Addicted

* * * * *

Oliver Wood. Model wizard. Good student. Popular. Quidditch Captain. Good friend. Professional Quidditch Player.

All those words describe what Oliver was on the outside. Not many people got to know him for what he was on the inside. He's a caring young man. And appreciates everything he has. And of course, what no one knows, is that Oliver Wood is gay.

Yes, gay. As in, Oliver fancies man over women. How do I know? I was the last girlfriend he ever had.

* * * * *

Jess sat down her pen and looked at the page. Was she actually ready to write all this down? She took a deep breath and nodded to herself.

"This is therapy. If I never do this, I can't move on," she said picking up her pen once more.

* * * * *

I met Oliver while visiting a cousin of mine, name of Hermione Granger. Her friends, Harry Potter and Ron Weasley, had invited her to a Quidditch game the day after I arrived. Herm, not wanting to have me feeling left out, brought me along. Puddlemere United vs. the Wimbourne Wasps. Puddlemere won. 230 to 90. Afterwards, Harry and Ron insisted on staying around to meet the players. That day happened to have been Oliver's first day playing. He had been bumped up from the Reserve Team.

He had greeted Harry and Ron like brothers, and acknowledged Herm. When I was able to get a good look at him, I fell instantly in love. I had never believed in love at first sight until then. Herm introduced us of course, and he seemed interested.

Lets just say one thing. Over the next several months, I was visiting my cousin quite a lot. Just to attend Puddlemere games. I felt like a teenager with a crush.

Well, Oliver asked me out. After months of letters and visits. We were more like friends who went on dates occasionally. But it was fine by me. I enjoyed his company, truth be told. Even now, even after being broken up for a year and a half, I still enjoy seeing him. Even if I feel a sharp stab of pain at seeing him with him. Not that I don't like his boyfriend. He's very sweet. It just hurts. It feels like he led me on, even if that wasn't his intention.

Anyway. On to the day he broke my heart. Oh, I'm being so melodramatic. Curse me for being an English major.

Either way, that day was maybe the best and worst day of my life. Don't understand? Keep reading.

* * * * *

"Since when did I think that someone would actually read this?" Jess said aloud, amused at the thought.

* * * * *

Oliver was supposed to come over to my flat in London. We had made plans. Well, he came, and he brought Percy Weasley, Ron's older brother. I was a little upset, having planned a nice, romantic evening. But that was ok. I liked Percy, so it didn't bother me. What did was the question of why he was there.

Oliver suggested we sit in my living room, if you can call it that. I sat on the small couch. Percy and Oliver sat on the other. A million thoughts ran through my head, none of which being what was to be the truth. I tentatively asked if anything was wrong. I noticed that Oliver lowered his head somewhat. At that point, my stomach was in knots and I thought I was going to be sick.

He gave me the, "I don't know how to tell you this." line. I told him to just be honest with me, that I could handle it. I had no idea that the next words out of his mouth would be, "I'm gay."

In fact, I hadn't expected it so much, that I fainted.

Yes, like the stupid person that I am, I fainted. I woke up in my bed, with Oliver pressing a warm cloth to me forehead. I pushed him away out of anger and confusion. I resent that now. Gave him the whole, "How dare you." selfish speech. Of course, after I stopped crying, I noticed Percy standing by the door. Just watching me. I wanted to yell at him too, because I realized then that he and Oliver had to be together. But I couldn't make myself. And as Oliver got up to leave the room, I stopped him and said I was sorry. He forgave me, being the lovely person he is. And hugged me. I had never needed a hug more in my life.

I got up and crossed the room. Percy tensed, as if expecting me to yell at him. Instead, I reached out and touched his cheek and asked him to take care of Oliver for me.

* * * * *

Jess stopped writing and set down her pen. She reached up and brushed away the tears that had begun to fall. She started having reservations.

"How far have I come if that still makes me cry? And not the fact, but that I accepted that fact," she said to the empty room.

Laughing suddenly, she looked around her room. "If these walls could talk," she mused.

"Alright," she said, picking her pen back up, "I'm going to finish this."

* * * * *

After that, it's all a blur really. I remember sitting on the couch and staying there. I don't remember Percy and Oliver leaving. I don't remember anything. I was trying to absorb everything. I remember smiling though. I'm happy for them. Really! They're perfect together. I just loved Oliver so much. That's the only thing that bugs me still. Maybe it's the fact that I had never been in love with anyone before him. Because you never forget your first love. But he never really loved me in that way, if he was with Percy.

Sometimes I wish it would have been some other girl who would still be mending her broken heart and bruised ego. And my ego is bruised. Now, I know in my mind that he had to have known he was gay before me. Maybe he wasn't entirely convinced. Hence, me. Figured it out and got with Percy. Still, it makes me feel like I'm the reason he went to Percy.

Maybe in an imperfect world it would be different. Yes, imperfect. Where Oliver would have pushed down his feelings for men and been happy with me. In my selfish mind. Because this way is perfect. He knew what he wanted. Percy is absolutely the best. They're lucky.

I just wish I could be lucky too. But the good guy breed is slowly dying out.

Well, finished. I have to go though. Percy and Oliver are coming over for dinner.

* * * * *

Jess hurried and got dressed. She checked on her dinner. Satisfied that it was done enough, she set everything on her dining table. And she waited. A short while later, Oliver and Percy appeared in her living room.

"Hi," Jess said, smiling slightly.

"Hey love. How are you?" Percy said, hugging her.

"Not too bad, how about yourself?"

"Can't complain. Work's good, life's good."

Jess nodded, smiling again. She realized all too soon that she was forcing her smile. Oliver embraced her soon after, concernedly asking if she was alright. She hated when he did that. After assuring him she was fine, she led them into the dining room.

They ate and talked. Jess had to admit she was having fun. After dinner, they sat in the living room. Percy told her about his siblings, and how they were getting along. In the midst of Percy's story-telling, Oliver had gotten up to refill his drink in the kitchen. Realizing he had been gone for more than a short while, Jess excused herself and walked into the kitchen.

Oliver was sitting at the kitchen table. Reading the papers she had written on earlier. He looked up as she entered, an unreadable expression on his face.

"Do you really mean all this?" he said, holding up the papers for emphasis.

Jess sat down at the table, sighing. "I wrote that earlier because, I never really dealt with it all. And you know how good I feel after I write something down. I just, needed to get all that down on paper. I never intended for anyone to read it."

Oliver's expression shifted into one of concern. "Why didn't you tell me? If I had known, I would have-"

"There's nothing you can do. It's my issue to deal with. Getting over you is the main problem," she said, picking at the table cloth.

"I noticed."

She heard, more than saw, Oliver scoot his chair closer to hers. He reached out and took one of her hands.

"I'm sorry that you feel it's your fault. It's not. It's not anyone's fault. I did love you. Very much. But I wasn't in love with you. I'm in love with Percy. There will always be a place in my life, and my heart, for you. Don't ever feel left out. That's not what I intended at all," he said, very deliberately.

Percy chose that moment to enter the kitchen.

"Oh sorry, I'll leave you two," he said making his way back out of the kitchen.

Oliver called him back. "No, Perce, its alright. You can stay."

Percy sat in the empty chair, across from Jess.

"Is everything ok?" he asked.

Oliver looked at Jess. "I don't know. Is it?"

"It will be," Jess said, nodding.

Oliver smiled and squeezed her hand before standing. "I guess we should be going."

Jess looked at the clock on the wall. "Good Lord, it got late. I've got class tomorrow."

Percy stood and gave Jess a hug goodbye. Oliver followed suit before they both disapparated. Jess walked over to the sink and finished the last of the dishes. As she walked out of the kitchen, she stopped. The papers she had written on were gone.

"Oliver must have taken them," she mused, "But why would he want them?"

She shook her head of thought and retired to her room. As she tried to fall asleep, a thought entered her mind. And it put her at ease.

She had been scared of losing Oliver. And she had lost him to Percy, but she hadn't lost him entirely. He still wanted to be in her life. She smiled as she cuddled herself in her covers. That was a nice thought.

"I am lucky," she said sleepily before drifting off.

*Fin*