Not That You Asked

This is all I'm going to say on this. This is the only time I'll ever bring this up. What you choose to do, how you choose to react, is of course, up to you.

You are my friends, but you don't have the slightest idea what it means to be me. If you did, you wouldn't have done this to me.

Did you ever stop to think? Did you ever stop to consider? Obviously you didn't.

Do you know what that kiss you gave me meant to me? It kept me alive all summer.

Do you know what those kisses you give him mean to me? They kill me inside.

Neither of you knows what it's like to be alone.

Neither of you know what it's like to live in purgatory with people who tolerate you at best and loathe you with every breath.

Neither of you understand how I feel. Neither of you ever asked.

You left me at Christmas. I know; you wanted time alone to yourselves.

At least his mother remembered to send me a present, I suppose you told her I was too busy to come home, or made up some other story.

Do you want to know what that kiss meant to me? I fell in love with you last summer.

Not that it counts for anything.

I can see why you love him. He has a family you can be a part of.

I can see why you love him. He has the run of the country. He can come and go as he pleases.

I can see what brought you together. Noone is out to kill either of you.

I'll be surprised if I live to turn eighteen.

I suppose it's better this way, you can be happy this way.

It still hurts you know. I see you and it hurts.

It's all I can do not to cry.

It's all I can do not to scream.

It's all I can do not to let myself break down right in front of you.

I suppose in time it will stop hurting.

I keep telling myself the pain will go away in time.

Eventually I may even believe that.

I just wanted to you to know that whatever the future holds, someone out there loves you.

I just wanted you to know that wherever you are, you'll always have a part of my heart.

I just wanted you to know that wherever you are, you'll always have my love.

I just wanted you to know, no matter what's happened, I'd still die for you.

I just wanted you to know, no matter what does happen, I'd gladly die for you.

That's all I have to say.

He folded the parchment and gently put it in an envelope.

He wrapped his father's cloak tightly around him and snuck into her dormitory.

He laid the envelope gently on her pillow, next to her head. Her sleeping form nestled comfortably underneath the large quilt that kept her warm.

He quietly retreated from the room and set off down the stairs.

He didn't look back.

He didn't want to stay.

He knew he had to be strong.

He knew to many lives depended on him to be strong.

He knew too many lives depended on him not to be petty.

He knew too many people counted on him.

He knew too many people counted on him to do the things they could not.

He didn't know how to stop the tears that flowed down his face in the middle of the night.

He didn't know how to stop his heart from aching.

He didn't know that someone had watched him from the shadows.

He didn't see him walk back up the stairs and make his way back into his dormitory.

All he knew was that he was alone.