Can Love Survive...

Harry was back in his dorm reliving the events of the past couple of hours. It was still hard for him to believe what had happened, and the fact that when he'd finally arrived back at Hogwarts Dumbledore had been waiting for him almost expectantly. He'd asked no questions, only telling Harry to get Draco up to the Hospital Wing quickly, and meet him back down in his office as soon as possible, "Chocolate Frogs" being today's password.

It had taken nearly half an hour in the infirmary trying to avoid Madam Pomfrey's questions, and making sure Draco was going to be allright. Large purplish bruises were now forming on Draco's normally pale skin, twisting Harry's insides in guilt. By the time he had left the infirmary he was feeling as beaten up inside as Draco was looking outside.

Arriving at Dumbledore's office he felt like he was on his way to his funeral. Oddly enough Dumbledore let him just sit there in the chair infront of his desk silently for a while, Harry's head tilted down in shame, his thoughts a jumbled mess. Finally Dumbledore sighed, the silence was getting too much.

"Care to tell me why Harry?" Albus said softly gazing sadly at the hunched over figure that was Harry.

"I...I wish I knew Professor. I didn't mean to....to...." Harry said, his voice perilously close to tears.

"I know you didn't, I"ve known you too long now Harry to think anything less of you. What's done is done. The question is what do we do now?" Albus said thoughtfully.

"I suppose then I"ll go pack my things." Harry said and began to rise from the chair.

"Are you planning on taking holiday Harry?"

Harry stood there, staring at Dumbledore, unsure he heard correctly. "I am to be expelled...aren't I?"

Albus looked at Harry for a moment, the twinkle that had been missing till now back in his eyes. "Do you think you should be?"

"But...but I attacked him Professor....I could have killed him! Even Ron's never beat him up this bad...I couldn't stop myself...I"m a danger to him if I stay here...he'll tell his father then I'll have to leave..." Harry said wildly, believe every word he was saying.

"Sit back down Harry and listen to me." Albus said, waiting for nearly a whole minute till Harry finally did sit back down. "You are not going to be expelled for a fist fight, even if things got a bit out of hand. I hardly think you constitute any danger to Mr. Malfoy, atleast not anymore."

"You dont know that for sure Professor, it could happen again! Just because it's never happened before...it still could happen again...I could lose control again if he says things I dont like to hear...if he pushes me too far again....who knows what I'll do?" Harry said bitterly.

"Harry, there are alot of things in your life so far you could have chosen to do, but didn't. Just as years ago you didn't allow Sirius and Remus to kill Peter Pettigrew, just as you felt the need to save Severus Snape's life last year risking you're own life. Consider this another one of those times you have a choice."

Harry had to think on that for a few minutes. It was true that he'd saved Peter's life back in third year, causing Peter to be beholden to him by a wizard's bond, which in the end had brought Peter salvation, even at the cost of his own life. In the end, that bond helped clear his godfather's name, forcing Peter to turn himself in to the Aurors at Harry's request, although Peter did get sentenced to Azkaban, dying only 6 months after he got there. He never had been a strong person, and the dementors and their ways had made quick work of him.

It was also true he'd saved Snape's life, though oddly enough that had been a request of Remus's, not really something of his own doing. Remus had begged Harry to make sure Severus would get help when the showdown with Voldemort came last year. After nearly defeating Voldemort yet again, though again he'd managed at the last minute to slip away from Harry, it had been Harry who'd brought a very battered and broken Severus Snape back to Hogwarts.

Voldemort had found out bout Severus's spying against him, that was the whole reason they'd gone to confront Voldemort in the first place. Dumbledore had been concerned when after the last deatheater meeting Severus hadn't shown back up at the school, and a week later after receiving word on Voldemort's precise location through an anonymous source, Albus's 'team' set out an all out assault.

The 'team' was comprised of people that Albus trusted implicitly, including his godfather Sirius Black, and Remus J. Lupin, werewolf, the man Harry termed his 'second godfather'. Unfortunately Remus would be transforming the day they would do the assault, so he secretly told Harry that it had been his fault that Severus had gone to Voldemort's the week before, even though Albus had warned him not to go back. Reports showed that Voldemort knew there was a traitor in his midst, and it wouldn't be long before he would know it was Severus, and Albus feared for his life.

Remus didn't go into the details why he thought it had been his fault that Severus had gone, but the look on his face was enough that Harry didn't want to further question him, so he agreed that he would make sure Severus would be found, hopefully alive, and brought back to Hogwarts. It had taken Harry quite some time, but in the end, after going off on his own for a bit, he'd found Severus locked in a room deep underneath the house that Voldemort had been using as a base. He'd been beaten severely, had several broken ribs, two black eyes, both his lips were split and cracked, a broken arm and both legs had been broken.

He barely was alive at this point, not even recognizing Harry, which led Harry to the conclusion that Severus had been overdosed on the Crucio Curse, the same spell that had driven Neville Longbottom's parents to their neverending madness. Luckily he had been given his own portkey by Albus, and quickly pulling it out (it had been an old beat up muggle shoe, possibly at somepoint one of a pair of plimsolls) and he'd immediately activated it bringing him straight to the infirmary back at Hogwarts where Madam Pomfrey and the others had been waiting.

It had taken weeks for Severus to eventually get his mind and body back in shape, oddly enough it had been Remus of all people that had almost never left his side during that time, though Severus Snape would never be the same again. The Crucio had left it's mark, there was no doubts on that. From then on Harry had felt a strange sort of protectiveness for Severus, and berated anyone who'd dare say anything against him again.

It wasn't until Severus was on his way to recovery, that one night using his invisibility cloak to check on him, that he'd heard a conversation between Remus and Severus that he probably shouldn't have. One that in the end, made him realize why Remus had been so afraid for Severus, and why he'd begged Harry to find him. When he'd gotten back to his dorm room later that night, he made a vow never to reveal what he'd overheard, not even to Remus, and definitely not to Severus Snape. Although he had changed, he still didn't think it was something up for discussion. Some things anyway, were better left alone.

Severus eventually did return to teaching, and the changes became obvious. His hair no longer stood limp and greasy, rather it now always was washed and pulled back into a ponytail. He still gave points off, but now he favoured no houses over the other, not even his own. Sometimes he would be caught daydreaming even, with an odd look playing acrost his face, which had become older looking somehow, as if he'd experienced his own death. In a sense, atleast to Harry, he had. The old Severus Snape was gone, this was a new Severus, a tolerant one, a bit kinder, yet still strict and severe when needed. He didn't pick favourites, but he didn't single out either, only taking off points when it was seriously warranted.

The most noticeable change in Harry's eyes since then was his attitude round his godfathers, and in private, himself. Since Remus had returned last year to teach DADA again, and now that Sirius had been cleared of all charges against him, he often would go down to Remus's room for some tea and to talk bout just anything that came to mind. Every so often he'd find Severus there having tea with Remus and sometimes with Sirius as well, the first time however being quite the shock. It was when Severus had actually smiled at him, and poured him out a cup of tea, that Harry realized it was his way of saying thank you for saving his life.

After that it became a weekly ritual during the school year to go down every Sunday and have a late afternoon tea with them. Sometimes Sirius was absent, but Severus never failed to show, and usually had allready been there by the time Harry had arrived. Now that Ron and Hermione were dating, it was alot easier to sneak off then before, usually his absence wasn't even noticed by them. In private Severus was decidedly nice to Harry, though for show sake, in public he still held his aloof manner towards him, which Harry didn't mind a'toll anymore.

Bringing his mind back to the present now, it was the guilt that tore at Harry. He hadn't felt guilt when he'd saved Peter and Severus's lives, that had just been instincts and requests. What possible choices did he have now though? Not that Draco could have hated him any more then he allready did, but that Harry would have to face him daily and know what he'd done to him, would forever see the dark bruises and battered body of his rival. To stay would be torture for him, the unknown of that it could happen again maybe, but leaving....leaving seemed somehow worse. Painful. But for reasons he didn't quite understand.

He didn't know that while sitting in Albus's office he had been unconsciously rubbing the scar on his wrist, nor that Albus had noticed that particular scar, and had registered it within his vast mind. He didn't know that Albus had seen a scar like it before, on another child within his school. Harry was so caught up in his own self worthlessness that he didn't see the gleam of understanding in his mentor's eyes. Perhaps if he had, he might have questioned it, but as it was, he didn't so his questions would yet remain unanswered.

"Think on this hard Harry, think what you want to do now. I suggest you return to your dorm to think upon what has happened today. See where things could change, where you could possibly correct the situation you now find yourself in. No child, not the situation you think involving me and the school, but of yourself and of you're own guilts. That is far more a punishment to bear then I could ever deem to do." Albus said softly now.

Harry didn't say anything but nodded his head letting Dumbledore know he would comply with his request. The guilt hadnt left his mind as he returned to his dorm, which brought him back to the moment at hand. Sighing in resignation he didn't know what he would do next, nor could do. Guilt was a bad thing, he knew that. It could tear away at your soul, eating at it till it consumed you, making you feel worthless, hateful, self destructive.

Finally he decided he needed to talk to someone, to tell someone how he was feeling. His first thoughts of course drifted to Ron and Hermione, but somehow he just couldn't face them at the moment. They wouldn't understand anyway most likely why he felt this way, they'd probably just laugh at him for even thinking it had been a bad thing that he'd done. No, Ron and Hermione definitely were not the people to talk to bout this.

Sirius was away for a bit doing some errands for Dumbledore, and wouldn't be back for atleast a fortnight, and honestly Harry wasn't sure he could tell Sirius the truth. He loved his godfather dearly, but sometimes Sirius coddled him too much. Perhaps that was Sirius own guilt manifesting itself for what had happened to Harry's parents, and at the exact moment Harry was more then inclined to believe that theory. Guilt really could make you do the strangest things sometimes.

There was only one other person then that he could talk to, that most likely would understand, and that was Remus. He wasn't sure Remus was free, but knowing Remus he almost always made the time for Harry when he needed it, and Harry was sure that if was something like this, he certainly would put aside everything else for him. While Sirius was codling and overprotective of him, Remus was cautious, but not overstepping the boundaries. Remus let him be who he was, not judging him like Sirius sometimes did. Within moments Harry's feet trailed down the familiar hallway to Remus's room, and he tentivately knocked on the door, hoping Remus was in.

To his surprize the door opened, but it was Severus who opened it, not Remus.

"Yes? What do you....oh, it's you Harry. Come in." Severus said, and walked back to the chair he'd obviously been occupying moments before.

Harry walked in as well, closing the door behind him, and taking his usual place at the small dinette table that was in Remus's rooms. "I'm not disturbing you both am I?" he said softly.

"Not a'toll Harry. We were just discussing your match today. Quite a victory there. I thought for sure Draco would catch the snitch." Remus said looking at Harry and seeing a grimace come acrost Harry's face at that. "What's wrong, you're looking a bit off today Harry."

"I...I have something I need to talk to you bout...and please dont get mad at me for this Severus allright?" Harry said meekly looking at Severus now. Severus seemed a bit surprized at that comment, but didn't say anything.

"Well what is it then? What catastrophe has happened to make you look so pale?" Remus said, a touch of worry in his voice.

Harry drew his breath in, and let it out slowly, then proceeded to tell them both what had happened. Though the surprize clearly registered in both their eyes, neither of them said anything while Harry was talking, for which Harry was grateful because he wasn't sure he could have continued if they had.

'Oh Harry..." Remus said softly, torn between wanting to severely scold him, and take him up in his arms to comfort him, deciding in the end it was best to do neither.

"Well. I..I dont know what to say Harry. I cant say I didn't think it wouldn't happen one day, Merlin knows the way you to can go at things. From Weasley I expect it, but from you...though I can understand what drove you to it." Severus said, though atleast his tone of voice wasn't snideful and hateful.

"I just dont know what to do now. The other's are going to find out soon enough when Draco doesn't show up for dinner, and once the Slytherin's find out why he's not there, I know there's going to be retaliations. Not just against me either, but the entire Gryffindor house. Oh gods, what have I done?!" Harry said groaning and putting his head in his hands.

"Now now Harry, I'm sure we can think up something. If I know Albus he's going to keep this a secret, he's quite good at that you know." Remus said and glanced for half a second over to Severus who nodded back. "It'll be allright Harry, you'll see. Atleast you were honest to Albus, and us of course, that's allways a good way to start things out."

At hearing that Harry suddenly felt a fresh wave of guilt come over him. "I...I haven't exactly been...honest though Remus. That's the problem." Harry said gazing down at his hands.

"What do you mean Harry? I've known you to do alot of things, but Gryffindor's are by nature honest. Call it a trait of the house even." Severus said.

"Why does everyone always assume Gryffindor's are so honest, so forthright...so damn brave, good and courageous? I hate that, we're not always! Look at Peter, there's an example...going over to Voldemort's side...look at me even. It's no secret I've gotten some of Voldemort's powers like being a parseltongue. Who say's Gryffindor's cant have a bad side or be evil?" Harry said anger growing in his voice.

"Harry...Harry calm down. Noone's saying Gryffindor's cant be bad, but..they're not as a rule that's all. There's always a bad seed in the apple Harry, cant be helped. There's no point getting worked up bout it though, honestly Harry." Remus said surprized by Harry's outburst and trying to calm him down.

Harry just stared at Remus, letting his words sink in. His anger disappated then, and he sighed heavily. "You're right, I just hate when people assume and think they know you when they dont. Like you and Severus for example." Harry said without thinking, and wished he could take back what he'd just said after seeing the shocked look on both their faces.

"Wh-what do you mean Harry? Severus and I are just friends, that's all." Remus said stammering, and doing a very poor job of hiding the truth.

"Er...course you are Remus, why would I think differently?" Harry said doing just as bad a job but Severus however, wasn't fooled.

"Oh come of it the both of you. Remmy it's obvious Harry knows the truth, no point hiding it from him any longer. I admit, in your presence only of course Harry, that I have been seeing Remus for quite some time now. Almost 2 years actually. Not that it's anyone's concern, but I happen to love him, and intend to marry him someday. Hopefully." Severus said in an almost emotionless type of voice, though he was staring oddly at Remus while saying it.

Remus only gave him a small smile, then turned back to Harry. "Well now you know. Obviously for reasons we cant be open bout ourselves. It's nothing to do with me being from Gryffindor, nor Severus from Slytherin. There's alot more involved, and it's not the right time yet. What happened to Sev last year was actually a good way to introduce our 'friendship' to everyone else. Sirius of course knew the truth, that we are far more then 'friends', and Albus knows, and now you. Noone else knows though Harry and we want to keep it that way for now."

Harry nodded, letting them know he wouldn't tell another soul. "As long as you're happy, I suppose it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks though, but I can understand the need right now for secrecy. With Voldemort still running round I dont blame you actually." he said, and saw a shiver go down Severus's body. "Sorry, I didn't mean to..."

Severus cut him off with a wave of his hand. "Dont be. Remus and you saved my life. I never should have gone...I was a fool." Severus said, his mind wandering away as it had been prone to do since that time.

"It wasn't your fault Sev, dont ever think it was. I blame myself...if we hadn't fought...if I hadn't..." Remus said quietly breaking into Severus's daydreams.

Severus shook his head at Remus. "Not your fault. What's done is done Remmy. You could have left me there, you didn't. Harry saved me when I thought noone would. You still wanted me, you didn't care. That's all I've ever wanted." Severus said softly, gazing now very lovingly at Remus, who was returning that gaze in the same way.

"Um...not to err...you know...interrupt but...what am I going to do now?" Harry said shyly and realized he'd been forgotten for the moment.

Reluctantly almost Remus turned back to Harry. "I dont have the answers Harry. I dont think Severus does either. What I can tell you is this....this is between you and Draco, noone else. Only the two of you can work this out...somehow anyway. Hopefully."

"He's right Harry. It's up the two of you now. If you need us we'll be here, but we cant tell you what to do. I suggest however, that you find your way back to the infirmary before Draco wakes up and informs whomever he might. Catch him when his guard is down. If I recall correctly, it can do wonders for a friendship." Severus said glancing again back to Remus, and Harry knew exactly what Severus meant by that.

"We're not exactly friends though incase you hadn't noticed. Rivals yes, friends no. I dont think what happened back then with the two of you is going to work, you two atleast had a background, Draco and I have nothing. It's not like I like him anyway...well not like that...I mean...I do have a girlfriend right?" Harry said, but somehow it didn't sound all that convincing.

"Friendships...are a powerful tool Harry. All you can do is try. Chances are Draco might not even reciprocate, in that case you've lost nothing but a bit of pride. Nothing wrong with that." Remus said thoughtfully.

"And if he does Harry...there's more to Draco Malfoy then you might think. Perhaps you should keep in mind that if you think of Gryffindor in the way you do, then dont be so quick to judge those of the other houses. Perhaps not all of them are the way everyone thinks they are." Severus said quietly.

Harry caught what he meant, but he didn't have a clue what Severus would mean by Draco being more then he thought he was. Draco Malfoy was rotten to the core, going out of his way to make Harry and his friends lives a living hell...or maybe, just maybe it was something else...and Harry was beginning to wonder if Draco wasn't being the way he was because he really wanted to. Perhaps someone else was pulling the strings, and he was only the pawn. Suddenly Harry knew what he had to do, it was all beginning to make a bit of sense, and it seemed the only thing to do.

Thanking Severus and Remus for their time, Harry left Remus's room and headed towards the staircase that would bring him to the infirmary. They were both right, this was now between Draco and himself, noone else. He had to resolve this somehow, even if it took everything Harry had. He wasn't going to run away, he wasn't going to pretend it didn't happen then wait for the ceiling to fall in. His friends, his house, they would all suffer along with him if he did. Stealing his reserve, he pushed open the door to the hospital wing, and with a few short words to Madam Pomfrey, who oddly enough hadn't questioned him why he'd be there, he pulled a chair up to the bed in which Draco was lying in.

He didn't care how long he'd have to wait either. Today being a Saturday meant he had all weekend if need be to fix this. Noone apart from the few he'd already spoken to knew what had happened yet, and somehow Harry knew Madam Pomfrey wouldn't let anyone disturb the two boys unless it was dire need. He would sit there next to Draco and wait, not because he had to anymore, but because he wanted to, needed to. And a part of him hoped, prayed even, that Draco would hear him out.

* * * * *

I"m going to hope for a post of the next chap by tonight, it's allready a bit late for me this afternoon, so make sure to check back then. I get home round 7ish, so by the time I edit and get it into HTML formatting...figure by bout 7:30 to 8 or so EST time US if not sooner. Till then!

Of course I do love reviews! :)

2002-03-11 12:05:08 PM