I Only Wanted

Katie wasn't sure how long she'd been sitting on her rock, but between the cold and the waiting, she had become tired. She pulled her knees up to her chest and rested her head on them, trying to fight off sleep. She didn't remember anything until a hand shook her shoulder lightly. She looked up and saw Oliver sitting beside her.

    "How long have you been out here, Kate?"

    Katie shrugged. "I was waiting for you guys to finish practicing. I really need to talk to you guys," she said, yawning.

    Oliver smiled at her. "Yeah, we do need to talk. Come on," he said offering her a hand as he stood.

    She took it and he helped her up. She had to look away from him and content herself with jumping down from her rock instead. The sight of him in his Quidditch gear always got to her for some reason. Oliver followed suit and the Gryffindor Quidditch Team made their way up to Gryffindor Tower.

    The first person Katie encountered was Lee. They looked at each other for many moments. She had been hurt that Lee has never come to see her in the Hospital Wing, but she was sure he had his reasons. Lee bridged the gap between them and silently hugged her. Katie felt her anger ebb away and she hugged Lee tightly in return. When she pulled away, she saw Ron, looking at her curiously. All of the Weasley's were like family to her and she knew Ron had not been able to make himself visit her. By Fred and Percy's reactions, she could only imagine what Ron was thinking. She walked over to him smiling and he held out his hands to hug her.

    "You had us all so worried, Kate. Are you going to be ok?" he asked as they hugged.

    "I think so, Ron. Where's Percy?" she asked pulling away.

    "Up in his room. Why?"

    "Because I need to talk to everyone, and he needs to hear some of it," Katie said, walking off toward the dorms.

    She ran up the stairs as fast as her legs would allow. She stood in front of Percy's door for a long moment, and then knocked. She heard his voice mutter, "Come in," and she opened the door. Once inside, she closed the door and walked over to wear Percy was sitting at his desk. She laid a hand on his shoulder and he looked up startled.

    "Kate," he said standing and pulling her into a tight embrace, "It's good to see you back."

    Katie smiled and laid her head against Percy's chest, reveling in the hug. Katie knew it was a little known fact that Percy gave great hugs. She felt him kiss the top of her head and she tightened her grip on him.

    "We need to talk. Well, I need to talk, to everyone," she said softly.

    Percy let her go and looked down at her, rubbing her arms affectionately. "Are you ready to do that?"

    "I have to. Nothing will be better until I do. I talked to Professor Lupin today. He gave me some good advice."

    Percy smiled at her. "Ok, let's go."

    They walked down to the common room and Katie sat on the couch.

    "I need to talk to everyone. You have to understand everything," Katie said, motioning to everyone inhabiting the common room.

    Paris chose that moment to walk in, just as Oliver took the seat beside Katie.

    "Oh, you're back," she said, forcing a smile.

    "Yeah, I, uh, I think you should hear what I have to say too, Paris," Katie said to her in a serious tone.

    Once everyone had a seat somewhere around Katie (Percy had taken the seat on the other side of her), Katie went into her story.

    "Now, some of you know about what happened with my parents and some of you don't. So, here's the truth. My parents decided that two weeks before term, that they should tell me the truth regarding my existence. They had never wanted me and felt that I was holding them back from living the life they thought they deserved. So, I packed my things and flooed to the Leaky Cauldron. That’s when I met Harry, The Weasley's and Hermione. I was starting to feel better about everything, what with hanging out with Fred, George, and Lee that day Florean's. Well, except for when I snapped at Fred," she said, smiling apologetically at Fred, who grinned back at her, "That was until, my parents sent me a letter. It basically said that they were leaving and wouldn't be there at our house if I decided to return. And that hurt. I was being abandoned. I was on my way to find Mrs. Weasley, and I found Percy instead. So he already knew about this. That was the day that Alicia saw us together in the book store. Which I still think that was right stupid of you Alicia," Katie said, staring at Alicia hard, "but if I'm going to start over, I need to forgive you and move on."

    Alicia sighed happily and smiled at Katie. "I never meant- I mean, I'm sorry, I really am," she said.

    "Water under the bridge," she said waving off the apology, "Anyway, then, a few weeks into term, my parents wrote to Dumbledore. That letter said that they were giving up parental rights over me. So now, I'm an orphan of sorts. That was when I became a zombie. I couldn't eat or sleep, I was just there. But I'm sure you're wondering how long I've been doing this," she said, touching her bandages, "Well, I can't even remember. I think I started second year. That was when I stopped going home for holidays because all my parents did was fight. It may sound sick, but cutting somehow made everything alright. It was like, a release of all my stress and agony. Nothing mattered for that one moment. And I still feel that way. Although, I'm going to have to stop this," she said, pulling off her bandages so that they could see, "I can remember every cut. Why I did it, when I did it. Its like a sick version of a diary," Katie said, feeling tears fall from her eyes, "I don't like doing it and I hate myself afterwards. Because afterwards, it hurts. While I'm doing it, I feel no pain. But my conscience steps in and brings the pain with it. So then I sit there and cry over how stupid I had just been and how miniscule the problem had been and I beat myself up over it. It’s a vicious cycle, and you have to understand that. My mind gets into this depressed state, and what I do in that state, I can't control. Its as if I'm on auto-pilot. And stress builds up faster when I'm depressed. Someone could look at me the wrong way and I feel like killing myself," she said wiping at her tears, "Its hard to explain. I mean, its not like I do this because I like pain, like I'm a masochist or something. And I sure as hell don't do it for attention," Katie said, stopping when she heard Paris laugh.

    Oliver glared at her. "Why are you laughing at her?"

    "You're not doing it for attention? Please Katie, spare us. Anyone that tries to off themselves, does it for attention. It’s a cry for help."

    "A cry for help and attention getting are two different things, Paris. Don't be so close-minded, or leave," Oliver said, placing a protective arm around Katie.

    "Fine, take her side. You always do," Paris said, standing and leaving the room.

    Oliver gave her shoulder a squeeze of encouragement. "Now the negativity is gone. Continue, Kate," he said soothingly to her.

    Katie took a deep breath and continued. "Well, what Oliver said is right. They are two different things. I really didn't feel like anyone would notice if I was gone. That you guys would just go on with life. But your proved me wrong. And, I had a talk with Professor Lupin and what I should do. I know you probably think I was being selfish. Percy, you pretty much told me so. But you had a point, and until today, I thought I had the worst life. But then I talked with someone who has it a lot worse than me. Although that person will remain anonymous because I promised," she said smiling to herself, "Lupin told me that I have to be more direct with you guys. That if I need to talk I have to ask one of you to listen to me. And if I feel bad, I should tell you guys instead of beating myself up about it."

    Angelina looked at her sympathetically. "You're always my shoulder, so I guess its time I reciprocate."

    Katie smiled at her. "Thanks, Ang."

    Oliver pulled her closer to him and smiled down at her. "You just let us know. We're all here for you, ok?"

    Katie nodded happily and hugged Oliver. Soon, everyone had piled onto the couch and was enveloping Katie in a group hug. Katie could honestly say that this had been the happiest day of her life.