Not Just an Empty Emotion

Chapter 28-As His World Collapses

He took a further horrified step away from the scene, feeling nauseous. He gasped, trying to force air down into his lungs but found it was impossible. At last he managed it.

"Bastard!" he screamed, every particle of his being focussed on his hatred or Foster and Malfoy. "Bastard!"

He turned on his heel and ran; he wouldn't have been able to watch the scene any more even if he hadn't thought he was about to throw up. Up stairways, along corridors, through paintings and secret paths...he ran as fast as he could, wanting, needing, to be as far away from them as possible.

At last he saw the Fat Lady's painting, forced the password through his lips and struggled into the common room. He tore across it and up the staircase into the boy's dormitory. Someone behind him might have shouted his name, but he didn't much care. At last he reached the sink next to the window and threw up in it again and again.

Shaking, he splashed his face with water and rinsed his mouth. He put his head against the icy window, seeing the glass become frosted as the heat from his skin radiated onto it, through half-closed eyes.

The door opened with a bang and in strode Hermione, Ginny and, surprisingly, Ron. Hermione put her arm around him and led him across to his bed, where a glass of icy water was pressed into his shaking hand by Ginny. Ron pretended to be shuffling around in his trunk for something, attempting to seem as though he were ignoring Harry.

Harry wiped his face, trying to remove any evidence of his grief, but the tears were all too obvious.

"What's happened?" Hermione asked finally in a sensitive voice.

Harry just shook his head.

"Was what happened really that bad?"

He shook his head again, and said almost inaudibly, "I hate him. I hate him."

"What?" Ginny asked, bewildered. "I though you said you were the one who was upset with him? So why do you hate him?"

He couldn't say it. Saying it would mean it were real- meaning that what he had seen had really happened.

"Ron can you go away please?" Hermione said.

"Er...no! Hermione you can't tell me to get out of my own dormitory-"

"I'm not telling you, I'm asking and appealing to your better nature."

Ron looked as though he was about to spit a retort at Hermione but though the better of it. He stomped towards the door and muttered, "Just because precious Potter and his bitch are having a catfight-"

Harry leapt off the bed and grabbed Ron's robes. "Don't you-"

"Harry NO!" Ginny yelled. "Doing that will only make it worse stop it!"

"He'd deserve it! I've put up with so much shit from him! He'd deserve it and you know it!" Harry snarled.

"I know he would-" Ginny and Ron exchanged dirty looks "- but you can't do this!"

Harry glared at Ron for a moment longer before letting him go and turning away. Ron shook his head and left the room.

"Harry, listen, please tell us. We're your friends. Don't be miserable alone- we want to help."

"You can't."

"We can try."

"Oh. Right," Harry gulped. "You can stop Malfoy falling in love with someone else can you? You can stop him kissing someone else, can you? You can stop all that?"

Both Hermione and Ginny looked thunderstruck.

Hermione was the first to react. She jumped up looking utterly repulsed and furious. "Malfoy," she said in a disgusted tone. "Your boyfriend is Malfoy?"

"Shit!" Harry moaned, screwing his face up, cursing himself.

"Oh, God Harry...I'm so sorry. How do you know?"

"I saw them. I've been so stupid to think that he really...that he..." he couldn't finish. Ginny hugged him consolingly.
Hermione was still on her feet. "Ginny, you knew about this didn't you? Why didn't you try to stop it? It's not just about Harry it's every one of Voldemort's enemies who matters here! I mean, Draco Malfoy, for God's sake! What were you thinking? Why the hell, Harry, are you with him? How!?"

"Well I'm not any more am I, and that's the point!"

"Which is even worse!"

"How, Hermione? How can it be any worse?"

"What do you think Malfoy's going to do? Now you're not together any more -if it was even a proper relationship in the first place- he's sure to run to daddy and tell him-"

"He's not like that! He's not the Malfoy you think he is!"

"Well he's obviously not the Malfoy YOU think he is either!"

Harry opened his mouth to reply. There was no reply. Had he been stupid all along? Had he really believed Malfoy when he should have been suspicious?

"Can I just interrupt a moment?" Ginny said. "Yes Hermione, I knew. And my reaction was just like yours a first. I didn't believe a word of it. But it's true. Malfoy has changed. I still don't like him and there's no way he'll ever be good enough for Harry, but he has changed. He's not on You-know-Who's side any more. He's with us. Sounds doubtful, I know, but it's true. I want to kill him for doing this to Harry though. I mean it...next time I see him my wand will be on his so fast-"

"Don't bother," Harry said miserably. "Let him be happy. Foster can have him, I don't want the bastard any more."

Even Hermione's expression softened at this.

"Do you mean Dominic Foster?" Ginny asked. "Well, he might be gorgeous but he's got nothing else to attract anyone..."

"Tell Malfoy that."

Ginny hugged him, and, as much as he tried to hold back the tears, he sobbed into her shoulder uncontrollably.

"Oh, fuck this I'm going to find the bastard," Hermione said, and strode from the room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Bastards!"

They both heard the yell and Foster let Draco go, looking around angrily, panic on his face. They were just in time to see a student's robes flying behind them as the ran along the corridor.

"Shit!" Foster yelled, clearly confused. "What was it? Did you see who it was?"

"No," Draco said truthfully. Foster looked disbelieving. "How do you expect me to have seen anything when you were...were..."

"When we were kissing?" Foster added dangerously.

"No. When you were kissing," Draco said defiantly. He didn't care if Foster got angry, or forced him to do anything else because Draco wasn't going to take this any more. He didn't care. And besides- he had recognised the voice.

"See you tomorrow Malfoy," Foster said distractedly, and ran out of the room in the general direction the person had run.

Draco stood against the wall for support, shaking. The voice was ringing in his head....bastards...bastards... there was no doubt in his mind. How many times had he listened to and loved that voice?

Potter had seen it.

Draco wailed- how could he have let this happen? There was no way Potter would believe him, even if he did tell the truth. It was over. Foster had succeeded in ruining Draco and Potter's relationship.

He scrubbed his eyes and told himself not to cry, then walked determinedly, but nervously, from the room and towards the Gryffindor common room, shaking.

*

He stood before the Fat Lady's portrait, not sure of what to do next.

"Er," he said. "Will...will you let me in?"

"Certainly not!" the Fat Lady said irritably. "Not without a password which I don't think you have, do you?"

"No but...I...I need to speak to someone. It's important."

"I don't care if you're Albus Dumbledore come to save Harry Potter, if you haven't got a password you're not coming in!"

Draco considered insulting her, but decided against it. He would just have to wait here until somebody came out. But what if it was someone he didn't want to meet? The only two people he could possibly talk to were Potter or Ginny Weasley. He sank down against the stone wall next to the portrait, the Fat Lady looking at him curiously, with an expression similar to sympathy on her face.

He didn't have to wait very long. A minute later the portrait hole swung open and a furious-looking figure strode out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hermione strode across the common room, ignoring the curious stares that followed her, determined to find Malfoy and punish him. She pushed the Fat Lady's portrait rather harder than was necessary and stomped outside into the corridor.

She stopped dead. Malfoy had got to his feet and within a split second was looking at her with a frightened but determined expression on his face. She didn't wait for him to speak.

"You bastard," she said, her voice shaking with fury. "You utter bastard."

"What?" Malfoy said bemusedly. "Oh no. He's told you."

"Yes, Malfoy. I know. And I know what you've done to him too!" She reached up a hand a slapped him around the face with as much force as she could. He staggered backwards and smacked into the wall, but did not turn to face her again.

"You deserved that and much more, and you know it."

"Yes, yes I know I do but not for the reasons you think!"

"You mean you're ashamed of something other than for kissing someone else when you're meant to be with Harry?" she said furiously. "Oh, well, that fits! I shouldn't have expected anything less from you!"

"Shh! Keep your voice down, please! It's not what you think!"

"Oh, what, so Harry was seeing things in that classroom, was he?!"

"NO! I'm not saying that! I...I.... just let me talk to him. Please?"

"Tell me, Malfoy.... just give me one good reason why I should?"

"I can give you three," he choked. "One: I'm on your side now, and you know damn well that there's more to this that it first seems. Two: You care about Potter and you and me both know that, if by letting me talk to him, we can sort this crap out then it's worth it. Three: I love him."
Malfoy was even more careful not to meet her eyes as he said this, his face turning pink. Hermione still looked furious, but what Malfoy said had obviously softened her. It was true: as much as she disliked Malfoy, she had to admit that over the last few terms he had not been the evil git that he once was. And it was true that it had certainly made Harry happier, being with Malfoy. Above all though, Hermione couldn't help being touched by the sincerity in Malfoy's voice.

"Fine," she said heavily. "But how the hell do you propose getting in there? Do you want me to bring him out here?"

"No," Malfoy said. "No, I need to be the one who goes up to see him...he'll never come anyway. I thought I might just...blend into the crowd..."

"Blend into the crowd?" Hermione repeated incredulously. "Don't be so stupid!"
Malfoy looked at her at last. "Well then how am I going to do it? Please, Granger, I need to speak to him now. If there's any way..."

She looked at him, the desperate, miserable expression on his face, the tired eyes, the face which looked, upon closer inspection, as though he had faced hell...and suddenly, though still livid, she pitied him.

"Right," she said. "Fine. But if you do anything wrong...anything at all....I'm still not saying I'm happy about this. This is for Harry's sake and if you do one thing-"

"I know! I won't, I promise. Please just.... tell me?"

She took a deep breath. "Stand up. Now, what I'm going to do will only last a few seconds, so when I do it, you have to get as quickly as you can to the staircase. It's the one on the-"

"I know where it is. What're you going to do?"

"You'll see."

"Granger...thanks."

"Don't mention it," she said bitterly. "Ready?"

He nodded, his face frightened but set.

She pointed her wand at his face and said, "Peruio Stalsas!" then turned to the Fat Lady and said, "Wizard Wheezes!"

The portrait swung open and she gave Malfoy a dig in the back. She saw him walk as fast as he could without attracting attention to the boys' staircase. No one recognised him, because her spell had turned his hair mousy brown, made it shorter, and given him a large nose and bad skin. She breathed a sigh of relief and gave him a minute before she repeated the password and followed him up.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Harry had sat back down on his bed and was being comforted by Ginny, who had decided to let Hermione go on her own, both of them badmouthing Malfoy.

"Don't worry," she said. "Hermione will sort him out. You know what she's like when she's angry. He'll get at least some of what he deserves."
Harry just grunted, not feeling inclined to do much else.

They sat for a few minutes in complete silence, listening to the light rainfall outside the tower, the miserable weather reflecting Harry' mood.

The door swung open silently, and the looked up simultaneously. When she saw who it was Ginny jumped up angrily, with a protective hand on Harry's shoulder. Malfoy (back to normal) was standing in the doorway, looking anywhere but at Harry.

"Get out," Harry said quietly, willing his voice to remain even.

"Potter, I-"

"I don't want to hear it! Just go on back to Foster where you'd rather be instead! Why bother coming after me when you've got him to keep you company?"

"Because I don't want Foster! I want you! I love you!"

"So what was all that about then? Is Foster just a bit of fun? Do you love me but find me boring? Will Foster let you do more, eh?" Harry bellowed. "I've told you I don't want to know, I don't care what your crap excuse is just get out!"

"No!" Malfoy found himself yelling. He had put up with so much shit over the last few weeks, with Foster, with trying to make sure Harry was OK, with trying to just handle his life...and he was not about to let Foster win. He would make sure Harry knew the truth even if he had to force him. "There is a reason and believe me, Potter I don't want to admit it! I'm only telling you because I love you, I've only put up with it because I love you, and you are going to listen whether you like it or not because I'm not giving up this easily!"

"Put up with what?" Harry asked. "What do you have to put up with? And whatever your 'reason' I don't care- fact is you were looking pretty happy with someone else, and I don't think there can really be any excuse for that, can there?"

"Well there is," Malfoy said fiercely. "And you're going to listen. Please, Potter. You can't want to give up this easily?"

"Easily? Explain what's 'easy' about this? And you didn't seem to have trouble giving up."

"That's because I didn't give up. Weasley can you...er...please...leave. I need to talk to Harry alone."

"Of course I can't leave. You think I'm about to leave Harry with you? No chance."

"Anything you can say to me you can say to her."

"Look! I need you to do this, please! You can wait outside the door! I just need to be allowed to explain, and it's just not very....not very....nice."

Harry waited a moment before replying. "Of course it's not nice. Fine. Ginny, can you wait outside the door?"
She looked at him for a moment as though doubting his sanity but then said, "Yeah. Of course. I'm right there if you need me."

"Thanks," he said, not quite sure what he was letting himself in for.

She left the room, giving Malfoy her dirtiest look as she did so, and slammed the door behind her, raising her eyebrows doubtfully at Hermione who had just climbed the stairs.

"Talk," said Harry. "But make it quick."

"Well, I...I'm sorry first of all."

"I don't want apologies! They won't work; you can't bring me round that way! What you've done is not excusable!"

"I know but...I'm not apologising for what you saw. I'm apologising for not telling you before.

"Telling me what?" Harry asked at once. "About the affair?"

"No," Malfoy said, feeling sick. "About what they were doing to me."

"What?" Harry said dangerously.

"Just let me speak," Malfoy pleaded, then, at the end, you can chose whether to believe me or not. Please?"

"Fine," Harry said. "But make it quick."

Malfoy took a deep breath and told Harry everything, from when Kierre had first cornered him, to when he had Foster had got involved. He told him about the odd meetings with Foster, and the night Foster had finally opened up about his own life...about how he had kissed him....how he had threatened him...how he had continued to meet him and force him to do things...

When he had finished, Malfoy looked slightly paler than before and said in a weak voice, "And that...that's what happened. You can chose whether to believe it or not, but I promise you now it's true."

"You've made a lot of promises, Malfoy. Why didn't you tell me all this before? When it started?"

"That's why I'm sorry. I should have told you I know. But I couldn't. I was ashamed, I thought I could sort if out for myself. It was my won stupid fault, I should have been more careful. I shouldn't have got into that situation in the first place. I wanted to sort it out for myself. I thought I could. I wanted to prove I was still strong, that even though I've changed.... I could still be in control. And...I thought you had enough to be getting on with."

"Bollocks. Since when have you cared about what I've had to deal with?"

"Since I fell in love with you."

Harry didn't have a reply. Instead he said. "But when it got really serious? Why didn't you say something then? Surely you know I'd have stuck by you?"

"Yes, but that wouldn't have been fair on you. And I didn't want you to think I was weak. You shouldn't have to deal with this as well as everything else."

"Malfoy, you were my boyfriend, it's my job to care about you and help you!"

"I know. I was stupid. And that's why I'm really, really sorry."

Harry didn't want to ask the next question, he didn't want to hear the answer, but he knew it had to be done. "How far did you go? If this is true, what did he make you do?"

Malfoy looked disturbed at this; he didn't want to think about it, and didn't want Harry to know. "Are you sure you want to know?"

"No. But I need to know. So tell me."

"He...he made me... it was no further than we've done. But it would have got worse, he told me."

Harry felt sick. He took a large gulp of water to stop it.

"Please, Potter. Please, you have to believe me! The only way I've got through this is because you were with me."

"Even though I was the problem?"

"Yes. Because I love you. I only wanted to protect you. And if we....if Foster splits us up he'll have won and we'll both be miserable."

"But if...I'm not saying I do, but....if I do believe you...then what are we going to do about Foster? How can we stop him?"

"We can't. He knows someone saw us because you shouted, but he can't make it public because he wants everyone to think he's straight...not even Kierre knows what he's been doing. He doesn't know who you were though, or that you're the person I'm seeing. He still thinks it's a girl."

"So he thinks you're straight?"

"Yes. And I couldn't tell him, Potter, I-"

"It's OK. I know you couldn't. But...there has to be a way. As far as he's concerned he's still got as much power over you as before so he won't stop. How can we stop it?"

"I don't know, and right now I don't care, we can come to that later. Just...please, Potter, believe me. I need you to believe me. I'm telling the truth, I swear...please."
Harry looked at the desperate figure before him, saw the pain in his eyes, the torture that he had tried for so long to hide, etched upon his face...

"I know you are," he said at last. "I know."

He stood up, walked to Malfoy and hugged him.

"I'm sorry..." they said together.

"Malfoy, you can tell me anything you know. I love you, so there isn't anything you can't talk to me about."

Malfoy nodded. "I know. As long as you tell me?"

"Yes," Harry whispered. He kissed Malfoy briefly, then looked into his eyes and said. "And we're going to sort out that bastard, OK?"

Malfoy smiled weakly, relieved, and squeezed Harry's hand.