Searching for Souls

It was early November.

Ginny Weasley was sitting on the windowsill in her dormitory, watching the rain pour out of the grey-black sky outside and thinking. Ginny was miserable. She was miserable out of pity and sorrow for Harry, among other things.

Harry had told Ron, Hermione and Ginny 3 days ago about the prophecy that bound him in a live-or-die situation with Lord Voldemort.

The reactions had been predictable. Hermione had stared at Harry for a long moment, and then such a look of misery spread over her face it made Ginny feel sick. Ron had cried, the only time Ginny had seen him do so since before he went to Hogwarts.

Ginny was sure hers was not the only heart broken as she watched her favourite brother cling to Harry and sob his eyes out.

Ginny was struck then by the reality of the situation, the amount of evil that they were facing. It was so awful, so unspeakable, that Ginny could do nothing except pray. Pray that Harry could defeat Voldemort. Pray that Ron would never have to cry again, except with joy. Pray that Hermione would never again have to wear that look of heart-wrenching misery that had gripped Ginny's soul with an icy fist. And pray that Harry would never have to sit there with his two best friends, watching them being torn apart from utter, utter grief.

And Ginny prayed that she would never again have to watch them try to compose themselves afterwards, try to go down to the rest of the castle and face the others, never see them pasting those straight-faced masks on their faces, when inside they were so full of emotions that they were past even screaming to let go of the immense burden.

Ginny hadn't cried. She hadn't looked miserable. She was too taken with the enormity of what Harry was facing, too struck with the unfairness of it all. The only thing going around inside Ginny's head was 'Why?' Why did Voldemort want to kill them all? Why did he want to engulf the world in his evil, make misery the prevailing emotion, banish love and happiness forever? Why had he made a teenage boy with his whole life ahead of him literally bear the weight of the world on his shoulders?

And then Ginny was gripped with a wave of hatred so intense she thought she would die. She wanted to scream, to cry, to expel all the feelings inside of her, but she found she couldn't. She couldn't scream, cry or even speak. Ginny had collapsed onto her bed in a dead faint.

Ginny was startled out of her thoughts by a voice speaking to her. She whirled around in surprise, making her fall off the windowsill and bash her head on the chest at the end of a bed. Wincing through the pain, Ginny looked up. It was Sapphire, her best friend, one of the other girls who shared Ginny's dorm. Sapphire looked concerned.

'Are you alright, Gin?'

'Not exactly, I just lost about two thirds of my brain cells...' Ginny frowned, rubbing her head and feeling the lump that was growing there. Sapphire laughed and pulled Ginny to her feet.

'Come on, we've got to go for dinner, Annalise is waiting for us.' Annalise was Ginny's other friend. Ginny groaned and followed Sapphire out of the dorm, pausing to look in the mirror as she went out. Ginny sighed as her familiar face appeared in front of her, the large brown eyes staring back at her pale face, the dusting of freckles across her nose, and the now waist length thick red hair, falling down her back in glossy waves.

Ginny wished she had Sapphire's short black hair or the intense blue eyes after which Sapphire had been named. Better yet, she wished she had the long blonde hair and sparkling blue eyes of her friend Annalise, a girl of Swedish origin, who had a beautiful complexion and looked as though she'd never had a spot in her life. Which, Ginny reflected jealously, she probably hadn't. Ginny had always felt slightly in the shadow of her friends, Annalise's perfectly slim build and lovely face, and Sapphire's striking eyes and short petite frame.

Ginny herself was slim, and her legs were long, although she was quite short. She was extremely pretty, although she herself didn't think so. Her skin was pale and creamy, her eyes were large and expressive, and she had a heart-warming smile. Anybody Ginny smiled at went around feeling warm and special for the rest of the day.

Even so, Ginny felt she was always tagging along behind Sapphire and Annalise, the red-haired little girl that nobody glanced twice at. But sometimes they did. She would often hear boys talking about her after they had walked past her, usually saying something like,

'Hey, she was fit!'

'Don't try anything, mate, her brothers would kill you.'

'Oh yeah, she's a Weasley. 6 older brothers, imagine that...'

'Yeah, imagine getting thrashed by all six of them,'

'Bloody hell. Her parents must have been a bit busy...' and then there would be loud laughter and crude gestures towards Ginny.

Ginny had always been in the shadow of somebody- all six of her brothers, for instance. Granted, she got a little bit of extra attention for being the only girl, but this was usually just from her aunts or uncles, pinching her cheeks and saying how pretty she was.

She just wished that somebody would see her for being Ginny, just Ginny, not the silly little sister of all the Weasley brothers, not the love-struck blushing admirer of Harry Potter, not the awkward friend of the flawless Sapphire Lacey and Annalise Morgan. Just her, Ginny Weasley.

By the time Ginny got down to the Great Hall for dinner, it was 9 o'clock and the hall was almost empty, save for a few Slytherins at the far end of the hall and a couple of Hufflepuffs. Ginny sat down with Annalise, who immediately started asking Ginny what she was doing at Christmas.

'So, are you staying here at Hogwarts or are you going home?'

'I don't know... I think I might stay, it depends on you two. What are you doing, Saph?'

'I'm staying, of course! You don't honestly think I would pass up an opportunity to eat Christmas dinner at Hogwarts? It's supposed to be really good, you know, there's hundreds of turkeys and chickens, and mountains of roast potatoes...'

Sapphire trailed off, her eyes widening with fantasies about food. Annalise, who was constantly on very unnecessary diets, glared at Sapphire and said in a dignified voice,

'Sapphire, you'll get fat...' Sapphire laughed and poked Annalise's arm.

'You know that's crap, Anna, I never get fat.' Annalise wrinkled her nose and made a 'Pff' sound, and turned to Ginny.

'Come on Gin, please stay, if you don't it'll only be me stuck here with this gobbling monster...'

'And your legions of faithful admirers,' Ginny added, glancing over at the Hufflepuff table where a small gang of 4^th year boys were staring avidly at Annalise, while two 5^th year girls looked on in disgust. Annalise gave a self-satisfied smirk and replied

'Well of course, Virginia.' Ginny couldn't help laughing and gave in to the demands of her friends.

'Fine, fine, I'll stay. But I'm expecting good Christmas presents or I'll get straight on my broomstick and go right back home.' Annalise raised a perfectly shaped eyebrow.

'But won't it be a bit busy at your house? I mean, all of your brothers are going to be there this Christmas, right?'

'Well, all of them except Percy,' said Ginny in a low voice. She didn't want to even think about Percy, let alone talk about him.

Sapphire picked this up and quickly changed the subject.

'Well then, it'll be fine for you to stay, if the house is going to be packed.'

'Yeah,' said Ginny grimly. 'They won't even know I'm not there.'

A new voice spoke from behind them, startling all three girls.

'Well, Weasley, your family has so many children they wouldn't even notice if half of them weren't there. Anyway, they're all too busy kissing Potter's arse to care about you, aren't they?'

Ginny recognised the cold voice of Draco Malfoy and the familiar old taunts about her family, and suddenly felt tired. She was tired of this stupid prat always insulting her, tired of having to be normal and cheerful when she'd cried herself to sleep these past 3 nights, tired of having to put a brave face on everything.

She looked up at Malfoy, who was smirking back at her.

Sapphire looked as if she wouldn't have minded throwing her plate of beloved roast potatoes right into his face, and Annalise was glaring her most lady-like glare.

Ginny continued staring into Malfoy's face. She could see his smirk beginning to falter when she didn't respond. He tried again.

'What's the matter, Weasley? Is my sophisticated beauty just too much for you and your common, primitive ways?' The smirk was back.

Ginny raised her eyebrows at Malfoy.

'Malfoy,' she said calmly.

There was silence for a long moment as he looked back at her, and Ginny thought she saw something change in his eyes, something softened slightly and the look he gave her was not cold. His impenetrable mask slipped for a moment, and Ginny was shocked at the transformation in his face- the lip was not curled in disdain and the sour look was replaced with a look of... what was it?

He was studying Ginny, searching her eyes for her meaning and something else, something deeper.

For a second as their eyes locked, grey on brown, Ginny knew they were looking into each other- and they understood.

Ginny tore her eyes away with an effort, painfully aware that Sapphire and Annalise were staring at her in shock. Malfoy broke the silence, saying the last thing Ginny would ever have expected him to say.

'I'm sorry.'

His voice was shaking and deep, and he was speaking with real emotion for one of the only times in his life.

Ginny stared at him in disbelief. She didn't think he was joking.

She looked into his eyes again, and the mask was not yet fully in place, his eyes were not empty and cold. She knew he was sincere. And she knew he was not just apologizing for what he had just said, but for 5 years of relentless teasing, put-downs and cruelty.

And in that instant, Ginny knew she forgave him, although at the time she didn't quite know why. She met his eyes one more time, and saw through the mask once more into his soul.

Ginny saw the pain and the hurt inside of him, she saw the neglect and sorrow, she saw how he had been let down time and again. She felt his loneliness, his anger, and his incredible lack of love.

Not love towards people- Ginny felt that he was full of love to give, but had never been given the chance to do so. It was the lack of love given to him by anyone else. This, more than anything else, finally connected in Ginny's mind. Ginny knew that Draco Malfoy was seeing inside of her, just as she was seeing inside of him. She spoke, her voice trembling.

'I'm sorry too.'

He looked at her silently, still watching, still observing. Then something wonderful happened. He smiled. Ginny's eyes widened in amazement as he gave her the first real smile she'd ever seen him smile. She prayed for a second that it was real.

Ginny felt herself smiling back. She didn't know what to say. But then she realised that she didn't need to say anything. She smiled again and nodded. Draco nodded too and, still smiling, he walked away.

Sapphire and Annalise were staring at Ginny, open-mouthed, torn between horror and incredulity. Ginny looked at them and suddenly everything seemed right. Something inside of her was complete.

She grinned at them and went back to her mashed potatoes.