The Parturition of Snape

One dark and stormy night at the end of August, Severus Snape stood by his cauldron, waiting till five minutes had passed so that he could add the last ingredient. Finally, he poured the Essence of Begonia into the cauldron, and stood by watching it turn a clear shade of blue. He sighed, and poured some into a vial and closed it off, unaware any had spilled onto the front of his robes. Just enough had wet his robes, however, that the potion's abilities went into full affect, unbeknownst to the Professor.

As he started to begin his journey up to the hospital wing to present the vial to Madam Pomfrey, he noticed he felt slightly queasy.

Better as Pomfrey about that, too... he thought as he climbed the first staircase. He arrived five minutes later, a bit more tired than he had expected, but paid it no heed.

Probably just because I haven't been out of the dungeons in so long, thinking as he knocked on the nurse's office door.

"Yes?"

"Severus Snape, Madam. I have the potion...?"

"Oh, oh yes; well, come right in!" she busied herself with the container he had presented, checking to see if it seemed out of color. When she had approved of it, he asked her about the small bout of queasiness he had felt earlier.

"Hmmm... anything foreign you've eaten recently?" she questioned while stocking the vial of blue liquid on a high shelf. Severus shook his head; not that he could remember, anyway.

"Well, I don't know what else to think, but... no, that's impossible."

She stared at him; he did look a bit rosier in the cheeks. No, like she had said, it was impossible. But it wouldn't hurt to check, would it? Absolutely not.

"Severus--" he nodded. "I would like to run a test on you, to prove some of my assumptions incorrect. Do you mind?"

He studied her; she seemed actually concerned for his well-being. But this didn't change anything between them.

He said harshly, "As long as it doesn't take too long."

She smiled; this was ridiculous. Pulling out her wand, she made sure she aimed at his midsection as she said, "Parturitionus!"

Snape gasped as his whole stomach turned a brilliant shade of blue. Pomfrey also gasped, and even louder than he, because she knew what it meant. Snape was pregnant.

Again, Pomfrey gasped. This couldn't be right. He could not be pregnant... unless... did the potion work on men as well? Obviously it did... how else did this happen? Well, she had to break the news to his somehow, but this was not going to be easy. Severus noticed the nurse wringing her hands in a highly nervous fashion, and when he finally asked what was wrong, she replied in a high-pitched squeak.

"Oh, it's nothing! Nothing, except for the minor fact that you are with child, Professor!"

He stared at the woman. No, no this could not be true... the potion, he must've spilled some on himself down in the dungeons, it was the only possible way. He felt around his robes for any indication that he had spilled something, and yes, there it was.