Beholden To No Man

Chapter 4

Severus arrived early at the Three Broomsticks and took the table in the corner. Since he wasn't sure what was going to happen, he preferred as much privacy as he could get in this public setting. While he waited, he tried to imagine the possible outcomes of the evening. He focused on the positive. After failing to capitalize on the previous kiss, he was determined not to let that happen again. Especially since that kiss had unleashed feelings he hadn't been aware of before.

When he noticed his glass of ale was nearly empty, he checked his watch and saw that it was nearly a quarter after the hour. It wasn't like Aurelia to be late.

"Severus, I'm so sorry. I overslept," Aurelia apologized as she took the seat across from him.

He was pleasantly surprised to see that she was wearing the necklace. "It's nothing to worry about. I've been enjoying my drink. The necklace looks lovely on you."

Aurelia blushed and placed her hand on the necklace. "It's quite lovely, but it really is too extravagant a gift."

He reached across the table and pulled her hand away from the necklace. "It's nothing. The necklace belonged to my mother, and it's been sitting in a box for more than twenty years. Something that beautiful should not be locked away, out of sight." He gave her a small smile.

She pulled her hand away from his. "But still..."

He interrupted. "It looks lovely, and I think it is the perfect birthday present for one who has been so loyal a friend." When she pulled her hand away from his, he felt a small measure of disappointment.

She smiled back. "All right." Eager to change the subject, she continued, "How have classes been? You haven't written me much about them lately."

"More of the usual. I am not holding out hope that any of my seventh years will be good enough for work at St. Mungo's. As I had feared, they have suffered from their two years under Slughorn's instruction." While he had excelled at Potions, he had never been one of Slughorn's favorites. "I believe I may still be able to salvage a few of the sixth years. He was always more concerned about his sphere of influence rather than holding the students to standards of excellence."

"How is your rewrite of Advanced Potions coming?"

Severus paused a few minutes, answering only after they had placed their orders. "Slowly. Between grading student work and the administrative duties of being Deputy, I have had little time to devote to that project. I hope to find more time this summer. Thankfully, the publisher has been quite understanding." They had discussed over research how some of the Potions were now out of date. Julia had been mostly responsible for his decision to revise the book, since she had discussed several of them with her mother throughout the first half of the year. While she might not be a N.E.W.T. student, many of the sixth years had asked her questions since she did seem to have some natural affinity for Potions.

"Well, if you'd like some help this summer, I'm available."

"I wouldn't want to intrude," he replied politely.

"Nonsense. We liked having you around last summer."

He tried not to get his hopes up at this statement.

They chatted pleasantly throughout dinner. Aurelia's discomfort over the necklace seemed to have vanished.

While settling the bill, Severus found that he didn't want her to leave just yet. "Would you care to walk with me a bit?" he asked. What he wanted to say to her, he didn't want to say in a public setting. Outside, they would have some privacy.

"Of course," she replied in a relaxed tone. The excellent dinner, the glass of ale, and the conversation centered on purely professional topics had all conspired to lull her into a pleasant state of somewhat weary contentment.

It was a crisp November evening, but without the wind, it was nevertheless quite pleasant. They walked down the road to Hogwarts in silence until they found themselves quite apart from any fellow travelers. Severus finally broke the silence and said, "I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable when I gave you the necklace."

"It's all right. It's just been a long time since anyone other than Henry gave me jewelry," she replied sadly.

Not wanting to dampen the mood, he said, "You are a very special woman," he said. He paused a moment, trying to decide how to continue. "I thought you should know how much I appreciate everything you have done for me."

"It was nothing," she replied quietly.

"To you, maybe. You are a Healer and have devoted your life to helping people. To me, it meant a lot. Very few times in my life have I ever been the recipient of an act of kindness." It was hard for him to admit this truth, but now he finally had. Of course, she had seen him at his absolute worst. She had held his life in her hands and still she had let him live. She had seen a side of him that very few ever had.

"As you said, it is my job," she replied demurely.

By now, they were well out of town, and he stopped suddenly, forcing her to turn back to face him. "No one would have faulted you if I had succumbed to the poison. I'm sure that when you saved my life, you had no way to be sure where my loyalties lay. For that, I thank you." Placing his hand on her cheek, he slowly leaned toward her.

She shifted nervously and backed away from him. "Thank you for the dinner, Severus, but I must be going. I'm still quite exhausted."

Before he could say anything else, she was gone with a crack of Disapparition. Severus watched the spot where she had been. She had given him all the signs. He could not have been wrong! She had accepted his gift, and then she had come out to dinner with him. She had even flirted with him during the meal, of that, he was positive. He could not fathom what he had done wrong. Perhaps he should have listened to his mother and chosen a different gift. Why did women have to be so complicated? He kicked at the dirt before continuing up the road to Hogwarts.

Twice in a row, he had ruined a potentially romantic moment. Perhaps he had misread the signs. She was polite, and perhaps she was too polite to return the gift; she had protested at dinner that it was too extravagant. A part of him thought that he should just move on, forget about her, but he couldn't. The memory of the kiss and thoughts about what might have been, what might still be, invaded his thoughts. He had far too much invested in this to forget about her now.

He should have been used to the rejection. Normally, attractive women, ones whom he had not paid, did not bestow him much attention, and definitely not attention of a romantic nature. Aurelia had. She had treated him like a friend, and something more besides. Now, she was rejecting him, telling him that he wasn't good enough. Perhaps she felt that she had made a mistake when she had kissed him.

*****************

Aurelia thought about going to talk to Michelle, but it was getting late, and she knew David's family was staying with them. If she went over there, Mrs. Parker was sure to drag her into the house and ask her a million questions.

Instead, she went home and tried to make some sense of the evening over a glass of wine. First there was the necklace. She hadn't been sure how to react to that when she'd received it. True, when she and Severus had last parted, she had kissed him on the lips. But that had been nothing more than an odd impulse birthed from an awkward silence, hadn't it? Besides, he hadn't returned the kiss. They were just friends. That's what she believed as she drank her first glass of wine.

He must have taken that kiss as a sign that she was interested in something more than friendship. At first, he had made the gift seem innocent, just a token of gratitude. In hindsight, she realized that might not have been the case. He had looked at her in a way he never had before; she just hadn't noticed at the time. It was as though he was seeing her as a woman for the first time. But she had encouraged it, hadn't she?

By the time she had finished her second glass of wine, she was convinced that he did indeed want more. His behavior had been a sure indicator of that. And how had she behaved? She had run away. Now what would he think of her? First she encouraged his attention, now she was running away as soon he reciprocated.

Feeling the effects of the wine these drinks on top of what she had already imbibed at dinner the Three Broomsticks, she found it increasingly difficult to put together a coherent thought and decided she might as well turn in for the night. As she drifted to sleep, her mind replayed the evening's events, though in this version, she did not run away when he tried to kiss her and fell asleep wondering if his kiss would have been gentle and tentative or more forceful.

*****************

He paced in front of his desk. On the desk sat a clean sheet of parchment. He had already crumpled three drafts, and thrown them into the waste bin. This was the sort of thing that one did not generally put in a letter, and he was having a great deal of difficulty.

Finally, he sat down to try again.

My dear Aurelia,

It was very good to see you again. That necklace really does look lovely on you. The blue of the stone accentuates your eyes.

I apologize if I did anything to make you feel uncomfortable. I enjoy your company, and I would hate to think that by acting rashly, I have done anything to offend you.

He stopped and considered his next words carefully. He was supposed to spend some time over the Christmas holiday with her, but he wasn't sure how to phrase the rest of the letter.

If you would prefer that I not visit over the holidays to help with your work on the Wolfsbane Potion, I fully understand. I only hope that I have not done anything to jeopardize our friendship.

Your servant,
Severus

He looked at the letter. It was as good as he could make it. He had never been one for flowery prose, but then he doubted that was the sort of letter Aurelia wanted anyway. After all, they were both mature individuals, not lovestruck teenagers.

Before he could change his mind, he sealed it and summoned a post owl.

**************

For two days he fretted, wondering if he had ruined it all. Of course, the students couldn't really tell the difference. That was one advantage of having a reputation for being a surly bastard.

Wednesday morning, the post owl brought him another letter. Thankfully, he was sitting at the end of the table and wouldn't have to suffer through the Headmaster's comments. Adrian was every bit as bad as Dumbledore in that regard. Sinistra, however, ignored his letter, giving him the privacy he desired.

Severus,

You are not the one who should be apologizing. I should be the one apologizing to you. You just caught me off guard, I was weary from all of the extra work that I have been attending to, and I was a little unnerved by the unexpected attention you showed me. I shouldn't have run.

We would be happy to have you stop by over the holidays at your convenience. I may take the girls in to London one day, but that will be the extent of our travels. If you let me know when you are coming, I'll make sure it's not that day.

I had a lovely time at dinner, and I wouldn't mind doing it again.

I look forward to your visit and will have the guest room prepared for you.

Yours truly,
Aurelia

He did his best to maintain his calm exterior. She was not angry with him, and was not spurning him. Now he just had to determine if she was encouraging him or not. He didn't want to drive her away.

Before his first class, he took the letter up to the library. He placed it on the desk in front of his mother. "Perhaps you can translate this for me?" She already knew about the events that had led to the letter he had written.

Eileen picked up the letter. After a few minutes, she said, "I don't think this needs any translation. It's friendly, as she's still inviting you for the holidays, and she did apologize. You said she was widowed only a year ago. I suppose it has to be a little frightening for her to be entering into another relationship."

"Especially one with me," he muttered.

"Now, Severus, don't be so hard on yourself. As you've said, she's already kissed you once. Just let her set the pace. Don't be too hasty with her." She would have said more, but students were entering the library. "Patience, Professor Snape. It will take time."

He picked up his letter and grunted as he left the library, nearly knocking over an unsuspecting first year.

***************

Severus sighed. He was already late for Adrian's infernal Christmas party. He figured he was about as late as he could manage without someone coming to look for him. He sighed as he picked up the gift he had purchased. Fate continued her cruel twist on his life, and he had selected Lupin in the Secret Santa draw.

When he walked into the staff lounge, Adrian quickly moved to his side. "I was about to send Argus for you. I thought you had forgotten."

"I would never forget. I was merely detained with work. Where should I put the gift?"

"On the table. We'll hand them out later. Here, you'll feel better after a couple of these." Adrian handed Severus a glass of eggnog.

Severus took a sniff of the drink; he could tell immediately that it was laced with a copious amount of alcohol. He quickly decided that alcohol might make the evening more tolerable, especially as he observed Morris heading in his direction; he nearly drained the glass.

"It's a lovely evening, isn't it? I always enjoy watching the snow falling," she said cheerfully.

"I find one night very much like the next. Snow is just an added inconvenience."

"I've always liked the way the landscape looks so pure when covered in a new blanket of snow, and it does such a nice job muffling sound. You can easily imagine that you are the only person in the world."

"I find I have little problem imagining that," he said dryly.

"Yes, well, if you would let others get close to you, perhaps you wouldn't have that problem. I'd like to be your friend."

"I had the impression you were after Lupin's friendship."

"You know, it is possible to be friends with more than one person," she hinted.

"If you will excuse me, I need to refill my drink." As he walked away, he decided he would spend some time talking with Pomona. The two of them had always gotten along fairly well, and he generally found his conversations with her to be pleasant.

As he spoke with Pomona, he saw Eileen watching him from across the room. While her memory was now fully restored, but she had not yet chosen to reveal to anyone that she was not Irma Pince. He excused himself from his conversation with Pomona and followed Eileen into a secluded corner. "Have you decided?" he asked.

She sipped her eggnog. "It seems I really have little choice. My skill is as a librarian, and I find I rather enjoy the work. It may be best if Eileen Snape remains forgotten."

"The choice is yours. If you choose to reveal yourself, I will explain the situation to Adrian."

"Did I hear my name?" the headmaster asked jovially. He placed his arm around Severus' shoulder. "Come now. This is meant to be a party, not the two of you conspiring in the corner about the best punishments for detention or whatever dark subject you are both discussing. Let me get you some more eggnog before we hand out the presents."

That was the best news Severus had heard all night. Once they finished with the gift exchange, he could slip out the door and have the rest of the evening to himself.

"Everyone, your attention please. It's time for us to exchange gifts. You all know how this works, so everyone find your partner."

Severus retrieved his present from the table and walked across the room before shoving it into Lupin's hands. "Here." He started to walk away.

"Thanks, Severus. Don't you want to see me open it?"

"Not necessary. I know what it is." He noticed that Lupin had the box unwrapped and had no choice but to wait.

Lupin picked up the scarf and noticed that it was in Gryffindor red and gold. "Thank you."

"I can't have one of my heads of house wearing that embarrassingly tattered scarf you favor. Especially at Quidditch matches."

Lupin tried not to smile. "Of course. I had planned on replacing mine, but... Well, I hadn't quite gotten there, yet. If you'll excuse me."

After Lupin left, Severus looked around the room, wondering who had drawn his name. He was dismayed when he saw Morris crossing the room toward him. Anyone but her. He would have preferred White.

She handed him an elaborately wrapped box. "I hope you like it."

He tried not to roll his eyes. Adrian had cornered him after lunch and reminded him that he needed to be polite. He then realized that she was waiting for him to unwrap the gift. Rather than tearing into the paper like a heathen, he carefully unwrapped the box. He was almost afraid of what he would find inside. It was a mass of green wool.

As he picked up the contents of the box, Morris said proudly, "I made it myself."

He tried to conceal his horror as he saw a green jumper, reminiscent of those Molly Weasley gave her children. "Thank you."

"I thought you might find it useful. You know, living in the dungeon and all. I know it can get cold down there."

"I'm sure I will," he replied politely. What he really wanted was to incinerate the thing right then and there, but he knew that would be rude.

"Kalliope, dear, I have your gift," said Poppy.

Severus said a silent blessing for Poppy's good timing and slipped out of the staff room. Rather than going to his quarters, where Adrian would surely find him, he decided to go for a walk and consider how the next few weeks at Aurelia's house would unfold. He wasn't even sure he would spend the entire time there, anymore.

***************

When Aurelia returned home from King's Cross with her daughters, she was surprised to see a flower hanging in her doorknocker.

"Who's it from, Mum?" asked Julia.

Aurelia pulled the rose from its perch. It didn't have a note, only a blue ribbon tied around the stem. "I have no idea." Once they were inside the house, she inhaled the flower's scent before placing it in a vase. She nearly dropped the vase when she thought she heard the word 'Tomorrow' being uttered. Looking around the room, she saw she was alone.

Examining the flower, she noticed the blue of the ribbon was the same blue as her sapphire. Could this be a message from Severus? she wondered. It seemed odd, but then again, he did specialize in obscure magic. The small gesture made her smile.