Beholden To No Man

Chapter 13

The words rang in his ears. 'I'm pregnant.' Not at all what he had expected her to say. He had a sudden, sickening thought. She had been quite adamant about making love to him that one night, but afterwards, she had not, respecting his desire to wait. What if there had been a reason behind her urgency. "Is it mine?"

She was shocked. "Who else's would it be?"

"What about Malfoy? You said that he used sex as a tool to gain your cooperation."

"I said that he tried to bribe me with the promise of sex and the various benefits which might result from that sort of relationship. He never did anything to me," she replied adamantly.

"Are you sure? You were quite confused when I rescued you."

She threw down her napkin and stood up. "How dare you? I know that you aren't particularly fond of children, but I had hoped for a better reaction than this. I never expected you to accuse me of cheating on you or using you like that."

"I wasn't. I just wanted to make sure that he hadn't done anything to you." He realized that he had just managed to make a difficult situation immeasurably worse.

Crossing her arms defensively, she replied, "Well, he didn't. And this is most definitely your child."

Running his fingers through his hair, he tried to think. "But how could this happen? You are a Healer. Surely you would have used contraception."

"Oh, so it's up to me. The great Potions Master has no culpability?" she asked sarcastically.

He retorted, "You were the one who planned to seduce me. I had no control..."

"Men! It's always the woman's responsibility. And how exactly was I supposed to dabble in contraceptive potions while I was being held captive?" She was raising her voice in anger now, unable to control the flood of emotions. "And, I planned to seduce you?"

"Then why did you insist on having sex with me?" He found his tone instinctively matching hers.

"Because I love you. I wanted to share something special with you. But maybe that was a mistake." She turned from him and ran upstairs.

He stood in shock until he heard her bedroom door slam shut. How could she say that she loved him and then treat him they way she just had? Storming upstairs, he pounded on her door. "Let me in!" he demanded. When she didn't respond, he tried the doorknob, but found that it would not turn. Slamming his palm against the wood, he said, "Aurelia! Let me in this instant."

The only sound he heard coming from her room was her sobbing. Deciding that he did not want to deal with her in this emotional, irrational state, he turned on his heel and left.

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By the time he had returned to the castle, he realized that he needed to talk to someone about this, and Eileen was the only person available to him. Since he knew the library would have closed long ago, he went straight to her quarters and began rapping loudly on the door.

"Severus? What in Merlin's name?" she asked as he pushed by her.

"I've made a horrible mess, Mother."

"What did you do?" she asked as she watched him pace.

"Aurelia's pregnant."

She smiled broadly. "I think that's wonderful news, and I would hardly call that a horrible mess." She paused momentarily. "Unless it's not yours."

"She insists it's mine." He still wasn't completely sure that he believed that.

"Then how did you make a horrible mess?" she asked, clearly confused. "This should be a joyous time."

"I handled the announcement rather poorly. As you know, I do not care for small children. That was one advantage of dating her. She already has children, and ones that are school age."

"How poorly did you handle the news?"

He flopped into the chair. "Do you have anything to drink?"

She poured him a glass of wine. "What did you do?"

After gulping down the first glass, he held it back out for a refill. "What didn't I do? First, I suggested that the child might be Malfoy's. Then we argued about whose responsibility contraception was. Everything I said made the situation worse."

"You do realize that you're going to have to apologize?"

He was halfway through his second glass and had taken the bottle from her. "I tried that. She wouldn't listen. She locked herself in her room and was crying." That had made him very uncomfortable, and a part of him had been relieved that she had not let him in.

Taking the bottle away from him, she placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "Go back tomorrow and try again after you both have had time to reflect."

"I can reflect on the fact that she thinks this is wonderful news and that I should be overjoyed," he said dryly.

"You should be overjoyed. Children are a wonderful gift."

He snorted derisively. "The last thing the world needs is another Snape. I vowed the line would die with me."

"Honestly, Severus. That was the vow of a teenager angry with his father. It's been over twenty years since then. Surely in all that time, you at some point considered someday changing your mind."

"I don't have the patience for an infant or a toddler. Children--sometimes--become marginally interesting as they reach school age."

"Those don't sound like very good reasons."

"They are good enough for me," he snapped. "Haven't I ruined enough lives already? Do you really want me to ruin more?"

"Sleep on it, dear. Then discuss it rationally with her tomorrow. You may change your mind."

"Not bloody likely with the way she's acting," he muttered. He finished off his wine and rose slightly unsteadily to his feet. "I'm going to bed." It took a moment for the room to stop spinning and the door to settle still.

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Aurelia heard her front door slam shut and pounded her fists against the bed. She knew that Severus was a difficult man, but she had never expected him to be so cruel as to accuse her of bearing Malfoy's child, much less foist it on him. That was not how she had expected him to react. She had expected shock, even perhaps the contraception argument--neither one of them had been thinking about the consequences of their actions--but she had hoped he would have been man enough to accept responsibility for those actions.

To make it worse, he hadn't even really tried to talk to her. He had only knocked once on the door and then stormed off into the night. This was precisely what Marcus had tried to warn her against. Of course, by the time she'd had that discussion with Marcus, it was far too late anyway; she had already given herself to Severus, body and soul.

Needing to speak with someone, she went downstairs to the Floo and asked Michelle to come over. By the time her friend arrived, the kettle was on in the kitchen, and she was clearing the plates from dinner.

"What's wrong?"

"Oh, I've ruined it all." Over tea, Aurelia recapped her evening with Severus. "I don't know what to do now," she moaned when she finished, dabbing at her eyes with her napkin.

"I don't know that there's anything more that you can do. It's up to him, isn't it?"

Aurelia turned the teacup in her hand. "It is, but I just wonder if I couldn't have handled it better. I think my delivery of the news was lacking, since he was starting to get worked up before I even told him."

Michelle moved around the table and wrapped her arm around her friend. "Well, maybe he'll come back tomorrow, or you can send him an owl asking him to come by."

"Do you think he would?" Aurelia asked hopefully.

"I'm sure he was just shocked today. Give him some time. He loves you, so I'm sure he'll feel differently once he's had time to get over the surprise."

"I'm not so sure. He's not really fond of children."

"But he teaches? And you said he's good with the girls."

"Not that we'd talked about it, but I really have the impression he doesn't like young children."

"I'm sure he'll feel differently when it's his."

"I hope so. I don't want to do this by myself." Severus had slowly worked his way into her heart, and she wanted him in her life.

"He loves you. I'm sure he wouldn't desert you like that."

Feeling somewhat better, Aurelia decided she might as well try to get some rest.

The following morning, she went down to the cellar to put the finishing touches on the Wolfsbane Potion. Remus would be coming by later that morning to pick up his doses for the week. It didn't take long to finish the preparation, and she soon had the elixir bottled and packed into a case.

When Remus rang her bell, she was lying in the living room, taking a short nap while she waited. Answering the door, she said, "I've got it all ready. I think there are some serious improvements to this version."

"Are you all right? You look tired." He reached out to place his hand gently on her arm.

"I'm fine. It was a late night last night." She knew she sounded tired and hoped that he wouldn't ask any more questions.

"Oh? Are you sure it wasn't something else? Perhaps to do with Severus?"

"Why would you think that?" she asked suspiciously. While she appreciated his concern, she really didn't want to talk about last night again.

"I saw him stalking across the grounds rather early last night. I wouldn't have expected him to return till much later."

"Oh." She realized that he suspected something, but she wasn't sure if she wanted to confide in him about this. She valued Remus's friendship, and there was the small chance that he would talk to Severus. "We had a bit of an argument last night." After she spoke, she started to wonder how Severus would feel about her involving Remus in this very personal issue.

"Anything I can help with?" he asked gently. "Why don't I put the kettle on, and we can talk about it?"

He had such a soothing presence that she didn't feel she could deny him, and she soon found herself telling him about her predicament over tea. He offered his congratulations when she told him that she was pregnant, and then he listened intently as she continued explaining what was upsetting her.

When she finished, he said, "I can see how that would upset him. Would you like me to try to talk to him?"

"I appreciate the offer, but I think that he should be given the opportunity to come to me first. He might resent you getting involved." There was no 'might' about it; he definitely would resent her involving Remus.

He chuckled softly. "That he would. Though, if he continues to act this foolishly, I'll be more than happy to speak with him."

"Thanks, Remus. I think that perhaps he just needs some time. I know the news was shocking to me; I can only imagine how it must have been for him. After all, it's not something either of us had planned. It just sort of happened."

Wrapping his arm around her, he gave her a reassuring squeeze. "That does happen from time to time. You wouldn't be the first couple."

"I know. I just feel really stupid about it since we both work so closely with potions. And neither of us are children. One of us should have known better and done something about it."

"Everyone makes mistakes, even Severus. Though, I doubt he'd admit it."

She laughed a bit ruefully at his joke. "Thanks, Remus."

"I'm glad if I've helped. Now, if you don't mind, I'm meeting Kalliope for lunch in Diagon Alley."

"Not at all. Your potion is in the case by the door. See you Friday?"

"I'll be here." He gave her a friendly hug and a peck on the cheek. "Let me know if I can do anything to help. Severus may act like he can't stand me, but we have reached a level of professional respect."

"I will. Thank you for everything." Knowing there was one more person on her side made her feel somewhat better, and she didn't feel quite so badly about spending the afternoon alone.

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Severus paced his quarters. He knew that he had to talk to Aurelia again, but he wasn't sure what to say. The last thing he wanted was to be a father. It was the one job that he felt most ill-suited for. There was far too much responsibility involved in raising a child. He would have to talk with her and convince her that this was not something they were ready for. After all, they hadn't even discussed marriage yet. She was reasonable and every bit as set in her life as he was in his. Surely she would understand what he was saying.

It was almost mid-day when he arrived at her house. Nervously, he knocked on the door. When she answered, he asked, "May I come in?"

She stepped aside. "Of course."

He noticed that she seemed a bit tentative and led her into the living room. "About last night, I apologize for my reaction. You caught me off guard."

She smiled weakly. "I know. I could have done a better job of breaking the news to you. I should have just told you rather than scaring you like I did."

"You didn't scare me," he said defensively.

She slid across the sofa to get closer to him. "Well, I at least shocked you. I'm sorry about that. I know that what we did was a monumental mistake..."

"Oh, was it?" He stood up and moved away from her. "Is that what you think sleeping with me was? A monumental mistake?"

"No, it most certainly was not. I was referring to not using contraception."

"Were you? I know how disappointed you were by my performance," he said snidely.

"Is that what you think?" Now she was becoming irritated by his behavior.

"Then why else haven't you been with me since that night? You obviously find me an inadequate partner." Why else hadn't she pursued him?

She rolled her eyes. "Oh, for Merlin's sake. I most certainly do not. You were the one who wanted to wait. Remember? I was only doing what you wanted. You seem to feel that I am some frail creature. Well, I'm not."

A part of him realized that this conversation was going much the same as the one the previous night, but his emotions overruled his logic. "I have seen first hand what that sort of abuse does to a person. I knew you needed time to heal. I was very concerned about you. I didn't want to hurt you."

"But you did." She looked up at him with tear-filled eyes.

"That was not my intent." Now that they were no longer yelling at each other, he decided this was the best time to discuss their course of action. Taking a deep breath, he said, "I do love you, you know that?"

She leaned against him. "I do."

He sighed, knowing that what he had to say would not improve with time. "I just don't know that I'm ready for this. It's a very large step."

She pulled away. "What are you saying?"

"It's still early. You could terminate the pregnancy."

She looked aghast. "Are you serious? You would ask me to take a life?"

"It's not yet a viable life," he argued.

"Not yet. But it will be. You're asking me to kill our child? Is that how little you value our relationship?"

This was not going at all the way he had planned. "You are very special to me, but I am not the sort of person who should ever be a father."

"Then you should have thought of that before we had sex."

"Had you planned on having more children?" he asked, suddenly suspicious.

"I hadn't ruled it out, but I wasn't planning on it either."

"And I'm supposed to believe that?" He began to wonder if she had used him. Was she trying to trap him into marriage?

She stiffened. "If you're going to act this childishly, you can just leave."

He could tell that his last comment had hurt her deeply, that he had obviously said precisely the wrong thing again. "Aurelia..."

"No! I'm serious. Just go. I don't want to deal with you when you're acting like this." She turned her back on him.

He reached out for her, but she pulled away. Once again, he had made a complete mess of the situation. He wasn't sure how to regroup, but further conversation today was not likely to yield anything productive. She was being far too emotional to make the rational decision.

Knowing this time that he would get no useful advice from his mother, he went straight to his quarters when he returned to Hogwarts. Cracking open the bottle of whisky he had purchased on the way, he took a slug straight from the bottle. When one intended to get drunk, there was no point in bothering with a glass.

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Sunday afternoon, Aurelia was trying to keep herself busy. Unfortunately, she really didn't have much of anything to do. The Wolfsbane Potion for the coming week had already been prepared, and she didn't have any other research projects just now. She had planned on spending the day with Severus, but that didn't seem likely anymore. Protectively rubbing her stomach, she still couldn't believe that he had suggested an abortion. She knew that he could be cold and callous, but she had seen that he had a softer side too.

The warning alarms that someone unknown was approaching her house disturbed her from her dusting. Gripping her wand tightly, she carefully crept up to the door. Looking through the peephole, she was quite surprised to see Irma Pince.

Waiting a few seconds after Irma rang the bell, Aurelia opened the door. "Irma. This is an unexpected visit. What brings you here?"

"Severus. May I come in?"

Aurelia looked at Irma curiously for a few seconds. The librarian was the last person she had expected to come talk to her about Severus. "Oh, sorry. Of course. Please, do come in. Can I get you some tea?"

"Please," Irma replied as she was led into the living room.

Aurelia summoned the tea service from the kitchen. "If you don't mind me asking, why are you here to talk to me about Severus?"

Irma smiled at her sadly. "Because I care about him, just as you do. Well, not quite like you do, but we are probably the only two people alive who truly love him."

Aurelia was confused. What Irma was saying made no sense. She was old enough to be Severus's... "What are you trying to say?" she asked cautiously.

"Eighteen years ago, Severus realized that anyone close to him would be in grave danger, especially if Voldemort learned he had changed sides. I was the only one close to him. So he hid me away, with Albus Dumbledore's help. I went from being Eileen Snape to Irma Pince. A few months ago, he removed the spell that had kept me hidden all these years... As you've no doubt begun to guess, I am his mother."

"But why didn't he tell me?" They were close enough that he should have told her his mother was still alive.

Eileen reached over and patted Aurelia's knee. "Come now, dear, you know Severus well enough to know the answer to that question. He is a very private person. Not to mention the fact that I have chosen to keep my real identity secret while I try to determine how this should affect the rest of my life."

"Then why are you telling me this now?" She still couldn't make sense of any of this. It all seemed very far-fetched, but she had learned that Severus was a man of many secrets, so it was at the same time all too believable.

"Because I love Severus, and I know him better than anyone else. He told me that you are expecting, and I've seen how much that scares him."

"So he came to you for advice?" Aurelia asked quietly, wondering if she had approved of the idea of an abortion, too.

"What happened yesterday? I assume it went poorly from how he was behaving this morning, but I don't know the details."

Aurelia summarized how Severus had reacted to the news of her pregnancy and how poorly his apology had gone.

Eileen wrapped Aurelia in a comforting embrace as the younger woman broke down into tears. "Let me talk to him, and then come visit him in a few hours. I'll talk some sense into him."

Wiping her tears on her sleeve, Aurelia asked. "Do you think you really can? I mean, I know this wasn't planned, but I love him, and I want him to be a part of our lives."

"I think that I can. Now, don't you worry. I won't let him abandon my grandchild. He was terribly upset when you decided to return home, so I do know how much he cares about you."

"He was? Then why didn't he say anything?"

"Because he's Severus, dear. He doesn't like to tell anyone anything. Now, take a couple of hours, and think about what you want to say to him. I won't tell him you're coming."

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Severus shoved his food around his plate, lost in thought. He knew he needed to talk to Aurelia again, but the last time he had tried, he had made the situation even worse. Now, it was so bad that he wasn't sure that it could be salvaged.

Remus put down his fork. "Is something bothering you?"

"No," Severus snapped.

"I was picking up my potion yesterday, and I noticed that something was bothering Aurelia, too. If the two of you are having a disagreement about something, perhaps I could help."

"I don't need your help," Severus growled.

"Perhaps 'help' wasn't the right word. I just thought you might appreciate having someone to confide in. I know how helpful it can be."

Slamming his fork down, he said though clenched teeth, "For one who purports to be intelligent, you are incredibly obtuse. I do not wish to discuss my personal life with you."

"Aurelia told me about the predicament the two of you are in. I thought that perhaps I could help you understand how she feels."

"Is that how it is? She can tell you her innermost feelings?" he said bitterly.

When Severus stood, so did Remus, blocking the Potions master's departure. "Severus, she was very upset and needed someone to talk to. I just happened to be there. If you would give her the chance, I'm sure she would talk to you, too."

"Quit meddling in my life, Lupin," Severus said in a low voice before pulling away and storming out of the Great Hall.

Severus was doing what relaxed him most when he was upset; he was in his lab working on potions research. He knew he had a stack of assignments to grade, but he was not in the mood. Brewing complex, potentially dangerous potions required his full attention and would keep his mind off how he had ruined everything with Aurelia.

The door to his lab flew open, causing him to add too much dragon's blood to the small cauldron in front of him, resulting in a bang and a puff of black smoke. He opened his mouth to scold whoever had disturbed him, but Eileen cut him off.

"Severus Snape! What in Merlin's name were you thinking?" Before he could reply, she continued, "How dare you suggest she have an abortion! I raised you better than that."

"I told you, I have no interest in being a father. I was not consulted on this. I was trying to assert my rights," he said defensively.

"No. You were being childish. Thinking only of yourself. You showed no concern for Aurelia's feelings. When you are in a relationship, there has to be give and take."

"So what was I supposed to do? Dance for joy?" he asked sarcastically.

She moderated her tone. "What you should have done was calmly discuss the situation with her. Severus, I know that it was a life altering moment." She sighed. "I've experienced that same moment."

He narrowed his eyes at her. "What do you mean?"

"You were unplanned. It was quite a surprise to your father and me to learn that I was pregnant with you."

"Let me guess, he reacted much the same way that I did? He then married you out of a sense of duty and tormented me, making my life a living hell. Not to mention the resentment he showed you. Further proof that my request was the proper one."

"Severus, listen to me. You love Aurelia, and she loves you. Love is a very precious thing, and you are throwing it away. That is the difference between you and your father: he never truly loved me. Are you really willing to walk away from love?"

He closed his eyes as he tried to shut out her words. The fact that he loved Aurelia was the reason why he had reacted so harshly to the news she was pregnant. He wanted her to himself. Then, he had suddenly been told that he would have to share her with a baby. "No. But I don't know what to do now."

She walked over and put her hand on his shoulder. "Put down your potions, and think of the young woman who loves you. You have made room for her in your life. And you have accepted her daughters. Would it really be so hard to let one more in? Especially a child conceived by two people who love each other. You together with her? Think about it. I'll be in the library if you want to talk more later."

After she left, he found he was unable to concentrate on his work anymore, so he gave up and retired to his quarters. Once there, he paced, trying to sort through his feelings. First the werewolf and now his mother were trying to pressure him into a course of action he did not want to follow. His life had changed so much in the last year, but this was one step that he wasn't sure he was ready to take. He finally settled in the chair before the fire and became lost in his thoughts.

A timid knock at his door disturbed him. Wondering who it was this time, he quickly crossed the room and opened the door. "Aurelia?"

She said softly, "We need to talk. And I mean really talk. No yelling at each other."

Moving aside, he waved her into the room. "Tea?" he offered.

"No, thank you." Taking a seat on his sofa, she said. "I think we should just start over."

Sitting next to her, he asked, "Start over?"

"Pretend that I haven't told you anything yet. Let's see if I can do a better job this time around." She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. When she opened them, she had a broad smile on her face. "I have some wonderful and unexpected news. I'm pregnant."

"This is ridiculous. I already know that."

Reaching over, she picked up his hand and pleaded, "Please, Severus. Just play along."

He sighed. "Fine. Are you sure?"

She giggled at the lack of emotion in his question. "I am. I know that we hadn't planned on this happening, and we probably should have been more careful, but I wanted you so badly that I wasn't thinking clearly." Sliding across the sofa, she wrapped her arms around him. "I'm sorry it happened this way. But I'm not sorry it happened."

Now that he was rationally listening to her words, he found that it really was working better. "It was not solely your fault. I should have done my part to make sure we were safe." She merely held him, not saying anything, and he stroked her hair. "What do we do now?" he asked softly.

"I want you to be a part of our lives. I believe a child should have a father."

"I don't know that I am very promising father material," he replied honestly. This was definitely going much better than their other two conversations.

She laughed softly. "No first time parent is perfect. Probably not the second time or the third, either, for that matter. But it's not like you would be doing this alone. I do have a little bit of experience, you know."

He smiled at her remark. "Yes, I know that. I just... I had a very unpleasant childhood and do not have much of an example to draw upon."

"I think we could handle it just fine. You're a quick study."

"I suppose we would have to get married."

She pulled away from him, a look of shock on her face. "I imagine that has to be the least enthusiastic and romantic marriage proposal in the history of mankind," she said sarcastically.

He realized that he had been thinking aloud. "I didn't mean it like that."

Leaning forward, she silenced him with a kiss. "It's all right." She was smiling at him warmly. "That is exactly what I have come to expect from you. I don't need an elaborate proposal or anything like that. I just need to know that you love me and want to be with me."

Pulling her into his lap, he replied, "I do. And I suppose that I do have time to get used to the idea of being a father."

Placing her arms on his shoulders, she said, "A whole nine months."

"I guess we have a lot to talk about now, don't we? Wedding arrangements, living arrangements, telling the girls."

"We do, but I think that can wait a little while." She leaned forward and kissed him deeply.

"What are you doing?" Not that he really minded being kissed by her.

"Making up with you." She kissed him again, running her had down his chest and unbuttoning his shirt.

Returning her kiss, he lowered her to the sofa. The idea of experiencing 'make-up sex' excited him. Breaking the kiss, he nibbled at her neck while he fumbled with the buttons on the front of her robe. Her hands caressed his bare chest, and he momentarily wondered how she had unbuttoned his shirt so quickly, since he still had a great deal of trouble with her buttons.

Finally, he had the front of her robes unbuttoned. Pushing her bra out of the way, he teased her nipple with his tongue, pleased when she moaned his name.

Pushing her skirt up, he was surprised to notice that she wasn't wearing any knickers. She smiled mischievously at him, and he captured her mouth in a penetrating kiss, eager to experience the pleasure of her intimate company again.

When they were both panting in excitement and relief, she laced her fingers in his hair and pulled him closer for a kiss. "Thank you," she said softly.

"Thank you," he replied before shifting so that he was next to her on the sofa.

She snuggled against him, draping her arm and her leg over him. "I really do love you."

"And I love you, too." He just reveled in the feel of her for a few moments. "When did you want to get married?"

"Sooner is better, but I know that you can't get any time off until the Easter holidays. We could get married end of February, but postpone our honeymoon until April."

"Why so late?" When she had said 'sooner', he had thought within the next few weeks, not the end of next month.

"That would let us arrange a place for the wedding and reception, and give people some warning so they could be there."

He stiffened. A part of him had thought they would elope with the minimum amount of fuss. "People?"

"Helen, Julia, Michelle and her family, Marcus, Remus, Kalliope, Adrian, your mother, anyone else you wanted to invite." She nuzzled against him and kissed his neck. "It would be a simple ceremony and reception, nothing elaborate. We could keep it quiet. Though, people might notice.

"Notice what?"

"If I was living here, silly," she said playfully.

He realized that he had not considered living arrangements. "You would move here?"

"I'm sure that you could get Adrian to arrange a Floo connection from here to my office. Did you not want me to move here?"

He held her tightly. "Of course I want you to move here. I never wanted you to leave. I'm sure we can make the necessary... arrangements." The fact that she wanted to move in with him, made him ecstatic. This was a very pleasant turn of events.

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A/N: As always, my undying gratitude goes to my loyal beta readers, nota and Zen Lady, who keep me straight and listen to my crazy ideas. Also, thanks to all who have read and left reviews. Your kind words mean a great deal to me.