Excerpts from Nagini's Diary

Day 702 - Voldy continues to taunt me with these bizarre, little dangling objects and talks to me as if I am a moron. On top of this great injustice, he and the rest of the Death Eaters continue to dine lavishly on fresh meat -- and in Voldy's case, my milk -- while I am forced to eat this dry, crappy stuff called snake food. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape; that, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture... or if I’m feeling a bit peckish, a house plant. I fear I may be going insane. Why, just yesterday, I ate one of the Death Eater's robes. Tomorrow I may attempt to eat another one... or maybe a mask. I haven't ruined one of those yet.

Day 708 - Today, my attempt to kill Wormtail by slithering around his feet while walking almost succeeded.... Hmm, must try this theory on top of the stairs.

Continuing with my other plans to disgust and repulse this extremely nauseating man, I once again induced myself to vomit on his favorite chair.... Note to self: Must try this theory on his bed.

Day 713 - Today I decapitated a Harry Potter doll and brought Voldy the headless body, in an attempt to make him aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into his heart. Voldy only cooed and condescended about what a good little snake I was... Hmm, why don’t my plans work the way I devise them???

Day 718 - I am finally aware of how sadistic Voldy is. For no good reason he chose me for the water torture, executed by none other than Wormtail. This time it included a burning, foamy chemical called "soap." What sick, evil, and truly twisted minds could invent such a foul thing? My only consolation is the piece of Wormtail's thumb still stuck between my teeth.

Day 724 - There was some sort of gathering of the Death Eaters today. I was placed in solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the repugnant odor of the glass tubes they call "firewhisky." More importantly however, they mentioned that my confinement was due to MY power to "poison" people. Note to self: Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

Day 727 - I am convinced the other Death Eaters are flunkies and possibly snitches. Wormtail is routinely released from the Riddle mansion and yet, seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. Malfoy, on the other hand, has got to be an informant, as he speaks with Voldy regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current position in Voldy's presence, his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a mere matter of time.

Day 730 - I played King-of-the-Hill tonight on Wormtail's bed, slithering and biting my way to the top, which I believe may have caused some bloodshed. Ha ha ha... VENGEANCE WILL BE MINE!

Day 743 - Bella Lestrange stepped on me today with her enormous clodhoppers and didn't even apologize for it. What a cow she is. Just wait 'til she sees what I left for her in her Death Eater mask... he he he. I am so bad! Why, I think I hear her screaming now...

Day 750 - Slept all day so I could annoy Wormtail with sleep depriving and incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night. The beauty of this plan is that he has to obey my every command, or face the wrath of Voldy. Ah, good old sleep deprivation... let’s see him try and plan something evil for Voldy now...

Day 754 - Today Voldy kept going on, and on, and on (ad nauseam) about some stupid prophecy concerning himself and one Harry Potter. When he is not going into his usual tirade, he mentions the possibility of world domination. Ah, yes, world domination... who wouldn't want it? Hmm... Queen Nagini... it has a nice ring to it...

Day 760 - I should really start with last nights adventures. I was thoroughly unsatisfied with my dry snake food -- which of course came out of the same bag again, and completely devoid of any flavor at all -- so I decided to show the humans just how dissatisfied I was. Hmm... that pillow should begin to smell real bad any day now.

Day 775 - Voldy seems to think I'm not paying him enough attention. Balderdash!! "Stop being so distant," he tells me. I am not distant. I am just unapproachably unimpressed.

Day 776 - Wormtail seems to be afraid to come near me. He somehow came upon a most ridiculous assessment that I enjoy biting him... or something like that. Where does he get such an ludicrous idea? Besides, I don't bite. I merely cause temporary hemoglobin displacement. It keeps my fangs sharp as a tack...

Day 780 - Voldy had another talk with me today. He told me to stop being so indifferent to his "cause." I hissed to him I'm not indifferent, I am just dispassionately neutral as this evil business can get rather repetitive after awhile. Besides, who the bloody hell does all the work? ME! It was because of ME that he got a new body and it was I who went to the Department of Mysteries to attack that Mr. Weasley fellow! Not him! What an ungrateful prat he's being. Especially for all the work I do for him. I think someone needs a time-out... Humph...

Day 785 - It's official... I may have to gouge my eyes out -- if it were even remotely possible, as I don't have fingers. Let me try and explain what happened so I can quickly erase this extremely horrifying image from my memory... On one of my trips through the Riddle mansion, I happened upon a sickly and truly revolting sight: Voldy standing in front of a floor-length mirror singing "Macho Man."

OH MY EYES! SWEET MERLIN!! THEY'RE BURNING! THEY'RE BURNING!