I Loved You More

Chapter #9

Fellow Gryffindors

Before she knew it, Lily was back at Hogwarts attending classes and Quidditch practices and spending endless hours bent over homework in the common room. The work the fifth years received was rapidly increasing in quantity and difficulty as the O.W.L. exams neared. True, they weren't until the spring but their teachers seemed to be of the opinion that there wasn't nearly enough time to get sufficiently prepared for them.

Lily was certainly feeling the pressure that the constant flow of homework, essays, reports, and tests brought upon students. She was of course taking advanced courses such as Arithmancy, had straining Prefect duties, and Quidditch practices to cram into the too few hours of the day. There were many nights when she felt all too overwhelmed and despairingly concluded that she would never be able to keep up and doubted that it was all really worth while. But Lily, being the person that she was, could never have actually given in to the tempting idea of recklessly throwing aside her homework and deciding that she was through with caring about her grades. However, even overachievers have weak moments when they get hopelessly depressed and feel that they would be better off taking the easy way out. We're all merely human after all.

After the attack in Diagon Alley, the Daily Prophet was continually reporting some minor Death Eater updates. There were a few small attacks involving three or four Death Eaters showing up at the homes of Muggleborns or half-bloods to torture and kill them, leaving the dreaded Dark Mark hovering darkly over the residence. Still, the Ministry had not yet succeeded in catching one of them and the community was getting more and more anxious, losing faith in their authorities. Was the Ministry really doing all it could to protect them against Voldemort?

Voldemort. Everyone had heard of him now. He had risen successfully and struck the world with fear. Far and wide people discussed him in hushed voices; his mysterious identity, his enormous powers, how he had changed the whole prospect of the future. The first wound had cut deep and the blood that slowly oozed from it infected everyone's minds. It soaked everything they had once thought was safe. There was no one to turn to...no one to clean up the mess the Dark Lord had created.

* * *

"Hello James...Sirius! What are you guys up to?"

They both glanced up at her and stared.

"What?" Lily asked, in the most convincing tone she could muster.

Sirius raised an eyebrow. He looked at James who appeared completely bewildered and a little scared. Who could blame them? Lily Evans had just waltzed through the portrait hole, giving them, the hated ringleaders of the Marauders, a pleasant greeting.

"What?" Lily repeated after she got no response, a wide smile on her face. She was actually enjoying their reactions.

"Oh sorry. We'd just never been sure that you knew our first names," replied Sirius, looking at her oddly.

"Oh come on! We've only been in the same house for four and a half years!" said Lily brightly.

"Exactly. I think this is the first time in four and a half years that you've used our first names."

"Of course it isn't! Well anyway, James, I was just wondering when the next Quidditch practice is," Lily said briskly, as if she did this everyday.

"Huh? Quidditch practice?" Smooth Mr. Potter was stuttering! Lily had a wild desire to laugh.

"Yeah. You're the captain. Remember?" said Lily slowly, her voice tingling with enjoyment.

"Er- yeah. This...Friday. No, Saturday," he blubbered. "This Saturday at ten."

Sirius rolled his eyes and gave James a nice whack over the head. James seemed to regain some of his senses and promptly returned it.

"Okay, thanks!" said Lily, watching the affectionate interaction between the two boys with amusement.

She sat down in the chair next to James' and casually pulled some books and a roll of parchment out of her bag and began to work. Though she looked like she was concentrated on her homework, she was fully aware of the way James and Sirius were both gaping from her to each other in confusion.

"Maybe that Befuddlement Potion we put in the pumpkin juice this morning somehow messed with her head," Sirius was muttering under his breath.

"That was supposed to wear off after a couple hours-"

"So that's why no one could find their classes this morning?" interrupted Lily.

They turned at her cautiously and when they saw that there was a smile twitching on her lips, James said gravely to Sirius, "Do you think she got an overdose of it?"

"Guys, I'm not drugged up on your potion!" Lily said, rolling her eyes. "Though I can't believe you did that without being caught! How did you get it into all the goblets?"

Sirius grinned and brightened up immediately.

"Easy. We're great pals with the house elves!" he explained.

"Really? I don't even know where the kitchens are."

"That's pathetic! We found them the second day we were here," James scoffed arrogantly.

Lily paused for a moment, trying to work up the nerve to express an idea that had just entered her mind.

"Maybe you could show me sometime. It'd be a useful thing to know when I feel like a late night snack," she said rather nervously.

James and Sirius looked at her incredulously.

"What?" she asked.

James grinned, his solitary dimple getting increasingly deeper. "Sure. How about tomorrow night?"

Lily could see that he was testing her. He didn't believe that she would really abuse her Prefect privileges for food. In fact, she hardly believed it. But she couldn't show any signs of hesitance or anxiety over the thought of breaking a rule. This was her chance to prove that she wasn't afraid of a little risk.

"That's fine. Tomorrow night it," she replied, as nonchalantly as possible.

They continued to make light conversation as they attempted to make a dent in their mountain of homework assignments for awhile when Remus came walking down the boys' dormitory staircase. He looked mildly surprised at the friendly way that Lily was treating his two best friends but didn't mention it and languidly sat down next to Lily with a small yawn.

"What were you doing?" asked Lily, concerned.

"Just taking a little nap," Remus answered, stretching his arms over his head. "Been a bit tired."

"Oh, feeling better?" inquired Lily.

"Yes, I am, thank you," he said smiling. "So, what have you lot been doing?"

"Talking," said Sirius. Then he leaned forward toward Remus as though about to reveal the ultimate secret, glancing briefly at Lily. "With Evans."

Remus nodded, his lips pressed firmly together in a small smile.

"Oh. Very-err-interesting, I suppose," said Remus as though wondering if Sirius wanted him to have a different reaction.

"Weird, huh?"

"If you say so," Remus replied.

"Moony, you may not have noticed but this doesn't happen often," Sirius explained slowly. "What is with you, Evans?"

"What? I'll leave if you want..." said Lily slyly, knowing exactly what the answer would be.

"No!" James said quickly and suddenly after being silent for several minutes. "You don't have to-"

"-Yeah, I just want to know why you're here in the first place," finished Sirius. "I mean, if it wasn't the Befuddlement Potion..."

"I simply want to get to know some of my fellow Gryffindors. It's ridiculous, really, us being in the same year and house and hardly ever talking!" said Lily smoothly.

Sirius gave her a look that clearly showed he didn't believe her but seemed to decide to drop it. James smiled.

"Yeah, ridiculous," he muttered.

They all sat in silence for a moment. The dancing firelight glowed on the four young faces that all bore deep expressions of meditation, an affect that fire seems to always have on people. Lily's, pale but flushed, Remus' looking unnaturally old and worn, Sirius' clenched in a concentrated frown, with his strong chin protruding slightly, and James, the light gleaming on his round glasses over hazel eyes that were faintly squinted, seeing things beyond the common room, part Hogwarts' grounds, and beyond even his own time. They were all locked inside a reverie, while letting a comfortable silence fall around them broken only by the gentle pops and hisses of the fire.

"Hello everybody! Merlin, who died?" Tara's buoyant voice pulled them all back to reality with her sudden cheerful exclamations. She was looking around at their serious expressions with wonder and a hint of disgust.

Summer, Di and Peter followed her though the portrait hole and glanced around the circle by the fire also where Lily was sitting in between James and Remus, their faces showing signs of mixed surprise and confusion. Suddenly Lily slammed her spellbook shut and smiled up at her friends.

"We were just studying but I'm sick of it. Anyone up for a game of Gobstones?"

So they gathered around a small table and spent the evening playing Gobstones. Lily carefully avoided Summer's questioning looks and pretended not to notice the uncertainty in the atmosphere that was undoubtedly caused by Lily's unexplained change of attitude.

When they parted for the night and climbed up to their dormitories, Lily knew what to expect. After all, it was natural for her friends to wonder about the reason for Lily's behavior. She had prepared for it however, and when the questions came, she had an answer.

"I'm going to have to deal with the Marauders now that Remus and I are...sort of together and I don't want any tense feelings. Besides, I'm tired of fighting."

It was partly true. But it wasn't the entire reason and she knew her friends saw right through her. That was the trouble when your friends have shared the same room with you for the past four and a half years; they tend to get to know you really well. They didn't press her though, and she crawled into her four-poster and closed the hangings in peace.

The truth was she was set on learning the Marauders secret. Lily wasn't nosy by nature but something about it intrigued her and she was determined to find it out. To do that, she had to get all of the Marauder's permission. Thus being the explanation for her actions of the evening. Lily was sure she could get James to agree, though she hoped he wouldn't take advantage of having something that she wanted. Peter would of course go along with whatever James did and so the only one she thought might need more persuading was Sirius.

She wasn't sure what he would do, she never was. He would probably just want to tantalize her with the information...he could be so horrid. Lily decided it would be best to treat him very kindly and then ease her request in subtly and gently when the opportunity came along. It was a dreadful thing to do and she would hate being nice to Sirius Black but when Lily made the resolution to find out the secret of the Marauders, she wasn't going to let small trifles such as these stop her.

* * *

Round and round the snowflakes whirled, blurring into one big wave of white that crashed against the cold stone walls of the castle, eventually finding its way to the ground where it was piling ever higher.

Lily was lazily watching the snowstorm through the big glass windows of the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom as Professor Gibbons shattered on about a theory of a spell she already knew very well how to do. Her thoughts were slowly drifting and her surroundings soon spiraled into oblivion.

She was thinking about Remus and wondering where exactly they stood in relationship terms. He had kissed her once and they had gone on one date. Could it even be called a date? What was he thinking about it all? He didn't exactly let his feelings show. It was a bit aggravating, really. How was she supposed to know how he felt? Did he consider her his girlfriend?

Lily sighed and turned slowly to the notebook in front of her. Her heart gave a start of surprise. Her quill had suddenly lifted itself off her desk and was writing something on her notebook seemingly on its own accord.

'Evans-

Still planning on taking a little tour

of the school Marauder style? Meet

us outside the common room tonight

at midnight.'

The quill stopped writing and Lily glanced behind her and saw James all the way at the back of the room with his quill, also motionless, in his hand. He caught her eye, nodded and winked. Lily gave him a whisper of a smile back, feeling a little unsure of herself. He grinned and ruffled his unruly hair. She turned back around and picked up her wand and tapped her quill, muttering the spell. Then she wrote underneath the message,

'Sure, eleven is fine. Did you think

I would back out or something?'

She turned her head slightly again and saw James smiling down at his notebook, his own quill having just finished writing the message.

Summer, who was sitting next to her, looked to see who her friend kept looking at. She furrowed her brow when she saw James and stared at Lily.

"What is going on with you, Lily?"

"What? Huh?" Lily was reading another note that her quill was magically composing.

'Maybe. You don't exactly do this on

a regular basis, I was just checking.'

"What are you reading?" Summer grabbed her notebook and read all three messages. 'A tour of the school Marauder style'? At midnight? Lily Evans, what is going on with you?"

She had demanded the latter question a little louder than she meant to in a spurt of concern for Lily and Lily wasn't the only one who heard her.

"Ms. Blisse, do you have something to share with the class?" asked Professor Gibbons sternly, opening his arms as if welcoming her to speak.

"No, professor."

"Then will it be possible for you to refrain from talking until the end of this lesson?"

"Yes, sir," answered Summer, somewhat meekly.

Thinking proudly that he had taken care of the problem, he continued with his lecture. Summer, however, was persistent. She faced Lily and raised her eyebrows expectantly.

"I'll tell you about it after class," whispered Lily.

Suddenly her quill started to write another message.

'Don't worry Ms. Blisse, you're invited

as well. The more the merrier!;

This time Summer turned around and saw James and Sirius grinning at her.

When the bell finally rang, signifying the end of Defense Against the Dark Arts and the beginning of break, Lily and Summer took a stroll down an empty corridor.

"Well?" said Summer, bearing down upon her best friend menacingly.

"You know when you walked into the common room when I was talking with Remus, James, and Sirius? Well, before Remus joined us, James and Sirius said they would show me how to get to the kitchens. So we're going tonight," explained Lily.

"Let me see if I got this. You are going to willingly go out after curfew with the two boys you've claimed to hate for the past four years and who happen to be your boyfriend's best friends, so that they can give you a tour of this school?" Summer asked disbelievingly.

Lily nodded slowly, knowing what was going through Summer's mind.

"Have you gone mad? Will you please tell me why you've been acting so weird around Black and Potter? I mean first, you dance with Potter then you're suddenly treating them all nicely and will actually talk to them. And now you're going to go wandering around with them in the middle of the night!" Summer exclaimed.

"Okay, I know. It seems like I've gone barmy but let me explain. There is a reason as to why I've been nice to them lately. But as for the dance, I really don't know what got into me," said Lily steadily.

"What's the reason then?"

Lily hated breaking promises and she really didn't want to betray Remus' trust but nothing could make her lie to Summer.

"Remus told me about this big secret of the Marauders' when I asked about their nicknames. He wouldn't tell me what it was because he said that I had to get James, Sirius, and Peter's permission first," Lily said. "I promised not to tell anyone about this so you can't say anything about it."

"Lily, do you really have to worry about that with me?" asked Summer sternly.

"Of course not, Sum. So, are you coming with us tonight?"

"You bet! I wouldn't let you go off alone with those two! What kind of friend do you think I am?" Summer asked, feigning an offended demeanor. "But, about that...does Remus know?"

"I don't think so," said Lily quietly.

"Do you think he'll like the fact that you're going out for a night with Black and Potter?"

"I don't know!" exclaimed Lily. "I don't even know if he's my boyfriend or not! Anyway, he won't find out."

"Okay, fine. Let's go find Tara and Di before they start worrying," she said, grabbing Lily's arm and steering her in the direction of the Entrance Hall.

* * *

That night Lily and Summer went to bed as usual with Tara and Di and pretended to go to sleep. They waited for their friends' breathing to become regular to get ready to meet James and Sirius. They got dressed and crept down the stairs as silently as possible. Lily's pulse was pumping very quickly and she nearly fell over twice when she tripped as they made their way across the dark, empty common room to the portrait hole. She was so jumpy. Sneaking out at night was completely new to her and her nerves were dangling on an edge. Summer pushed open the portrait and they crawled out. They stood for several minutes and Lily was steadily becoming more and more nervous. Wild, unreasonable thoughts raced through her mind.

Were they even coming? She glanced at her watch and saw that it was only five minutes past twelve. Surely that was wrong! It felt like they'd been waiting for hours. What was that noise? Suppose Filch found them here!

"Maybe we should just go back to bed-" suggested Lily in a barely audible whisper.

"No, Lily! Give them five more minutes. We just got out here."

Summer was right. She was being so ridiculous. What if they had gone back to their dormitory and Potter and Black came out and found that they had backed out. Then what would they think of her? She would not-

Someone suddenly grabbed her roughly from behind. She was about to scream her mind out but they hastily covered her mouth with a hand and all she managed to get out was a soft muffled noise. Next to her, Lily could feel the same thing being done to Summer by a second person. Lily began to squirm like a maniac for she was utterly terrified. Her head banged against her captor's head and a pair of glasses were knocked off the person's face and clattered to the floor. With one great heave, Lily elbowed the person with all her strength. She was instantly released.

"OW! Damn it, Evans!"