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Dear Dad,

I just thought I'd write you this letter even though I know you'll never read it. I miss you, and I miss mom too. But there are times I miss you because I just need to talk to and there's noone around who I think will understand. I know Sirius would help me if I could. He feels so guilty for not being there for me before and he's not around nearly enough now as is. I guess he has his own demons to deal with. He never talks to me about them. I suppose I could try talking to Ron, but he has his parents as well as all his brothers. I don't think he'd really understand. And Hermione, well, she's a girl. Not that there's anything wrong with that mind you, but how do you talk to a girl about how to talk to a girl? Not that I'm interested in Hermione. She's great and all, I just don't see her as girlfriend material. Besides, I think Ron would have to pummel me for looking at her like that, coward that he is for not being able to. I suppose I could talk to Mr.Weasley, I'm sure he'd be willing to lend an ear, but we aren't really that close. I know he cares, it's just not the same as having your own dad around to talk to.

I resent that you were never around to teach me how to fly, or how to play quidditch. I resent that I never got to hear about how you first met mom, or worked up the courage to ask her out on a date, or ask her to marry you. None of that sappy stuff. I wonder how you'd feel knowing I had to go live with mum's relations after you died? Would you try and hold mom back from hexing them, or join in? I hate that I had to go to Diagon Alley for the first time with Hagrid. Don't get me wrong, I think Hagrid's the greatest, but he's not you. I would have much rather gone there with you, and maybe you would have helped me sneak a broom into my trunk for school for first year. I'd have much rather gotten it from you then from Professor McGonagall.

I resent that there are people who not only know more about you then I do, but that actually KNEW you. All I have are their memories. I have the photo album that Hagrid made for me in first year. Sirius and Remus have added to it since then, but it's not the same. There are pictures of you and mum, and a few of you holding me, but there aren't any of US. And I hate that.

I hate that my friends have families to go home to at the end of summer, and I go back 'to my relations'. I can't bring myself to say they're my family anymore then they can say that I'm a part of theirs. I don't resent my friends for having families, or photo albums, or brothers and sisters, or any of that. But it's hard not to be jealous dad.

I hate that I have to be afraid of Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia. Not because they'll ground me if I step out of line, but because if I'm lucky, they'll toss me out of the house. That's if they don't stick me back in that broom closet again. Or lock up my school stuff. I hate that I have to live of fear of someone who wants to kill me for what I don't know.

Why am I so important dad? Why did you and mum have to die? Why did I have to survive? Why did Dumbledore have to send me to live with them? I suppose they aren't horrible people, just scared of something they don't want to understand. And I can't blame them for that. I don't understand what's happening in my life and I don't know if I want to. I don't know why Cedric had to die and I don't know if I really want to.

Why can't I have a normal life? Like my friends? Is it really that hard? Is it really that unfair? Is it really that much to ask for? I should be worrying about asking girls out, or quidditch, or passing my tests or what mischief I can get into with the map you made. I shouldn't have to worry about someone trying to kill me.

Did you have to go through any of this? Did you know that there was danger out there and it was coming for you? Did mom know? How did she react when she found out? How could you have me if you knew this might be the outcome?

How could be friends with Wormtail? Why couldn't you have been a better friend? Did you have to be so blindly loyal that you didn't see his betrayal coming?

Do you know what it's like to be depressed and have people tell you it's ok? Not because they mean it, not because they're your friends, but because they need to know it's ok? Because they need to know it's going to be ok. That's what they see. There isn't a person I know who when they first met me didn't see 'The boy who lived', even Ron and Hermione. The first time they met me they were in awe, not of me, not for me, but because I was some myth coming out of a book. Some damn book telling a story about something I don't even remember unless a blasted dementor gets too close to me. Do you know how many times I've come close to joining you and mom? Do you know how much I want to? I don't think a year has gone by since I've come here where I haven't had at least a half dozen near death experiences. They weren't all bad. The ones involving quidditch were ok, at least the ones where we won the game. I suppose I can live with the time I saved Ginny Weasley from Tom Riddle's diary. God we were so horrible to her that year. I was horrible to her worse then her own brothers. They probably spent more time with me then they did with her that year. And she's their sister. They don't even know how lucky they are to have a sister.

And now she's older and I wish I could talk to you about her. I think I like her, but she's Ron's sister and all he sees when she comes close is a pest that he shoos away. I don't know what to say to her. I mean, am I supposed to be this scared? I know, I said Ron is a coward because he won't talk to Hermione, but he has it easier. He isn't friends with her big brother. He doesn't play on the Quidditch team with three of her older brothers. Thank god her mom is crazy about me, otherwise it might just be a hopeless cause.

Talk about hopeless. Oh god dad, I wish you could have been there for me to talk to about Cho. At least before, and not after. There wasn't much to talk about after, but before, oh if things had turned out different, maybe she wouldn't have been so consumed by her grief. I told her what happened, what else was I supposed to do? Sorry Cho, I won't tell you how I got your boyfriend killed, I'd rather have you see me as a murderer. That was just a lovely conversation.

God dad, there's so much more I want to talk to you about, but can't. I wish you were here so you could tell me it's all normal. I know it's not, at least not all of it. I know it doesn't make much sense. I'm sure if you could miraculously come back to life, you'd probably be just in awe of me as everyone else, so it's probably best if you stay where you are.

Tell mom I love her, and give her a kiss for me. I don't know when I'll be able to.

Love

Harry

Walking up to the owlery, Harry tied the letter to Hedwig's leg.

"It's ok if you can't find him girl, just give it a quick go and see what happens." He told his faithful owl as she playfully nipped at his fingers before taking off.

Two days later, as Harry was sitting down to breakfast in the great hall, Hedwig flew in and deposited a letter in Harry's lap. Opening the letter so he could read it, he saw only one line that made him break into an enormous smile.

Dear Harry,

We love you too. It will all work out. Write to us whenever you need, we'll be here for you.

Love,

Your Father