Somnium

Dear Professor Snape,
I am sorry about what happened yesterday. I behaved inappropriately and I want to apologise -

No, that wasn't right either. Hermione sighed, screwed up the parchment and threw it into the fire. She had been trying to write a letter of apology for nearly an hour and she just couldn't get it right. She knew that it would be better to apologise for her actions in person, but she couldn't do that, either.

She looked at her watch. Four o'clock in the morning. She should sleep, but she couldn't, and even if she did, a fit would come along sooner or later and wake her up again. She longed to break into Snape's store cupboard and steal some more Somnium, but she knew that if she did, then she would never fight it.

She decided to go for a walk. It was risky in case she was caught, but she couldn't just sit in her room all night, or she'd go crazy. She pulled on the first clothes that came to hand -a white school shirt and grey school skirt, and long grey socks - brushed her hair, pocketed her wand and left her bedroom. As Head Girl, she was able to leave the common room at any time, whether the Fat Lady was in her portrait or not.

"Strawberries and ice cream," she muttered, and the portrait-hole opened. She stepped out into the coolness of the corridor, made sure that the portrait was back in place, and set off to the Astronomy Tower.

***

Severus Snape had never been one for much sleep. The Somnium had made sure of that. Even though he was over his addiction, he still had occasional fits, and disturbed sleep patterns. He often came up to the Astronomy Tower of an evening - the night air helped to clear his thoughts.

A sudden noise made him jump, and he looked around to see Hermione Granger.

"Oh - sorry - I'd better go," she mumbled, her blushing face obvious even in the moonlight.

"Don't let me stop you," he said. "I know that it can be awkward to sleep."

She settled herself beside him, cross-legged, staring out across the Hogwarts grounds.

"I had another fit tonight, at about one o'clock," she told him.

"Was it any less painful than before?"

"No - it was worse, really."

"You must have a very strong immune system. With some people, the more intensely painful fits don't come until later on. If you're getting them now, though, you must be fighting the Somnium already."

"Good." There was silence for a couple of minutes, and then she spoke again. "Look, about yesterday -"

"What about it?"

"Y'know - the kiss. I just wanted to say, I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to offend you or anything -"

"You didn't offend me," he replied, slightly amused. "It's not every day that something like that happens; it made a nice change from being ignored, to be honest. I'm not saying you shouldn't have done it, but at least now your feelings are out in the open."

***

"But that's just it!" Hermione exclaimed. "I don't know how I feel. Sometimes I think that there's nothing I'd like more than to -" She stopped sharply, realising what she was about to say.

"What?"

"Nothing. The thing is..." She stopped again and sighed. "Look, I'll be honest. I do have feelings for you. I'm not sure when since; it could have been two days ago, it could have been two years ago, but I only realised them yesterday. I've never been one to keep my feelings locked up, which is why I kissed you. Well - that and I didn't really know what I was doing."

There was a pause, and then he spoke.

"You're an intelligent young woman, Hermione. You could do so much better than me."

"Oh, of course - why don't I just trot back to Gryffindor like a sweet little girl and marry Ron Weasley? That's what everyone thinks I should do, so maybe I should."

"I don't think you should."

"Well, you must be the only person who thinks that. My mother thinks he's lovely, my dad thinks he is - and I quote - a 'fine young man', and everyone else seems to think that we're a match made in heaven. I've never even showed any romantic interest in him at all, and that's what annoys me the most."

"I think that you'd be more suited to someone like Draco Malfoy."

"Malfoy? Why?"

"It'd be different, for one thing. You could bring him down a peg or two, and he could help you raise your opinion of yourself."

"Well, it might be a nice idea, but it'd never happen. We're enemies, and we probably always will be."

Silence settled upon them for a few moments. Hermione didn't particularly want to break it, but she had to because she'd just thought of something.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"If you weren't my teacher - say if you were my age, or I yours - would you still refuse me?"

He turned to face her, staring into her eyes as though thinking carefully about what to say.

"No," he said finally.

"Then why do you refuse me now? Is it really so much different?"

"If you were my age, you'd be just another woman, and I wouldn't think twice about hurting you. There are far too many reasons why we shouldn't to balance out why we should."

"Really? Give me one good reason why we shouldn't."

"One: I am your teacher, and it would be horribly unprofessional. Two: I'm too old for you. Three -"

"But you're not too old for me. Haven't you ever heard the phrase 'age is nothing but a number'?"

"I can see that you're not going to give up."

"Of course I'm not. Hermione Granger is a winner, not a loser." There was a pause, and then she leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. "Think about it," she said softly, then stood up and began to walk away. She had just started down the staircase when she heard him call her.

"Hermione - wait."

She went back up the stairs. Snape came towards her and took her hand.

"I want you to promise me two things," he said quietly. "One: you tell no-one about this."

"And the other?"

"If your heart is broken, you blame nobody but yourself. This was your idea."

"Of course," she said, and they fell into each other's arms, his head bent right down to meet her mouth as they kissed. Hermione shivered as the cold night breeze rippled past them, and Snape wrapped his robes around her, holding her close to keep her warm.

They pulled apart, and Hermione stared up at him, her eyes shining and her cheeks flushed.

"I've just one question," she whispered. She didn't know why she was whispering, but speaking loudly just didn't seem right.

"Which is...?"

"What am I to call you? Professor isn't really appropriate, unless you get some weird pervy kick out of being called Professor by your -"

"Hermione."

"What?"

"You call me Severus, of course."

"Severus," she repeated. The word seemed alien to her, but she knew that she would get used to it. She yawned. "What time is it?"

"Half past four."

"I should go back to bed..."

"Yes, you probably should." He drew her towards him again, and they exchanged a lengthy kiss. Hermione sighed.

"I don't want to leave you."

"You must."

"Must I really? We don't have to do anything...I just want to be there when you wake up, to watch you sleeping. Please - let me come with you. I can't bear the thought of going back to my cold lonely room, curled up in my bed all alone..."

"You have excellent persuasive skills, you know. Come on, then - but if we see anyone else, then you hide behind a pillar or something. I am not having us found out already."

"Do you think I want that either?" she smiled, and they set off hand-in-hand.

***

Severus' chambers were nothing like Hermione had imagined. She had thought that there would be lots of green and silver - they were the Slytherin colours, of course. But instead of silver and green, the room was entirely black, apart from the occasional silver candlestick and the mahogany of the four-poster bed.

"This is amazing," Hermione breathed, as Severus went around lighting a handful of candles.

"Thank you," he said modestly, taking off his robes. "I don't know what you're going to wear; I don't have any female nightwear, I'm afraid."

"Can I wear one of your shirts?" she asked.

"If you want to. Have a look in the wardrobe."

He went into what Hermione assumed was the bathroom, and she went to the wardrobe. She took out a black shirt, pulled off her own shirt, skirt and socks, and put on the shirt. She carefully folded her clothes and put them on a chair, and stood awkwardly for a moment before her eyes fell on the bed. She crawled between the black cotton sheet and the velvet eiderdown; her head nestled in one of the velvet pillows, and before Severus even came back from the bathroom, she was fast asleep.

***

Hermione stirred awake, a half-smile on her face as she awoke, which developed into a full smile as she remembered where she was. Severus' arm was curled protectively around her waist, and she could feel his breath on the back of her neck. Never had she been this close to someone that she felt this way about.

She carefully turned to face him. His hair was falling across his face, his mouth slightly open as he breathed. She watched him sleep for a few seconds, and then he woke up. His eyes opened slowly, and Hermione reached out and brushed his hair away from his face.

"Good morning," she said.

"Morning," he mumbled sleepily. "What time is it?"

"Er..." Hermione looked around, and her eyes fell on the grandfather clock in the corner. "Half past ten."

"We've missed breakfast."

"So? I'm not hungry anyway."

"I am. Wait here; I'll be back soon with some food."

He dressed and left the room, and Hermione slid out of bed. She went to the window, pulled back one of the velvet curtains slightly and peered out. The view was completely different to the one from her room - here, she was looking out over the icy black expanse of the lake, a slightly chilling sight.

She dropped the curtain back into place and went into the bathroom. She sipped some water, combed her hair with her fingers and went back into the main room.

Severus soon came back, carrying a large silver tray.

"Breakfast is served," he said, placing it on the low glass coffee table. Hermione knelt on the floor and poured out a cup of coffee, and then curled up on the sofa to drink it. "Are you sure that you don't want anything?" Severus asked, spreading marmalade on a slice of toast.

"I'm fine," she replied. "So, what do you normally do on a Sunday?"

"I catch up on marking, usually. Or I go down into the village, or if I need some more ingredients then I pay a visit to Diagon Alley. What do you normally do?"

"Depends. I do homework, or help Harry or Ron or Ginny with homework, or I go to the library...Sunday is a boring day, really."

"When was the last time you went to Diagon Alley?"

"September, to get my school supplies."

"Do you want to go today?"

"I can't, can I? We're not allowed out of school, except when we go to Hogsmeade. And anyway, Harry and Ron will be looking for me."

"Nobody would know. We could travel by Floo powder, directly from this very room. We could go shopping, you could buy yourself something pretty..."

"But what if someone saw us? One of the other teachers?"

"Have you never heard of Appearance Changing Potions? They're usually very difficult to get hold of, but if you are a Potions teacher and not very keen on being recognised, then you usually have some stored away."

"I suppose we could..." Hermione said slowly. "If we took the potion, would we look different to each other?"

"We would usually, but there is a way. Wait here." He went into the bathroom and returned with a pair of nail scissors. He cut off a chunk of his hair and pointed his wand at it, and it magically welded together. He bore a hole in it, and hung it on a narrow chain of silver. "Wear this," he instructed Hermione, and she fastened it around her neck. He then did the same procedure with Hermione's hair, and hung it around his own neck.

"Now because we are wearing each others' identity, we will stay looking the same to each other. Now get dressed; I have some Appearance Changing Potion stored downstairs, and if we hurry up we can be in Diagon Alley by eleven o'clock."