Life Is For Living

****

The next morning walking down to breakfast, Katie was stopped by Roger Davies.

"Can I talk to you a moment, Katie?"

"Yeah, sure," Katie said, letting herself be led over to a shadowed corner.

"I've got to ask," he said, his green eyes looking very curious, "Where were you this summer?"

"You don't want to know," Katie said making to walk away, but Roger grasped her wrist.

"My parents were mortified by something they heard," he said looking at her seriously, "Did your parents give you up?"

Katie looked at him, shocked that Mr. and Mrs. Davies had reacted so, and even more shocked that Roger hadn't heard about this last year.

"Yeah, Roger, they did. I assumed this was old news-"

"Not to me," he said, his eyebrows furrowing, "We all missed you this summer."

He sighed, and looked up at her, the familiar sparkle back in the handsome boys eyes. "Look, I know you're dating Wood, but there's a ball coming up. It's part of the Triwizard Tournament-"

"A Ball?" Katie asked, hope filling her, "When?"

"Christmas Day," Roger said, "Would you want to go with me? Just as friends, for old times sake," he asked quietly.

Katie flushed. "Can I think about it?"

"Sure. Totally understandable. I'm sorry I kind of sprung it on you, but Flitwick decided to spring the news on us today to ease over all the tension because of the task Tuesday," he said smiling.

"It's alright. I've just had the most brilliant idea. Thanks, Roger," she said beaming at him, before walking away and into the Great Hall.

She sat down at the Gryffindor table and pulled a spare bit of parchment and one of her color-changing quills. She wrote a note hastily.

Follow me outside now. I've got an idea on how to get around our "dilemma". - K

Just as she started to wonder how she was going to send her letter over, Draco's owl landed in front of her, dropping a letter on her empty plate. It went to fly away, but Katie stopped it.

"Orion, I need you to take this to your owner," she said folding up the note and handing it to the owl.

The owl flew off and landed at the Slytherin table. Katie picked up Draco's letter and pocketed it, before standing and walking out of the Great Hall, making sure he followed. She heard his footsteps a safe distance behind her in the entrance hall. She walked outside and over toward the lake. She waited for him, and he appeared around the corner some moments later.

"Well?" he asked, hopeful.

"There's a Ball here on Christmas Day. Convince you father that you want to attend," Katie said happily.

"How do you know?" he asked suspiciously.

"Roger Davies just told me. Flitwick told the Ravenclaws this morning. In fact, he asked if I wanted to go with him," Katie said blushing, before waving it off, "Anyways, do you think it'll work?"

Draco looked thrown for a moment, but quickly regrouped. "Yeah, it might. Davies asked you out?"

Katie laughed. "No, just to the Ball. I don't know. I might. I told him I'd think about it. I mean, it's not as if Oliver will be able to come. Might as well have fun with a friend," she said seeing the confusion on Draco's face intensify, "I've known Roger for....well, forever. We practically grew up together."

Draco nodded, buying her answer. "Well, I'm going to head back inside and start on a letter to my father. I'm sure he'll be swayed. Just another public function to make the Malfoy name look good," he said winking at Katie before turning and making his way back into the castle.

Katie watched him go, her mind reeling. 'Ha! He got jealous of Roger!,' she thought, and upon realizing how unfunny that was, she dashed back into the castle.

****

Later that night in her dormitory, Katie got out Draco's letter and read it.

K,

I'm sorry again about last night. I should have just told you about the cutting. I don't know why I did it. I have no reason to be depressed. I have you. But for some reason I did, and I'm sorry. I know that you get it now, that you know what your friends went through when you almost died. And you reacted the way any friend would, and I don't blame you in the slightest. In fact, I was happy you cared.

You truly are my friend, Kate. And I'm so lucky to have you.

D

Katie cringed inwardly. He had it bad for her, and it made her heart ache. She could never like him like that. Besides the fact that she had Oliver, she just didn't think of him like that.

"Go to bed, Katie! We're all exhausted!" Angelina said in mock-anger.

Katie stood and put the letter in her top drawer before turning out her lantern.

"Yeah, yeah. Sure!" she said hopping into bed and pulling her curtains shut.

She heard Angelina and Alicia giggle, before the dormitory fell silent. She curled up in her blankets and fell into a deep sleep.

***

She walked through the door and was immediately embraced.

"I'm so glad you're here, Katie," said a voice she recognized.

Pulling from the embrace, she took in the sight of Remus Lupin. His hair was longer than it had been when he taught at Hogwarts, and was now streaked with the gray that had started out as small flecks around his temples. His robes were as shabby as ever and a sad smile was imprinted on his face, as if he'd gotten used to forcing it.

"How could I not come," Katie said sadly, "I was so upset when I heard."

Remus waved her in and shut the door behind her. She stared around at the depressing surroundings, before turning back to Remus.

"How are you doing?"

Remus shrugged. "I was always the strong one," he said smiling sadly, "Keeping the tradition I suppose."

Katie felt tears welling in her eyes, when Molly Weasley appeared from a door ahead of them, and rushed over to her.

"Oh, Katie dear, you made it," she said embracing her tightly, "Have any trouble finding us?"

"No, Molly," Katie said sniffing, "I found it fine."

Molly stared at her and nodded, not even glancing at Remus. "Well, dinner is ready, whenever you want to eat."

She stalked off and entered the room, which Katie assumed was the kitchen, without a second glance back. Katie looked to Remus, tears now streaming down her face, and he embraced her again.

"What was that all about?" Katie asked hiccoughing.

"Molly wasn't very fond of Sirius. I think she's quite glad to be rid of him," Remus said, a slight break in his voice.

He immediately pulled away from Katie and cleared his throat. "Come, I'll show you to your room."

Katie sat on a bed, tears streaming down her face. She raised her wand and pointed it at the ceiling. Saying an incantation, the next moment the ceiling reflected the night sky. Stars twinkled and the half moon glowed in the dark room. She searched the ceiling through blurred eyes and found the constellation she was looking for. Canis Major. The central star burning brighter than she had ever seen it before.

"Damn you," she whispered at the sky, "You've killed him. He's dying inside and he's convinced himself that he has to be strong for everyone and keep it all inside. Damn you for leaving him. You were his best friend and now he's all alone again. He's shut himself off emotionally and I shudder at the thought of what he'll do to himself the next full moon, Wolfsbane or no Wolfsbane. The wolf will be mourning you as much as his human side is," she said blinking as a cloud flitted across the ceiling and more tears streamed down her cheeks, "Damn you, Sirius. Your death will be the death of Remus, I just know it," she said her body racked now with uncontrollable sobs.

***

Katie sat up in her bed, her heart racing, and a throbbing pain beginning in her head. 'What the hell was that?' she thought, recounting the dream, and having tears come to her eyes. Sirius had died and she had gone to see Remus about it. Mrs. Weasley didn't seem to care about Sirius' death, and Remus refused to express his emotions about it. Shuddering, Katie hoped that that dream had no ounce of truth. She had a feeling in her gut that Remus would try something rash if he ever lost Sirius. Attempting to get back to sleep proved to be futile. Lee's words floated into her mind as she lay there staring out the nearest window.

'All I can say is, what with Percy out of school now, you're always welcome in mine and the Twins' dormitory. I know they wouldn't mind. So, if you ever need to talk, we rarely lock our door.'

Not bothering with a robe since her pajamas were your garden variety long-sleeved button top and drawstring pants, she walked out of her dormitory as quietly as she could. Walking across the way, she tried the door to the boys dormitory. It wasn't locked. She walked inside and checked the beds. Pulling back the curtain of the first bed and spotting red hair, she moved on, but not before noting that Fred drooled in his sleep. Suppressing a giggle, she closed the curtain and walked to the next bed. Pulling back the curtain slightly, she saw Lee's black hair. She reached out and shook him lightly. He rolled over and murmured something unintelligible. Katie suppressed another giggle; this really was a stupid idea. She reached out and shook him again. This time he woke up. Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he sat up slowly.

"Kate?" he whispered.

Katie nodded. Lee scooted over some and patted the vacant space on his bed. Katie sat and sighed.

"Sorry. Couldn't sleep," she whispered.

"Dream?"

Katie nodded, fighting back tears. "I hope to Merlin it never comes true."

"Kate?" said a voice from behind her.

Katie cursed softly, remembering how light a sleeper Fred was, as she turned to see his sleep-tousled head poking through his curtains.

"Sorry, Fred," she whispered.

He grinned sleepily and shook his head. "What's up?"

"Dream," Katie said, suddenly feeling her head throb again, "Or maybe not."

"What is it?" Lee asked worriedly.

"Head hurts. It usually hurts after visions. Not dreams."

Lee looked at her concernedly. "What was it about, Kate?"

Fred had climbed out of his bed and was now sitting next to Katie, looking at her expectantly.

"Remember all that babble Ron was saying last year about how Sirius Black was innocent?"

Fred nodded. "Yeah, we believe him."

"Good, because it's true," Katie said taking a deep breath, "Well, my dream was that Sirius had died, and I went to visit Lupin. And your mum," she said looking at Fred, "was really cold about it. And Remus was completely closing himself off emotionally, and I was scared of him severely hurting himself during his transformation, and," Katie said breaking off, and glancing at the two boys surrounding her.

Fred looked shocked, and Lee looked concerned.

"Perhaps you should write to Lupin," Lee said, more awake now, "Maybe you're finally gaining some control over your visions. If you tell him, maybe he'll be able to stop it from happening."

"Maybe," Katie said wiping at her eyes, "I was so angry in the dream. I don't know why," she said softly, "It was scary."

She felt Fred wrap his arms around her and she mimicked him, resting her head in the crook of his neck.

"Whatever happens, it'll be alright."

Katie started to cry and clung to Fred.

"I hate this," she murmured, "Why can't I be normal?"

Fred didn't say anything and Katie tightened her grip on him. She felt him smooth down her hair and pull away. Using his thumbs, he brushed away the stray tears on Katie's cheeks, and smiled.

"Now why would you want to be 'normal'?" he said placing air quotes around "normal".

Katie shrugged. "Life would be easier."

Fred nodded. "Well, I'm sorry, Kate, but I don't think you could ever be normal," he said smiling, "You're too weird."

Katie shoved his shoulder playfully, and she felt Lee grip her shoulder.

"Think you can sleep now?"

Katie nodded, and felt Lee wrap his arms around her.

"I'm glad you came to talk to me," he said softly.

Katie felt a pang of guilt. She had always gone to Lee in the past, but she found herself keeping a lot of things to herself now. Or she went to Snape. Acknowledging that, she realized that Snape was like the parent she never had and had always needed. She had used Lee and Fred as her confidants for so long. And now she wasn't. She leaned back into Lee's embrace and he gave her a final squeeze before letting go.

"I'll let you guys sleep now," Katie said sheepishly.

"Who needs sleep?" asked Fred, who was now completely awake.

Katie covered her mouth to stop her laughter from escaping and looked to Lee. "Sorry, mate."

Lee just rolled his eyes and gave her a grin. "No problem," he said looking at Fred, "Don't make me get out that recorded History of Magic lesson."

Fred pouted, but walked back over to his bed. "You are a cruel man, Lee."

Katie stood and stretched. "Well, I've got to try and sneak back in our dorm," she said, a yawn escaping her, "I'll see you guys in the morning."

Sneaking back in, did prove to be harder than sneaking out. Luckily, Katie knew exactly how far to open the door before it creaked, and was able to sneak back in undetected. Crawling back into bed, she thought about all the things she had to do tomorrow. 'Definitely have to write to Remus. I'd tell Snape, but I don't think he'd care. His hatred of Sirius an Remus....' she thought trailing off, 'I'll go straight to Dumbledore then instead.'

Her mind decided, she curled up once again in her blankets and fell asleep.