Beholden To No Man

Chapter 5

Severus knocked on Aurelia's door mid-afternoon. He had hoped to arrive in the morning, but he had been bombarded with last minute paperwork. Hopefully, he would not have to concern himself with anything related to Hogwarts over the next two weeks.

Julia answered the door. "Good afternoon, Professor. We've been expecting you. Mum's down in the cellar."

"Thank you." After taking his bag to the guest room, he headed to the cellar. When he opened the door, he was not pleased with what he heard.

Aurelia was laughing. "Oh, Remus, that is just too much."

"I thought you might appreciate it."

What was the werewolf doing here? He was not due to take his Wolfsbane potion for another three days. Severus scowled as he descended the stairs.

Remus was the first to see him. "Good afternoon, Severus."

Aurelia paused in her work. "Welcome. We were wondering when you might arrive. Remus, could you hand me the dried Mandrake."

Severus grimaced at the fact that Lupin was familiar with where she kept her ingredients as he watched that creature head directly for the proper jar. The two of them had obviously been spending a great deal of time together. Time she had not seen fit to tell him about.

As she chopped the Mandrake into tiny pieces, she said, "This will be ready to simmer in a few minutes."

Remus, not wanting to endure Snape's glare, replied, "I'll go upstairs and make sure dinner is off to a good start."

Severus watched Lupin ascend the stairs. Once the door was closed, he asked, "What is he doing here?"

Aurelia finished chopping the Mandrake, added it to the cauldron and began stirring the potion. "Answering a few questions for me. I needed to know some of his medical history."

"And he's staying for dinner?"

"Do you have a problem with that?"

Severus thought for several seconds before replying. "It's bad enough that I have to suffer his presence during the school year. I had thought that I would get a respite during the holidays."

She momentarily paused in her stirring. "I would have hoped that the two of you had gotten past that. You were at least civil to each other while we were on the Lethifold hunt."

"My free time is limited, and I prefer to choose the company of those I share it with." When she chose to ignore him, he continued. "What were the two of you laughing about before I arrived?"

"He was telling me some amusing anecdotes to pass the time," she replied casually.

"About me, no doubt," he said bitterly.

"No. They were not about you. We have not discussed you very much." She saw him arch his eyebrow. "Contrary to popular belief, the world does not revolve around you." His expression did not improve. She had a thought about that and couldn't control the smile. "Are you jealous that I'm spending time with him?"

"Do not try and change the subject."

She retorted, "I'm not trying to change the subject. I've told you, he's just a friend, someone who understands what I've been through."

"And what am I?" he asked before he realized what he had just said. He was not the sort of person that usually discussed his feelings. His conversations with his mother must be affecting his judgment. While it was a question he had longed to ask, he feared to have it answered. Without the answer, he could continue to imagine the possibility that she saw him as something more than a friend, perhaps even a lover. Her answer could destroy that possibility.

She stared at him in silence for several seconds, not quite sure how to answer that question.

"What am I?" he asked quietly. She was not answering. His suspicion that she preferred the werewolf seemed likely to be confirmed. He knew it had been wrong to hope that she felt something for him. The kiss had been a fluke; she would be like all the others.

Looking away from him, she replied, "I don't know. More than a friend..."

Tentatively, he reached out for her, but, unsure if she would welcome his touch, he held himself back. "How much more?" Now that the question was asked, he would have an answer, even if it was one he dreaded.

"I don't know, yet. It hasn't been that long since Henry died."

Severus stepped away at the mention of her husband. Now, he knew where he stood, and it was behind a memory.

Turning to face him, she said, "Severus, don't go. It's just hard for me, but I do like you." She paused a few seconds. "I just want to take things slowly."

He could swear that she sounded scared, something he was not used to her showing. Stepping back toward her, he asked, "How slow?"

"I don't know." She turned away from him and hugged herself. "If you can be patient with me... I know I've acted odd lately..." her voice trailed off and she began pacing.

He wasn't quite sure what to say at this point. This was a completely unfamiliar situation for him. "I need you to trust me if I am to be 'more than a friend.'"

"I do trust you," she said quietly.

"Then I need you to talk to me. To help me to understand what it is you want, what you mean." He had no basis of reference for anything he was experiencing, or what exactly she meant by 'more than a friend'.

"I'll do my best. Can you be patient with me?"

"I will try to be patient, but you are aware that is not my strong suit, aren't you?"

She laughed at his self-deprecating joke. Almost immediately, she realized that he had not been making a joke. "I'm sorry. I wasn't laughing at you."

"Oh no?" he asked as he arched an eyebrow. "You believe that I would make a joke by insulting myself?"

"I'm sorry. I used to joke around... I momentarily forgot that's not the sort of thing you would do." After several long seconds of uncomfortable silence, she turned to face him. "I think we should go upstairs and see how dinner is progressing."

*************

Severus was thankful that Lupin left shortly after dinner. When they retired to the living room, Helen pulled the Parcheesi game from the shelf. "Would you like to play a game?"

Remembering his previous failure at this game, Severus was not inclined to play, but everyone else was interested, and he realized this was the best way to spend time with Aurelia. They gathered around the coffee table and he found himself sitting across from her.

Throughout the game, he kept catching her glancing at him. He found that for once in his life, he did not mind losing. He would prove to her that he was worthy of her attention. Helen managed to win both games. In the second game, he noticed that Aurelia made quite a show of sending one of his pieces back to the starting point. "Sorry," she apologized with a playful grin.

When the game was over, Aurelia had the girls put away the game and she collected the dishes.

He followed her and leaned against the doorframe to the kitchen while she cleaned the dishes, admiring the curves of her body as she used charms to do the dishes. When she turned around, he asked, "Would you care for a nightcap?"

"Not tonight, I think. It's been a rather busy day, and I have to get up early tomorrow," she replied nervously, not meeting his eyes.

"You have to work?" This was something he had not anticipated.

"The hospital doesn't close for the holidays. I'll see you in the morning." She smiled at him a few seconds before saying, "Girls, time to get ready for bed."

"But, Mum, we're on vacation," protested Julia.

"That doesn't mean there are no rules. Upstairs." She followed her daughters upstairs.

He watched her walk upstairs, feeling his heart pounding in his chest. He had hoped that she would have stayed and that they could have talked. There were many questions that he wanted answered, but he was getting the impression she was afraid to be alone with him. He wanted to understand that fear, but he couldn't do that unless they spent time together.

Retiring to the library, he poured a drink and tried to make sense of the day's events. She had invited him to stay for the holidays, which indicated that she liked him. She had admitted as much in the cellar. But now that he was here, he was being ignored. As soon as they had started to have a real conversation downstairs, she had looked for a reason to leave.

What he really needed was a guide to female emotions; something to translate her behavior into something he could understand.

*****************

Aurelia felt guilty. She had invited Severus here, but now she was not spending much time with him. Every time she was alone with him, what she felt scared her. From the way he looked at her, she knew that he found her attractive. When she flirted with him, she could get him to smile. It wasn't much of a smile, but it made quite an improvement in his appearance. And the fact that he had given her that necklace for her birthday meant he felt something for her.

She thought she might feel the same thing, but she still wasn't sure she was ready for that. When he had asked her where he stood with her, she had been truthful that she didn't know. Consequently, she did not trust herself to be alone with him. It was completely irrational, but it was unavoidable. The rational part of her mind knew that talking to him was what she should do, what he needed her to do. Their conversation in the cellar the other day had not been much, but she wasn't sure what else to say. He had already admitted that he had little experience in relationships. She didn't think she could possibly cover everything in one short discussion.

She wanted to move forward, but the memories of the past haunted her, held her back. They were not something she wanted to talk about, as necessary as it might be. The last two nights, he had tried to get her to stay and talk after the girls had gone to bed, and she had told him that she needed to get some rest for work. It wasn't really the truth, but it was the only way she could see to avoid dealing with her feelings.

"Are you okay, Mum?" Helen asked.

"Of course I am. Why do you ask?"

"You seem distracted. Are you going downstairs to talk to Professor Snape?"

"Not tonight. I have to get up early for work."

"You should spend more time with him."

"Oh, really?"

"Really. I like him. He's nice to me." Helen smiled slyly and sat up. "Can I tell you a secret?"

Aurelia was curious about her daughter's behavior. "Of course."

Helen cupped her hand and whispered, "I think he likes you. Has he kissed you?"

Aurelia gently pushed Helen against the bed. "Good night, young lady," she said sternly.

"I won't mind if you do."

Aurelia arched an eyebrow at her daughter before dousing the lights and closing the door.

Once she was alone in her room, she considered Helen's words. At least one of her daughters approved of her having a relationship with Severus. She started pacing and decided that nothing would be gained from talking with Severus tonight other than frustrating them both.

While Helen might approve of the relationship, what would everyone else think? After all, he had been her patient not that long ago. Of course, Michelle seemed to think that enough time had passed. Aurelia just wasn't sure. It had been sixteen years since the last time she had been courted, and she had been incredibly nervous then. Then again, she had invited him for the holidays, knowing how he felt about her.

Deciding she needed to relax, she drew a bath before turning in for the night.

*****************

Snape was at breakfast, reading the paper. He had gotten up early in the hopes of having a pleasant and relaxing conversation with Aurelia, but she had not stayed long, barely getting anything to eat. He was frustrated with how she seemed to be avoiding him. Helen was sitting across from him, eating her cereal.

Helen asked, "Do you like Mum?"

"I beg your pardon?" He wanted to ensure that he had indeed heard the question correctly.

"Do you like Mum?"

"Your mother is a good friend."

"Is that all?"

He couldn't believe he was discussing his love life with an eleven year old. "We are friends." He buried his head back behind his paper.

"Did you know she likes you?"

He almost choked on his tea. "Didn't your mother task you and your sister with cleaning up the yard today?"

"Yes, Professor."

"Then I suggest you wake her, so the two of you can finish before the impending storm."

"Yes, sir," she replied sullenly.

He couldn't believe Helen's audacity. She may have been sorted into Slytherin, but she still had a great many things to learn about scheming. Her tactic was far too obvious. For a moment, Severus considered using Helen as a way to get Aurelia to speak with him, but then he decided that would not work. Still, one way or another, he would get Aurelia to confide in him tonight.

*****************

Severus had decided to go searching for obscure books rather than spending all day at the house alone. The girls were with their friends, and Aurelia had to work, though she would be taking time off between Christmas and New Year's. He was able to find a few books that he had been looking for. Unfortunately, most of the rare books were being purchased to replenish the Hogwarts library. He almost felt guilty acquiring these books for his personal use, but he knew these books had no purpose in students' hands. In fact, by acquiring these books for his personal use, he was ensuring they would not cause trouble in the library.

When he finished shopping, he realized it was still early and decided to see if he could gain insight into Aurelia's behavior from his mother. Her advice had been sound in the past.

He found her in the nearly deserted library. "Severus? What are you doing here? Did something go wrong?"

He glared at the two second years seated at the table, and they quickly gathered their bags and hurried out of the library. With a wave of his wand, he locked the door. "Not exactly wrong. Truthfully, I'm not sure how it's going."

"Whatever do you mean?" She conjured a tea service and poured for them both.

"She seems to be avoiding me. I am almost tempted to say that she doesn't want me there, but she is quite friendly when her children are around."

Eileen sipped her tea as she considered her reply. "Have you made any progress?"

He ignored his tea and was pacing, lost in thought. "She admitted that I am more than a friend. I couldn't get her to commit more than that." He spun to face his mother. "Oh, I forgot to mention, the werewolf was there, laughing and joking with her when I arrived."

"Remus?"

"How many werewolves do we know? Of course it was Lupin."

"And you worry she is choosing him over you?"

"I don't know. She claims they are nothing more than friends who have suffered similar losses, but..."

"It is possible for a man and a woman to be friends. You were friends with Minerva for a number of years."

"That's different. She was much older. He's our age."

"Unless you think she was hiding something from you, you should take her word that they are just friends. Did she say anything other than admitting that you are more than a friend?"

"She said she wants to take it slow. What does that mean? How do you take something slow? You either care about someone or you don't."

A broad smile spread across Eileen's face. "She does care about you."

"Funny way of showing it," he interrupted.

"She's scared. I felt the same way after your father died."

"What? I thought you would have been relieved to be free of that bastard." The last thing he wanted was his mother making a comparison with Aurelia. "Her husband was not a brutal, heartless bastard. From everything I can gather, he was well loved, well respected, everything I'm not. What does she see in me?"

"Ask her."

He froze in his tracks. "Are you daft?"

"You are never going to move your relationship forward if you don't talk openly with her. If she were to talk with me, I would give her the same advice I'm giving you. I don't know what she means about moving slow, you are going to have to ask her."

This was not the answer he wanted to hear. He wanted a solution, a translation of female emotions. "It's getting late. I should be returning."

"Talk to her, Severus. Ask her questions," she called to his retreating back.

Returning to her house, he was surprised that it seemed to be deserted. Aurelia should have been home from work by now. He walked toward the kitchen to see if she had left a note, and he noticed the door to the cellar was open. He could hear noises coming from downstairs and went to investigate. "Aurelia?"

"Down here," she called.

He noticed that she seemed to be emptying out her storage room. "What are you doing?"

"Getting ready for Remus' arrival."

"He's going to transform here?" Severus asked in surprise.

"How else can I keep an eye on him?"

"Your children are here. What if something goes wrong?"

"It went well last month. I have hopes that this month will be an improvement even over that. Besides, I have a laboratory here with an impressive potions stock to treat any side effects, and a direct Floo connection to St. Mungo's."

"But what if he gets loose? You are risking your children's safety, not to mention your own." He couldn't believe that she was going to go through with this.

"I'll have you know my father built this house. There is no way that Remus can escape. I have applied a number of charms to that door to ensure there is no way he can break through it. I have taken all necessary precautions. Remember, I have dealt with werewolves before, including transformed ones. Now, you can either help or leave," she replied defensively.

Deciding the only way he could protect her from this ridiculous idea was to stay, he replied tersely, "I'll assist you."

They worked silently for nearly a minute before she said, "You know what your problem is? Your ego can't handle the fact that anyone can do anything better than you."

"My ego?" he shot back. "I think that your ego is by far worse than mine. Belby spent his entire life working on the Wolfsbane Potion and he was never able to get any further than allowing the patient to retain his sanity. Now, you think that you can cure lycanthropy in a matter of months just because you are in love with a werewolf?"

"I am not in love with Remus. I've told you that," she replied forcefully as she slammed the box to the floor.

He crossed his arms. "Oh, no? Then how do you explain your behavior?" One way or another, he would get her to admit her feelings and find out where he stood.

She stared at him for several seconds before returning to her work. "Severus Snape, you are a foolish man."

"Yes, I am."

She was taken aback that he agreed with her. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"You know exactly what I mean. You led me on, gave me hope where there was none."

She stopped moving boxes out of the storage room. "I did what?"

"You heard me. You acted as though you cared about me, treated me well, just so you could use my knowledge. You're no better than anyone else who has ever used me."

She closed the distance and started poking him in the chest with her finger, fire burning in her eyes. "Take that back."

Raising himself to his full height, he replied, "I most certainly will not."

"After everything I've done, I don't know how you can say that. Just because I care about making the wizarding world a better place, and happen to be doing it without your help, does not mean that you can treat me like this. I have told you before, if you are going to be rude, you are not welcome in my house." She placed her hands on her hips, insulted by his accusation.

"But it is acceptable for you to be rude to me?" he retorted.

"You are an exasperating man."

Her cheeks were flushed and he saw that her eyes were dilated. While she was trying to be angry with him, he didn't think that was truly the case. He didn't think she had ever looked more beautiful. "And you are an infuriating woman."

"I am not."

"Oh, no?" He took a step closer to her. "You flirt with me, send me signals that you are interested, yet at the same time you find ways to push me away. And you have been avoiding me ever since our last conversation."

"I haven't been avoiding you," she replied guiltily.

"Why must you play these games with me? I thought we were old enough that we didn't have to do that." He looked into her pale eyes, trying to discern what she thought about him.

"We are."

"Are you afraid of me?" he asked softly as he took another step toward her He could see the blush of her cheeks. She could deny her attraction all she wanted, but her body betrayed her mind. He just needed her to realize that.

"No, it's just..." She didn't get a chance to finish, because he trapped her against the wall with his arms. After staring into her eyes for a few seconds, he captured her mouth in a passionate kiss. She momentarily struggled half-heartedly before giving in to her passions and returning the kiss with equal ardor.

Severus was pleased to feel her wrap her arms around him. He let his hands do exploring of their own, feeling the curves of her body. She started moaning and pulling him tightly to her, encouraging him to continue. He could feel her hands sliding down his back, caressing him. He enjoyed the way she rubbed up against him, and he pushed her against the worktable. Longing to feel her bare skin, he slipped his hand underneath her skirt.

******************

"Aurelia? Are you down here?" Remus called from the top of the stairs.

Aurelia and Severus quickly separated, trying to act like nothing had happened. "Yes," she replied.

When Remus descended the stairs, he said, "Hello, Severus," before turning his attention back to Aurelia. "Is everything ready?"

"Just about. I have a few more things to move out of the storage room. Your potion is on the table." She avoided making eye contact with Remus, feeling guilty about what had just happened.

He looked at the smoking goblet. "Wonderful, thanks," he replied sarcastically.

Aurelia saw Severus leaving and wanted to stop him, but thought that drawing attention to him was not the best idea at the moment. "I'll work on the taste once we have the potion refined. There's no point in focusing on how it tastes yet."

He sighed. "I know." Lending a hand, they had the rest of the stuff cleaned out of the storage area in short order. "So, you and Severus?"

"Me and Severus what?" she asked innocently.

"He's a good man. A tad rough around the edges, but a good man. I'm glad to see he has a friend in you. He's not particularly close to any of the rest of us."

"He's not an easy man to be friends with." This wasn't a conversation she was comfortable having. She still didn't know what she wanted. No, that was not entirely true. She knew what she wanted, she just wasn't sure when, and the kiss had only served to further confuse her.

Remus chuckled softly. "No, I imagine not. I don't think friendship is something he's had much experience with. I've, uh, worked with him the last few years, and if you have any questions about him, I'd be more than happy to answer them."

"I'll keep that in mind." She knew that Severus was not happy with the amount of time she already spent with Remus. Somehow she doubted that increasing it would improve her relationship with him. She still couldn't believe that he had kissed her, that she had kissed him back, that they would have done more if Remus hadn't arrived.

But Remus was in a position of being able to understand her situation more than anyone else. "Is it too soon?" she asked before she lost her nerve.

"No. Moonrise is in about fifteen minutes. The timing is just right."

"Not that. For Severus. Is it too soon for me to think about another man romantically?"

He set the last box down and moved closer to her. "Sadly, you are the only one who can answer that question. I know you've told me that you accept Henry's death, and that is the first important step. If you truly have accepted that, and you are now ready to open your heart to someone else, it is not too soon. And you are one of the few people I know who can tolerate being in close quarters with him."

They both laughed at his joke. "How did you know?"

He gave her a sly grin. "I teach teenagers at a boarding school. Do you know how many times I have walked into a deserted area of the castle and seen that same attempt to hide guilt?"

He took a look around the dark room. "It's nearly time. I guess I'll see you later?"

"I'll come back and check on you about an hour after moonrise."

"Aurelia, be careful. We don't know what your modifications will do."

"Don't worry. I'm always careful." She gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Good luck."

She tried to determine what she would say to Severus. Remus' words had provided some comfort, had confirmed that she wasn't totally insane. As she thought about it, the heady rush of that first kiss caused her to blush. Remus had mentioned teenagers, and that was exactly how she felt. The only thing to do now was to ask Severus about the kiss.

She found Severus in the library. "What was the meaning of that?" she asked cautiously.

He put down the book he had been reading. "Meaning of what?"

"What do you think? The kiss."

"I thought you rather enjoyed it," he replied as he rose to his feet.

She shifted her stance. "That's not the point. We discussed..."

"No. We haven't discussed anything. You have been avoiding me."

"I have not. I've had a lot of work to do in preparation for the end of the year and taking some time off." That was the truth, wasn't it? Or was he right? Was she avoiding him? Even though she had known him for more than six months, things all seemed to be moving much too quickly.

She could feel her heart pounding in her chest. She had enjoyed the kiss, and part of her wanted another one. Her resolve was fading. Suddenly, she didn't think she could have this discussion. "I should get dinner started," she stammered as he took a step toward her.

"It can wait." He took another step toward her.

"The girls will be home soon." She was desperately looking for a reason to flee, afraid to face the emotions boiling to the surface.

"Not for about an hour," he whispered, the lust clear in his voice.

"Severus," she protested weakly. He was so close. She could easily reach up and kiss him again. His breath was hot on her cheek.

She could feel herself on the verge of losing control again, and it frightened her. She should be able to control her impulses. When he leaned forward to kiss her, she tried to pull back, but he had his fingers wrapped in her hair. Her resistance melted as his lips met hers. This was what she wanted, whether she was willing to admit it or not. Wrapping her arms around him, she deepened the kiss.

He backed toward the sofa, and fell on it rather awkwardly, pulling her with him. There was no doubt in her mind how he felt about her. His hands were caressing her back, lacing through her hair. She slid her hands under his shoulders, and trailed them down his side. Once again, she found herself enjoying the pleasure of being close to another person. After several seconds, she pulled away, gasping for air. "Severus, no." She started pulling away.

He pulled her back on top of him. "'No' what?"

"Not like this." Halfheartedly, she tried to pull away. She wasn't sure she was ready to face the myriad of emotions that being with him invoked.

He shifted around so that he was on top. She wasn't going to escape quite that easily. "Not like what? Not with me?"

"No, that's not what I mean." She didn't get to finish as they suddenly heard a loud banging coming from the cellar.

Severus tried to hold her close. "Ignore him." He wanted his answers now.

The banging kept coming in groups of three. "I can't do that. Something might be wrong." They heard a howl echoing up from the cellar. She pulled harder against his grip. "Something's not right."

He sighed and let her up, knowing that she wasn't going to change her mind.

When they arrived at the cellar, he held his wand at the ready. "You aren't really going to open that door, are you? You heard the howl." To accentuate his statement, another howl came from behind the door.

She could hear the pain behind the howl and knew she needed to aid Remus if she could. After all, she was responsible for his current predicament. "Look, if he wasn't in his right mind, he wouldn't be able to bang in groups of three, would he?" she rationalized. Remus was alternately banging on the door and howling.

"I expect not. Still, you should stand back, and we'll open the door magically. If he tries to attack, we can stun him. If both of us do so at the same time, it should throw him back in the room long enough for us to lock the door again."

Moving away from the door, she acquiesced, "Fine."

Severus opened the door, and they both froze in shock at what they saw.