I Loved You More

First posted: August 24, 2004

Suggested music: "Too Little Too Late" by Barenaked Ladies

Chapter Five

A Custom Rekindled

(Excerpt of Lily's diary)

5^th December

It has been almost three weeks since that Quidditch match against Ravenclaw but people are still talking about it. I thought that James would be in his element, with all this attention, but he's being unbelievably modest. Every time someone compliments him on catching the Snitch, he pulls a Remus and says it was all because of me. When he does this, of course I have the grace to talk to him but I cannot let myself go any further than that because he always goes and hexes someone eventually--usually Severus--and I refuse to be fooled into thinking he's gone soft again. I can't trust him.

All in all, not much has changed between us... and it probably never will.

Remus Lupin is hanging around with me quite a lot these days. We've been studying together on weekends and he goes to meals early and sits with me for a bit until James, Sirius, and Peter come down. I don't think he wants his friends to see him with me even though I know they realize how much time he spends with me. James made that obvious after the match. Don't get me wrong, Remus is a great guy but I'm beginning to understand what James meant when he said Remus should just ask me out and have it done with. James doesn't seem to mind, so what is he so afraid of?

I don't really know what to think of it all. I really like Remus but for some reason when I'm with him, it just doesn't exactly feel right. I don't feel right. Maybe I'm crazy but I can't help it. That's the only way I know how to explain it. He's so nice and smart and interesting to talk to, I really don't know why I'm being so stupid.

Anyway...I've been extremely busy. Andy warned me about the amount of homework we'd get in 7^th year but I was never prepared for this. The teachers are ruthless! And then there's Quidditch practice three nights a week, sometimes even four.

I swear, Quidditch is the only thing James takes the least bit seriously! I don't know why he worries so much...our next match is against Hufflepuff and it's practically a given that we'll beat them. But I have to admit, he's an excellent captain.

Plus, I'm Head Girl, which is actually a lot more work than it sounds. We have to watch over the first and second-years during break now that it's too cold to go outside and you'd be surprised at how much they try to get away with. And of course James is no help. He acts like he's one of them.

Professor McGonagall has decided to pull my schedule even tighter. She called me into her office the other day after Transfiguration and told me that the school is going to hold a Christmas dance right before the holiday. Apparently, it used to be a school tradition. Dumbledore wants to rekindle the old custom and McGonagall asked me to be in charge of the dance committee! And get this--I have to actually find a committee. I'm supposed to find all the trustworthy, responsible students, both boys and girls, and get working as soon as possible. How the hell am I supposed to do that?

All of the girls I asked to help--Summer, Tara, and Di of course and about ten others-- were more than willing, but none of the boys wanted anything to with it. The big idiots. I went to Remus, thinking I could count on him but he said that he wouldn't be able to because he would be going home to visit his sick mother. The nerve of him! I would have settled for a simple, "no."

I was desperate so I finally asked James and Sirius, though you couldn't exactly call them trustworthy and responsible. But I couldn't be picky. They actually said yes! Who would have thought?

Our first meeting is this Saturday. I hope everything goes okay.

In any case, I'm very excited for the dance. All my friends are going mad about who they should go with. I don't suppose I'll go with anyone unless Remus asks me. I doubt he will. Then his dear friends would know that he fancies me. Oh well, I don't really mind that much.

* * *

"Er-- people? Sit down, please!" said Lily, trying to talk over the chatter of thirteen girls, James, and Sirius at the first Christmas Dance committee meeting.

She was surprised when the group heard her and obeyed accordingly. They all looked up at her expectantly.

"Thank you," breathed Lily. "Er-- as you all know, we're here to plan the Christmas Dance. I think we should get started by brainstorming ideas. Just say anything that comes to mind and...I'll record them."

James spoke up first. "Sounds good. I think we should hire a band. How about the Burning Pumpkins?"

"No! The Troll Trio!" objected Sylvia McDavid.

"We'll write all our ideas down first and then vote," interjected Lily quickly.

"I think that our decorations should be really original...jaw-dropping!" said Tara. "Like you walk in the Hall and shabam!"

"Yes, definitely. The decorations are the most important part of the dance!" agreed Marlene McKinnon. "There should be loads of huge Christmas trees and snow falling from the ceiling."

"I was thinking that we could have some sort of a theme...Like a winter wonderland or something," said Summer.

At this, the newly-appointed committee dove headfirst into their work. For hours the group spilled out all their thoughts and ideas. Lily was very pleased at how much material they had to work with for the next meeting.

By then, the entire school had heard of the upcoming dance and people fourth-year and above became obsessed with finding dates. During the following weeks, girls were giggling madly wherever you turned in the corridors. Guys slumped past them, debating about whether to ask them or not. Everybody was possessed by more than just the usual jolly Christmas spirit but by the excitement of the rare social event.

Lily wasn't too worried about the date situation but she loved the dance committee meetings. They had fun together, working in their unused classroom late into the night.

Her friends were a little more caught up in the frenzy of finding partners for the dance. Tara had been asked by several boys but she "just couldn't make up her mind." Summer turned down a few requests for various reasons and even Di had had her share of them. She eventually agreed to go with Edmus O'Connolly, a Gryffindor sixth-year with short brown hair and big blue eyes.

Nobody asked Lily. She assumed that it had something to do with her pale skin or the fact that she was such a bookworm. In reality, many guys would have begged her to be their date but James had a way of strolling around the corner just as one of them thought they'd built up enough courage to ask. One menacing look shooed them away quite quickly, leaving Lily with no offers. Except for one, of course. Actually, she received loads of propositions-- but they were all from one person; James. And in her mind, he didn't count.

He sent her notes accompanied by flowers and candy everyday and approached her every time she walked down the corridor. Spiteful girls were bitter with jealousy but Lily didn't concern herself with what they thought. It wasn't her fault James seemed to have made it his life goal to harass her at every opportunity. If she could figure out a way to make him stop, she would.

Then one day in the library, her dance partner situation was removed from her hands.

Lily, Summer, Tara, and Di were gathered around their usual table by the large window studying when Sirius and Remus joined them.

"Good afternoon, ladies," said Sirius, as he propped his feet up on the table.

"What are you doing here?" asked Summer.

"Studying," shrugged Sirius. "What else?"

"You? Studying?" asked Lily, amazed. "Do you even know what that is?"

"Yes, Evans, as a matter of fact I do," he said, in an injured tone that no one took seriously. "I happened to be a pro at studying."

He pulled a book entitled, Animagi Gone Wrong, out of his bag and opened it.

"Animagi Gone Wrong?" queried Summer, looking puzzled. "What are you studying that for? It has nothing to do with our exams...and since when do you study Transfiguration? You and James are the best in our class."

"Speaking of James, where is he? I didn't think you guys ever traveled alone," said Tara.

Sirius waved aside Summer's questions and took the opportunity to change the subject.

"He's been reading some Quidditch book his dad sent him all day. He didn't want to come with us. And Peter's getting tutored," he said.

"Are you--?" Summer began to say, but Sirius cut her off quickly.

"Now that we're on the subject of Prongs...who are you going to the dance with?"

"No one, but why are you avoiding all my questions? What does James have to do with--?" began a bewildered Summer, but for the second time Sirius wouldn't let her finish.

"Am I supposed to have a bloody answer for everything?" he said. "Anyway...do you want to go to the dance with me or not?"

He posed the question as though she had been deliberating the issue for ages. Summer didn't look very surprised but she did seem sufficiently distracted.

"Fine," she said, with an air of nobility.

Sirius leaned back in his chair and began to read with a satisfied sigh.

"Now we all have dates except Lily," declared Tara, with a mischievous smirk and a scheming glint in her eye. "I suppose we can fix that."

"Who have you decided on then?" wondered Lily.

"Well, it's between Ivan Tannus and that sixth-year Hufflepuff, Harvey Rockman," she said. "But at least I know I'll have a date. You, on the other hand, need one."

Tara always had a way of being able to say things that, coming from anyone else, would sound shockingly conceited without giving the slightest impression that she was snobby.

"No one wants to go with me," said Lily calmly.

Tara snorted. Summer rolled her eyes, Di smiled knowingly and Sirius chuckled from behind Animagi Gone Wrong.

"What?" asked Lily, annoyed at being left out of some evident joke.

Tara just shook her head. "Nothing, nothing, my sweet, ignorant darling."

"What she means is, we know of...at least one person who wants to go with you," explained Summer patiently as though dealing with a cranky toddler.

Remus glanced up at the girls from behind a stack of books, (all having to do with Transfiguration).

Lily raised an eyebrow at Summer. "If you're talking about Potter--"

"We're not talking about Potter," said Summer, imitating Sirius by butting in halfway through Lily's sentence.

"Come on, Lil, it's obvious. We all know Remus here would love to take you to the dance," said Tara.

Remus flushed a little at the baldness of this statement but appeared to be in no hurry to object. He wouldn't make eye contact with Lily, who also avoided his gaze.

"Someone needs to take action..." continued Tara. "Remus, will you go to the dance with Lily?"

"If she wants--" he stammered timidly.

"She does. So what do you say?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Good. Then it's all settled. Thanks to us, right, Sum?" concluded Tara happily, giving Summer a high-five.

Lily finally looked across the table at Remus. There was a wide smile on his face as he looked back down at his book.