Rating:: R
House:: Schnoogle
Characters:: Draco Malfoy Harry Potter
Genres:: Drama Slash
Era:: Multiple Eras
Spoilers:: Philosopher's Stone Chamber of Secrets Prizoner of Azkaban Goblet of Fire Quidditch Through the Ages Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them
Stats:: Published: 12/16/2002

Updated: 07/15/2003

Words: 22,436

Chapters: 4

Hits: 4,029

Deny Thy Father And Refuse Thy Name

Piri Malfoy

Story Summary:: Harry's in his 7th year, and secrets, lies, and betrayals only add to the burdens of who he is. Can love and friendship help him overcome his trials, or will he lose himself forever? (HP/DM, SS/RL/SB)

Chapter 04

Chapter Summary:: Harry's in his 7th year and secrets, lies and betrayals only add to the burdens of who he is. Can love and friendship help him overcome his trials or will he lose himself forever? (AU, HP/DM, SS/RL/SB)

Posted:: 07/15/2003

Hits:: 813

Author's Note:: This is a 'challenge' fic. Again for those of you not knowing Severitus's work, go read A Father's Sin, a wonderful fic and will give you some ideas where this is heading (for those of you who don't already know what the challenge is anyway. For those that do....:whistles:). If I say it now I'm just giving away everything, and those of you who know me know I hate to do that!

Chapter Four: A Bit Of The Past Returns

Harry, Ron and Hermione were having dinner in the Great Hall just like every night and the usual conversations filled the air. It was coming up on October now and the picks for this years Quidditch captain were being tossed back and forth. This year they wouldn't need any new team members at least as everyone from last year was still at school, and by all rights they did have a pretty decent team. After all, they had taken the Quidditch Cup the last two years running.

'What do you think, Harry, ready for it?' Ron asked nudging Harry in the ribs.

Harry looked up startled not having heard a single word Ron or any of the others had been saying. 'Ready for what, Ron?'

Ron rolled his eyes and shook his head. 'Oi, Harry, pay attention will you? Are you ready to be team captain that's what. I mean come on, everyone knows your the only one that could be up for it.'

'Oh....captain...right. Forgot about that,' Harry said distractedly and picked at his food.

Ron groaned and made a pretense of fainting. 'Forgot? How on earth can you forget Quidditch, Harry?! I mean....it's Quidditch!' Ron said half horrified.

'Let off him, Ron, will you? I'm sure Harry didn't really 'forget' Quidditch. How could he the way you go on about it all day long,' Hermione said wrinkling her nose. It was common knowledge that Quidditch was not one of her most favourite topics of discussion.

'I didn't really 'forget', Ron, I just....have a lot on my mind is all. Hermione's right, I mean how could I forget something important like Quidditch,' Harry said with a slight chuckle to hide the fact he really had forgotten the upcoming tryouts.

'Aw, don't start with me too, Harry, I have to listen to Hermione harping on me all day long as it is,' Ron grumbled.

'I do not harp Ronald Weasley! It's just that there are some things more important in life than chasing round a bunch of Quidditch balls and throwing them through a hoop,' Hermione snapped back.

'Oh really? Like what...books and tests? You're all ready starting to study for the N.E.W.T's...and those are months and months away yet!' Ron shot back with a scowl.

'Well at least I'll be ready when the time comes, Ron, which is more than I can say for you. I happen to want more out of my life then just working in a dead end job in the Ministry thank you very much,' Hermione huffed.

'Wait a minute....are you implying that my father's got a dead end job? You think that's all I'm capable of?' Ron said a bit upset.

'All I'm saying is that unless you make some attempt at studying harder that's all you will amount to, Ron,' Hermione sighed.

'Oh...so now my family isn't good enough for you is that it? I'll have you know my father did just fine raising all of us on that 'dead end' job as you put it and -'

'Will the both of you just shut up? For Merlin's sake you're not even married yet and you're all ready arguing about family life. Cripes,' Harry muttered, giving both his friends a glare.

Ron and Hermione looked at each other a second and then back at Harry astonished. 'M-married? Whatever gave you that idea? You mean to...to...Hermione?' Ron stammered.

Harry rolled his eyes and sighed. 'No, Ron, to Snuffles. Of course I mean Hermione who else would I mean? You two love each other and have been dating for years now, so what's the big deal?' Harry said.

'Well yeah....dating, Harry....but....I mean....m-m-marriage?' Ron said hesitantly and blushed a bit before looking at Hermione.

Hermione however was looking at Ron in a way Ron wasn't sure what to interpret it as. 'Er...that is...I...I wouldn't worry too much about that, Ron. I mean we're still in school and everything right? We don't have to umm...think about anything like that yet. I'm sure Harry was just teasing us...right, Harry?' she said turning to Harry.

'Umm...sure, Hermione, I was just teasing with you two that's all. Hey....at least it got you to stop fighting though right?' Harry said with a grin.

Ron gave out a sigh of relief as well as Hermione. Suddenly they both began to chuckle. 'Yeah, guess it did. Boy did you give me a heart attack mate. I thought you were serious!' Ron said giving his friend a nudge. 'So anyway, Harry, what about the Quidditch team? You will go for captain right?' he said focusing his attention back to the real issue at hand.

'I'll give it a thought, Ron, promise,' Harry said but a movement overhead distracted him. 'What's that?' he asked now looking up.

A mid-sized black owl with white spots was circling above the Gryffindor table for a moment, but it ended up heading for the staff table instead. For Severus Snape in particular. Harry saw Snape look up surprised when the owl came over to him and drop a letter right into his plate, nearly splashing him with whatever it was he was eating. Snape took the up the letter with a scowl though Harry was surprised when Snape offered the owl some of his food. Apparently the owl belonged to Snape then.

Harry saw Snape open the post and read it, then reread it and was even more surprised when Snape's face nearly drained of blood. Snape looked up and looked straight at Harry for a moment and Harry could swear there was almost a panicked expression in them, but Snape looked away so quickly he wasn't sure. He watched as Snape then leaned over and whispered something into Remus's ear, then surprisingly Remus turned to look at Harry as well with the same panicked look.

Harry wasn't sure what was going on, but by now it was painfully obvious he was somewhat involved in it. Whatever was going on for the rest of the meal Harry knew that both Snape and Remus were keeping a very strict eye on him, though why Snape of all people should do that was beyond him. However that did remind Harry of something else Snape related that made him somewhat groan and slump down in his seat.

'Harry? You all right? You don't look so good,' Hermione said being the ever observant one. 'What do you think that was all about?' she said glancing at Snape and Remus herself and noticing they were still keeping Harry under surveillance.

Harry shook his head and sighed. 'Not a clue, Hermione, but it does remind me I have detention tonight,' he said with another groan.

Hermione gave Harry a look of sympathy. 'Oh, I'd forgotten about that. Well maybe it wont be as bad as it sounds.'

'Hello....earth to Hermione! He's not only got detention with Snape but with Malfoy too, remember? That stupid prat would have to have gone and gotten a detention wouldn't he. So much for his precious 'Head Boy' status,' Ron said seemingly happy now about Malfoy's ruined reputation.

'I still can't believe McGonagall gave him detention yesterday. Just because he couldn't turn back that tea-pot from being a hamster. That's not like her at all, not to mention why did she have to have Snape be the one he served it with? It's just not fair, she should have handled it,' Hermione said perplexed.

'Maybe she just didn't want to deal with Malfoy, I don't blame her for that. Well if Malfoy gives you any trouble Harry at least you can just slither out if you want...' Ron said then quickly covered his mouth with his hand.

'Ronald!' Hermione said in a low whisper and looked round. Leaning in she gave Ron a glare that even Ron shrank from. 'Watch what you're saying! You want the whole bloody school to know?' she said angrily.

'I don't think anyone heard, Hermione...we're safe...' Harry said quietly. 'Don't worry about it though, I doubt Malfoy will give me any trouble. Be worth another detention anyway to see the look on his and Snape's face if I did that though eh?' he said with a slight grin.

Hermione and Ron looked at Harry and grinned themselves. 'I'd give a weeks worth of detentions to see the look on their faces if you did!' Ron said grinning.

Harry chuckled and without even realising it glanced over to the Slytherin table and right into the face of the very person they were discussing. He noticed something a bit strange however in that Draco was glancing up the head table to where Snape and Remus were sitting, then almost as if he knew Harry was looking at him he turned to face him. Draco's expression when he noticed Harry's stare was strange, unguarded perhaps even, but it was just as quickly replaced with the all too familiar smirk.

Harry looked away and back down at his plate until he realised Ron had been speaking to him again. 'Sorry, Ron, missed that. What now?'

'I said what time's the detention?' Ron asked.

'Oh umm...' Harry said furrowing his brow to remember. 'At ten o'clock tonight...in the err...picture room. Where's that at?' he asked puzzled and looked at Hermione.

'The picture room? That's an odd place to have detention...' Hermione said thoughtfully. 'It's on the third floor in the east wing if I remember right.'

'Maybe he'll make you clean off all the dust from those old photos of the school and stuff, like Filch made me do in the trophy room back in second year. God I hated that!' Ron said muttering.

'Knowing Snape that's probably likely. And with a toothbrush no less,' Harry said with a sigh. 'I suppose it could be worse...'

'Oh how?' Hermione asked.

'I could have to clean all the bedpans in the infirmary with a toothbrush!' Harry said with a grin and gave Ron a nudge.

'Oh right, very funny mate! You just had to remind me of that didn't you! You're a sadist that's what you are Harry Potter!' Ron said groaning loudly at that particular memory.

Harry and Hermione laughed and finished the rest of their dinner peacefully. The only thing was Harry knew something wasn't right because for the rest of the meal Snape, Remus and oddly enough, Draco Malfoy kept giving him sidelong looks. And to Harry those looks were saying an awful lot, yet at the same time he really had no clue what they meant. Whatever it was though it didn't bode well for tonight's detention, that much Harry was sure of.

After dinner Harry, Ron and Hermione headed back up the Gryffindor common room where Ron finally got Harry into a game of chess. Half hour later Harry was grumbling yet again in defeat, and Ron was grinning from ear to ear. 'Checkmate!' he said triumphantly.

'I give up, Ron, you're just too good for me,' Harry said leaning back in his chair with a dejected sigh.

'I guess some people are just not meant to be good at certain things eh?' Ron said.

'You know, Ron, you really do have a great talent for chess. I mean your champion of Hogwarts, everyone knows that. You ever think maybe of going into a career playing chess instead of the Ministry?' Neville Longbottom said. He'd been watching the game intently since last year Ron had been good enough to give him lessons.

Ron shook his head and started to clear up his well loved pieces. 'Nah, I don't think that's really a great idea, Neville. It takes a lot to be a really good chess master, I doubt I'm half as good as Karpov or Fisher or Kasparov were.'

'That's not true, Ron, I'd say your better even then they were,' Neville said.

'They were Muggles though Neville, not wizards. I don't know if it's the same in the Muggle world,' Ron said.

'Actually Fisher was a wizard, Ron, just no one knew it. I mean honestly, did you think a six year old could learn to play chess like that without magic?' Hermione said.

'So you saying he cheated?' Ron said defensively.

'No, I didn't say he cheated, Ron. I just said he was a wizard that's all. I read about it in America's Guide of Prodigal Wizards and Witches. He never went to a proper wizarding school, they didn't have any in America in the 1940's, but he was one according to the book,' Hermione said.

'It doesn't matter, Hermione, if he was or wasn't, Ron still has incredible talent for the game. I think he should give it a go,' Neville said.

'Playing chess isn't going to put food on a table or pay the bills, Neville. It's common sense,' Hermione said petulantly.

'Merlin your are an exasperating woman, Hermione Anne Granger. Honestly! Nothing makes you happy does it,' Ron muttered.

Hermione glared at Ron for a moment then turned to Harry. 'You know what I'm saying don't you, Harry? Harry?....oi, Harry?' Hermione said peering over at Harry to see why he wasn't answering her.

'Hmm? Oh sorry, Hermione, what now?' Harry said distractedly.

Hermione gave Harry a shrewd gaze and watched him for a moment. Something was definitely going on with him lately but for some reason she couldn't put her finger on it, which for her was very unsettling. Normally she was the first person to know what was going on with her friend, he was usually so open with her and Ron. But lately trying to get Harry's attention for more than five minutes seemed impossible.

'Harry, is everything all right? Ever since we got back from summer hols you've been acting a bit weird. Is there anything you....' she started to say.

Harry jumped out of his chair and cut her off however. 'Don't you dare start with me too, Hermione. I've all ready heard this from Ron and I don't need it from you. I'm fine, why can't you dunderheads just get that through your thick skulls? Now if you'll excuse me I'm going up to my room and I don't want to be bothered until I have to leave for detention,' Harry said angrily and stormed off to the stairs.

Ron, Hermione and Neville watched him go with silent shock written on their faces. Soon as Harry was out of sight Neville turned back to Hermione and Ron with a strange look on his face. 'Did....did Harry just call us what I think he did?' Neville said.

'I think he did, Neville....' Ron said with a sigh.

'But....only one person I know ever uses that word...and that's...' Neville began quietly.

'Snape,' Hermione said thoughtfully and looked back towards the staircase.

Neville paled at hearing that name, Snape still could terrify the poor boy to no end even after all these years. 'I don't get it. Why is Harry being so mean lately....and saying things like that? You don't think Snape's done something to him to you?'

'I don't know, Nev, but whatever is going on with Harry...is definitely not good,' Ron said with a deep sigh.

Hermione didn't say anything but continued to ponder things as she was seeing them. Suddenly something seemed to hit her and she gathered up her books and put them in her bag. 'Listen I'm going to the library, there's something I want to look up. I'll be back in a bit,' she said.

'But, Hermione, it's after curfew! What if you get caught?' Ron said worriedly.

'I won't, and if I did I can always say it's something related to being Head Girl. Don't worry, Ron, I'll be all right,' she said and leaned in to give Ron a kiss on the lips.

'Hermione....not in the middle of the commons!' Ron said blushing slightly.

Hermione chuckled and rolled her eyes. 'Oh honestly, Ron, you're impossible sometimes. I'll be back,' she said grinning and waved good-bye to Neville then headed out the portrait.

Back upstairs however Harry wasn't in a very good mood anymore. He was getting really tired of everyone picking on him lately, and he wasn't completely oblivious to the looks and whispers he'd been seeing and hearing behind his back. Lying down on his bed with a sigh he thought over the things that had been going on with himself lately, and what it all could mean.

He knew something wasn't right with himself these days, that something odd was happening to him, but there was no way in hell he was going to admit that. Even his late night wanderings hadn't been helping much, more often then not he found himself back in the east tower hoping to figure out the mystery of what Sirius, Remus and Snape had been doing up there.

Without that medallion however he couldn't get into the room, and the few times since then he had caught them going there it was almost as if Snape could sense him somehow. He would stand guard letting Sirius and Remus go in first, then going in himself so quickly that the door would shut behind him and realign the bricks before Harry could slip in behind them. Harry noticed they would still banter back and forth with each other, but nothing again was said about potion ingredients or anything else. But that still didn't stop Harry's curiosity.

That wasn't the only thing that had gotten Harry's attention over the last month of wanderings either. In another part of the east tower wing he had stumbled across a strange room, one he'd never seen before. He hadn't even bothered to see if it was on the Marauder's Map, mainly because since a few days after he'd come across Sirius, Remus and Snape he didn't want anything to do with it. The fact that from the moment he'd seen those three that night, the map was still only showing him as simply 'Harry', and nothing else.

If it wasn't that he knew the map wasn't capable of malfunctioning, he'd have thought somehow it was. The fact that the map refused to show his last name suddenly after all these years bothered him, more than he wanted to admit. Therefore he'd decided to avoid using it, instead taking his chances that he wouldn't get caught and thankfully so far so good. He'd had a few close run-in's with Mrs. Norris, Filch's cat, but luckily he'd managed to get away from her somehow, though he still didn't remember how he'd done it.

Which led him to think on the fact that there were a few things lately 'missing' from his memory. It was as if bit by bit tiny pieces of his memory both past and present were disappearing somehow or being scooped up and locked away somewhere he couldn't get to them. On the other hand though, things that always had eluded him, like potions work or charms had started becoming all too easy for him.

He'd even tested his theory by getting hold of a particular potions book from the restricted section of the library, one he knew from back in his second year. Leafing through it he found that he just seemed to 'know' what was what, and what was needed as if it was something he had had ingrained in him when he was a baby. And it hadn't ended there either. Charms too had always been a hassle for him, and now he seemed to almost be able to do even complex ones without any trouble.

With the removal of some of his memories as it were, new memories seemed to come to him in their place. The nights he would wait by the statue it would even be worse, as the memories became more prominent and confusing. He now remembered being spoken to as a baby by someone with a low silky voice that would lull him to sleep with loving words. He remembered being held by his mother and she'd be crying sometimes, telling him she was sorry, but for what he didn't know.

The odd thing was that he could no longer hear his father's voice. That was one of the memories that had disappeared and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't remember it. Only his mum's voice, and that low silky voice, along with sometimes voices he thought he recognised as Remus and Sirius's could he remember. And of course, the high pitched sound of laughter, horrible evil laughter that could only be Voldemorts still remained.

Shuddering slightly as he lay on his bed he tried to block out that laughter, and he curled into a tight ball feeling cold and alone. How he hated Voldemort for what he'd done, for what he still was doing to him. For taking away his family, for destroying everything he cared about. And mainly for turning Harry into someone he never wanted to be. 'The Boy Who Lived', 'The Golden Boy', 'The Saviour Of The Wizarding World'....titles he hated more and more with each day.

Titles for something he didn't remember doing, for something he really even hadn't done. It had been his mum who'd really saved him that day with the spells she'd preformed, she should have been the one to be canonised now, not him. But the world hadn't cared what Lily Potter had done to save her son....not in the least. They only cared that a one year old child had turned Voldemort away, and still continued to do so even now.

The thing was that Harry no longer wanted to fight Voldemort, he no longer cared even. He was so tired of it all, tired of being 'expected' to be an adult when he was still nothing more than a child. Tired of having the weight of the world on his shoulders and being scrutinised for everything he said or did. Tired of the fact that because of it he couldn't be happy, because he could never find freedom to be who he really was.

Not for the first time Harry wondered if that was the whole solution to his problems right there. If the wizarding world did find out who he really was, what really would make him happy, then maybe they would get disgusted enough to leave him alone. But that was really nothing more than a pipe dream, because deep inside he knew he couldn't do that, admit to anyone what he was really feeling. And over the last few weeks he knew he would rather be dead then have anyone know the truth. Which thinking about that lately he had come to the conclusion that it wasn't such a bad idea.

At least dead he wouldn't have to worry anymore, he could join his parents wherever they were, and maybe even find peace for once in his life. The wizarding world would still function without him, and probably they would just find a new 'saviour' in Dumbledore or something. All in all what it came down to was simple, Harry was tired of being the martyr. He wasn't going to let Voldemort win, if he was going to die it was going to be on his own terms and by his own hands.

He knew that it was more difficult then it sounded though, especially now when everyone seemed to be watching him so thoroughly. Not to mention in a tiny way he was scared to do it. He'd thought a million times about maybe jumping off the top of one of the towers, but somehow going splat on the ground didn't appeal to him. Cutting his wrists was also too slow and painful, so that ended that option too. Sometimes he even wondered how he could be a Gryffindor, when something so simple as killing yourself he suddenly had no bravery or courage at all.

That didn't stop him from thinking bout it though, and as he lay there on his bed it suddenly hit him. Of course it was so simple! There was a way to do this without dropping off a tower or bleeding to death. And it had been right in front of him all along! Without even realising what he was doing his mind burned the solution into him, and he began to make his plans. It would require a bit of doing, but if he was careful and subtle bout it....yes....it could work!

He realised then that it was nearly time to go serve his detention, and for the first time in his many years at Hogwarts he was actually looking forward to this. Not because he would probably end up polishing off old pictures with a toothbrush, but because he would have a chance to see Snape. And right now that was the one person he really did want to see, and somehow he would have to contrive to get Snape to talk to him. The only problem was getting round Draco Malfoy.

Harry knew all to well why Draco Malfoy got under his skin these days and it was another secret that he would take to the grave. Sometimes he thought how lucky Malfoy really was compared to him, and he was envious almost of Malfoy's life. Not so much in the fact that Malfoy probably was going to become a Death Eater one day, though since that day in the stands Harry wasn't sure of that anymore. No it was the fact that Malfoy was able to do what he pleased without the scrutiny of everyone watching him, he was free to do what he wanted, so very much unlike Harry.

Malfoy had surprised him in what he said however that day at the pitch, and a tiny part of him almost wished he had confided in Malfoy that day. But to do that, to reveal so much of himself to his worst enemy was foolhardy and Harry knew that. He hadn't told anyone what Malfoy had said to him, he really didn't think it was anyone else's business. And Harry wasn't sure he believed him anyway, just because Malfoy 'said' he wasn't his father didn't mean he still wouldn't follow his father's footsteps. A Malfoy is still a Malfoy....right?

Harry put those thoughts on hold for the moment and got up to head to the picture room. Peeking down the staircase he saw Ron and Neville having a match of chess and thankfully were paying little attention to anything else. Hermione was already gone, probably back to her private room or the library knowing her. Harry managed however to slip by Ron and Neville without being seen and slipped out the portrait without any problems.

'Bit early for you isn't it, deary?' the Fat Lady said in a motherly tone.

'I've got a detention tonight, Fat Lady, that's why. I'll be back later all right?' Harry said smiling at the Fat Lady.

'Oh that's a shame, m'dear. You be careful now. I'll make sure to stay awake for you,' she said.

Harry nodded and said his good-byes then headed towards the staircases that would lead him to the East Tower and the picture room. The stairs ended up moving halfway up but thankfully not to far off from where Harry needed to go. He got to the room just as the castle clock struck ten o'clock and noticed he was alone. He started to look round the room for a few minutes wondering where Snape and Malfoy were when he heard footsteps behind him.

'Figured you'd be on time Potter,' Draco muttered and walked up next to Harry who hadn't turned round to greet him.

'Knowing Snape he'd probably have taken off points if I'd been even one minute late,' Harry said muttering.

'Had you been one minute late I certainly would have,' a cold voice said from behind the boys causing them both to turn round quickly.

'Professor, I didn't hear you arrive! I apologize that I was a few moments late myself however. I got delayed by some Head Boy duties,' Draco said with a smirking smile at Harry, and walked over to his head of house.

Snape looked at Draco coolly for a moment then waved his hand in a dismissive gesture. 'No matter you're here now. However, you will not be serving your detention with me after all.'

'I won't?' Draco said surprised.

'Unfortunately, no. You have been reassigned to Lupin for the evening. Go there now, he's expecting you,' Snape said giving Draco a curt nod.

'L-Lupin sir? I would much prefer to have my detention served with you...' Draco said hesitantly.

Snape gave him a surprisingly cold look for a moment before answering. 'Unless you wish another detention, Mr. Malfoy, you will report to Lupin, now. Do I make myself clear?'

Draco backed up a few steps, surprised at how his head of house who usually favoured him, was acting. 'O-of course, sir, I'll go there right now,' he said quietly. As he turned round to leave Draco gave Harry a strange glance, one Harry didn't quite understand, then he headed out of the room towards the DADA classroom.

Snape watched Draco leave the room then turned back to face Harry, a cold and calculation look in his black eyes. 'Now, Potter, you will serve your detention....with me,' he said in a low silky voice.

A voice that had Harry been really paying attention to, he would have remembered. One in which he'd heard before, that had once been a comfort not a torment. One that might have made Harry Potter reconsider his ideas for the evening possibly. Unfortunately for him, he didn't recognize the voice of the past even though a part of Harry suddenly did feel calm and a bit happier then he had been in a very long time.