I Loved You More

Chapter #14

Singing in the Dead of Night

"James..." she choked. The agonizing sobs swelling in her throat were blocking her air passage. She struggled to talk as sharp, painful intakes of breath interrupted her words. "James...I'm so...sorry...I nearly got....you killed. S'all...my fault. I..."

"Shh," hushed James firmly. He took her arms in his sturdy hands and pulled her onto her feet.

She was shivering, sobbing, and gulping for air and her strength seemed to have left her. Her legs collapsed under her weight.

James went down to his knees, took off his blood-stained cloak and wrapped it around her. He looked directly into her face.

"Lily. You're hyperventilating. You need to calm down," he said slowly and clearly, holding her by the shoulders. "Sirius has Remus under control now. Everyone's okay, there's nothing to worry about. Try to get yourself together so I can get you inside the castle before you freeze."

Lily forced herself to concentrate on breathing slowly. It was difficult...she was very distressed and the sobs just seemed to keep coming. She swallowed fiercely and desperately tried to get her breathing under control.

"Wormtail!" James shouted to Peter standing alone by the Whomping Willow whose branches had returned to their violent state of thrashing. "Bring me the Invisibility Cloak!"

Peter ambled over with the cloak obediently and held it out to James. James took it and helped Lily up again, holding her stable.

"Go check on Padfoot," he said to Peter.

Peter nodded tensely and scurried away toward the forest.

"Come on, Evans."

James pulled her arm over his shoulder and supported her all the way up to the castle. When they stepped into the Entrance Hall, James quickly put the Invisibility Cloak over them and they carefully walked up the marble staircase and started down the corridor at the top. Lily's legs were steady enough at this point so that she could walk on her own.

"I think I'm all right now, James- thanks," she whispered.

"Okay," he replied and she took her arm off his shoulder.

Then Lily heard something from nearby.

"Did you hear that?"

"No, what?" asked James.

"I don't know...hang on..." Lily heard it again and began leading James around a corner. "I think it came from over there."

"Yeah, I can hear it now," whispered James. "It sounds like someone-" They turned into another corridor, following the noise, and stopped short.

Walking in their direction down the corridor was Professor Dumbledore, Professor McGonagall, Diana Kendel, and Di's little first-year sister, Evelyn, who was in Ravenclaw. Evelyn was bawling openly and loudly, apparently the one who'd been making the noise. McGonagall had her arm on the girl's shoulder, looking deeply solemn. Dumbledore walked slowly next to Di who stared directly ahead of her, her face completely expressionless.

Lily tried to go back the other way and almost walked right out form under the Invisibility Cloak but James caught her and yanked her back so they were both flat against the wall.

Lily stared at the group in puzzlement as they passed. She was so out-of-wits and confused as to what was going on but James was putting two and two together...

"Lily," he said gently after they were out of earshot. "I think the attack may have been on Diana's family."

Lily was shocked that he would make such a suggestion.

"No, of course not. No one would attack Di's family," she said, brushing the thought lightly away. "That's absurd. Besides, she would be much more upset in that case."

James looked away and sighed.

"Let's follow them to see what's going on," said Lily, beginning to walk.

"Come on, do you really want to do that?"

Lily kept walking, pulling him along so that they would both stay safely under the Invisibility Cloak.

"You call yourself a Marauder? Yes! Let's go!" answered Lily hurriedly, vaguely confused by James' cautious behavior.

They hustled down the corridor, tracing the steps of McGonagall, Dumbledore, Di and her sister. Lily was perplexed when they entered the hospital wing. She urged James to open the door slightly so she could listen to what was happening inside. She peeked through the crack to see Professor McGonagall talking quietly to Madame Pomfrey.

"...The girls will be staying here for the time being to rest before the funeral," she was saying sadly to the nurse.

"Yes, yes, of course. They won't be disturbed, I assure you," promised Madame Pomfrey. Then she sighed heavily. "It's terrible...and so sudden! Does the Ministry have any evidence that gives them any answer as to why this happened yet?"

"Not much, I'm afraid," answered McGonagall grimly. "They believe the Death Eaters wanted the Kendels to join them...but they refused and..."

Madame Pomfrey nodded tearfully.

Dumbledore came out from behind a closed curtain, looking more troubled than Lily has ever seen him.

"Keep a close eye on them, Poppy," he said quietly. "Especially Diana."

"I will..."

Lily looked away then. James gently closed the door and peered at Lily with concern. He placed a hand on her shoulder and steered her down the corridor. Lily was distantly aware of climbing through the portrait hole and letting herself be directed into an armchair.

"No," she said faintly, after a long silence.

James looked up at her from his chair across from hers and waited for her to continue.

"It's not fair. Di's never done anything wrong. She's never hurt anybody! She doesn't deserve this!"

James remained silent, nodding his head slightly.

"How could this happen?" Lily went on. "Where are all the Aurors? I mean, it's so sporadic! Why the Kendels? It could have been anybody! Why Di's parents?"

"It's going to be like this until Voldemort is gotten rid off. And I don't know who's going to do that if the Ministry can't," said James gravely.

"But...but...someone has to be able to take control of him! It's mad the way he's destructing our world so easily- James...your neck!" Lily exclaimed, suddenly taking notice of a large gash on the side of his neck when he turned his head.

James put a hand to his neck as though mildly interested in what he might find there.

"Uh, yeah. I'd forgotten about it. I think it happened when I was trying to hold Moony back. Oh, which reminds me...I should probably get back out to him now."

"No! You can't! Not with that on your neck!" Lily said decisively. "You should really go back to the hospital wing!"

"No way! Evans, no one can find out about this! Do you understand how much is at stake?" he said in an exasperated tone.

"Yes, but your neck is a mess..." Lily countered a little more gently. Then something abruptly sparked in her memory and she jumped back in fright. "Wait...You got bit by a werewolf! That means..."

"I was a stag when I was bitten so I'll be perfectly fine," assured James and Lily relaxed. "But Lily, you can't treat Remus any differently...he's still Remus, werewolf or not."

"Potter! I'm not one of those blood-obsessed monsters! I don't care what he is; I still think he acted like a git."

James seemed partly relieved and partly defensive.

"He's not a git-" he began.

"-Let's just not talk about him!" exclaimed Lily wearily. "I have a few questions about all this. How did you all manage to become Animagi?"

"I'll explain everything some other time. Right now, I'm going back out in case Padfoot needs help," he said resolutely, standing up. "You should get some sleep."

Lily looked at him and saw that there would be no changing his mind. She convinced him to let her put a cleansing spell on his wound then she handed him back his cloak that had still been around her shoulders and watched him disappear underneath the Invisibility Cloak. The portrait swung open and then shut again, indicating his departure.

Lily leaned back in her chair and rubbed her eyes. She rested her head on her hand and sighed deeply, feeling much older than she was. She knew she wouldn't sleep if she went to bed; she was too worried about everything. It felt as though she had taken on all the burdens of the world in the past hour. She was troubled about James and Sirius getting caught or hurt and despite her grudge, she was anxious about Remus' secret being found out.

Then there was Di...Sweet, selfless Di who cared about everyone but herself. Lily blinked back stinging tears. Now she was hurting and Lily felt so utterly helpless. She thought of her grieving friend sitting alone with her hysterical sister in the hospital wing.

Lily sat up abruptly. She had to go see Di.

She marched across the common room with a set face. She was petrified of being caught and getting in more trouble but Di needed her...and if James and Sirius could save her from a werewolf who they had risked their freedom for, well then, she could certainly sneak through the school to help a friend in need.

Out of the portrait hole she scrambled, looking in both directions to make sure Filch wasn't lurking nearby.

"Can't everybody just wait for morning before constantly going in and out and keeping me awake?" grumbled the Fat Lady irritably as Lily crept down the corridor.

Down a few more corridors and staircases and Lily was finally back at the doors of the hospital wing.

Slowly, she pulled the cold handle of the door and peeked inside. It was very dark except for a candle burning behind one of the curtains. All the inhabitants had curtains drawn around them so Lily tiptoed through unnoticed. She poked her head around the shade where the candle was lit, expecting to find Di. There were two beds behind it. In one, Evelyn was sleeping soundly, the candle on her bedside table illuminating her sad, tearstained face.

On the edge of the second bed sat Di. The bed sheets were neatly made and untouched. Di was facing away from Lily, staring out the window where the moon hung in the grey clouded sky. If Lily had seen her face, she may not have had the courage to disturb her.

"Di."

Di turned slowly and seeing Lily's face, smiled.

"Oh Di, I know- I heard..." Lily swiftly climbed over the bed and swept Di into a hug. Di hugged her back lightly.

Lily released her after a few moments and tried to look into her face but Di turned calmly away to gaze at her sleeping sister. Lily eyed her warily. She didn't appear upset or angry or shocked...she was acting just like Di normally would on any other day. Lily couldn't understand it.

"She wouldn't let Madame Pomfrey put out the candle...she was afraid to go to sleep in the dark," Di whispered, still looking at Evelyn.

"I would be too...after what happened," Lily said softly, also looking at the young girl.

"The dark's not that bad..." Di paused. "But I better stay awake in case she wakes up and is frightened."

"Di, go to sleep. It's been such a hard night for you. I'll make sure Evelyn doesn't get scared," Lily said, turning back to Diana.

"No, that's all right, Lily," Di shook her head slowly. Then her eyes flickered over Lily's face and they filled with concern. "Lil, you look exhausted. Are you feeling all right? Go back to bed. I don't know what you're doing here...If you get caught, you might get more detentions," she said.

"I don't care," Lily said impatiently. "Di, come on. You need to talk to someone. I'm here...tell me what you're feeling."

"I'm just worried you're going to get sick...Are you sure you're feeling all right?"

"Di! Stop it. You're the one who should be worried about right now!" Lily cried. "Didn't your parents just die? You have to be wrenching apart..."

"Yes, but it won't help to cry. I'll be fine but Evelyn is so young...She needs me. Thank you for coming but it's really late. You have classes tomorrow. Think about your grades...Quidditch. Go get some sleep, Lil."

"Di, come off it. I don't want to go to bed! I want you to tell me what you need, what you're thinking," Lily persisted, tears sliding down her cheeks.

Di smiled and reached up to wipe Lily's cheek, catching a tear.

"Lily, I don't need anything. Please, just go back to bed. I'll breathe easier once I know you're safe inside the Gryffindor tower."

Lily sighed resignedly and grasped Di tightly in another hug and whispered, "You're the strongest person I know, Di."

Then she dashed back out from behind the curtain. As she made her way through the beds, she spotted a familiar potion bottle left out on a bedside table. On the label it said, "Hasty Healer: Mends any cut or wound in no time at all!" Lily recognized it as the potion Madame Pomfrey used on her when she scraped her leg playing in a tree with Summer in their second year.

Lily grabbed it and left the hospital wing.

* * *

"Evans...Evans!" someone said in a sing-song voice.

Lily ignored them. Her muscles felt dead and she just wanted to be left alone so she could sleep.

They poked her in the arm. They were not going to leave her alone.

"You have to get up, Evans! Wild mountain trolls are taking over the school!"

Lily jerked away from the poking and blinked.

James was standing over her grinning and Sirius stood behind him laughing. They both looked flushed and tired, their hair and robes disheveled and tousled.

"What?"

"Just a little trick to get you up," shrugged James. "Have you been here since I left?"

Lily realized she had fallen asleep in the common room waiting for the Marauders to return. She still held the healing potion bottle in her lap and through the window, the sky was paling into a mellow grey.

Lily nodded in response to James' question.

"When did you get back?" she asked groggily.

"Just a minute ago. Moony will be back later but he always takes a day in the hospital wing to get his strength back," replied James. "Transforming really drains his energy."

"Oh," said Lily shortly. "How's your neck?"

"Perfect as always. Why do you ask?" said James with mocking ignorance.

"That's rubbish, Evans," cut in Sirius, rolling his eyes. "It split open again while we were heading to the Shrieking Shack and started bleeding like mad. Prongs nearly fainted from all the blood loss."

Lily scowled at James and James scowled at Sirius. She stood up, showing him the potion.

"I got this for you. Sit down...I'm going to put some on your neck," Lily ordered in a way that rivaled Professor McGonagall. James promptly obeyed. "What do you mean, you were heading to the Shrieking Shack?"

"Oh, I thought Prongs explained it all to you," said Sirius, taking a seat across from James' chair. "Now that you know part of it you might as well hear the whole thing. Moony goes to the Shrieking Shack to transform. That's why everyone thinks it's haunted. The Whomping Willow is planted right over the entrance to the passageway that leads to the Shack. Dumbledore arranged it all just for Moony."

Lily listened with interest as she took a clean towel she had retrieved from the girls' bathroom earlier and poured some of the potion onto it.

"Moony..." she murmured. Then it dawned on her that this was the secret Remus had told her of in the little café during the Christmas holidays. "That's where those names came from."

She squeezed the towel to the cut on James' neck. He twitched away slightly and twisted around to look at Lily.

"Are you sure you know what you're doing?" he demanded.

"Yes! It has the directions on the bottle!" retorted Lily, firmly holding the rag back up to his skin.

"Why does it sting so much?" snapped James.

"Stop whining...I have to keep the towel here for a straight minute for it to work properly. You're just making it take longer," Lily said irritably.

Reluctantly, James turned his head back around so he faced Sirius again. Sirius sniggered, obviously at something James was doing that Lily couldn't see. Lily pressed the towel harder against James' neck.

"Ow! Not so hard!" exclaimed James, wincing.

"I saw that face you made!" Lily returned.

"No you didn't! Do you suddenly possess the Inner Eye or something?" asked James.

"Tell me, Sirius," Lily said loudly, ignoring James. "How did you guys manage to become Animagi? It's supposed to be really difficult...many fully-trained wizards can't even do it."

"What can I say? We're no ordinary group of 15-year-olds," said Sirius smugly.

"We've been working on it since we figured out Remus is a werewolf," James explained. "Over the summer we finally started practicing our transformations. Sirius and I had it down by October but Peter took awhile. He still has trouble with it."

"Where is he anyway?" asked Lily, keeping the towel on James' cut.

"He went right upstairs to sleep when we got back. He doesn't handle the late nights so well," answered Sirius. "So, Evans, I heard you got pretty upset when you thought James and I were going to die." He raised his eyebrows meaningfully and elegantly swept a lock of silky hair out of his eyes.

Lily glared down at the top of James' head but chose to ignore Sirius' comment.

"I think it's been about a minute..." she removed the towel from James' neck. "It worked!" announced Lily triumphantly. "You're as good as new."

James felt his neck for the wound. The cut had completely vanished, the skin having healed over because of the potion and all that was left was some dry blood. Lily wet the towel with her wand and washed it off.

"Why thank you, Evans!" James said enthusiastically, and without any notice, he grabbed her hand and kissed it.

Strangely enough, Lily simply snatched it back and shot him a slightly surprised look.

"You're welcome, Potter," she said calmly. "See you guys later. I'm going up to get some rest before class starts."

With that, Lily walked around James' chair and toward the girls' dormitory staircase.

"That's it?"

Lily turned back around to face Sirius who appeared disappointed and flashed him an inquisitive look.

"No raging lectures? No pummeling in the face?" asked Sirius in disbelief. "Prongs just kissed you, Evans. I want some action!"

"Oh, put a lid on it, Black," Lily said offhandedly.

"Yeah Padfoot, put a lid on it," added James, smirking broadly.

"You too, Potter," sighed Lily composedly as she began to hike up the stairs.

* * * * *

Lily stepped out of the shower and wrapped herself in a towel, sighing with relief. She felt so refreshed and pleasant now that she was clean after everything that had happened during the night. She dressed and put on some robes.

Lily wandered back into the dormitory room and saw that Summer and Tara were still sleeping, seemingly unaware that their friend hadn't come to bed until early that morning.

Lily flicked on her music -the Beatles- which conveniently worked in waking her friends. Lily had always been known in her dorm for her love of music. Ever since she was very little, her grandfather would bring her stacks of records when he visited, positively delighting her. When she came to Hogwarts, she didn't stop listening to the muggle but simply added the wizarding kind to her collection.

"Ah, Lily, it's so early!" moaned Summer, blinking sleepily. She sat up slowly, her eyes squinted and her hair in disarray.

Tara, on the other hand, rolled over and sat up quickly without a fuss. Once Tara was awake, she was awake...no yawning or snoozing for her. "Where's Di?" she wondered.

Lily hesitated, not exactly sure how to explain.

"Di is in the hospital wing," she said quietly.

"Why?" asked Summer, her voice laced with urgency.

"The attack that we heard about from McGonagall was on Di's parents and they were killed," explained Lily.

Summer and Tara looked aghast.

"No!" gasped Tara disbelievingly.

"Poor Di..." whispered Summer forlornly.

"We can go visit her at break before she leaves for the funeral," said Lily.

"We need to go now! Di needs us, we can't wait till break!" Tara said, horrorstruck, as she swung out of her bed.

"No, we don't want to overwhelm her," Lily said gently but firmly. "I talked to her last night and she would want us to go on with our day normally...not skive off classes. I'm not even sure Madam Pomfrey will let her have visitors."

"You went to the hospital wing last night?" asked Summer quickly.

"Well, yeah. I was doing some work and I saw Di leave with McGonagall so I followed them later and snuck in to see Di," explained Lily vaguely, carefully leaving out several details.

"Fine, we'll go at break then," Tara said, giving in. "I still think we should be with her...I can't imagine what she's going through."

"I suppose we should get ready for class," said Summer.

Lily nodded and Summer and Di went off to the bathroom or to rummage through their trunks for robes, bustling about as they prepared themselves for their lessons.

Lily curled up on her bed, waiting for them to finish. The Beatles began to sing 'Blackbird' on her record player. Lily loved that song. It always put her in such a meditative mood.

The window next to her bed was striped with trails of sliding raindrops.

Lily thought about her parents at home. She wondered what it would be like if they suddenly weren't there anymore.

Her eyes followed raindrop after raindrop as they fell slowly across the glass panes.

That was how it was going to be for Di from now on...no mum or dad to welcome her home. One minute she had parents, the next, she was nothing but an orphan.

The trails of rain criss-crossed and collided...

Her parents hadn't done a thing of to provoke it. They had simply lived. That was the only requirement...if anyone was vulnerable to it they met that qualification.

More water splattered onto the window. There was now complicated maze of oozing rain.

Lily shook the thought away. It couldn't happen to her...

Harder and harder the rain poured steadily, the pearls of water swelling and swiveling along faster and faster.

But Di had never expected it either...yet that hadn't stopped it from happening.

The raindrops were merging as they grew, all heading downward against the glass together.

Anyone Lily cared about...her family, Summer, Di, Tara, all her friends, even James, Sirius and Remus, ridiculous though they were...

They joined together into one giant flow of water, all the separate drops of rain now indistinguishable from each other.

...They were all deeply engraved in her life, whether she liked it or not.

The rain splashed down the window like a river, distorting the grey background with its translucency.

They were all living in this moment. They all met the qualification.

The stream rippled over the glass in front of her.

But who could know? In the next moment, they could be gone, just as easily as Di's parents.

All at once, the fall of rain weakened and the stream leaked out into separate watery gems, sinking downward once again on their own individual journeys.

...Whether she liked it or not.

"Lily? Are you ready?"

The song ended. Lily got up from her bed, turning away from the window.