Winter Sunshine

Winter Sunshine

Say it's true...

There's nothing like....

Me and You...

I'm not alone

Tell me you...Feel it too...

And I will Runaway ...yeah

I will runaway with you...

I say yea yea yea I'm falling in love with you...

Now close the door...

Lay up down on the floor...

And by candle light...

Make love to me through the night...

And I will Runaway ...yeah

I will runaway with you...

I say yea yea yea I'm falling in love with you...

And I will Runaway ...yeah

I will runaway with you...

I say yea yea yea I'm falling in love with you...

I can't stop falling in love with you...

The Corrs.

****************

There's this feeling; I cannot explain it. It's somewhere between loving someone and wanting to leave that person so badly - to leave them behind in your life and never go back there. That is how I feel right now. The person whom I love-I want to love him-yet I want to shake him off my soul and my heart so desperately.

Walking down the streets in the autumn evening is one of my favorite pass times. It's amazing how a bit of cool wind and brightly lit, cozy looking shops comfort you. It's like wrapping yourself in an altogether different world of presents and candies where your troubles are a million miles away.

It's also ironic how these very same images make you wish you were somewhere else instead, because they remind you that no...this life isn't yours; you're just taking comfort in it.

I sigh and take a deep breath. I love everything in the autumn. The smell, the leaves, the happy cold-pinched faces, the feel of festivities in the air...

Now that the war is over, people have a lot to be thankful for. Even with broken homes and limited means, people are thankful - thankful for the spared lives, the families that were still intact and unbroken, and the smiles that were real and bright. The sun was in complete contrast to the festive mood, steadfastly remaining dull and weak.

I reach the end of the street and look up. There's the old park, with its old green -now yellowing- grass, the old trees bereft of their leaves - or what remaining leaves, that looked like old bits of wrinkled parchment hanging to their branches, the old swings, the old park bench so warm in the summer ...so cold now .....

I quickly cross the street and make my way toward the park bench under a particularly old tree, its many hollows making it look like a wrinkled old man.

The park bench in itself was nothing special. Just an ordinary, run-of-the-mill, old park bench as normal as park benches go. I brushed off the red and gold leaves from the seat of the bench. How ironic. Red and gold. Gryffindor colors.

I sat down on the bench, watching a miniature game of football take place at the far end of the park. A few of the smaller kids were kicked out of the way, as the older ones tried to connect foot with ball. A squabble broke out between the fallen children, and they started rolling around on the autumn-leafed ground, loud crunching sounds made by the pressure of bodies on the dried, fallen leaves.

A strong sense of déja vu enveloped me. I remembered myself, not as young as those ball-playing children, but a few years older....a teenager on the brink of adulthood. An adult about to leave school- with no friends - not close friends anyway- brooding during my last Christmas at Hogwarts. Not even all the magic in the air could chase away my loneliness. Even with all the goodwill and cheer in the atmosphere, it could not chase away my unhappiness, my hollowness.

Until that snowball hit me squarely in the back of my head, disarraying my beautiful yet fiery hair.

It was a mistake really. Perhaps not in the ways of the cosmos, but in our eyes, it was a mistake. Annoying, really. It had taken me hours to wash out my hair that morning, despite the frigid weather and the equally frigid water. Being a target of a misguided snowball, thrown by a severely demented and misguided youth, was not my idea of a happy day. I turned around to face the annoying pest Who Would NOT Go Away.

"Sorry." He grinned at me, not looking sorry at all.

I took out my wand, pointing it at a small patch of loose snow, gave my wand a gentle swish and flick and whispered, "Wingardium Leviosa" and aimed it straight at his head.

Watching the shock on his face almost made my day. That led to shouts of "No fair!" from the remaining two angles of the triangle.

They rushed up to him and all three of them started throwing snowballs at me. I ducked behind a particularly large statue and scowled at them for good measure.

My hair was ruined.

I wanted revenge. Someone is Going To Pay.

I fished around on the ground and found what I was looking for. Covering the small round stone with snow, I aimed it straight for the red-head's stomach.

"OUCH!!!! THAT -REALLY-HURT!!"

Bull's eye.

******************

Later that day, after dinner, Potter caught up with me.

"Hey."

"What do you want?" I replied, always the gentleman.

"I didn't mean for that snowball to hit you. You didn't have to hit Ron with a stone disguised as a snowball."

"Sorry, it was a mistake. I must have levitated the stone along with the snow." I said, not looking sorry at all and having the expression of someone who did exactly what he had wanted to do and was extremely pleased with the end result, thank you very much.

Harry gave me an annoyed look and turned to walk away. Feeling slightly guilty, I called out to him.

"What do you want?" Harry asked, echoing my words.

"How is he? Did the stone hurt him too badly?"

Harry looked like a confused goldfish who was about to have a heart attack.

"Uh...er...He's fine ...."

I nodded and walked away.

***************

I suppose it all started after that. Potter would always sit next to me in classes. A few days later, Granger joined him. It took three whole months for the Weasel to join them, but that was because he was late and there was no other place to sit. He scowled at me every now and then. I returned the favor, with all the grace and elegance I could gather.

Potter would speak to me then, first like an old colleague, then an old acquaintance, then an old friend. He told me later on that he had sensed a change in me.

I sensed an odd feeling every time I was with him. A feeling of calm, beautiful happiness.

Unfortunately, all calm, beautiful happy things end. After the N.E.W.T.s, we were all bound to go our separate ways. I was depressed to say the least.

However, the cosmos did not want me to be unhappy. Not on the last day, not while I was standing on the platform in Hogsmeade, waiting to board the Hogwarts Express. Unhappiness - perhaps another day, but not today.

Potter was walking towards me, nervously glancing back at Weasley and Gra-Hermione, who were nodding their heads and making little gestures with their hands as though pushing a frightened little child into the water for a first swim.

"Hey."

"Hello, Harry." When had he become Harry? I mused.

"Going home for the summer?" Harry asked stupidly and then very visibly regretted it.

I raised an amused eyebrow. "I suppose that's what we do during summer vacations, Harry. Go home. However, I don't seem to be having much of a home now that..." I trailed off and took a deep breath.

"Anyway," I continued, "I'm sure you'll enjoy your summer. You've got Hermione and the Weasel with you. Your friends."

"Don't call Ron that!" he admonished, but he was grinning. Then he looked at me and his grin faded a bit. "Where are you going to be staying over the holidays anyway?" he frowned.

"I don't know really. I was thinking maybe I should get to King's Cross first. The journey is long. I have enough time to think. Perhaps spend a few days in the Leaky Cauldron...mull things over."

Harry shuffled his feet nervously and squinted at them.

"Maybe ...er...if YOU like, you can join me ...at ...at Grimmauld Place - my godfather Sirius left it to me. Ron and Hermione will be joining me there later." He looked positively red.

I stared. My heart leapt. I could feel it doing the Irish jig inside my chest.

"Do you really mean that, Harry?" I whispered, not daring to breath.

His face broke into the brightest smile I had ever seen.

*********************

We spent most of the summer lounging around in the huge mansion. We didn't

do much except sit around and play chess, Gobstones, or Exploding Snap. Over the summer, we had gotten closer. The first two weeks we spent alone in Grimmauld Place with Professor Lupin. During that time, I got to know much more about Harry, how his relatives had treated him, his dislike for them and how much he had wanted to move out of Grimmauld Place because he was reminded of his beloved godfather and he hated the fact that Sirius Black had to spend his last days in the place he had despised the most. I, in turn, told him about myself. Not much to tell but I answered his questions the best way that I could. I told him that I had always looked up to my father, until, I saw the madness that had possessed him with Voldemort's second rise. Harry was surprised that I could say the ugly git's name. Then again, he had never had to live up to Lucius Malfoy's expectations. I told him I didn't want to follow my father's path. I might have been vain and selfish, but not mad and evil.

We were joined by Weasley (I could never bring myself to call him ...you-know-what), Hermione and Ginny after that. Mr and Mrs Weasley stayed the nights of the professor's transformation. Professor Snape came in the second week, mostly to make the Wolfsbane potion for Lupin. Most of the Order members flitted in and out of the manor at all odd times of the day and, sometimes, night.

Soon it was Harry's 18^th birthday. Hermione decided that in all the mess that Voldemort had created, Harry deserved to be happy for a while and had asked all of us, minus Harry, to start planning a surprise party for him.

Everyone was busy trying to pretend that they had forgotten his birthday. The night before his birthday, Ron had somehow managed to persuade Harry to play chess, Exploding Snap and Gobstones with him late into the night. By the time it was twelve, Harry's stomach was rumbling.

"Ron, let's go get a bite to eat."

Ron glanced at the clock and happily obliged.

The minute Harry came into the kitchen everyone yelled, "SURPRISE!" and started singing. Ginny and Hermione came in balancing a huge cake which was baked specially in the shape of a Snitch. Fred and George Weasley were venting out their enthusiasm by producing small explosions, which punctuated the birthday song as Harry grinned broadly at everyone around.

There were pictures taken by Ginny (courtesy of Colin Creevey's borrowed camera) and the best one was of Harry blowing out his candles, which turned out to be trick candles that exploded in his face. His hair was smoking and his face was black when he looked up. Ginny promptly captured the moment. Harry's picture self was running around the kitchen with his head on fire.

It was a pleasant night, welcoming Harry's 18^th year. By the look on his face, it was his best and happiest birthday yet. It felt good to be a part of his happiness.

I watched as he happily opened all his presents. Hermione had given him a book (as usual; Auror Training for Beginners - How NOT to die early. Ron had taken a leaf out of my book and given him a shirt that said POTTER! in bright blue letters. He explained that if the shirt got too dirty it would start flashing POTTER STINKS! Everyone laughed. Ginny had given him a large box of chocolate frogs; Neville sent him a broom polishing kit; McGonagall gave him another book; Transfiguration for Aurors; Mr and Mrs Weasley, a soft black muffler; Fred and George gave him a year's supply of tricks from their shop; Professor Lupin had given Harry one of his old and most cherished books, along with Sirius' necklace of moonstone which he had worn as a fashion statement during his Hogwarts days. Harry promptly put it around his neck. Finally, he picked up the dark green package tied with silver string.

I quickly slipped out of the room and out the front door into the small garden. I shivered, partly from nerves, partly from the cold.

Mostly from nerves.

After a few minutes of unpleasant shivering, I heard the door open and close and soft footsteps walk toward me.

"Silver and green packaging, Malfoy? A Slytherin to the last."

"Inviting me to stay over, Potter? A Gryffindor to the core."

"Why did you go away?"

"I was afraid you wouldn't like it," I replied.

"Wouldn't like it?" Harry sounded bewildered as though it was the most absurd suggestion he had ever heard. "I love it, Draco. It's beautiful."

I turned around and faced him. "You aren't wearing it," I said.

"You gave it to me. Why don't you put it on?" Harry asked and held out his hand.

I looked at him, then at the box. Slowly, I took the velvet box from him and opened it. The silver ring was lying in the soft folds of bottle green velvet was breathtaking. Encompassed from one side with the claw of a griffin and from the other the jaw of a snake, it was a blue sapphire, so dark it looked black. The sides had been made up of the intricacies of the griffin and the snake. On the inside I had it engraved with the words, To Scarhead, Love, the Gorgeous Draco Malfoy.

I took it out of the box and held Harry's hand. Hesitation held my hands. Harry looked up.

"I'd be honored to wear it. Not everyone's lucky to get a ring from the one they love," he whispered.

I looked into his eyes and slipped the ring onto his finger pulling him closer as the ring moved over skin. Slowly, I pulled him toward me and when the ring met the root of his finger, my lips met his. It was a slow, soft kiss, completely innocent. The sparks I felt inside my head, on my neck and the explosion behind my eyelids said something else. Finally, we both came up for air.

"That ...that was ..." Harry breathed.

"Incredible," I completed.

He nodded. We sat on the grass hands entwined, my other hand thrown over his shoulder pulling him into my embrace.

"You're right you know," I said.

Harry looked up questioningly.

"About not everyone being lucky; Weasel hasn't given Hermione a kiss yet."

*******************************

In mid August, we got our N.E.W.T.s scores. I got an O in everything except for Care of Magical Creatures. There I got an E.

Harry got O's in Defense Against the Dark Arts, Transfiguration and Care of Magical Creatures, E's in the remaining subjects, and an A in Potions.

Hermione, of course, got O's in everything. Weasley got an E in all of his subjects (most expectedly, due to Hermione's nagging) except for Potions, in which he got a P. Big surprise; I'd expected him to get a T.

It was time, as all the adults deemed to remind us, for us to choose our career paths.

Hermione, not surprisingly, applied for everything in sight.

Weasley, not surprisingly, decided to join his brothers in their business as an apprentice since they had opened a new shop in Hogsmeade, which was giving Zonko's an Olympic run for their money.

Harry and I, we applied for Auror training.

Neville Longbottom was the biggest surprise. Harry had told me that he was good at Herbology. Everyone assumed he'd work as an apprentice in one of the shops selling magical plants or some such thing related to plants. He didn't. To every ones' surprise and his grandmother's even greater astonishment, he joined Harry and me for Auror training.

Harry, however, didn't bat an eyelid.

"I always knew he was made of strong stuff, that Neville. Next to Hermione, he was the fastest learner in the DA; he was also the only one who came out with minor injuries from the battle in the Department of Mysteries. He'll do well in Auror training. I won't be surprised if he beats us at it."

"I doubt it, Harry. He might beat you, but definitely not me." I grinned wickedly.

"Always modest aren't you?" Harry teased, smiling up at me from his position on the bed.

"Isn't that why you love me, hmmm?" I asked, nuzzling my face in his neck.

"Partly, but you seem to have other skills."

I didn't disappoint him.

*****************************************

Replies to our job applications came within the next week. Rather replies to everyone else's job applications.

Hermione had been accepted in everything and then drove everyone up the walls wondering what to pick. In the end, she decided to reject all the applications and spend a year writing a thesis on House-elf enslavement.

Weasley was spending most of the time in Hogsmeade. He was thinking of buying a small flat there, but Remus suggested using the Shrieking Shack after a few renovations. I felt he'd survive without the renovations after living in the Burrow, but refrained from sharing my views with anyone else.

Neville, to my surprise, got accepted in the Auror training program. Professor Snape, of course, had to live up to his own expectations and make nasty comments on Neville's potion making abilities, terming it as poison brewing abilities.

Harry, to everyone's delight, got accepted.

That left me. I opened my letter and the large black words caught my eye.

REJECTED.

I bit my lips and tried to hide the letter. However, Harry was too quick. He wasn't the youngest seeker for nothing.

"Rejected? But why? You got top marks in everything!" Harry asked, looking utterly bewildered.

I sighed. I had known that this would happen, but a small ray of hope, along with Harry's company, had encouraged me to apply. I looked at him.

"Harry, they won't accept a death eater's son in any job, much less to be an Auror. I mean, that would be a joke. I bet they laughed their heads off when they saw my application," I said dryly.

Snape's expression was shuttered, his form of sympathy. Hermione was looking troubled and was chewed her lip off. Weasley was ...well...Weasley. But even he looked put out.

"But...but that's discrimination! You're not a death eater!! Dumbledore can attest to that! We'll go speak to them, we'll-" Harry spluttered.

I placed a hand on his cheek to stop his rant.

"It doesn't matter. They didn't believe Dumbledore when he told them about Voldemort's return in our fourth year; you think they'll take his word now? Especially now that there's nobody to confirm it either way? I don't think so."

"Draco, I know you've got your heart set on being an Auror, I know it, let's just -" I stopped him again.

"Just drop it, Harry. This is the most they can do. They can't touch me beyond this."

************************************

Apparently, I was wrong. The ministry could, and did touch me beyond my professional life.

Word got around that Harry and I were staying together in Grimmauld Place. As lovers. Not much to argue about that.

The ministry gave Harry an ultimatum. He either leaves me or loses his job. Didn't want their employees hob-nobbing (or more bluntly, shagging) with ex death eaters. It was supposed to be a secret from me. Of course, I found out. Weasley's Extendable Ears - very useful.

There was of course only one option left. Pack up and disappear into the night. Can't have Harry playing part two of the Boy Who Lived; I mean to say, sequels really don't go down well with the audience.

This is why I find myself, three years later, in muggle London, dressed as a muggle, blending in with the crowd, disappearing in it.

It's a safe haven for wizards or even muggles who want to just disappear and not be found.

That's what I want; to not be found.

Harry had graduated from Auror training 2 weeks ago. I had gone for the ceremony, well hidden of course. It had caused me a pang to use muggle hair dye on my beautiful hair.

My hair was completely forgotten when I set eyes on Harry. After three long years, he still had the ability to make me melt in my loins just by standing there being oblivious to the fact that I existed. Which he was. He looked absolutely delicious. Three years living as a celibate wasn't helping matters. I turned my attention from him, to check out the other graduates, but mostly to have a respite from the uncomfortable longing in my trousers.

I spotted Neville Longbottom standing with Ginny Weasley, having a drink, laughing over some joke and looking completely plastered. Harry sauntered over to them, Ron (finally!) and Hermione in tow. Some things never change.

Neville clamped his hand over Harry's shoulder in a friendly manner. On closer inspection, the manner was TOO friendly. Leaning over, he whispered something in Harry's ear, which made Harry go bright red and made the rest of them shout, "About time!"

I saw angry stars in front of my eyes. Jealousy bit me soundly in the toe and crept up my thigh, going straight to my heart. What in Merlin's name was Longbottom doing to my Harry? He's mine! My Harry, My Potter, My Scarhead, My Potty....mine mine mine! How dare Longbottom, an abysmal excuse for a cauldron melting git, touch him??!

Wait, that didn't quite sound right...an abysmal excuse? Two negatives make a positive and ...argh!

I tell my inner monologue to shut up.

After I seethed in silence, some semblance of control came over me, mostly due to the Malfoy upbringing. I had father to thank for that.

I swept out of the disgustingly cheerful place in a dramatic swirl of robes. Unfortunately, nobody noticed my dramatic display.

***************************************

After returning from the park, I headed straight to my apartment complex. The only thought in my head as I climbed the stairs and reached my apartment was that a nice cup of hot chocolate would be fantastic after the cold walk.

Upon opening the door, all thoughts of hot chocolate flew out of my mind.

Lounging on my sofa, as if it belonged to him, was a very hot looking Harry.

He wasn't naked, nor was he wearing anything provocative. It was just the effect he had on me.

"You're back," Harry observed.

I nodded. "Do you want some hot chocolate?" I asked stupidly.

"After three years, you owe me."

"Uh..." Shit.

"What do have to say for yourself, Draco?"

What could I tell him? That I was a coward? He would tell me I was being a true Slytherin. Over the years, I had realized that I had run away from Harry. I didn't want people to point fingers at me. I didn't want to be the center of attention anymore. Being with Harry, I would inevitably be what I didn't want to be. Everyone would have thought that I was being a self-sacrificing saint, by leaving Harry. That was a secondary reason. Being a Slytherin and a Malfoy to boot, self-interest always came first. Snape would have understood, even sympathized. But not the Gryffindor trio. It disgusted me, but then I learnt to live with it. I couldn't tell him that though. It didn't strike me as proper conversation material after three years. So I settled on the obvious.

"How did you- ?"

"Find you? Hermione. She had a feeling you wouldn't miss my graduation. She had the Aurors place monitoring charms all over the place. Of course it took a while to track you down since you live in a muggle area."

He looked at me. I looked at my feet. My left shoelace is frayed. Must have that changed. In fact, must buy new shoes ...

"Draco." I looked up. There was no running now that I was trapped under an endearingly soulful green gaze. A pool of green that I had filled with hurt and confusion. I sighed.

"Harry, I know you're angry and you're hurt. I know I hurt you. I know you've moved on. I don't grudge you that. I didn't deserve you. I chickened out. I moved away from you, but I realized it was partly due to selfish reasons. I didn't want people pointing fingers at me because of my father. In fact, I'm surprised you even thought of me after three years. Thought of me enough to put wards around the hall."

"Moved on?" Harry looked puzzled.

"Yeah, I saw you and Neville. Congratulations."

"Neville ?"

"Uh...yeah...you were with him that day at your graduation party."

Harry, for some reason started laughing uncontrollably. Okay...you don't meet ex-lovers, who hurt you and chickened out, laughing their head off.

"Harry, are you alright?"

"Neville!" Harry wiped tears of mirth from his eyes and struggled to stand up.

"Neville!" he managed to gasp out again.

"Stop sounding as if you're having an orgasm with him, Harry." I said disgustedly.

Harry laughed again.

"Okay, will you please tell me what's so funny?"

Finally, after five more minutes of annoying Gryffindor laughter, Harry calmed down.

"Neville's with Pansy Parkinson."

This time it was my turn to snort with disbelief. "You. Are. Joking."

"Nope. That's what he was telling me - us- at the ceremony. That he was finally going to propose to her."

"Oh." Stupidity ran amok inside my head, and most probably on my face as well. But at the back of my mind was the overwhelming feeling of relief and giddiness. Harry hadn't been with Neville after all! Then something else struck me.

"Why were you blushing then?"

Harry turned bright red again and muttered something that sounded like buzz buzz.

"Pardon?" I said.

"Neville was telling me about how ...er...sexy his sex life was... er...in detail and that was why he decided to make it permanent. It didn't help that I well...you know after you... I didn't ..."he trailed off looking thoroughly embarrassed

My eyes widened with disbelief and I felt light as though my mind was the only part of me that was in existence. Harry hadn't - he didn't- he had waited for me!

We fell silent for a few minutes. Jealousy and doubt entered my mind again.

But what if he's with someone else - not Neville - someone else ...?

Harry seemed to read my thoughts.

"I'm not," he said.

"You're not what?"

"Not with anyone. What does it mean when I say I haven't - you know?"

"Oh"

Then, "OH!"

"Draco, I never gave up on you. I'd still be with you, if you want me..."

IF I want him? IF?!? HELL I do!

In that moment, I realized I didn't want to run anymore. Not from Harry. With him, but not from him. Who cared what other people thought? Who cared whether Harry lost his job as an Auror? As Harry explained later, what good is a 'noble' profession when it doesn't accept the workers just as they are? We had enough money between us to live forever in luxury, anyway.

"Do you Draco?" Harry asked again.

"I do, Harry. I do."

His face shone like the summer sun. I guess I don't have to deal with winter sunshine anymore.

************************************