Magical Moments

"So, what is it you want me to see?" Harry Potter asked as he kept up with his best friend, Ron Weasley.

"It's a shop," Ron answered as they walked through the slow morning streets of Diagon Alley. "Fred and George told me about it -- they found out about it from Lee Jordan. It's an unmarked one right up ahead of us."

"Isn't this..." Harry thought that this was an area of Diagon Alley he hadn't been through before, but faint recollections were starting to pop up in his head. "Isn't this the way to Knockturn Alley? I think this is the way Hagrid brought me back when I had that accident with the Floo powder." Harry had stammered the name Diagon Alley first time he traveled by Floo powder, and Hagrid had helped him out when he had gotten lost.

"Yep," replied Ron, paying more attention to where he was going than what Harry was saying. "It's right on a corner between Diagon Alley and Knockturn Alley."

"So what kind of shop is it?"

"You'll see when we get there. Anyway we're sort of sneaking in -- Lee told Fred and George about the secret entrance, but they haven't been able to check it out yet. I'm hoping to beat them to it for once. I mean this sort of place isn't really where you get to go every day."

"Maybe we'll see Hermione here today," Harry wondered aloud.

Ron slowed down and pointed to a gray building on a corner. "There it is," he said walking over to the door. He pulled out his wand and tapped the door. The wood shimmered and subtle lettering rose out of it, saying:

Magical Moments

Gifts and accessories for passionate wizards

Store hours 10:00 a.m. - 2:00 a.m.

NO ONE UNDER 18 ALLOWED

Harry's jaw fell open. No windows on the front, just like the Muggle ones he'd seen passing through London. The only difference was the gleaming age line painted on the doorstep. "It's ... a sex shop?"

"Yeah! See why I wouldn't want Hermione along? She certainly wouldn't be letting us go in there. My parents wouldn't even let me this close to Knockturn Alley! But let's check this secret entrance." Ron walked over to the narrow alley next to the shop. "Now stay here and keep an eye out and I'll check for the entrance," he said. Then he walked down, counting bricks as he went.

Harry stood at the mouth of the alley, nervous that someone would ask him what he was doing -- but most of the few people walking by seemed still to be waking up or maybe they wanted to mind their own business this close to Knockturn Alley. Harry started to get a bit impatient. He was looking down the alley to see what Ron was doing when a familiar voice called his name.

"Harry! There you are!"

Harry quickly turned his head to see his friend Hermione Granger coming towards him.

"I saw you and Ron as you passed Gringotts bank, and I've been trying to catch up. I needed some new quills and parchment, so my parents brought me here. They're at the Leaky Cauldron having breakfast." She paused as Harry worked his jaw in an unsure sort of way. "What's going on?"

"Harry!" came a loud whisper from the alley "Come on, I've found it!"

Harry glanced back down the alley and then back at Hermione. "OK ... what are you two up to?" she said as she marched past Harry, down the alley.

Harry walked behind Hermione as they followed Ron's beckoning down the alley. Fifty feet along, they came to a five-foot tall oval slit in the wall, tapered at the top and bottom.

"Come on in!" Ron called from inside "The instructions were spot-on! Sixty-nine bricks down the alley, then tap the last brick and say Vulvatis. Harry get in--" but he choked to a stop and as Harry watched Hermione step through the opening.

"So this is what you two do on your own, huh? Trespassing?" Hermione said to Ron (who was turning red as a beet), as Harry stepped inside. "What sort of place is this anyway, so close to Knockturn Alley -- where, I may add, you aren't allowed?"

Harry looked around. Wthout realizing it at the time, he said exactly what he needed to say in order to distract Hermione from interrogating Ron. "Books."

They were at the back of an aisle that ran the length of the store, front to back. On either side of them were racks filled with books, and under the racks were crates (with extra inventory, Harry supposed).

Hermione picked up the nearest book and read its title aloud. "Charming Charms and Sexy Hexes? Ron? Harry? Is the sort of place what I think it is?" Harry slowly nodded as he looked around, and Ron launched into his explanation on how he knew about the secret entrance.

"Well, it would be a bit of a different take on the wizarding world to look around wouldn't it? And just so long as you two aren't planning on stealing anything," Hermione sighed as she picked up another book "Sexual Habits of the Western European Muggle. Hmm. This actually seems to be a rather higher class sex shop, I guess."

"Higher class sex shop?" said Ron. "That's an odd way of putting it."

They worked their way up the store reading interesting titles as they came to them: Simple Birth Control Charms, Self Memory Charms for the Morning After, Men who Love Fantastic Beasts Too Much ... books they never thought existed.

"You certainly wouldn't find these in Flourish and Blotts," Harry pointed out.

"Fun with Polyjuice Potions: How to have sex with the one you want when you're with the one you don't want," Ron read aloud. "Hey -- if I could get a bit of Fleur Delacoeur ... do you think one of you would be willing to ... er ... drink it ... you know, for a friend?"

Hermione shot Ron a disapproving look as Harry shook his head and mouthed No.

"Was worth asking though," Ron muttered to himself as he put the book down.

They walked down the rest of the aisle pointing out odd books as they went (Gender Swapping Spells, Snuggling Muggles, Enlargement Charms for the Envious), until they finally arrived at the front of the store, and Ron exclaimed "Bertie Botts Every Flavor Beans!"

There, next to the cash register was a large bowl of Every Flavor Beans with a sign saying Free! Take one!

"It's not nicking if it's free, but let's just take one each so there's not a lot missing," Ron said handing one to each of them.

"Ugh -- salty!" said Harry, chewing on a white one, "How's your pink one, Ron?"

Ron was chewing slowly, his face twisting with each bite. "I dunno, it's sort of like a sweaty fish..."

"Hey look," said Hermione pointing down the middle aisle (and distracting Harry and Ron as she put her brown bean back untouched). "That must be the sex toys over there."

"You seem a lot more interested in the store since we came in here," Harry mentioned. "Were you curious?"

"Well, there certainly are things here I haven't seen before. I mean I've heard some things about sex in the wizarding world at Hogwarts. I heard from Padma Patil that a seventh year in Ravenclaw knew some sort of spell to change her wand into a dildo and she evidently didn't think it was quite comfortable enough so she used an enlargement charm on it while she had it in. They had to have Madam Pomfrey up there and everything.

"Padma said that something like that happens at Hogwarts every week, but Madame Pomfrey keeps it quiet because it's embarrassing for the students, and they don't want anyone getting ideas. Hannah Abbot in Hufflepuff told me that she has a pair of panties that have a vibrating charm in them -- one of those over there--" Hermione pointed at a display of silk panties with a small box on the side. The display had a huge sign proclaiming Shimmy Skivvies.

"--You have something sort of like a remote control you squeeze and the harder you squeeze it the more they vibrate. I guess they're in here," Hermione said as she tapped the small box.

They found this aisle just as interesting as the first. There were Dragonhide Condoms ("I don't want to know what they're for," exclaimed Harry), Doctor Dingle's Do-it-Again Dildoes (The box claimed "Multiple Orgasms Guaranteed"), and Self Tying Ropes ("For the lonely S&M fan")

"I don't think you should get too close to those," Hermione warned Harry.

Suddenly Ron called from the next aisle. "Harry, come over here!"

"What did you find, Ron?" Hermione called back.

"Oh, you wouldn't be too interested in this aisle, Hermione, it's the 'lower class' aisle."

Hermione turned to Harry. "Go on, I'll just look around here."

Harry found Ron in the magazine section and his eyes were immediately assaulted by hundreds of moving pictures of witches and wizards having sex in every conceivable way. Ron was holding up a magazine at arms' length. Plastered across the top was the title Doin' Dragons. Underneath it was a hairy-chested wizard and a very unhappy Russian pygmy stub-snout.

"Oh. My. God." Harry said slowly. "Never mind how -- why?"

"These are the sick ones here," explained Ron, pointing to copies of Horny Hags and Goblins in Leather, "but further on down, it's not too bad." He pointed to a copy of Auror Action 26 ("This time she'll really make those Dark Wizards pay!")

"Here's one for you Ron," Harry handed Ron another magazine, "Quidditch Quickie."

Ron read aloud from the cover trying not to laugh too much: "The sexy new seeker never forgot the day the whole team caught the snatch!"

Suddenly from Hermione's direction they heard the clatter of something small falling to the floor and skittering under the magazine stands.

"You OK, Hermione?" Harry called over, but the only response they heard was Hermione sounding like she was feeling around for something. "Hermione? You didn't get too close to those Self-Tying Ropes, did you?"

"No," Hermione called back, "I just ... dropped something I was looking at. I think it went in the spaces between the crates under this display. Don't worry, I'll get it."

Harry noticed Ron wasn't paying any attention at all to what Harry and Hermione were saying. He was pointing at a picture of three airborne and apparently very nimble Quidditch players. "I had no idea how you could do that on a broom, Harry"

Pointing to a more improbable picture, Harry said, "I had no idea how you could do that with a broo-"

Suddenly they heard the sound of a key in the lock and the jingle of the chimes on the door. Harry looked at Ron and mouthed HIDE. Ron dropped the magazine and ran down the aisle to the back of the store while Harry crammed himself into an empty space under the rack where a box had been removed.

Up at the front of the store two wizards were speaking indistinctly to each other. They didn't seem to notice any of the intruders.

Harry tried to work out their situation. How long would they have to stay hidden? All day? If only Ron had told him what they were doing before they left the Weasleys', Harry could have brought his invisibility cloak! He tried to ready his wand, but he couldn't reach it easily with his left hand, and his right was holding him steady on the floor.

One of the voices at the front of the store went quiet. Harry heard footsteps coming closer. Had he made a noise? Had they been seen? Harry looked out into the aisle and saw the copy of Quidditch Quickie lying on the floor in front of where he was hiding. He cursed silently to himself as saw feet and legs appear and begin to stoop to pick up the magazine.

Harry realized he wasn't that well hidden and he had to do something. He moved his right hand slightly to see if he could lift it to get his wand but his fingers brushed what felt like a stone on the floor. It was about four inches long and smooth, but not very heavy. It's better than nothing, Harry thought as his fingers clenched around it.

Hermione immediately let out a loud squeak.

The wizard, bent almost to the point where he could see Harry, stood back up and ran down towards the back of the store. Seizing the chance, Harry pulled himself out and followed.

As Harry rounded the end of the sex toy aisle he saw the wizard slip on something white and flimsy on the floor. The wizard landed on his back. Hermione flung herself from her hiding place under the Shimmy Skivvies display and ran towards Harry. Ron pulled himself out from a rack of Self-Inflating Witches, and made a break for the book aisle, and Harry and Hermione followed.

Ron arrived at the secret entrance with his wand at the ready. "Vulvatis!" he yelled as he tapped the wall, and much to Harry's relief it opened as before.

As Ron leapt outside Hermione and Harry saw an old wizard standing at the front end of the aisle with his wand raised.

"Stupefy!" he yelled, and his wand let loose a stunning spell, but surprisingly it missed them by a foot. Harry pushed Hermione out the opening and then flung himself through where they landed on Ron.

Quickly they disentangled themselves and ran back into Diagon Alley, not stopping until they got to Gringotts.

"I... don't think... we're being followed," wheezed Hermione.

"That was really close," Ron agreed as he caught his breath, "And I'll admit was probably a pretty stupid idea going in there, but it was fun, wasn't it?"

Harry nodded. "It was certainly different, Ron. Hermione, thanks for making that noise. If it wasn't for that he would have found me. What did he slip on anyway?"

"I had dropped a pair of Shimmy Skivvies on the floor. He slipped on them."

"Well then that's not too bad," said Ron. "A pair of panties and a magazine left on the floor and three Every Flavor Beans missing. Not much to pin on us."

Harry remembered the stone he had found and remembered he had wanted to ask what they thought of it. "I found this where I was hiding. Hermione, was this the thing that you dropped--"

As Harry pulled the stone it out of his pocket Hermione squeaked and quivered.

Ron looked at the stone and then gaped at Hermione. "You DIDN'T!"

Hermione didn't even look back at Ron. She snatched the stone out of Harry's hand (giving herself another squeak and quiver as she grabbed it from him), and pocketed the stone. "Yes," she sighed, in an apologetic tone. She looked down at the ground as she spoke. "I wanted a pair because Hannah Abbot has a pair and she said they were easy to keep hidden at school. I changed in the aisle while you were looking at the magazines. I made that noise, Harry, because you had probably picked up the control stone. That wizard slipped on my panties on the floor."

By that time Hermione had gotten that far Ron was doubling over with laughter and Harry wasn't doing a good job of holding his in. Hermione had to wait ten minutes for them to sort themselves out.

"It's okay," said Ron though he seemed to find it quite funny and only saying that to smooth things over, "It's just not what I was expecting from you."

Harry was still wiping the tears of laughter from his eyes. "Yeah, it's okay Hermione. But what I wasn't expecting is -- why they didn't chase us down?"

"Hold still now, Warren -- that painkilling potion takes a few minutes to kick in," said the old wizard who had cast the stupefy charm. "Look at these, we got another pair." The old wizard lightly sniffed Hermione's panties and handed them to Warren.

"Hmm," said Warren, whose back was starting to feel better, "I'll bet we're missing another pair of Shimmy Skivvies again then." He tossed the panties into a drawer full of girls underwear. "Let me tell you though Ed, I think we should get rid of that secret door in the side. It feels like I get beaten up every single time some kids find it."

"Ah," said Ed, "but that's responsible for half our clientele! After all, today's curiosity seekers are tomorrow's paying customers."