´m going to kick her arse.

James- Wait, you promised you´d take care of him for me. Where are you?

Sirius- ...I...don´t know...

Peter- Maybe he got thrown in Azkaban for killing the Death Eater?

Remus- Why would someone get thrown in Azkaban for killing a Death Eater?

Peter- Um... Maybe they thought that the Death Eater wasn´t a Death Eater?

Remus- That... almost makes sense...

Bad news, Vernon," she said. "Mrs. Figg´s broken her leg. She can´t take him."

Peter- Him? Who´s him? The dog?

Sirius- No, the little boy-

Remus- Once known as Harry.

James- ::glares and growls::

She jerked her head in Harry´s direction.

Dudley´s mouth fell open in horror, but Harry´s heart gave a leap.

Sirius- (as Harry) Yes! My plan´s working!

James- My son would never do something like that.

Remus- (sarcastically) Oh, no. Definitely not.

Every year on Dudley´s birthday, his parents took him and a friend out for the day, to adventure parks, hamburger restaurants,

Sirius- How do you spend all day at a hamburger restaurant? All you do is eat!

James- Well, the size Dudley is, I don´t really think it would be that hard.

or the movies. Every year, Harry was left behind with Mrs. Figg, a mad old lady who lived two streets away.

James- That is no way to talk about your hostess, young man. Be polite.

Sirius- Hey, James, you sound like your father!

Remus- Well, at least he´ll make a good father, then.

Harry hated it there. The whole house smelled of cabbage and Mrs. Figg made him look at the photographs of all the cats she´d ever owned.

Peter- CABBAGE?

Sirius- CATS?

Remus- CATS AND CABBAGE?

James- Ew...

"Now what?" said Aunt Petunia, looking furiously at Harry as though he´d planned this.

James- My son would never do such a thing!

Sirius- We´ve heard.

Harry knew he ought to feel sorry that Mrs. Figg had broken her leg, but it wasn´t easy when he reminded himself it would be a whole year before he had to look at Tibbles, Snowy, Mr. Paws, and Tufty again.

Sirius- Oh, please, I´m sure they could come up with better names.

"We could phone Marge," Uncle Vernon suggested.

"Don´t be silly Vernon, she hates the boy."

James- ::growls:: So do you.

Others- ::inch away from James::

The Dursleys often spoke about Harry like this, as though he wasn´t there-or rather, as though he was something very nasty that couldn´t understand them, like a slug.

James- I am definitely going to kick Petunia´s arse.

Others- ::snicker::

"What about what´s-her-name, your friend-Yvonne?"

"On vacation in Majorca,"

Remus- Ooh... Nice place....

Sirius- Where´s Majorca?

Remus- No idea, but it sounds nice.

snapped Aunt Petunia.

"You could just leave me here," Harry put in hopefully (he´d be able to watch what he wanted on television for a change and maybe even have a go on Dudley´s computer).

Aunt Petunia looked as thought she´d just swallowed a lemon.

"And come back and find the house in ruins?" she snarled

"I won´t blow up the house,"

Sirius/James- Why not?

James- They deserve it.

Remus- Well, they´d blame it on him, and then they´d be forced to find a new house, and I´m sure they´d try to make sure the cupboard they put Harry in this time would be smaller than the one they put him in last time.

Sirius- Oh. That would really suck.

said Harry, but they weren´t listening.

"I suppose we could take him to the zoo," said Aunt Petunia slowly, "...and leave him in the car...."

James- When leaving animals in the car, a window must be left open lest they suffocate.

Sirius- What about children?

James- Half open. That way they don´t suffocate, or jump out the window.

Remus- That... makes sense....

"That car´s new, he´s not sitting in it alone..."

Dudley began to cry loudly.

All- Wuss.

In fact, he wasn´t really crying

Sirius- So, is he crying or not? I´m confused.

Remus- Not a very hard thing to do for you, huh, Siri?

Sirius- ::sticks tongue out at Remus::

Remus- ::sticks tongue out at Sirius::

James- ::shakes head:: Children.

-it had been years since he´d really cried-but he knew that if he screwed up his face and wailed, his mother would give him anything he wanted.

Sirius- Oh. I think I get it now.

Remus- Thank God.

Sirius/James- You called?

Peter- Stop doing that!

"Dinky Duddydums,

All- ::shocked silence::

Sirius/James- Isn´t that what we called him earlier?

Remus- Yes, I believe it is.

Peter- Freaky.

don´t cry, Mummy won´t let him spoil your special day!" she cried, flinging her arms around him.

James- Great, they´re all melodramatic too. Yay.

"I...don´t...want...him...t-t-to come!" Dudley yelled between huge, pretend sobs. "He always sp-spoils everything!" He shot Harry a nasty grin through the gap in his mother´s arms.

All- ::look at each other:: Slytherin.

Just then, the doorbell rang-"Oh, good Lord,

Sirius/James- You called?

Remus- ::smacks Sirius/James::

they´re here!" said Aunt Petunia frantically-and a moment later, Dudley´s best friend,

James- Lucius Malfoy.

Remus- Crabbe.

Peter- Goyle.

Sirius- ::growling:: Severus Snape.

Piers Polkiss, walked in with his mother. Piers was a scrawny boy with a face like a rat.

Peter- Hey! They make that sound like a bad thing!

Remus- Er, technically Peter, it usually is.

He was usually the one who held people´s arms behind their backs while Dudley hit them. Dudley stopped pretending to cry at once.

Sirius- Ah, so we´ve found his weakness, have we?

Remus- Good Lord...

James/Sirius- You called?

Remus/Peter- Neither of you are God!

Half an hour later, Harry, who couldn´t believe his luck, was sitting in the back of the Dursleys´ car with Piers and Dudley, on the way to the zoo

Sirius/James- Family reunion, Petunia?

Remus/Peter- ::snicker::

for the first time in his life. His aunt and uncle hadn´t been able to think of anything else to do with him, but before they´d left, Uncle Vernon had taken Harry aside.

"I´m warning you," he had said, putting his large purple face right up close to Harry´s, "I´m warning you now, boy-any funny business, anything at all-and you´ll be in that cupboard from now until Christmas."

Remus/Sirius- Which I am now spending here.

"I´m not going to do anything," said Harry, "honestly..."

But Uncle Vernon didn´t believe him. No one ever did.

The problem was, strange things often happened around Harry and it was just no good telling the Dursleys he didn´t make them happen.

James- Well, son, if they´re magical things, you probably did make them happen.

Once, Aunt Petunia, tired of Harry coming back from the barbers looking as though he hadn´t been at all, had taken a pair of kitchen scissors and cut his hair so short he was almost bald except for his bangs, which she left "to hide that horrible scar."

Remus/Sirius/Peter- ::look at James::

James- What?

Remus/Sirius/Peter- ::crack up laughing::

Dudley had laughed himself silly at Harry,

Remus/Sirius/Peter- ::laughing:: Don´t worry, we all are.

who spent a sleepless night imagining school the next day, where he was already laughed at for his baggy clothes and taped glasses.

Remus/Sirius/Peter- ::still laughing::

James- Come on, guys, it´s not that funny.

Remus/Sirius/Peter- Yes, ::snort:: it is!

Next morning, however, he had gotten up to find his hair exactly as it had been before Aunt Petunia had sheared it off.

Sirius/James/Peter- Cool. Hair Growth.

Remus- ::shrugs:: I do it every month.

He had been given a week in his cupboard for this, even though he had tried to explain that he *couldn´t* explain how it had grown back so quickly.

Another time, Aunt Petunia had been trying to force him into a revolting old sweater of Dudley´s (brown with orange puff balls).

All- ::puking noises::

The harder she tried to pull it over his head, the smaller it seemed to become, until finally it might have fitted a hand puppet, but certainly wouldn´t fit Harry.

Sirius- Well, if it started out bigger than Harry, wouldn´t it have been a perfect fit for Harry somewhere along the way?

Others- ::gasp::

Remus- Oh

Peter- My

James- God.

Sirius- What?

Remus/Peter/James- What you said made sense!

Sirius- Oh. Don´t start singing, Remy.

Remus- ::shuts his mouth::

Aunt Petunia had decided it mush have shrunk in the wash

Sirius- So, the entire family is stupid, are they?

James- Except Harry.

Sirius- Oh, he´s not part of the family.

and, to his great relief, Harry wasn´t punished.

On the other hand, he´d gotten into terrible trouble for being found on the roof of the school kitchens. Dudley´s gang had been chasing him as usual when, as much as Harry´s surprise as anyone else´s, there he was sitting on the chimney.

All- ::shocked silence::

Remus- That´s Apparation.

Sirius- But, we don´t learn it until seventh year!

James- ::cheers:: My son can Apparate before his first year!

The Dursleys had received a very angry letter from Harry´s headmistress telling them Harry had been climbing school buildings. But all he´d tried to do (as he shouted at Uncle Vernon through the locked door of his cupboard) was jump behind the big trash cans outside the kitchen doors. Harry supposed that the wind must have caught him in mid-jump.

Sirius- Wrongo, kid.

But today, nothing was going to go wrong. It was even worth being with Dudley and Piers to be spending the day somewhere that wasn´t school, his cupboard, or Mrs. Figg´s cabbage-smelling living room.

Remus- (singing again) It´s a small world after all...

Others- Aaahh! No, shut up!

While he drove, Uncle Vernon complained to Aunt Petunia. He like to complain about things: people at work, Harry, the council, Harry, the bank, and Harry were just a few of his favorite subjects.

Sirius- Hey, they forgot Harry!

James- ::shakes head:: Shame on them.

This morning, it was motorcycles.

Sirius- I like motorcycles.

"...roaring along like maniacs, the young hoodlums," he said, as a motorcycle overtook them.

"I had a dream about a motorcycle," said Harry, remembering suddenly. "It was flying."

Uncle Vernon nearly crashed into the car in front.

Sirius- Why didn´t he?

James- My son´s in that car!

Remus- Harry might´ve died.

Sirius- Oh. Sorry.

He turned right around in his seat and yelled at Harry, his face like a gigantic beet with a mustache:

All- ::shudder::

"MOTORCYCLES DON´T FLY!"

Sirius- Mine does.

Dudley and Piers sniggered.

"I know they don´t,"

James- Sirius´ does.

said Harry. "It was only a dream."

But he wished he hadn´t said anything. If there was one thing the Dursleys hated even more than his asking questions, it was his talking about anything acting in a way it shouldn´t, no matter if it was in a dream or even a cartoon

Sirius- I get some of my best ideas from dreams and cartoons!

Remus- Good thing they keep him away from them, then.

Peter- ::nods::

-they seemed to think he might get dangerous ideas.

It was a very sunny Saturday and the zoo was crowded with families. The Dursleys bough Dudley and Piers large chocolate ice creams at the entrance and then, because the smiling lady in the van had asked Harry what he wanted before they could hurry him away, they bought him a cheap lemon ice pop.

James/Sirius/Remus- ::glares::

It wasn´t bad, either, Harry thought, licking it as they watched a gorilla scratching its head who looked remarkably like Dudley, except that it wasn´t blond.

All- ::snicker::

Harry had the best morning he´d had in a long time.

Remus- Note: morning.

He was careful to walk a little way apart from the Dursleys so that Dudley and Piers, who were starting to get bored with the animals by lunchtime, wouldn´t fall back on their favorite hobby of hitting him.

Sirius- Smart kid.

James- Must run in the family.

Remus- ::snorts:: Yeah. Sure.

James- ::throws a pillow at Remus::

They ate in the zoo restaurant, and when Dudley had a tantrum because his knickerbocker glory didn´t have enough ice cream on top, Uncle Vernon bought him another one and Harry was allowed to finish the first.

Remus- He should´ve known it´s too good to last.

Others- Pessimist.

Remus- Safe pessimist.

Harry felt, afterward, that he should have known it was all too good to last.

After lunch they went to the reptile house. It was cool and dark in there, with lit windows all along the walls. Behind the glass, all sorts of lizards and snakes were crawling and slithering over bits of wood and stone. Dudley and Piers wanted to see huge, poisonous cobras and thick, man-crushing pythons. Dudley quickly found the largest snake in the place. It could have wrapped its body twice around Uncle Vernon´s car and crushed it into a trash can-but at the moment it didn´t look in the mood. In fact, it was fast asleep.

Sirius- Go figure.

Dudley stood with his nose pressed against the glass, staring at the glistening brown coils.

"Make it move," he whined at his father. Uncle Vernon tapped on the glass, but the snake didn´t budge.

"Do it again," Dudley ordered. Uncle Vernon rapped the glass smartly with his knuckles, but the snake just snoozed on.

"This is boring," Dudley moaned. He shuffled away.

Harry moved in front of the tank and looked intently at the snake. He wouldn´t have been surprised if it had died of boredom itself-no company except stupid people drumming their fingers on the glass trying to disturb it all day long. It was worse than having a cupboard as a bedroom, where the only visitor was Aunt Petunia hammering on the door to wake you up;

James- ::glares::

at least he got to visit the rest of the house.

The snake suddenly opened its beady eyes. Slowly, very slowly, it raised its head until its eyes were on a level with Harry´s.

It winked

Sirius- Cool.

Harry stared. Then he looked quickly around to see if anyone was watching. They weren´t. He looked back at the snake and winked, too.

The snake jerked its head toward Uncle Vernon and Dudley, then raised its eyes to the ceiling. It gave Harry a look that said quite plainly:

"I get that all the time."

"I know," Harry murmured through the glass, though he wasn´t sure the snake could hear him. "It must be really annoying."

The snake nodded its head vigorously.

James- Does that mean my son is a Parseltongue?

Remus- No. Some snakes actually understand English.

James- Oh. Good.

"Where do you come from, anyway?" Harry asked.

The snake jabbed its tail at a little sign next to the glass. Harry peered at it.

Boa Constrictor, Brazil.

"Was it nice there?"

The boa constrictor jabbed its tail at the sign again and Harry read on: This specimen was bred in the zoo. "Oh, I see- so you´ve never been to Brazil?"

As the snake shook its head, a deafening shout behind Harry made both of them jump. "DUDLEY! MR. DURSLEY! COME AND LOOK AT THIS SNAKE! YOU WON´T *BELIEVE* WHAT IT´S DOING!"

Dudley came waddling toward them as fast as he could.

"Out of the way, you," he said, punching Harry in the ribs.

Remus/Sirius/James- ::glares::

James- Set the snake on him, son!

Caught by surprise, Harry fell hard on the concrete floor. What came next happened so fast no one saw how it happened-one second, Piers and Dudley were leaning right up close to the glass, the nest, they had leapt back with howls of horror.

Harry sat up and gasped; the glass front of the boa constrictor´s tank had vanished.

James- YES! That´s my boy!

Sirius- Awesome!

Remus- Don´t you two get any ideas.

James/Sirius- (innocently) Idea? Why, whatever are you talking about, Moony?

Peter- That is just so freaky.

The great snake was uncoiling itself rapidly, slithering out onto the floor. People throughout the reptile house screamed and started running to the exits.

Sirius- Hey, Prongs?

James- Yea, Padfoot?

Sirius- Why don´t we try that in the Great Hall during breakfast one day?

James- That´s a good idea!

James/Sirius- ::identical evil grins::

As the snake slid swiftly past him, Harry could have sworn a low, hissing voice said, "Brazil, here I come.... Thanksss, amigo."

James- Oh my God, my son is a Parselmouth.

Remus- I don´t believe it.

Sirius- It doesn´t necessarily mean he´s evil.

James- I know, but what if he gets put in Slytherin?

All- ::shudder::

The keeper of the reptile house was in shock.

"But the glass," he kept saying, "where did the glass go?"

The zoo director himself made Aunt Petunia a cup of strong, sweet tea while he apologized over and over again. Piers and Dudley could only gibber. As far as Harry had seen, the snake hadn´t done anything except snap playfully at their heels as it passed, but by the time they were all back in Uncle Vernon´s car, Dudley was telling them how it had nearly bitten off his leg, while Piers was swearing it had tried to squeezed him to death. But, worst of all, for Harry at least, was Piers calming down enough to say, "Harry was talking to it, weren´t you, Harry?"

Sirius- Not good.

Uncle Vernon waited until Piers was safely out of the house before starting on Harry. He was so angry he could hardly speak. He managed to say, "Go-cupboard-stay-no meals,"

All- ::glare::

James- No meals?

Sirius- For how long?

Remus- Hopefully, only the rest of the day.

Peter- Yeah. Otherwise, he´ll starve.

before he collapsed into a chair, and Aunt Petunia had to run and get him a large brandy.

Harry lay in his dark cupboard much later, wishing he had a watch. He didn´t know what time it was and he couldn´t be sure the Dursleys were asleep yet. Until they were, he couldn´t risk sneaking to the kitchen for some food.

James- ::growls and glares::

Others- ::gulp::

He´d lived with the Dursleys almost ten years, ten miserable years, as long as he could remember, ever since he´d been a baby and his parents had died in that car crash. He couldn´t remember being in the car when his parents had died. Sometimes, when he strained his memory during long hours in his cupboard, he came up with a strange vision: a blinding flash of green light and a burning pain on his forehead. This, he supposed, was the crash,

Sirius- It wasn´t a crash.

James- Wait. Green light? My son survived Avada Kadavra?

Remus- Yes, he did, didn´t he?

James- Amazing. Not only does the kid Apparate when he´s ten or eleven years old, but he survives the Killing Curse when he´s only a year old.

though he couldn´t imagine where all the green light came from. He couldn´t remember his parents at all. His aunt and uncle never spoke about them, and of course he was forbidden to ask questions. There were no photographs of them in the house.

James- How could someone not have a photograph of me?

Sirius- Or me?

Remus- James, very easily. Siri, you´re not family; they don´t care about you.

James/Sirius- Hey! ::smack Remus::

When he had been younger, Harry had dreamed and dreamed of some unknown relation coming to take him away, but it had never happened; the Dursleys were his only family.

James- I´d hate to be related to them.

Remus- James, you are related to them; they´re your in-laws.

James- ...Damn.

Yet sometimes he thought (or maybe hoped) that strangers in the street seemed to know him. Very strange strangers they were, too. A tiny man in a violet top hat had bowed to him once while out shopping with Aunt Petunia and Dudley. After asking Harry furiously if he knew the man, Aunt Petunia had rushed them out of the shop without buying anything. A wild-looking old woman dressed all in green had waved merrily at him once on a bus. A bald man in a very long purple coat had actually shaken his hand in the street the other day and then walked away without a word. The weirdest thing about all these people was the way they seemed to vanish the second Harry tried to get a closer look.

James- So, they Disapparate as soon as he tries to look at them?

Sirius- How rude. Why would they want to shake his hand, anyway?

Remus- Siri, he survived the Killing Curse. He´s famous.

Sirius- Oh. Yeah. Right.

At school, Harry had no one. Everybody knew that Dudley´s gang hated that odd Harry Potter in his baggy old clothes and broken glasses, and nobody like to disagree with Dudley´s gang.

Sirius- And that is the end of chapter two.

James- Those Dursleys are so getting their arses kicked.

Sirius/Remus- Damn straight.

Peter- Yeah.

Sirius- So, shall we keep going with chapter three?

James/Remus/Peter- Yes.

Sirius- All right, then. Next chapter...