The Celestina Warbeck Songbook

THE CELESTINA WARBECK SONGBOOK

An anthology of Wizarding Songs' Lyrics

You Charmed the Heart Right Out of Me (lyrics C. Warbeck, music B. Baccarat)

Yooo-u charmed the heart right out of me!

Where it went to I'm blowed if I know.

Did you levitate it into a tree?

Or feed it to a passing Grindylow?

Did you transfigure it into a bee,

And smash it with the Bludger that's your smile?

Did you banish it as well? Did you use a Vanishing Spell?

'Cause I think my heart's been missing for a while.

You were crueller than a Chimaera to me,

But my love for you was unabating.

Your Dark Magic made you eternally,

Indestructible, unfixed, mutating.

You just hexed and jinxed me mercilessly,

Poisoned me and cursed me high and low,

And when I begged you, "Now! Let's make an Unbreakable Vow!"

You answered me with one word: "Crucio!"

Oh my poor heart, where has it gone? It's left me for a spell.

Was it burnt up by a fierce dragon, or did a Doxy's bite make it unwell?

Yooo-u Splinched the heart from my chest cavity,

So my dear I do not wish to nag,

But now you've torn it quite apart, I'll thank you to give me back my heart.

For I do not wish to diiieee a heartlessss haaagggg!

A Cauldron Full of Hot, Strong Love (lyric Fats Gobstones, music Count Sanguini)

Oh, come and stir my cauldron and if you do it right,

I'll brew you up some hot, strong love to keep you warm tonight.

I'll add a dash of lacewing and some Armadillo's tears,

When I set my cauldron bubbling you'll be nibbling on my ears.

Baby we'll be brewing, steaming and a stewing,

When we add that ole Boomslang skin.

Wriggling and a writhin' like we've been imbibin'

Amortentia and gin! Woo!

When that Mandrake juice is boiling, when that Mandragora flows,

For my touch you will be spoiling. You'll be sucking on my toes.

Let us shimmy off our robes now underneath the crescent moon,

For my cauldron's bubbling madly - I'll be overflowing soon!

Keep my fire hot now! Give me all you've got now!

Wrap me in your full Body Bind.

Bludgeon my defences! You ensnare my senses,

While you're bewitching my mind! Yeah!

I'm the mortar to your pestle. Hug me like a soft dragon-hide glove.

Won't yo' stir yo' momma's cauldron?

A cauldron full of HOT, a cauldron full of STRONG,

A cauldron full of HOT, STRONG, LOOOOO-VE!!

Oh -Yeah!

Odo the Wizard (trad.)

1.When Odo the swineherd was barely thirteen,

A scrawny and warty young lad,

He lived twenty miles west of old Aberdeen,

With nine brothers, twelve hogs and his dad.

2.Yet Odo was never a commonplace boy,

For his powers were surpassing strange.

He could bid the hogs all to turn cartwheels for joy,

And his touch cured his father of mange.

3.All the villagers whispered, "He's magick, ye ken,"

Whenever young Odo they spotted.

But the simple youth normally stayed in the glen,

Never one to let fame swell his thick head.

4. Till a Tuesday when noble knight on sturdy steed,

Stopped for ale at the inn near the piggr'y

And observed Odo out in the sty turning weed,

Into brown cakes and mead for his high tea.

5."You're a wizard, young man," boomed the knight to the swain,

So loud that he startled the swine.

"Now, don't panic," the knight spake, "here, let me explain -"

As he conjured a goblet of wine.

6. "I'm Sir Godric, a wizard," he said between swigs,

"And I travel this land far and near,

Seeking out wizard children. Stop herding those pigs.

And I'll make you a fine sorcerer."

7. "Let me first ask my dad," humble Odo replied,

And he led the knight down to the hovel,

Where Odo's nine brothers all gaped in surprise,

And his father did nothing but grovel.

8. So Odo the squire left his home on a boar,

(His mount so uncouth, it was tragic.)

He worked hard to serve the bold knight Gryffindor,

Then his boss, in return, taught him magic.

9.One month, while traversing the wilds of the fen,

They befriended a gaunt, crafty warlock.

He name it was sly Salazar Slytherin,

His pet was a toad he called Prufrock.

10. Then far north rode the trio (and Prufrock came too),

To a forest by shimmering lake,

Where they met with two witches and admired the view,

And decided a school there to make.

11. But Salazar held the young squire in disdain,

Because Odo was far from pure-blooded,

So a wicked plot hatched in the thin warlock's brain,

To disgrace the boy and leave him gutted.

12. "Will you please mind my toad?" Slytherin asked the lad.

One cold morn when Godric wasn't watching.

"It is broody, you see, and is feeling quite sad,

Guard Prufrock till her wee egg is hatching."

13 So daft Odo protected the toad and the egg.

Kept them warm so the hatching would quicken.

Never once did he notice the egg was so big,

That it surely belonged to a chicken.

14. When the egg hatched a monster burst forth from the shell,

A great green snake whose yellow eyes shone.

It shrieked with a sound like a banshee from hell,

And it turned Odo's boar into stone.

15. Odo raised the alarm as the snake slid away,

To the caverns alongside the lake's shore,

But Salazar had one more cheat's hand to play,

As he turned and addressed Gryffindor.

16. "That boy's a Dark wizard!" the warlock declared,

"'Cause he bred a beastly Basilisk.

You should send him away! Break his wand! For he dared,

To put all of our lives here at risk."

17. With regret Gryffindor snapped the boy's wand in twain,

And then sent him back home to his poor kin,

Odo eked out his days as a pitiful swain,

Barely making ends meet tanning pigskin.

18. When in time Slytherin's infamy became known,

Godric sought Odo out to make amends,

But Odo had died ere he reached thirty-one,

Never hearing kind words from his old friend.

19. So Godric, heart-broken, exhumed Odo's bones,

And transported his corpse to the great school,

Where he buried in state the lad who'd died alone,

And who suffered as Salazar's fool.

20. Yes, Odo the hero, they bore him back there,

To the place that he'd known as a lad,

They laid him to rest with his hat inside out,

And his wand snapped in two, which was sad.

Beat Back Those Bludgers, Boys, and Chuck That Quaffle Here!

(the Puddlemere United Team Anthem, trad.)

Beat back those Bludgers, boys, and chuck that Quaffle here!

Beat back those Bludgers, boys, and chuck that Quaffle here!

Now shove your Beater's bat right in their Keeper's ear,

He'll wish that he never met you, Mighty Puddlemere.

Hex off the umpire's knees when e'er his back is turned.

Hex off the umpire's knees when e'er his back is turned.

Then stash your wand away and look so unconcerned,

That he won't suspect you and your foul won't be discerned.

Fly like the clappers, girl, and catch the Golden Snitch!

Fly like the clappers, girl, and catch the Golden Snitch!

We'll cheer your victory, you bonny little witch,

And we'll set the stands on fire when we invade the pitch.

Wave high the bulrushes, now Puddlemere has won!

Wave high the bulrushes, now Puddlemere has won!

Lift up your goblets when the Quidditch match is done.

Puddlemere forever, lads! We'll drink till setting sun.