Attack of the Fanon Dracos

Draco Malfoy was walking down the corridor heading to History of Magic when someone walked into him. As he turned to yell at the person who had had the nerve to walk into him without groveling, he was stunned. It looked as though he were looking into a mirror. Except that this Draco was wearing leather pants. Leather pants? Wait, Malfoys do not wear leather pants, he thought wildly. He couldn't help but stare at the other person. Meanwhile "leather pants wearing Draco" sneered at him. "What, you've never seen someone look this hot in leather pants?" Leather Pants asked. Draco was still in shock. However, he finally regained his composure. "Excuse me, but who in the hell are you?" he asked. Leather pants smirked. "I'm Draco Malfoy. Do you want to stare at my leather pants enhanced ass some more?" Draco was appalled. "But how can you be Draco Malfoy? I'm Draco Malfoy you freak!" he exclaimed as he shook his head and walked off. Weird. How can that leather pants clad...thing say that he's me.

He continued walking towards his class, when he heard someone with a very familiar voice chanting "I'm here! I'm queer! Get over it!". Oh no, please tell me that I'm imagining this, Draco thought. Sure enough, as he rounded the corner, he collided into yet another incarnation of himself. This Draco looked normal enough, but he was still chanting his "mantra". "Who are you supposed to be?" Draco asked. The other Draco looked at him strangely. "Why, silly, I'm Draco Malfoy. And just who might you be?" Homosexual Draco asked him. "I'm Draco Malfoy. And apparently the freak in the leather pants is too. What in the hell is going on here?" Homosexual Draco looked confused. "I'm not sure, but I have to get to the Quidditch Pitch! Have you seen the smorgasbord of yummy-ness that's out there?" Draco couldn't find a dignified response to this, so he just kept walking towards class.

As he was nearing the classroom, he saw Harry Potter running full speed away from something. "Something finally scared you, Potter?" Draco asked menacingly. No matter how many horrible versions of himself he had encountered today, seeing Potter flee from something made the day great. Or so he thought. Harry looked confused. "Malfoy? Wait a minute...How are you here and chasing me at the same time?" At that moment, yet another Draco ran into sight screaming "BUT HARRY! I LOVE YOU!". Draco thought that he was going to become ill. He then stuck out his foot and tripped the other Draco. "Bloody hell, who are you?" Draco asked, but he already knew the answer. "I'm Draco Malfoy, and I'm in love with Harry Potter," Harry-loving Draco replied. Draco was mortified by this thought, but thought it best to just move along as he had with Leather Pants and Homosexual.

Nothing else can happen today. Nothing is worse than seeing something that looks like me chasing after Harry Potter. I have to ask Father if he knows what this is all about. Deciding to miss History of Magic due to his dilemma, he started towards the Owlery to write his father a letter. This, however, was a mistake. As he headed up the stairs, he was practically ran over by two horror-stricken girls. He looked and realized that it had been Hermione Granger and Ginny Weasley. Oh no, it can't be! Draco thought. Sure enough, two more Dracos came down the stairs running after Granger and Weasley. "'MIONE! I LOVE YOU! I NEED YOU! STOP RUNNING FROM ME!", which was followed by "GIN! YOU HAVE TO REDEEM ME AND MAKE ME BE NICE! YOU HAVE TO LOVE ME! I WILL DIE BECAUSE I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING!" Draco was floored. He didn't even get a chance to ask the two anything, not that he really needed to anyway.

At this point, he ran as fast as he could up the stairs to the Owlery. He had to get a letter to his father, and fast. He flung open the door and ran into the room. Unfortunately, what he heard then mortified him beyond belief. "No, Malfoy, I won't sleep with you! No matter how many times you ask, the answer will always be no," he heard Ron Weasley say. He looked over into a corner of the room and saw, you guessed it, another Draco trying to get into Ron Weasley's pants. Draco walked over. "Okay, I've had enough of this! Who are you, and why are you here?" he asked his reflection. Ron-loving Draco looked startled and ran out of the Owlery, leaving a very confused Ron behind. "Malfoy? But...but, you, molesting..." Ron trailed off, not able to continue. Draco snorted. "Believe me, Weasel, I do not want to molest you. I don't know what's going on here, but I'm going to find out," he said as he left the Owlery. He decided to go to History of Magic after all. At least there wouldn't be any other unsavory versions of himself there.

As he made the trip to class, he passed Homosexual Draco, who was hitting on Seamus Finnigan. Granger and girl Weasley knocked him over as they were chased by Hermione and Ginny loving Dracos. Harry Potter was looking at the Draco that he had stunned in an attempt to curb the chasing. Leather Pants Draco was modeling his butt for anyone who would look. Draco just chose to ignore the mayhem and walk to class. However, when he got there, he saw himself perched on Binns' desk. "Ladies, ladies, there's enough of this to go around for everyone," the new Draco said. Unbelievable, Binns isn't even stopping it, Draco thought. Professor Binns appeared to be hiding under his desk as the new Draco was still speaking. "Now, not everyone will be able to stand a night in the sack with me, but everyone can try," the other Draco said while smirking. Draco walked up to the new Draco. "Excuse me, but where in the hell did you and your little friends come from? I've seen about enough of "me that isn't me" for one day!" Draco snapped. Sexgod Draco looked at him appraisingly. "I don't know what you're talking about. I'm Draco Malfoy, the sexgod of Hogwarts. Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to try to find me an evening companion, if you catch my drift," Sexgod Draco said.

Draco did the only thing that he could think of, and that was to head to Dumbledore's office. As he journeyed to the office, he was relieved that he didn't encounter any of the other Dracos. As he approached the Headmaster's office, it seemed as though he was expected. The gargoyle set into motion, and Draco ventured into the Headmaster's office. He knocked on the door, and was invited in. When he entered the office, he saw seven other Dracos and five distraught people. Potter, Granger, the two Weasleys and Finnigan were pale and in shock. Dumbledore smiled at Draco. "Have a seat Draco number eight," the Headmaster said. Draco opened his mouth, but the Headmaster shook his head. "Mister Malfoy, I'm afraid that I need to explain this, how do I put this, peculiar situation. However, I need to say that you should be pleased that the Draco who loves the Giant Squid did not make an appearance," Dumbledore started. "THE GIANT SQUID?" Draco shouted. Dumbledore held up his hand. "Now, Mister Malfoy, let's not get excited. I was just letting you know that it could have been worse. Unfortunately, I don't know why Hogwarts has been overrun by new Dracos. But I aim to find out. Until then, I think it would be best if you stayed in your dormitory. I will alert the others that there are rogue Malfoys running about the school and that their actions are to be ignored. I will send word to your dormitory when the problem has been solved," Dumbledore finished. Draco decided not to argue and headed to his dormitory.

As he walked through the halls, he kept hearing yells of "DRACO! DRACO!". It was all that he could do to ignore them. "DRACO! DRACO!", the shouts continued. "DAMN YOU MALFOY! WAKE UP ALREADY! DRACO WAKE UP!" he heard as he was being shaken. He groggily opened his eyes, and saw Crabbe and Goyle standing over him. "Malfoy, we thought that you were never going to wake up," said Crabbe. "Yeah, we've only been trying to wake you for the last twenty minutes," Goyle told him. Draco looked around wildly. It was only a dream, he thought jubilantly. Smirking, he sat up and threw the bedclothes off of him. He went to grab his robes, but fainted when he saw what was hanging in his closet.

It was a pair of leather pants.

~*FIN*~