A Different Life

Chapter Four

The Past Returns

'Professor ... Professor, please wait!'

Severus internally groaned when he heard the words, though he stopped and turned round to face the person speaking. 'Yes, Ms Pucell? What is it?' he said, throwing a smile at the girl.

The girl blushed slightly at the smile then held up a book, quickly opening it to a page that had been dog-eared. 'Oh ah ... well, it's about our assignment,' she said.

Severus sighed, already knowing what was coming. Sara Pucell had an uncanny knack for misunderstanding even the easiest of assignments. 'Ms Pucell, I'm afraid I do not have the time this afternoon to explain it to you ... again,' he said glancing at his watch, then glancing up he nearly cried out in relief. 'But I believe Professor Agate can. Michael ... a word if you please?' he called out to an older man passing by.

'Oh err, yes, Severus?' asked Michael Agate, Professor of Chemistry at Trinity College at Oxford. 'Oh hello, Ms Pucell, having problems again are we?' Michael smiled knowingly.

'Well, I can see you're now in capable hands so I'll be on my way then,' Severus said and with a wave hastily sped off to the Front Quadrangle before he could become embroiled in any further conversation.

Severus shook his head as he walked towards Broad Street, glad to have escaped what was sure to have been a tedious and time-consuming explanation. It's not that his class was hard, it wasn't really; his students loved his class as much as Severus enjoyed teaching it. It never failed, however, that at least one or two students never seemed to be able to grasp the wondrous joy that was his chosen field of study.

The fact that he was even teaching, and at such a prestigious University as Oxford, was something that Severus never stopped relishing. At the age of thirty-seven, Severus knew he was lucky to have such a position, although he had worked very hard for it. Going into the chemistry field had been difficult, but thanks to much diligence, hard work, high grades, and the help of his professors, he had finally been able to tell his father that he was not going to the House of Lords as expected. Instead, he got his Masters in Sciences, specifically Chemistry, and bade the life of being a climbing socialite good-bye.

He had been teaching at Oxford for the last twelve years, and although he was one of the youngest professors at Trinity College, he held the esteem of both his colleagues and his students. Still, with all that, there were times Severus admitted if he hadn't done himself a disservice somehow. He had spent his life so dedicated to his studies that he'd left little room for anything else.

'Oi, Sev! Over here!' a voice called out, pulling Severus from his thoughts.

Looking up he smiled when he saw who was flagging him down and quickly went over to a car parked on the other side of Broad Street. 'You're early, Jaysen,' he said and hugged the man in front of the car.

'No, you're late,' Jaysen grinned and hugged Severus back. 'And for God sake, take that blasted robe off. Feel like I'm back at school and about to get a reprimand,' he teased as he got into the car.

Severus laughed and took his teaching robe off, tossing it into the back of the car as he got in. Jaysen Mackenzie was the only friend he had left; they'd known each other since their days at Eton. Jaysen's father was a Duke, but unlike Severus, he was a second son, so he had no qualms about ditching the politics of British society for a very different lifestyle. After leaving Oxford, he sent a note home that he was doing his own things and never looked back. Right after they had left Oxford as students, and Severus had been awarded his position on staff, the two men decided to move into a small flat near the University. Though now they could afford better lodgings since both had good jobs (Jaysen was on the Committee of City Planning and Development), they had grown too accustomed to their small flat to leave it.

'Sorry, got side tracked coming out of class,' he said as they drove off.

'What was it this time, another lamenting student who can't quite grasp the intricacies of chemistry, or was it a pretty face just trying to catch your eye again?' Jaysen joked.

'Shove off,' Severus muttered, his face reddening slightly at the last remark.

Jaysen laughed. 'Oh come on, Sev, granted you're not the handsomest of blokes, but you --'

'Yes, yes, I know,' Severus cut in, 'I have a certain "charm" that people can't help being attracted to,' he muttered. 'That's not funny, Jaysen. They are my students, nothing more, and that's that.'

'Well it's true, you are a rather charming bloke when you want to be,' Jaysen chuckled. 'Really, when was the last time you thought about something other than equations? Sometimes I think chemistry is all you dream about!'

'It is not,' Severus mumbled, once more his face reddening, though thankfully his friend was too busy driving to notice. 'I do have other dreams thank you much.'

Not that Severus was willing to share his nighttime dreams, not the dreams as of late anyway. The last few weeks he had began having dreams that he hadn't had since he were a child, back when he still believed in innocence and things he had long ago abandoned for reality. Why these dreams were plaguing him now he wasn't sure, but there was no way in hell he was about to tell his friend about them. Jaysen put up with many of Severus' eccentricities over the years, but how would he be able to explain to Jaysen about a dream concerning the brown-haired boy from his youth who had almost made him believe that myths and legends could be real? No, these were things he'd learnt long ago with Anna were best left unsaid, even if Jaysen probably wouldn't laugh or chide him about it, he wasn't going to take that risk.

'Where are we going anyway? You were a bit cryptic on the phone earlier,' Severus said changing the conversation.

'Ah, the fun's in the mystery, my dear Chemistry Professor,' Jaysen said with a wink as they pulled into a small car park.

Looking out the window at where they'd pulled up to, Severus groaned and shook his head. 'Oh no, not today, Jaysen, I am not in the mood for this,' he said.

'Nonsense, you need this, hell we both do. Now get out before I pull you out,' Jaysen said and got out of the car.

Severus sighed in defeat and got out of the car, his gaze now on the large Victorian house skilfully hidden by a copse of trees. A small sign hanging at the foot of a white-pebbled walkway read "The Cottage - Established 1969". Short and simple to outsiders, but for those who knew what The Cottage really was it said all too much. Walking down the small path that led to the front door, Severus could already hear strains of music and laughter in the air, and again he shook his head.

'Please, Jaysen, let's just go home, can't we? I have papers to grade and --'

'No, Sev, we are not going home,' Jaysen said firmly and put his arm through Severus', practically dragging the black-haired man to the front door.

'Ah, mes amis! Welcome!' a jovial voice called out as the two men entered the cottage. 'Come, come, do not be standing in ze doorway!' A bejewelled and surprisingly agile looking man in his late fifties now bounded up to the two men, giving each a hug and a peck on each cheek. 'And how are we today?'

'We,' Severus began, glaring at Jaysen, 'are tired, hungry, and wishing to go home.'

'Don't mind him,' Jaysen said wrapping his arm round the older man's shoulder. 'He's just not "in the mood" apparently for you're wonderful wares. I, however, am more than in the mood for a lovely drink and a rendezvous with an equally lovely face,' he smiled.

'Well zen, you 'ave come to ze right place, oui?' Armand LaCroix, owner of The Cottage said happily and led both men over to the bar area, pouring them drinks whilst motioned for his "children" as he liked to call his employees, to attend his two favourite clients.

Armand's was the only male "escort service" in this part of Oxfordshire. Catering to men of all types, Armand had a boy for any situation. You didn't have to hire out a boy either, ever since Armand had opened his home during the height of the sexual revolution in the late '60s, he had styled the place to be more like the old London dance hall/bordellos of the 1800s rather than just a place to have sex and leave. With a bar area, dance floor, sitting areas, massage rooms, and cleverly themed private rooms, The Cottage was the only spot where people like Severus and Jaysen could kick back and relax for as long as needed without the pressure of the outside world creeping in.

It had been when Jaysen and Severus were still students at the University that they had heard whispers about The Cottage and what was offered within its walls. After their first visit all those years ago, the two friends had yet to stop coming back. It was no secret to Jaysen that Severus was gay since Jaysen was as well, however, neither Jaysen nor Severus' colleagues knew they were gay, which was why Armand's cottage was a well-needed release for them sometimes. Once, just after moving in together, the two of them had attempted a relationship, but they quickly realised that friends do not always make the best of lovers, and rather than risk their friendship, both vowed to stay away from the other's bed. Instead, they spent their time with Armand's escorts, and that situation turned out to be the best thing all round.

Had it been any other day, Severus would have enjoyed the young men trying to gain his attentions as he sat at the bar and sipped his drink, but not this day. For some reason he was just out of sorts, though he couldn't put his finger on why that was. It wasn't the drink or the conversation, it wasn't school related either, he knew that much. There was just something pecking at the back of his memory that after about an hour of half-hearted conversation he suddenly got up from his chair to seek out his friend.

'Severus? Something wrong, darling?' Jaysen asked as he looked up at his friend with a glazed expression.

Severus sighed, knowing that his friend was already immersed in not only the affections of the handsome young lad on his lap, but high as a kite judging by the smell of pot in the air and the opium that was no doubt inside the odd-shaped container that Jaysen was holding.

'I'm leaving,' he said and leant down to give Jaysen a kiss on the cheek. Turning to the boy on Jaysen's lap he said, 'Make sure he gets home safely, Robert. Don't let him drive, eh?'

'Don' worry, Yer Lordship,' the handsome blonde boy said and grinned at Severus, 'I won' let 'Is Lordship drive, got me word on tha''. It was common knowledge that Jaysen and Severus were of the gentry, although neither man tried to use their titles whenever possible. However, they had learnt from the start that having a title in a place like The Cottage helped to get the best of everything Armand had to offer.

'You want the keys, Sev?' Jaysen said trying in vain to reach for his jacket, which was clearly nowhere in sight.

Severus rolled his eyes and shook his head. 'No, I'm walking. I know today is Friday, Jaysen, but try to be home by dawn this time.'

'Will do!' Jaysen giggled and wrapped his arm round the boy on his lap. 'Ta then!'

'Ta,' Severus replied, and hastily made his retreat out of the house and down the pebbled walkway.

At the end of the walkway he let out a breath he hadn't even realised he'd been holding. Not wanting to linger at the path just in case anyone who knew him was passing by, he made his way down the street, not even sure where he was heading. He thought he was going home, but after a while a quick look made him realise he was on the opposite side of town, far from his flat and the school. Stopping to get his bearings, he leant against a light pole, a soft sigh escaping him as he gazed up to the starry September night sky for answers to questions that he wasn't even sure of anymore.

'The stars are beautiful, aren't they,' a soft voice said, startling him and causing him to turn round swiftly.

'Who's there?' Severus called out when he didn't see anyone. 'Show yourself!'

'Don't run, Severus, I really don't want to hurt you,' the voice said, and seconds later a man walked into the ring of light given off by the street lamp.

Severus stared at the greying, brown-haired newcomer, and something seemed to stir within him. It wasn't until he looked into the other man's eyes ... yellow eyes flecked with gold and brown ... that a memory from long ago clicked.

'You're the boy from my dreams,' he said in a voice barely above a whisper.

The man cocked his head to the side looking at Severus carefully then a slight twist of a smile appeared on his lips. 'I didn't think you'd remember me,' the man said in that same soft, almost intoxicating voice.

Severus felt himself automatically dropping his well-known defences. The more he gazed into the other man's eyes, he felt as if he were in a cloud of some sort, and all the nagging feelings he'd had earlier today suddenly began melting away.

'I didn't ... not really, not consciously anyway,' Severus admitted after a minute's pause, his gaze never leaving the man's face. He noted immediately differences in this face; it was not the same face as before. Now it was tired and drawn, and had even more scars than when they had met as children. 'In my dreams ... that's where you've been,' he said struggling to remember more of his recent dreams. 'Remus ... you're Remus aren't you,' he said, finally drawing the name from his memory.

'Yes,' Remus said and smiled at Severus in an odd way.

Severus gasped when he noticed something in that smile, a glint of light that played off a set of teeth that were unlike anything he'd ever seen. Backing away from the other man his back hit the lamppost, his eyes never leaving the man's teeth. 'What ... what ... are ... you?' he whispered, his eyes now showing a trace of fear.

'Don't you know, Severus?' Remus said as he slowly began walking over to where Severus stood.

Severus blinked in confusion then suddenly it dawned on him. The boy's parting words from the wax museum all those years ago -- "Don't give up what you believe in, Severus ... you're closer to the truth than you think". Words that he had forgotten, words that he had stopped believing in long ago, and now those words were coming back to haunt him.

'It can't be,' Severus said shaking his head in disbelief. 'You can't be real.'

Remus stared at Severus a moment then laughed, a strange laugh filled with traces of bitterness and resentments. 'You Muggles always discount what's right in front of you, don't you,' he said, another glint of light playing off sharpened teeth. 'But you ... you of all people I expected to believe in the truth, Severus. Have you stopped believing then?'

Severus quashed the feelings of fear in favour of anger at that question. Picking himself up to his full height of 6'3", a good half a foot taller than the man in front of him, he settled a black-eyed gaze on the other man. 'I grew up, Remus,' he said coolly. 'I stopped believing in childish fancies such as vampires and magic ... and werewolves ... in favour of having a decent and productive life. Now, if this is your idea of some sort of cruel joke to bring back my past, you can forget it. Go back to whatever theatre group ... or perhaps circus ... you came from, and stop annoying me with these Cheltenham dramatics,' he said and started to walk away.

'You were wrong, Severus!' Remus called out after him. 'You lied to me!'

Severus stopped in his tracks, slowly turning round to face Remus. 'I ... lied ... to ... you?' he said evenly. 'And what exactly did I lie about?'

Remus came over to where Severus was standing, his gaze intensely searching Severus' face. 'You said werewolves could be good people, Severus. You said they shouldn't be judged just because of one night a month,' Remus said in what was now a tired, defeated voice. 'You lied.'

Severus blinked in confusion, trying to remember when he'd said that then suddenly the full memory of the conversation they'd had as children flowed back to him. Breaking off his gaze, he sighed and shook his head. 'It was all talk, Remus. The words of a child who didn't know better, said only because it wasn't supposed to be real.'

'But you believe it! Back then, you believed in what you said!' Remus insisted, again the glint of teeth showed in the nearly full moonlight. It had just been a full moon the night before, but that seemed cold consolation to the professor now.

'Yes! Yes, all right ... back then I believed it, but what does this have to do with now?' Severus asked, fear once again creeping into him. He wracked his brains trying to recall if his "imaginary" creatures from youth were dangerous the night after a full moon, but to his dismay, nothing came to mind.

'Because I believed you,' Remus said after a few moments of silence. 'I believed you,' he said in a voice barely above a whisper. Before Severus could say another word, however, the man collapsed at his feet, tears streaming down his face. 'I needed to ... I thought if a Muggle could think that way ... that maybe ... maybe those in my world could too ... but it wasn't true. It wasn't true, Severus,' Remus said through hiccoughs and tears.

Severus didn't know what to do. Not that he was stranger to tears, both he and Jaysen had shed plenty together in private when they were coming down off the occasional home-use of pot or opium, and Severus had had his share of weepy students over the years, but this was something foreign to him. A grown man ... no, not a man but something from out of a sort of odd horror film perhaps ... was here at his feet, sobbing like a child. A part of Severus reacted to that though, in a way, from the sound of things, it was as if Remus was blaming Severus for something, but the black-haired man had no clue why that was. Whatever it was, he couldn't just leave Remus like this, so he did the only thing he could do. Scooping up the smaller man into his arms and ran for the nearest telephone booth. Fumbling for some change in his pocket, he rang up a taxi and told them where he was. He then brought Remus over to a bench and sat down, placing Remus on his lap, holding him comfortingly.

Looking down he realised the greying man was asleep, glistening tears still fresh on long golden eyelashes. Now that he had a chance to observe the man he realised how light Remus was, and from the looks of it, it was obvious that Remus hadn't been doing well at all. His clothes were shabby to the point of rags, his breathing was laboured as if he was in pain, and it was clear that the man was severely undernourished. Severus had seen this before when he and Jaysen had taken a trip with Severus' father whilst they were still at Eton.

It had been their last year at school and Trystan had allowed Jaysen to accompany them on a family holiday to Africa. They had spent a month in the Earl's yacht going down the Nile, seeing the sights and visiting the local towns, though Severus and Jaysen usually went their ways to do their own explorations. It was in Alexandria that they encountered their first real look at what being poor was like. Back in London such a thing as poverty hadn't seemed real to them, both having come from wealthy families, but in the middle of the Egyptian city, poverty was all round them. When they questioned Trystan as to why some of the natives and their children looked so horrible, Trystan told them it was the cause of starvation and the lack of resources, even something as basic as water.

That was a memory that stayed with both boys to this day, to the point that whenever they could afford it and had time off from their jobs such as summer and winter holidays, they would fly to Egypt and do what they could to help. This was exactly why Severus knew that Remus was suffering the same fate as the people he helped across the sea. Pity clutched at him and by the time the taxi arrived and they made it back to his flat, he knew that whatever had happened to Remus over these past years, he would try to help the man (and Severus couldn't think of him as anything but a man) best he could. Placing Remus down on his bed and covering him up, Severus sat himself down in a chair near the bed, thinking about what had transpired. It wasn't until he heard the front door bang open, rather loudly at that, that he realised it was well after four in the morning.

'Sev? Seh-vah-rus! Where ya at darlin'?' Jaysen called out.

Severus immediately got up and went to the door. 'Good Lord, Jaysen, you look like hell,' Severus said, catching his drugged out friend in his arms before he could topple over.

'Ahh, 'e's all right, Gov, jus' a bit too much on th' opium mabbe, no 'arm, no foul,' Robert said, helping Severus get Jaysen to his bedroom. Thankfully, the boy was not messed up as Jaysen, but then Severus knew that Armand was very set about his boys partaking in drinking and drugs whilst on duty.

'Yes, quite,' Severus said eyeing the boy warily then pulled his money clip out of his pocket. 'How much does he owe?'

Robert shook his head. ''E's paid up, don' worry on tha', Yer Lordship,' he said smiling. 'Though ... wouldn' mind th' cab fare back.'

Severus nodded and pulled out two tenners. 'Here, ten quid for the taxi and ten for you for bringing him home. Thanks, Robert,' he said leading the boy back to the door.

'Anytime, Yer Lordship. Oh, an' 'ere's th' keys ta th' car,' Robert said and handed Severus the keys. 'Ta then!' he said and headed off.

Severus put the keys on the rack next the door and locked up then went back to his friend. 'Honestly, Jaysen, we're not teenagers anymore,' he said in rebuke as he noticed how ill Jaysen was looking.

'Fuck off, Sev,' Jaysen said sticking his tongue out haughtily then moaned and held his head. 'Cripes I feel like shite.'

'Not surprised, you smell like a damned brewery that's been infested by poppy seeds and pot,' Severus snorted as he helped Jaysen undress. It didn't take long as Jaysen was already half undressed from the evening.

'Sev ... who's here?' Jaysen said after a few minutes of silence.

'What?'

'There ... urgg ... there's someone ... oh bloody hell my head hurts ... in the loo ...' Jaysen said with a groan as he lay down again.

Severus was startled about that until he realised who it must be using the lavatory. 'Err ... it's no one. Just to go bed, Jaysen --'

'Fuck, you brought a bloke home!' Jaysen said sitting up abruptly 'Ohh cripes ... my head!' he moaned and flopped back down looking up at his friend. 'I thought we ... ugg ... agreed on this. No blokes in ... shite ... the house?' he muttered.

'It's not what you think,' Severus said and covered Jaysen with the duvet. 'He's an old friend, that's all. Just stopped in and needed a place to stay for a night, not that you'll even remember what I'm saying by morning. I'll let you sleep in all right?'

'Yeah, fine,' Jaysen said yawning, and within seconds, he was sound asleep.

'At least you don't snore,' Severus chuckled and placed a kiss on Jaysen's forehead. Turning his attention to the loo, he saw it was now dark so he went back to his bedroom.

'You're awake,' he said, seeing Remus sitting up on the edge of the bed.

'Yes,' Remus said quietly, his gaze focused on the hands clasped on his lap. 'I take it this is your place?'

'Yes.'

'That man ... is he ... is he your ...'

'My lover?' Severus said with an arched eyebrow. 'No, a very good friend, that's all.'

'Oh,' Remus said and glanced round the room. 'You umm ... you have a nice flat.'

'It's home,' Severus shrugged and sat down on the bed next to Remus. 'What's a Muggle?'

Remus looked up startled. 'M-Muggle? Where ... where did you hear that word?' he asked sharply.

'You said it, back there on the pavement. Before you fell asleep,' Severus said. 'What is it?'

'Oh ... err ... it's ... it's nothing. Nothing at all. Just a word, has no meaning,' Remus said quickly.

'Now who's the one lying, Remus?' Severus said quietly then seeing the stricken look on Remus' face, he got off the bed and went to the door. 'Look, let me get us something to eat and then we can talk.'

He didn't give the other man a chance to say anything more; instead, he walked out the room to the small kitchenette. He fixed up some sandwiches and poured out two glasses of milk. Normally he hated milk, but he knew that for someone undernourished it would be an important thing. Putting everything on a tray, he brought it back to the bedroom and put it down on his desk.

'Hope you don't mind gammon, that's all we had. Forgot to do the shopping yesterday,' he said apologetically as he handed Remus a plate with the sandwich on it.

'Gammon is lovely,' Remus said softly as he took the offered plate, staring at it as if he had never seen a sandwich before in his life.

Severus knew that although it was clear Remus was starving, he wasn't about to see the other man swallow it down in a few gulps. Severus had seen this in Africa where a person could get to the point of being so hungry that even the smallest bites would be difficult, so wasn't surprised when after about four or five tiny bites, Remus put the sandwich down and pushed it away.

'Thank you,' Remus said.

'Your welcome. Here, drink this,' Severus said and handed Remus the glass of milk. He had already eaten part of his sandwich, and pushing it aside reached for his glass as well. Remus took the glass and looked at it sceptically. 'Drink it,' Severus said in his best "school teacher" voice.

Remus chuckled weakly and sipped at the milk. 'I thought I was supposed to be the one intimidating you, not the other way round.'

'Why do you say that?' Severus asked.

'Because I'm the "big bad wolf" remember? You're supposed to fear me, not feed me sandwiches and a glass of milk,' Remus said as he sipped at more of the milk.

Severus chuckled. 'Well that's still remains to be seen,' he grinned. 'I'll admit earlier I was a bit frightened, but right now it's hard to be afraid of someone with a milk moustache.'

Remus looked up in surprise then laughed, though this time it was a much more pleasing laugh then the last time. 'I reckon on that you'd be right,' he grinned back and wiped the milk off with his sleeve. 'I'm sorry ... for scaring you,' he said sadly after a few moments of silence. 'It's just been hard for me lately ... for a while really. I suppose seeing you standing there under the lamppost were the last straw for me.'

'Why? I get the feeling you're blaming me for something, but I don't know what,' Severus said putting down his glass. 'What did I do to you? Moreover, why are you like this? And why are you here in Oxford?'

Remus looked at Severus carefully, his head cocked to the side in debate. With a slight shiver, he closed his eyes and sighed then re-opened them and focused on Severus' eyes. 'You asked me what a Muggle is, and I'll tell you ... I'll tell you everything even ... but only if you promise me that you'll believe me ... because I promise what I will tell you is the truth.'

'All right,' Severus nodded, fully willing to believe anything at this point after the night's adventure.

Remus nodded back and leaning back against the pillows, he said, 'Well I suppose it started from the time I was a young boy and made a very bad error in judgement ... but really ... it all started from the day we met ...'