An Experiment Gone Wrong

Fear....there is fear in this man before me....

Severus was afraid, no question he was afraid. This change in Remus, his sweet, innocent, benevolent Remus was more then he understood. Even during his uncalmed stages of the transformations Remus had never been this way.

Power...I have the power to make this man mine...

Severus's thoughts grasped something then, clutching at anything he could remember about what Remus had been doing since he'd returned from Black that evening. This had to be Black's fault, what ever he had done or said had driven Remus to the edge. Driven him to what he was now becoming.

Need...I need to have him...touch him...taste him...hurt him...like I've been hurt....

It was all too painful to Severus that Remus was allowing a power to ensnare him that he couldn't possibly control. But Severus could control it, he had to control it or he would lose the person that Remus was. Remus might have the instincts, the speed, the insatiable appetite for what he had become...but Severus had the knowledge.

A low growl from Remus's throat told Severus time was running out. He had to act quickly, yet in a way that Remus wouldn't know he was being manipulated at will. He had to turn the tables on him, if he had any hope of bringing him back. There was only one way then, and he prayed it would work.

Closing his eyes he willed himself to relax, to let his subconscious mind merge with his conscious thoughts. He had to draw out his own dark powers now, not the ones Voldemort had given him...not the ones his father had subjected him to...but the powers he himself had learned as far back as he could remember. His own research, his own desires to learn what was forbidden.

What is he doing...what is this I feel from him...I need him...I will have him...

It's not that Severus didn't want Remus, Merlin knew he did. Not like this though, not ever like this. He wanted Remus to be his on his own, not controlled by powers that were feeding upon him. As his thoughts merged to gain the strength to fight Remus an ironic thought passed through his mind. Voldemort was right...Fear is Power....

He's like me...but no...he...he controls it? He feeds off it...he understands it?...

Severus felt himself changing, needs growing within him as well, but not the same ones as Remus's. His need was far different, his was controllable, comforting, moldable to whatever he wanted it to be. And right now he only wanted one thing...to bring back Remus...he focused his mind towards him..

"I know you can hear me...listen to me...."

I hear you...but you will not stop me...

"Let me help you...."

Help? I don't need your help...I just need you...

"And you will have me...I promise you that...but not now..."

Yes now! You will not deny me...no one shall anymore...

"I will never deny you...but you must learn the right ways..."

There is only one way...my way...my needs...no more pain...no more fears..

"Fear is power...you must control the fears first...to stop the pain..."

Pain...what do you know of true pain...of the torment that is my life...

"I know more than you think I do...let me help you..."

You'll use me...like he used me...hurt me....like he hurt me...

"No! I swear to you I will not...not now nor ever...I could never do that to you..."

How can I trust you? Why should I believe you?...

"Because...because of this...."

Something began to penetrate Remus's cloud filled mind. His body became warm, his soul became eased. Emotions he had never felt before invaded his senses, and one emotion...more powerful than any other he had ever felt enveloped him...and he finally understood.

You...how...is...is it possible?...

"It's been there for so long...I just didn't have the nerve to tell you...I was afraid.."

You...were...afraid?...of me?

"Not of you...because of you...because of what I felt...then...and now..."

You...you will help me?...you will show me what to do..?

"Yes...let it go Remus...release the dark...and I will show you whatever you want..."

Remus closed his eyes for a moment and whimpered, trying to do as Severus asked but found he couldn't. The dark wasn't releasing him...it was fighting him. Playing with him, taunting him. Refusing to let him go...

I can't...it won't let me go...I can't stop it...it's too strong...Severus help me...

Severus became alarmed now. He knew if Remus didn't take control now, it would be very hard to bring him back from the dangerous state he was in. As neither full werewolf nor full man if he didn't let his powers go soon he could end up like this forever, growing in both powers until it either consumed him...or killed him.

"Fight it Remus...you have to fight this...you must not let it win...."

Remus reached down to whatever consciousness he had left and tried again to do as asked. The more he tried though the more he couldn't. It hurt him...not just emotionally but physically. The more he fought the more the pain washed over him until all he could do was whimper in torment.

I can't do this...it hurts...too much pain...I'm so tired of pain...I...

Severus could feel Remus losing control again. If he did, it was all over. Remus would be gone and even Severus's knowledge couldn't bring him back. But if Remus couldn't fight it...what else could he do?

You're mine now Severus...no more pain...no...now I"ll be the one giving the pain...

Suddenly Severus understood. Of course...it was so simple! Remus had allowed himself to be taken over because of Severus. Because of Remus's need for him. But if that need was sated...if it was no longer a threat...then the powers consuming Remus would have nothing left to feed on. It would let him go.

Much as Severus hadn't want it this way, it was the only choice. He had wanted them both to be in full control over their bodies and emotions if this were to ever happen, not heightened by uncontrollable forces. It no longer mattered what was right or wrong now now, the fear of losing Remus forever overruled everything.

Something was wrong though, Remus could feel it. With this renewal of dark art powers coursing though his body he felt something different. This wasn't about need anymore...it was something else. Remus wanted something far more then to make love to Severus...in a half seconds moment of clarity he remembered something...a book...and what that book had told him he could to do to stop the pain....

Severus felt a shift of energy from Remus and become concerned again. He became confused at the signals he was getting from Remus. This was no longer primal need, it went beyond that. A moment ago it had seemed all so simple...let Remus take him and remove the threats. Now though....

"What do you want from me Remus?" Severus said out loud, breaking the mindlink and looking directly into Remus's wolf-like eyes.

"You...I want you...all of you...to claim you as my own..." Remus said in a low growl.

"Claim me? I don't understand..."

"Ha...you think you know so much...but you don't Severus..." Remus said mockingly.

"Tell me then...let me understand..." Severus said softly, pleadingly even.

"It's more then just power Severus...it's me...whatI am..."

"You mean the wolf...?" Severus questioned.

"You never understood did you...I am the wolf...it is me...there is no in between..." Remus said menacingly.

"But there is...I've seen it...you can separate yourself from it...."

"I was a fool to do so...I ran from what I am...all these years...I feared myself above everything else...I feared of what I was capable of...but no more..." Remus growled angrily.

"Remus...please...you don't know what you're doing..." Severus said in whispered voice.

Pure hate burned in Remus's eyes and before Severus even knew what was happening he found himself being flung against the wardrobe, Remus's hand on his throat. "Don't! Don't you dare tell me I don't know what I"m doing! Everyone always tells me how foolish I am...my parents...my friends...Sirius...no more...no more!" Remus spat back angrily.

"Remus you're not...I never thought you were were..." Severus said back breathlessly.

"You think I don't know what's going on? You think I don't know how all these years everyone has tried to make me into what they wanted me to be? How I've had to pretend to be something I'm not? And you...even you...oh yes...I can sense it...you're as much of a pretender as I am Severus...yet you're trying to change me too..."

"You're wrong...I don't want to change you...I just want to help you..."

"Help me? Again you speak of helping me...but how could you help me...no...now only I am going to help myself...this is what I am....now it's my turn Severus...and you will not stop me!" Remus said with a rage-filled growl, pulling Severus towards him roughly.

"Enough Remus! Let him go...now!" a voice said authoritatively from the doorway.

Remus hadn't heard this intruder come in and was less than happy about it to say the least. Throwing Severus to the floor all he could think was that this intruder dared interfere with him and his prey. With a growl of pure fury he flung himself towards the intruder, only to be stopped dead in his tracks.

"Stupefy!" the person shouted and within a second Remus was on the floor himself, a crumpled figure at Albus Dumbledore's feet. Walking over to Remus he checked to make sure that he hadn't been harmed in the fall, then walked over to help Severus get up. "Are you alright Severus?" he asked concerned.

Severus was still a bit shocked but nodded, surprised however to see Albus. "How...why are you here?"

"I grew concerned when neither of you came to the Great Hall as Minerva asked you to do. As I approached the dungeons I knew something wasn't right, that this was where I had to be. It seems I was just in time." Albus said walking over to exam Remus more thoroughly this time.

"Headmaster...what...what happened to him? Why is..." Severus said walking over to where Remus was lying on the floor, sadness in both his eyes and voice.

Albus sighed and shook his head. "It is not my place to speak on the whys and whatfors of Remus's behaviour. That is for him and him alone to say. However, I will say this to you Severus...sometimes things happen for a reason. Trust can be so easily lost, but it is far more worth it to gain." Albus said looking at Severus with an odd expression.

Severus looked down at Remus, then back up at Albus and in that moment he broke. Yes Remus needed him, he knew that now. He needed Remus's trust more than anything, but he wasn't the only one. Severus needed trust from someone else...he needed the trust of a man who knew what it was like to be in middle of a waging war and win. A man who had trusted him, despite the fact he was the one who shouldn't have been trusted.

"A-Albus?" Severus said kneeling down and putting his hand on top of Remus's, a decision now strong in his mind.

"Yes Severus?" Albus said gently.

"Help me...tell me what to do..." Severus said softly keeping his gaze on Remus's now gentle looking face.

"I cannot tell you that Severus. That is something only you can do for yourself. But I am always here, and I will always listen." Albus said and turned to leave the room.

Severus didn't want him to leave, not yet. Just as Albus got to the door he said in a hushed voice. "I serve Voldemort...I"m a spy..."

Albus stopped and stiffened, though he didn't turn round. Severus sensed more then saw this, but he knew if he didn't keep going he would never be able to do this again. "I have been for years. I hate what I am...what I've become....in my dreams...even my waking moments...I run...it's easier for me to be hated by all then to be liked by even one person...that is...until now..." he said softly.

"Why Severus? Why now?" Albus said turning round finally and walking back to him.

Severus brushed a lock of hair from Remus's forehead gently, a look of pain and sadness on his face. "Because I see now that way isn't right...it's not what...who I am anymore...even when I finally know love...that love is returned only by the dark..." he said choking back a sob.

"It doesn't have to be. Love knows no bounds nor can it distinguish right from wrong Severus. It is only ourselves who judge that. It is only we who fear the truth when we cannot understand it." Albus said gently.

"Help me...I'm begging you Albus...how can I know for sure what I feel is truth if I can't face even my own demons?" Severus said tears finally sliding down his cheeks.

Albus was silent for a moment. Finally he said, "But you already have Severus. Now you've seen what happens when a person loses themself to the side of darkness. You cannot stop being who you are, but you can use what you are...for the path that is right. For the truth you so desperately seek."

Severus looked up at Albus through tear soaked eyes. All these years of pretending, for like Remus had said that's all he had been doing...all the years of suffering...or torment...when he could have been free. And by all he held sacred, he wanted to be free. For Remus...he needed to be free.

"I"ll do whatever you want Albus. I"ll risk my life...my soul...to be freed from the hell that is my life. But I can't do this alone...so I ask you again...will you help me?" Severus said in a determined voice this time.

Albus put his hand on Severus's shoulder and nodded. The twinkle back in his eyes, a smile on his face. "Yes Severus, I will...now. The first step to truth is admitting you want that truth, that you'd be willing to sacrifice everything to get it. You have shown me that is now the case. Come to my office after dinner, we shall talk."

"Remus? What of him? What happens now?" Severus said concern showing clear in his face.

"Bring Remus with you. I think it is time the both of you meet certain people that can help you. I have removed the dark forces from within him for the moment, and I must ask you to watch over him carefully. Be forceful if you have to, but do not let him wander away unattended again. He is what he is Severus, he knows that, but he can also be taught what is right from what is wrong."

Severus sighed in relief and nodded. "Yes sir. I promise I won't fail you. We'll be there after dinner. I"ll protect him...even if it means my life..." Severus said gazing back down at Remus gently.

Albus nodded his head and smiled. "I know you will...I trust you Severus," he said softly and turned to leave once again.

Severus suddenly remembered why Albus had been down in his rooms in the first place and yet again as Albus got to the door he looked up and said, "Why did you want us in the Great Hall anyway? What was so important?"

Albus stopped and gave a small chuckle. "Ah yes, I had almost forgotten. I was to tell you that last night at exactly midnight Lily Potter finally gave birth. It is a boy, and they have named him Harry. Tell that to Remus when you wake him up will you?"

Severus grinned and chuckled himself. "Well well, a day of surprises eh? I will tell him, thank you Albus. I'm sure he'll be very happy."

Albus nodded slightly and left the room, confident that everything would work out after all. Remus needed guidance. Severus needed truth. Together the two of them would be able to conquer the dark, and Albus knew the side of light had just gained two new allies in the fight against evil. Or rather...perhaps that should be three. For if Albus had sensed correctly last night at St. Mungo's...little Harry Potter was going to play a very big role in defeating the dark and restoring peace to the wizarding world. Perhaps not now, but soon.

It was with a much lighter heart that Albus Dumbledore returned to his office to make the arrangements for certain people to be present after dinner. He knew it had taken a lot for Severus to finally admit what he had suspected for a long time now. Not that he would have questioned him, it wasn't his place to do so. Pride goeth before the fall they say, and on this day, Severus Snape had learned that lesson all too well.

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